them Damn Yankees

:: 2005 5 August :: 12.20am

had a great day with my bebe'

i loooooooooove him annnnnd
i dont like band camp
and i'm sick of that .. person.

AND

i'm suprised but happy that tonight went well for the most part. what with me being ME and all.

Cuban Pete. he's really neat.

I miss having time. i miss having money. i need money. Stupid ass Rosie's.
but other than that

i'm so happppppy. hap hap happy for us.

<3 jess

:: 2005 4 August :: 10.46pm

Oh gosh wow. This feels so weird.
I need some sleep.
~
P.S.- Kyle Kelly works w/Road Commission??? Crazy! Did anyone else see him today?

:: 2005 4 August :: 7.32am

ugh stupid fucking asshole i can't WAIT to move out of this stupid ass house. i can't fucking wait. you're such a dickface.

oh so you wanna go to this dinner so you can act like a grade-a big fake ass liar. go right ahead. i'm not fucking going. i'm not going to pretend we're this wonderful christian family. FUCK you. i'm not going to fucking pretend. i am waiting out this last year and then i'm GONE. i dont hate everyone in this family, no way. but there's one i strongly fucking dislike. you fucking asshole. i can't wait ttill i'm gone.

i think going for a nice drive int o a tree would be good and relaxing for me right now.

you're such an ass.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 3 August :: 11.53pm

i went with keegan down to blues tonight... its such an exciting atmosphere... *giggles.

im never down town.... but TONIGHT... oh man, tonight we got REAL fresh squeezed lemonade, i witnessed hours of incredible break dancing, and a big fat girl and her gang of trailor trash started some drama with this awesome girl that can breakdance.. i mean comon.. if i was fat and ugly and "on fucking probation" i wouldnt be starting something with a girl who has every breakdancer on the floor telling these nasty girls to go home..... bahh. some people make me sick! i mean there were little kids around... and keegan told them that and they were like "fuck the little kids" im thinkin "who the hell is you!" (te he... chris rock stand up is so funny) but anyways.. that was about it. keegans gonna teach me to break dance... *laughs.... i'll run this shit. *cheezy music plays..... "do do do do do do do, jump on it, jump on it" gotta love that song......

then after we left there we stopped over to gorters house played some pool which we lost terribly to him and taylor..... oh and all the gorter drama... if you dont know ryan and arent affiliated with him.. leave it alone. its none of your buisness... i dont see why it matters so much.

idiots.

anyways... long day... gotta call my favorite asian since its an early night for us. usually i wouldnt be home for another couple hours.... this sucks... but its all good. sometimes sleep is good.

danibean

:: 2005 3 August :: 9.37pm
:: Mood: chipper

date= yay!! fun!!!!! cold stone....picnics....ducks....bowling....sucking at pool!!!!!! woot!!! i can't wait till tommy gets back from euorpe so we can go on date #2!!!! yay!!!!!!

horray!!! i seriously have nothing else to update about....haha....oh well, i had the best day ever yesterday with a super great guy who likes me! when does that ever happen??...umm..never...haha...except for yesterday...and all the other times we'll be getting together in the future. now that better make everyone happy... leave some love :)

oh yeah...my birthday is in 5 days! yay!

sugarmouse0587

:: 2005 4 August :: 9.41pm

i think i might be prickly. like when your feet fall asleep and you get those pins and needles.

i'm also obsessive and fleeting.

i've got to talk to kerry real real bady bad

:: 2005 3 August :: 7.20pm

i am so MAD

WHAT does he have that i dont?!?! Greasy hair?! a penis?- if he even has one! >:0( UGH!

UGH!!!

WEll other than that... today was band camp and a certain SOMEONE really really pissed me off like the whole day. He is honestly so UGH rude and just mean. He just should think about what he says. Gawd.

AND after break i was running around the auditorium trying to just blow off some steam and i went to run down the stairs and i put my hand on the banister and my hand ran into the wall and the bricks that are all choppy and not smooth and i broke two of my acryllic nails off. AHHHHHHHHh it hurt so bad! I was really close to crying. Ah it hurt. So during lunch i made an appt. to get them fixed and now they are all better but my nails hurt still but oh well at least they are pretty again.

