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It's All Coming Back to Me. . .the True.

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xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 1 March :: 4.50pm
:: Music: Crossfade- So Far Away

Now I'm blaming you for everything...
So it seems when I try to get a point across, I always hurt someone's feelings.

And it feels like I'm always either getting blamed for something, or letting someone else take the blame for my own actions.

I've been pretty bitter lately. I'm not sure why. I'm trying to stop. I don't like it at all. It's not very becoming of me.

All the teachers have ended grades for the marking period... Even though report cards don't come out until the 21st.

I think I'm doing all right, though.

I'm so immature...
But very mature at the same time.
I am an awful procrastinator...
But I get things done last minute. I work pretty well under pressure.
I love cold weather...
But hate the wind.
I get hurt easily...
But I hurt people easily, too.

I have my ups and downs... I just feel like... I'm less of a person than everyone else. I'm not sure why.

My moods flucate a lot, and they change from extremes. There's no grey area, really. Just happy or sad. Then there's times like right now... When I feel too tired to even think of which emotion I'm feeling.

...No one reads this anymore.
People don't really talk to me anymore;
Few people really even care anymore...
Thus is life.

The end.

2 Hearts | Broken Hearts


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 28 February :: 7.21pm

I miss you...

Broken Hearts


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 27 February :: 3.35pm

I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need...
I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm going to cry again. I'm so hateful and mean, and I don't even realize it when I'm doing it.

I keep taking things the wrong way, or too seriously. I've been so bitter and mean to people... People that I love and care for. I don't know why. I hate it, but I do it anyways...

I feel like I'm losing my friends again. I've lost quite a few friends recently... I mean, I have a lot of people who I call friends, but only a few are actually really good friends...

I feel like I'm losing Keely. All she talks about is Avalon... I bet the one time I write about her in here, she'll read it. I don't know. We never really talk... and when I see her she ignores me a lot... At least, it feels like that anyways.

I'm noticing John changing. I still love him so much... But we don't talk as much anymore. It sucks. I just miss him so much... I miss hearing his voice every night... I miss just being able to see him. Meh.

The only two people I really talk to a lot on a daily basis are Randy and Aisha. Two people, who last year, I would have never considered "best friends". I'll probably end up doing something to mess all of this up, though. I don't know what, or how, but I probably will. I feel like I'm going to lose all of them. John, Keely, Aisha, Randy... Everyone.

I'm just in one of my moods... I'll probably end up deleting this later... But I felt the need to get it down somewhere. So here it is in my journal.

...The end.

PS- I unfortunately cannot say this is the first time an Xbox has come before me.

2 Hearts | Broken Hearts


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 26 February :: 7.47pm
:: Mood: Paranoid.
:: Music: Disturbed- Prayer

Let me enlighten you...
Today was... Long. *sigh* And, I want to go to Ralph's freaking party, but I don't know where his house is. Oh well.

Woke up at 6, got to Roland Grise by 7, then got on a bus for three hours. XD We stopped at McDonalds for breakfast, and we were all dressed up. People were looking at us so weird. It was great. We got to the church, and sat around for a long time... We did random things to pass the time... Played bloody knuckles, slaps, cards... And yelled at black people. (: But they didn't know we were yelling at them. It was great. XD

Went in. I was so nervous for my solo, even though it was really short. That judge was intimidating. I went kinda sharp near the end, but no one else said they noticed it. I couldn't feel my toes.

It was weird. For some reason, I kept thinking I was going to die today... Do any of you ever get that feeling? It sucks. o_o

Funny bathroom experiences:

(At McDonalds)
Me: *walks in bathroom*
Hispanic ladies: *look at me, then start speaking Spanish*
Me: *stares at them, turns around, and walks away.*
---------------------------
(At Golden Corral)
Me: *walks in bathroom*
Girl 1: Who's in here?
Girl 2: Me.
Girl 3: Me too.
Me: *stays quiet*
Girl 1: Julie, are you taking a dump?
Girl 3: Yeah.
Girl 1: Me too. Will you wait for me if you finish first?
Girl 2: *walks out* You guys, be quiet, there's someone in here!
Me: *leaves bathroom*
---------------------------

I was trying to sleep on the bus, and Nick kept peeking over the seat. "Do you want to listen to some British rap?" That stuff is the junk. XD It's soo funny. Nick is funny as Hell man. He kept asking all the little kids if they jack off. They were all like "EWW MAN THAT'S SICK! OF COURSE I DON'T! (=

Well I think I'll end this entry here. Later.

Broken Hearts


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 24 February :: 5.01pm
:: Mood: Eh.
:: Music: All American Rejects- Swing Swing

Boredom.
W means yes. V is sort of, or half.

Have you ever...
[v] been drunk.
[ ] smoked pot.
[w] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[w] rode in a taxi.
[ ] been dumped.
[v] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[v] been in a fist fight.
[ ] had sex.
[ ] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[w] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[ ] made out with a stranger.
[v] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[w] lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[w] skipped school.
[ ] thrown up from drinking.
[v] lost your sibling.
[w] played 'clue'.
[w] had a sleepover party.
[w] went ice skating.
[ ] cheated on a bf/gf.
[v] been cheated on.
[ ] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[ ] had a car
[w] drove.


Do you...
[w] have a bf.
[ ] have a gf.
[ ] have a crush.
[w] feel loved.
[w] feel lonely.
[ ] feel happy.
[v] hate yourself.
[ ] think youre attractive.
[w] have a dog.
[w] have your own room.
[v] listen to rap.
[w] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to soul.
[v] listen to techno.
[v] listen to reggae.
[v] paint your nails.
[v] have more than 1 best friend.
[v] get good grades.
[ ] play an instrument.
[w] have slippers.
[v] wear boxers. (--to bed)
[w] wear black eyeliner.
[w] like the color blue.
[v] like the color yellow.
[v] like to read
[w] like to write.
[v] have long hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[w] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.

Are you...
[v] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[v] ok.
[w] bored.
[ ] happy.
[v] bilingual.
[w] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[v] asian.
[ ] short.
[w] tall.
[ ] grounded.
[v] sick.
[w] a virgin.
[w] lazy.
[ ] single.
[w] taken.
[ ] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[w] talking to someone.
[w] IMing someone.
[ ] scared to die.
[w] tired.
[w] sleepy.
[v] annoyed.
[ ] hungry.
[ ] thirsty.
[w] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[v] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[ ] in your pjs.
[v] ticklish.
[ ] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic.
[v] racist.((sometimes))



The last
-person you hugged: Aisha
-person you called: Jesse
-person who called you: Renee
-thing you touched: Cream Soda Bottle.
-book you read: currently- The Diary of Anne Frank.
-magazine you bought: ...Not sure.
-place you went to: Eckerds.
-person who said ‘I love you': Either John, Aisha, or Marcus.
-perfume you sprayed: Victoria's Secret- Divine
-thing you ate: A sammich.
-drink you drank: Cream Soda.
-flower you picked: ...
-movie you rented: Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.
-letter you typed: "e"
-word you said: "That"
-person on your mind: John.
-place where you slept: In the gym on the mats. XD
-animal you touched: Doggy. :)
-time you cried: Monday night.

1 Heart | Broken Hearts

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