them Damn Yankees

:: 2005 10 December :: 5.18pm

i'd say i don't care anymore. i think i want that to happen cause i'm not doing a very good job. why can't i have two or three? who says that's wrong? i'm still not over all those stupid things either. it's like it wasn't almost two years ago.

and it's official. again. christmas is horrible. it's so dumb. i don't want presents. i don't want trees or lights or family or friends. i want to do something good for someone who needs me. NOT because it's christmas, but because i should be a good person all year. then maybe i can feel decent. i miss my peepers. i think they're the only thing i don't hate.

i hate everything. la la la lala.

and the paranoia is coming back. good times.

so sad. meh. nothing makes sense. i'm contemplating jumping off a bridge. head's up.

love,
useless.

:: 2005 10 December :: 6.20am

so...
i'm supposed to take the act's today and i can hardly keep my eyes open. they are so puffy. i haven't had this in like ... well like all school year at least. oh well . I'll do great!!

hahahahahahahahhahahahahhahaha;sldfja;lkahahah

see, it's better if you just keep an insane attitude towards everything. happy, happy, happy! right?

driving downtown i bet i will die. Eeeckckck. eek
elk
b ye
wish me luck.

:: 2005 9 December :: 11.05am

ha ha ha ha i'm homie home home home homies.

just hanging out with griffin and tyrone and apollo. it's good stuff.

i love being here so much. i'm all alone all day and i'm watching boston public. best show ever.

i don't even feel sad. i like school, but i'm not overly attached to anything.

:: 2005 9 December :: 10.06am
:: Music: Bright Eyes- Gold Mine Gutted

You were a stroke of luck
You were a gold mine that gutted us

I got out of work at midnight last night. So tired. After class I drove to Bethany Christian Center's National Office and waited for everyone to show up w/the truck and van. Then we unloaded and got plating on the salads and desserts and entrees. There were 100 people there. We had to wait for their presentation to be done til we could clean up and leave. So we got out of there around 9:30. Then we went back to Applause and unloaded 5 trucks and cleaned cambros and all that other stuff. I fell outside on the ice. I was just too pissed off to care. There were 12 parties yesterday. That's insane! My friends went to Fredrick Meijer Gardens for a St. Mary's party where they had 7 chef attended stations! Holy crap.
I signed up for more classes. Here's what I'm taking so far:
-Table Service
-Ice Carving
-Survey of American Government
Who knows if they'll stay. I'm keeping Ice Carving though!!! YEAH! Chainsaw! hahaha.
I go to the doctor next week. whoop whoop. not.
I have to work today at 2.

:: 2005 8 December :: 10.38pm

god fucking dammit stop this fucking sht i'm so fucking sick of it!

:: 2005 7 December :: 11.43pm

my last night in 120 shilling. it's good. everyone is being so cute and nice. i wish it had been like this the whole time. ahh. life.

going home tomorrow. my goodness. i'm so excited.

:: 2005 7 December :: 11.27pm
:: Music: Beck- New Pollution

I've been secretly falling apart
I can't get Aqualung "Strange and Beautiful" out of my head. I was sleeping at Char's and singing "I put a spell on you, you fall asleep"
or something like that. It just wouldn't stop...
Anyway...
I love that aqualung song.
ANYWAY...
hahaha. I have sooo many projects and I just am really busy. Work has been crazy. Tomorrow right after class I have to go to Bethany Christian Services for a banquet or something. I have no idea how to get there...we'll see how that goes. It's fun though. Very hard work but rewarding. :-) Crazy. This is the first job that I actually enjoy. YAAY! I go to the doctor next week. hmmmmmmmmmmm hehehe.
I'm tired and just ranting and raving.
Well, that's about it i think....

:: 2005 7 December :: 10.51pm

stacy... reading that, i think made my heart stop beating. i dont remember breathing for a couple of minutes and my eyes welled up... which they hardly do. i miss you guys being "you guys" so much. and i'll support you in whatever decision you make. just know that you wont have to stand on your own and i love you sooo much!