ANd

i want to be done with band camp.

and i love roman and i love my friends

and i am a fatty. oh well.

:: 2005 2 August :: 9.15pm
:: Music: Belle & Sebastian-"Piazza, New York Catcher"

this anxiety is killing me. i like this song though. it's really nice.

:: 2005 2 August :: 9.12pm

Last summer I started reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold on vacation. I got it today. I started reading it. I can't put it down, once again. The only problem is, I started reading Haunted by the one, the only, Chuck Palahniuk. Oh man oh man. If the hardest decisions in life were which book to read, it'd just be great. Damn.

:: 2005 2 August :: 9.02pm

MMMMM...Honey Wheat Thins...MMMMM
Well. I have a lot to talk about. Work has been going quite well now! I like working with Ashley. She's so nice and fun and easy to talk to. I am really sad about what's going on with Jane right now. She could have cancer :-( She's only 19! I worked later than I was supposed to. I had 9 hours of sleep. I am exhausted though. I just feel semi-not like me. It's weird. And school is starting soon. AHHH I need to chill. Just chill. And we'll see...

P.S.- I love my Charlie <3<3<3<3

:: 2005 2 August :: 10.30am

so what do i have to do today. i'm gonna write it and just get it organized in my mind.... UGH

i need to keep going tanning because it's slowly making me feel better about myself when i'm tan. i need to go to the bank

i need to go to rosies and try to get that job

rrrrrrrrrrweeeeeeeeeeeeeerweraweaadgadfghdfghdhh

i wanna just go back to sleep.

:: 2005 1 August :: 9.44pm

wow you guys look at my new journal thingy i did.

does anyone know how to make those smaller? just a tad? heh.

and also, jenna, dani, beans... a few other of you.. you're on there if you just wait and watch.

6 comments | comment.

:: 2005 1 August :: 10.39am

WOW

i am

SO
horrible. right?

:: 2005 31 July :: 10.34pm

I think this could really be happening...............................

Anyway, today was nice. Day off. Char came over and hung out and then my grandparents came over and we had a bbq. Then Char and I layed in bed and watched t.v. and it just felt nice. I remember a couple years ago when I seriously couldn't wait to get a job. How crazy was I??? I mean, having money is good most of the time, but now...I will be working for the rest of my life. Give or take a little time off. I just keep hoping I win the lottery. I am so going to. HAHAHA. It'd be awesome though. Tomorrow is work, once again. But for anyone who has been feeling like I have been, about how it seems never-ending and stupid. What I tell myself to get me through is that no matter what, I will be able to go to sleep again, go home again, do what I want sometime. For some reason I was just feeling like I would never be leaving work. You just have to really cherish the time you do have. And now that schools over, time has been FLYING by. Seriously. Well, I am going to sleep soon. G'night.

:: 2005 31 July :: 8.57am

uggggggggggh.

:: 2005 30 July :: 10.54pm

oh , and just a little PS.

i HATE this house. i hate living here. so so so so so so fucking much . SO MUCH.

i'm seventeen and above that... LAY OFF and stop freaking out about things that don't even matter. gawdddddddddddddddddddddddd.

i'm so stressed and i dont even think i'll be able to sleep tonight becfause of how much i'll be worrying about tomorrow.

great.

:: 2005 30 July :: 9.59pm

UGGHGHGHSD;KLASDJL;ASKDJGASLDKGJ
AS
UGHAS
DGAS
DGAHS
DA
SD
G

GAWD FUCKING DUMB

Romans car is broken and HEY GUESS WHAT

my brakes are totally FUCKED UP they dont work at all they sound like grinding fucking metal

great and now romans leaving and i havent even said two words to him because my al;ksdjfl;asdkjfl;askdjgl;skdjgsl;adkgjasdkl
gj
asdklgjs
adgkljs
adlgkjas
klgjas
gkj
dk fuck

fuck you and the horse4 you rode in on.

