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brokenmentality

:: 2005 7 July :: 12.37am

i went to blues tonight after my modeling consultation... it was pretty cool. they guys from 61syx are pretty awesome.. i still get nervous when keegan does flips.. esp when its on concrete and he's tryin some for the first time... but dammnn is it so cool!

i just got home... im grounded right now... so i guess my moms definition of grounded must be "be home by midnight" we'll have to slowly work back up to 2-3 in the next few days... laughs* being grounded isnt half bad.... i think i can spare a couple of hours for a few days... no longer then that though... hmph.

my cell's been dead for like a week..i just havent gotten around to charging it... and damn.. i should charge my camera cuz we're going to the beach tomorrow.... mmmmm... looks at complicated bateries and such..... nawww not complicated, more like "takes effort" and im tired so NO... hmph.... .im such a baby.

keegan had his interview at Logans today.... we're in there at LEAST 2-3 times a week, so since he's looking for a waitor job... figured HEY why not work at our resturant?! i say OURS because im sure if it wasnt for our frequent visits.. they would be out of business.. FER sure.

mmmm keegans dad made us steak today.... i hadnt had steak in a LONG time... then me, emma, and his dad played trivial pursuit... it was fun. keegan wouldnt play.... jerk.

i can see emma and me becomming really close... we're already pretty close and i KNOW she likes me alot.. his whole family does... sounds cliche, but his house is really like my second home. his mom even labled a part of his room "Erika Dawns" lol.... and then grouped all my stuff there... it was cute. i had kind of a dissapointment today, so right after i called my mom, i called keegans mom.... i just think thats so coooooool! ugrahh! i love them all... except keegan *winks....

i love how everyone is always like... you're so in love, or something like that... and we're like nooooo we're not.. not yet anyways. because its true. we arent... why rush something thats already so beautifull? but i sure am loving every second of falling in love with that boy.

night angels....

comment.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 5 July :: 9.52pm

wow i am a loser. This is all i can do to occupy myself.
finish the sentance survey...

I'm always... thinking
I love saying.. roman's my baby and only mine!
I think flowers are...beautiful
My fav Beatles song is...here come sthe sun
I was born...March 8th 88
I hate to say it but I’m not too keen on...roman being so far away from me at college
I work well on things...when I'm alone.
I’m going to college but...I probably will have a lot of trouble.
I have this thing about wearing... lots of matching accessories
I love to read books about.. dirty stuff. but only if its funny
I say... what i think if i'm mad
I’m addicted to...love man.
I drink too much...pop when i'm at work.
Class is...stupid
My earliest memory is...the three legged race at that one place with stef..
The last place I went on vacation was...florida
I think living far away from...roman sucks a lot.
Right now, I should be calling... no one really
The last candle I lit was...who knows.
The glass is... see through..
I don’t believe in...war solving anything
Kids can be...the best thing in the world
I think Napster Is.. a great invention
The best M&Ms are... .. whatever
If I could go anywhere it would be...to Japan
I despise it when...I feel ugly or when people are mean
I love to shop at.. meijers and rite aid. i buy so much shit i dont need though
Malls are a really fun place to...shop..... or something?
I thought it was hilarious when...roman sung or danced funny in front of me for the first time.
I love my friends even though they...smell bad. lol
A kick ass place to have a party would be...duno
I think it’s all about...being happy
I love the TV show...reno 911
I never get enough time to spend with...my friends i guess
One of the nicest things someone has ever done for me is...let me cry to them , or come pick me up when i needed him or let me into their house at 7 in the morning
Whenever I eat lunch, I have to...feel bad about being a fatty
If you want to see me go crazy, you should talk to me about... how i should not move out when i' m 18
When no one’s around, I really like to...dance dance dance..
My favorite computer font is...whatever
My all time favorite movie is...moulan rouge probably i duno.
If I had a million dollars...be really excited.
People refer to me as...Jess......
I want to kill...no one.