:)

:: 2005 7 December :: 2.25pm

gahha;dlkfjas;dlfkjasldkfjasdl;fkj l;asdkjf ;sadf ;ksjdf
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asdfk jas
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dlfkjweoiu-e49386itj ;sdlk md.v .,mndfjth3097ydfpbvodnflfgj

yup.

:: 2005 7 December :: 8.46am

sometimes you drive me crazy. this morning was perfect until you started feeling sorry for yourself. and as much as i want to just slap you and be like "QUIT WITH THE SELF PITY" i cant because i hate to see you upset. you have alot of stress this month... and sometimes i make it worse. i apologize for that. you know i've got your back though... as stupid and cliche as that sounds.. thats what we do. we catch each other when we fall... i know there are times i wouldnt beable to stand on my own without your support. and i pray to god that i make you feel the same.

i dont know whats wrong with me lately. i've been really depressive(ish) barely anything sets me into it... and hardly nothing gets me out of it. i dont understand. winter is supposed to be overwhelming in its beauty... and all i can concentrate on is how cold it is. how i lost my 4 dollar gloves, or how i'm ruining my "winter" boots by wearing them out in the snow. its hard enough that i can wear my heels in the snow.

and with the whole heels thing. i feel at times that i've become just that. the girl who wears heels everyday. i know it sounds stupid. but i also know that poeple have probably said amongst themselves something along the lines of "why does she wear those everyday" and no i dont care, but then again i guess i do. in a way i hide my insecurities in wearing them. i used to be really self concious about how i walked. now im not anymore. yeah.. im just gonna stop.. whatever.

i just hate school. and a part of me thinks that its just because of algebra. i dont mind any of my classes except that one.. first hour. so i have no motivation to get out of bed in the morning... which yeilds all my absences. the only reason i took that class was because one of my stupid math teachers told me that if i didnt i'd HAVE to take it in college and they would make me pay for it but it wouldnt count towards my credits. well its a good thing that's not true.. ESP after im in a class that im failing. it doesnt help that i have babbit. like im really gonna go home and do algebra for an hour. i hate the subject, im not gonna use it later in life, and its making me miserable. yeah.. i could suck it up and try harder and all that jazz.. but im a senior. i just want to get out of here. sorry if im not to concerened with one stupid grade. BUT this one stupid grade is gonna bring down my GPA. thats just GREAT.

i went christmas shopping yesterday... hoping to get it finished, far from that. which further put me in a bad mood. and what do i do when im in a bad mood? i take it out on whoever happens to be around me at that time.... sorry again doll.

i just go through phases where i hate existance.

:: 2005 6 December :: 9.03pm

algebra final finished. i can say that i paid attention, never skipped class, passed all of my tests, did all of my homework, asked questions.
i even though i understood most of it.

that's never happened before.

so if i don't pass we can finally say that i don't get it. and then i can take it again.

or drop out of life. whatever.

and if i do pass. . .hmmm. it's cause for celebration because i can't even add in my head. or count.

10 comments | comment.

:: 2005 6 December :: 10.42am

so...what was that all about?

:: 2005 6 December :: 12.05am

Oh yeah. I forgot. My job is pretty awesome. I found out some stuff tonight. I don't watch harry potter but I guess we did a huge banquet for some people involved w/it and for all of you who do watch it, harry potter 5 comes out in june 2007 i think. you may have already known that. whatever. And, this girl i work w/went to the bishop of GR's house tonight. She goes there every week because we do a party for him every week. Theres some interesting stuff about that. I think it's cool.

4 comments | comment.

:: 2005 5 December :: 11.49pm

AHHHH
Work went well today. I'll post a pic of some stuff we make. Sometime. Sometime soon. I need to go to sleep. I barely did any homework lately because work has been so busy. Here are some platters that were done today. Jose did the awesome salmon platter and I worked on the little olive one. Which wasn't that hard but still fun. I did a ton of dessert trays yesterday. One was for 450.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

:: 2005 5 December :: 11.05am

honestly i'm starting to care f ucking less and less and less.

f uck you and your lies.

oh my god and f uck this stupid school!!!

stinko

:: 2005 5 December :: 8.55am

this essay isn't going to write itself . . .