:: 2005 30 July :: 3.22pm

HOW COME EVERY FUCKING TIME THINGS SEEM TO BE GOING ALRIGHT AND WE SEEM TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE LITTLE PROBLEMS OURSELVES, SOMETHING REALLY BAD HAS TO HAPPEN EVEN WHEN WE JUST PRAYED LAST NIGHT THAT IT WOULDN'T

HOW COME?

HOW COME THIS SHIT NEVER STOPS?!?!

AND HOW COME I STILL FUCKING WORK AT ARBYS . WILL I EVER GET A DIFFERENT FUCKING JOB?

I HATE THIS. GAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

sugarmouse0587

:: 2005 31 July :: 10.35am

i have three bras.

two of them are ruined.

now i'm gonna cry.

3 comments | comment.

:: 2005 30 July :: 8.31am

ugh people are so stupid and mean when will anyone realize ANYTHING.

i have to go to arby's today i kind of am hoping i got fired and i can just go home.

i feel like shit shit shit and i just want to go back to bed.

well .

here comes the...............fun.

:: 2005 29 July :: 11.22pm

There's an ambulance outside. I think I hate that noise more than anything in the world. Everytime I see or hear one I pray that no one is hurt.

I'm trying to avoid it, but I just have to write in here.

I've realized more and more how bad my self-esteem is getitng again. I put on these jeans today and they used to be loose on me. Now they are fitting and I hate it. I wanted to cry and cut off 10 lbs of fat from my legs. I always feel so fat but I don't work out or eat good. I don't have enough self-discipline and I always am working so I don't want to work out when I have the time. I want to spend that time with Roman or friends.

I cry about everything about myself. I 'm really hating my looks again like I used to. Because of my stupid face. This was supposed to be done with 2 years ago but no, of course not. It will probably haunt me the rest of my life. I cry if someone I've never met before doesn't say hi to me when I'm introduced to them. That one makes more sense to me... but when I cry because people don't say bye to me when I'm leaving their house I just want to drive off and run into a truck. It makes me feel so extremely horrible.

I'm sorry to anyone i've EVER made fun of or thought bad of ever. I'm so sorry. I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings. I always feel that way but now more and more I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings even if I don't know them and even if they don't hear me. It's just so wrong because what if they did hear what I said? What if they are feeling like me what if they are on the verge and ready to go for it and that last comment they hear from a complete stranger just pushes them over the edge?

I just want all this to go away. For a while it was. Roman makes me feel great about myself so it all went away. Maybe i've been around myself to much and everything's coming back. WEll hey jess G if this makes you feel good... I wanted to let you know, my boyfriend thinks you're skinnier than me. Great huh? You are, and I know that but for him to even say it . I just wanted to go make myself puke until I was satisfying enough for the world. UGH.

I feel so bad about everything. I feel bad that I let down my parents I feel bad I let down roman. My friends. Everyone. I feel bad that I don't think I have what it takes (or even CLOSE to what it takes) to be a neonatel nurse. I feel bad that I dont think I can do college. I feel bad that I didn't get the cashiering job at white creek lumber and i was oh-so-positive i would. I feel bad that no one cares. I feel bad that I probably will be stuck at arby's for another year.

That is if they haven't fired me yet for not calling or showing up.
fuck them.

I feel bad that everyone is or seems more successful and more pretty than me. more outgoing, comfortable, together.a asssssssssssssssssssssssssdfffffffffffffff i dont like me. i think the only time i really like me is when i'm with one of my best friends or definetely when i'm with roman. but i always wish i could be more like him. confident. yeah that's right roman i think i'm jealous of you. hm. i love you and i want to be more like you but you know that already.

s;dlfkajdl;fkjasd;fkljas;dlfkjasl;dfjkasl;djkf gross.

And you know, I'll eat somethign before bed. Probably ice cream. Most likely. God i'm so dumb

Praying makes me feel so much better. but i still feel gross. Roman makes me feel great too but when i'm alone i still feel ugly.

PLEASE if you have any molecule of decency in you or like me AT ALL PLEASE leave me a comment with like... 3 things you like about me or think are nice about me or SOMETHING. just something that would be a little self-esteem booster. Because I need it. and i want it. And I will gladly do the same for you. okay? Please.

i need it. ugh. i feel so shitty.

and other than that. Im ready and I love roman with all my heart.