Do I:
Smoke? no
Do drugs? No
Have a dream that keeps coming back? Yeah
Play an instrument? yeah piano, mallets, clarinet
Believe there is life on another planet? dont think so.
Remember your first love? yeah
Still love him or her? definetely, its roman hello.
Read the newspaper? once in a while
Have any gay or lesbian friends? no
Believe in miracles? Somewhat
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever? Yes.
Consider yourself tolerant of others? usually
Consider love a mistake? No, not at all.
Like the taste of alcohol? no only wine
Have a favorite candy? eh whatever
Believe in magic? not really
Believe in God? yeah
Have any pets? elvis kelsa toby and mooch
Do well in school? bleh.
Go to or plan to go to college? yeah
Wear hats? only my arby's hat!
Have any piercings? My ears and cartilage
Have any tattoos? No.
Hate yourself? not really no
Have you been trashed or extremely intoxicated? no
Have a secret crush? no
Do they know yet? um no?
Collect anything? money.
Have a best friend? yeah
Wish on stars? Sometimes.
Like your handwriting? Not usually.
Care about looks? yeah
Love life:wonderful
First crush? geez.. um... i gues tyler bauer
First kiss? kevin
Single or attatched? Attached.
Ever been in love? Yes.
Do you believe in love at first sight? no
Do you believe in 'the one'? Yes.
Describe your ideal significant other: nice to everyone, funny as heck, can make you laugh even when you're crying, can cheer you up in an instant, listens, outgoing, sweet, beautiful smile, beautiful eyes, strong, great looking, nice body, long dark eyelashes, kind hearted, likes kids, treats me great, curly hair, caring, smart, never yells... or in one word.. Roman!
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing? no.
Are you a tease? I duno
Wuss: Sometimes.
Druggy: No.
Daydreamer: Yes.
Freak: yeah
Dork: Yeah
Bitch: often.
Brat: yeah
Sarcastic: very
Goody-goody: meh
Angel: no
Devil: no
Shy: in certain situations
Talkative: Sometimes.
Adventurous: kinda sometimes
Joker: kinda
Flirty: not really.


Well... sorry. i'm bored.

comment.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 5 July :: 6.47pm

Have you ever? Survey.....


Have you ever seen true beauty? Yeah.
Have you ever felt that someone was more beautiful because of their flaws? sure
Have you ever cried because you felt good? yeah.
Have you ever had somebody care? yeah
Have you ever wanted something but then when you got it found out it wasn't what you needed? yeah
Have you ever tried to make things right, only to realize they work out if you let them be? Yes..
Have you ever seen a grown man cry? not that i can remember actually
Have you ever seen an amazing lightning and thunder storm like they have in the midwest? No.
Have you ever needed to be held? Yes..
Have you ever needed to cuddle? Yes.
Have you ever made something you thought was great but no one else liked? no.
Have you ever been really sick? no
Have you ever made a snowman in your front yard? no, backyard./..
Have you ever known what it was like to love and be loved in return? Yes.
Have you ever had a crush? Yes.
Have you ever had a kiss? Yes.
Have you ever known how good something was? Yes.
Have you ever not know how good it was until it's gone? yeah
Have you ever tried to write poetry but ended up throwing it away? heh yeah
Have you ever found it later and laughed at yourself? Yes.
Have you ever felt like you knew something was right?um yes
Have you ever seen something terribly sad happen right before your eyes? yeah
Have you ever experienced true happiness? Yes.
Have you ever given a love letter? Yep.
Have you ever tried to make someone feel better, just because you saw they were down? Yeah, all the time.
Have you ever wanted a kiss? Yes.
Have you ever needed a hug? Yes.
Have you ever wanted to just do things on impulse? Yeah all the time
Have you ever wanted to just run? Yeah.
Have you ever needed to get away? Yeah.
Have you ever tried? yeah
Have you ever wanted to be a kid again? sometimes but not really
Have you ever blew big bubbles with pink gum? Yeah.
Have you ever lost a love? no
Have you ever experienced puppy love? sure.
Have you ever experienced love at first sight? No.
Have you ever tried to tell someone something but the words wouldn't come out? duh
Have you ever wanted to die? yeah.
Have you ever written a letter to someone you lost touch with? Yes.
Have you ever walked down a country road with your friends? Yes.
Have you ever gotten ice cream on a hot day? Yes.
Have you ever had a really good time with your best friends? Yep.
Have you ever told them how much they mean to you? Yes.
Have you ever shown then that you love them? Yes.
have you ever told your parents you love them? Yes.
Have you ever told someone else you love them? Yes.
Have you ever played with your old toys? Yes.