:: 2005 5 December :: 8.46am

why does it have to be freezing in this school.

our stupid seminar thing is today... im just shooting to remember my monologue and get it over with. nobody wants to do it... nobody is going to be receptive of what we're trying to say. as far as im concerned its just a waste of our time. like its really gonna make people in OUR high school stop and think. everyones got their eyes closed to tight to see whats in front of them.. so who are we to tell them what to change.

saturday was the battle in ann arbor, it was pretty cool. i cant believe how good some people are. i mean... around here keegans crew is one of the only breakdancing crews around.. then you down to an organized thing where there are people from all over the state and you realize that break dancing is more than just a past time.. its an entire community of dedicated dancers. it really is more of an art than dancing. when they move their bodies command your attention. none of this hip hop shit that we see in our school.. i mean genuine dancing. it really makes me respect all the people who can actually DO it.. ESPECIALLY the Bgirls.

after we left the U of M... (it was in their rec center) we brought micah back to eastern and went up and saw his dorm for a little bit. i could NEVER live in a dorm. lets just leave it at that! i miss micah... and i reallllllly miss micah and keegan together. its like the shawn without the cory ya know?

hopefully i can get all my christmas shopping done this week or the next. i get paid today... but i know it wont be much. shiiiiiiiiit.

well.. i suppose i should get to doing something productive.

:: 2005 4 December :: 11.24pm

Hmm...Let's see...
Not going to class tomorrow. Weekend has been going crazy fast.
Friday after class I worked all night. Spent the night at Char's.
Saturday I worked from 2-midnight. Went to Fredrick Meijer Gardens and did a banquet for 180 there. Went back to Applause to unload trucks and such. After work I went to Char's and we ate a little food and I got home around 1:30. Then I went to bed around 2. Got up for work this morning around 6:30am. Worked all day till 3. Went to Charlie's and hung out. And now I'm back home. I am not going to class tomorrow because I need to try to do stuff for finals. I have to work tomorrow and I probably won't be getting out until late, there are at least 7 parties going on. Ugh. It's okay though. Not getting enough sleep is not okay though. Hmmm.
Well Charlie and I have some news but I'm not supposed to say anything yet. Until . .. Nevermind I said too much! Oh well.
Pepsi is good.

:: 2005 3 December :: 11.49pm

I swear I'm like forbidden to have even totally harmless fun in this house/family. DUMB ugh i swear. so effing boring.

we went to kareoke at Rosie's tonight because they're having it every saturday now and it was a lot of fun. woo

and yeah i need to go do some ACT shit and find a new job also. fuck that bs.

ughhhhh i hate act's wooo

:: 2005 2 December :: 1.07pm

some people make me so sad. if you're drunk at 1 in the morning and wake everyone up and get written up for it you should probably just go to hell. cause i'm sick and even if i wasn't i wouldn't want to be woken up at 1 in the freaking morning.

i almost passed out in target yesterday. that was fun.

and i'm kind of sad to be moving out. christan is being very cool.

:: 2005 1 December :: 11.38pm

Oh my gosh. Today was so crappy! I was freaking out about getting our project done. We finally finished it but were late for class. OH WELL. I was goin' crazy. Just a crappy crappy day.
I saw Jenna! haha :-) That was cool!
I hung out with the girls last night after work. So tired but we talked a lot and it was nice. I hung out w/Charlie today and that was really nice too. We went to Panera and stuff.
I think it's really happening this time, NO F'ing joke. For real.
Anyway, g'night!

:: 2005 1 December :: 10.46pm

math
act
calculator-roman
work
saturday-11
chemistry-quiz monday
cc
online stuff
piano

k.