14 comments | comment.

danibean

:: 2005 29 July :: 2.09pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: beauty and the beast- something more

I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!

farm out early!! yes!!!!!!!! horray for pizza with andrea groner!!!!!!!!! hahah....fun!

9 days till my birthday!!!

11 days till wall to wall freakin wednesday at the margarita grill!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15 days till the RASCAL FLATTS CONCERT WITH KALY!!!!!!!!! YYYYYYYYAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

5 FLIPPIN DAYS TILL MY SUPER EXCITING DATE WITH TOM IN LANSING!!!!!!! EVERYONE SHOULD SHIT THEIR PANTS OUT OF HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!!! BECAUSE I AM!!!!! HAW HAW....NOT REALLY....but i'm really excited and you should be too!

no more farm...maybe :(

work tonight and tanner...ummm....shopping tomorrow!! yay!! new outfits!!
bye loves....

ps....jenna, come home NOW!!!!! i need to freak out with excitement with you!!
hahaha

:: 2005 28 July :: 10.58pm

today was by far one of the best days i've had this summer.

roman came and picked me up this afternoon and we went all the way to silver... (or is it spring.. it's by pentwater like an hour and a half away in Mear, MI)lake. it was SO beautiful. so entirely gorgeous. i decided i want to get married there. the dunes are just so beautiful.

we climbed up those humongous dunes and then ran down the other side. then we layed out for a while and went swimming and then when we left we climbed this HUGE dune. ahh it was so beautiful when we got to the top. so gorgeous.

after the beach we went to the band picnic and it was nice to see everyone and then we stopped at big boy and saw jess and got something to eat. MM MM big boy!! Jess was a wonderful waitress!! Thanks Jess!! <3!!

i took tons and tons of pictures today at the beach. here are some on the way to the beach and at the beach.... look at them!!

Read more..
what a great day. i LOVE roman and i LOVE the beach. wow.

:: 2005 28 July :: 1.27pm

i'm going to the beeeeeaaaccchhhhh..

i'm so excited i'm just waiting for roman to get here and i can hardly wait so um that's why i'm updating about it because i'm just so excited!Q!!!@#!$@#!@#

hooray i love the beach!

:: 2005 28 July :: 1.14am

Wow. Interesting. Bowling was fun. Getting lost was semi-fun. Except I was driving by myself for an hour and 20 minutes. Eh.
I had a blood test done today so I get the results tomorrow so we shall see. I'm so tired. BBVD FRIDAY!!!! YAY CHARLIE!!! hehe I love you <3<3<3

:: 2005 27 July :: 10.41pm

so im just waiting for my baby to get home from work so i can talk to him and other than that... i've decided i'm not going to work tomorrow because I didn't think we had to and me and roman haven't seen each other this week and we made all these plans to go to the beach. i just pray that tomorrow is as beautiful a day as today was. it was so gorgeous and perfect outside.

i babysat for james and jenna today and we had fun and i love them . they didn't even fight today so that was super nice. this nice lady at a scrapbooking store made me feel a thousand times better. why can't more people on earth be more compassionate like her. she really made me feel better. i was just freaking out. i was lost and i couldn't stop bawling my eyes out. this trucker guy pulled up in the lane next to me waiting at the light was just like staring at me because i was bawling and i just wanted to hop out of my car and climb up his semi truck door and punch him in the nose.

then i went to pit. bleh. um. yeah. and tomorrow is a picnic ish thingy.

BUT TOMORROW IS THE BEACH FOR ME BITCHES!!

i love jess and jess. what else?

i dont really know. i'm just tired. goodnight.

3 comments | comment.

cedarjournal
[ wraith6699 ]

:: 2005 27 July :: 7.14pm

wow, i didn't know we had our own woohu community, we barely have our own town.

sugarmouse0587

:: 2005 28 July :: 5.44pm

i've been waiting five years for ryan gorter to be sent to jail and it's finally happening.

12 comments | comment.

:: 2005 27 July :: 1.49pm

Office Space says everything.