:: 2005 1 December :: 8.15pm
:: Music: dezi arnazzzzzzzzz

OH MY GAWWWWWDY GAWD GAWD!

you bug the effing crap out of me!! you are horrible! stop it! seriously. i mean it. you better stop.

and in other news: Excuse me, Mr. Pete. Have the Cubans a different beat? If they have, will you teach me to chick. chick chicky boom chick chicky boom

lolhahahahahaha
that's for justine.

eyah

:: 2005 1 December :: 7.28pm

Senior Pictures.
the pictures are showing up now

out of the 150 some proofs we got back, these are the ones we ordered. soooo... tell me which ones are your favorite.... ACTUALLY tell me which one you want a wallet of (if you're worthy) *giggles... im kidding. but really though.... telll meeee.

Read more..

9 comments | comment.

:: 2005 1 December :: 12.08pm

roman is back and safe and in one piece. i didn't feel good and didn't go to school today. i have to babysit today. i love him . i can't wait to be out of here

<3 it's good.

4 comments | comment.

:: 2005 30 November :: 11.41pm

Work was interesting today. After class I went to Applause and we had a huge party for like 390 or something. Fun fun. I made 900 bread-rounds and some bruscetta. I'm so good. Haha. I was just really enjoying how awesome it feels to work hard. Sometimes. haha. But I mean, first semester is almost done, and I love my class. The difference between other classes and culinary classes is you form a family. We're so close. And it's almost done. We've always got each other's backs. It's cool. I sound like a dork though I'm sure. But I love it. And today, it was nice getting all that food out and getting complements and knowing you did well. Even though I burned the fuck out of my arm. It hurts. Bad. It's not a huge burn though. But anyway, works going to be super busy the next few weeks.
As for other things, still have no clue. Wish I knew. I don't want to just assume it's not happenin'... But I've been havin' addictions to cola. Which is strange, I haven't drank pop in a while, and now all I want is diet pepsi.
eHHHHHH
g'night.

:: 2005 30 November :: 9.16am

this weekend i had the most exhilerating experience. i went to keegans and he worked me really good. my WHOLE body was like spinning. It was great. I finally understand what hard work it is. i mean, i was sweating, breathing hard, and it even a hurt a little bit. they always say that it does. that its not as easy as some may think. keegan stressed that it's all in the form and positions... and you absolutely HAVE to throw your hips into it or it just doesnt work. im so sore today in all the right places...................................................

because we were BREAK DANCING. mwah ha ha. yeah, picture that. little teeny tiny me "breakin it down". *giggles. it was really fun though. you dirty minded fools. pshhh.

break was pretty good... i hate school. i hate being here. i honestly wouldnt mind it as much if it didnt start so early. waking up at 6 is the hardest thing for me to do.... gahh..

i got most all my christmas shopping down this week. noo.. not on black friday, that could have killed me.... did you see that footage of people getting trampled! geeeesh. i got keegan all taken care of which is a HUGE chunk of my shopping. at the end of the holiday season... i'll probably be about 500 dollars in the hole.. and thats only including my mom, keegan, little sister, and brandi. yikes... its a good think i dont have bills to pay.

i feel like scrubbing it the whole rest of the year... yeah... sounds like a plan....

OOOHH.. we ordered my senior pictures yesterday. im so excited to get them back. my mom ordered a ginourmous one too. 16x20 i think it was..... woot hoot!

oook, im pretty sure thats my life so far..

:: 2005 29 November :: 8.26pm

m,moooooooo

hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha

aa
ha
ah
ah
ha
ha
h
ahahahahaha

absoulteuley pootly tooteley totally wotally mottally taotoatlay woototoawojw;lkajs giddy with excitement for tomrorow
yayayayyayayayy
a
aya
ya
yaayyaayayayya il ovey ou i love you i love you roman bryan garcia i love you come home to me my precious baby i love you love love love love you and miss you greatly oh i cant wait to see your big beautiful brown eyes and your curly hair yum yayayya yay ay yayayay i miss you my wonderful boy i miss you baby. yay i can't wait to feel your strong arms around me again.

ha!
pathetico.
it's be a week and two days, that's all.
who cares!

tomroow!
aroamwo!
moo!