Long-ish survey.
001) What time did you start this?: 6:55pm.
002) Name?: jess
003) Date of birth?: March 8th, 1988.
004) Sex?: Female.
005) Height?: 5' ish
006) Eye color?: blue.
007) Weight?: 113 ish pounds.
008) Location? Michigan.
009) Do you currently love anyone? Yes.
010) Do you have crush on someone? no
011) Do you have a bf/gf?: Yes.
012) what are you wearing right now? looney tunes boxers and v-ball shirt...
013) Would you have sex before marriage?: Yeah.
014) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: Just a little crush
015) Do you smoke? no.
016) Do you drink?no
017) are you a player? No.
018) What are your favorite colors?: pink, blue..whatever.
019) what is your favorite animal? swans and kitties
020) Do you have any birthmarks? No
021) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked? hmm no.
022) have you ever beat someone up? yeah all the effin time... not
023) Have you ever been slapped? Yeah
024) Do you get online a lot? Yes.
025) are you shy or outgoing? Depends on my mood.
026) Do you shower? no never
027) Do you hate school? yeah pretty much.
028) Do you have a social life? not especially but oh well.
029) how easily do you trust people? eh not so much anymore
030) Have you ever lied to your best friends? yeah but not in a long long long time
031) Do you have a secret people don't know? i dont think so.
032) would you ever Sky Dive? probalby not
033) Do you like to dance? sometimes
034) Have you ever been out of state?: Yes.
035) do you like to travel? Depends.
036) Do you want to get out of your hometown? yeah.
037) are you a brat? pretty much yeah
038) Have you ever been dumped? Yes.
039) what’s your favorite soda? Diet Coke.
040) do you like Snapple? never had it actually
041) Do you drink a lot of water? yeah
042) what toothpaste do you use? um i duno . minty shit.
043) Do you have a cell phone or pager? No.
044) Do you have a curfew? no just whatever my parents say
045) Who do you look up to? hmm i think tammy at work and roman.. i think thats it.
046) are you a role model? Probably not.
047) what kind of jewelry do you wear? ring from roman, earings, and usually a necklace
048) what do you have pierced? Ears and cartilage.
049) do you like taking pictures? yeah so you have memories of things
050) do you like getting your picture taken? not really
051) Do you have a tan? ugjh no i wish
052) Do you get annoyed easily?: heck yeah
053) Have you ever started a rumor? No
054) Do you have any siblings? Yeah.
055) Do you prefer boxers or briefs? whatever.
056) Do you get along with your parents? pretty much no.
057) how do you vent your anger? cry, scream/sing really loud in my car, drive really fast, hit something, talk to roman, type in woohu or play piano
058) have you ever run away? For short periods of time, yes.
059) Have you ever been fired from a job?: No.
060) Do you daydream a lot? Yeah.
061) Do you have a lot of ex’s? no.
062) what do you want a tattoo of? dont really want one
063) what do you have a tattoo of? Nothing.
064) what are your favorite flowers? those pretty ones roman got me those exotic looking ones.. i duno what their called
065) are you rude? I can be.
066) what was the last compliment you received? that roman liked his picture thing i made
067) is your bellybutton an innie or outie? Innie.
068) are you flexible? kinda.
069) what is your heritage? whatever.
070) what does your hair look like right now? messy ponytail
071) could you ever be a vegetarian? Yeah.
072) if you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color? normal color.
073) would you ever date someone younger than you? no thanks
074) would you ever date someone older than you? Yes.
075) when was the last time you were drunk? never
076) when was the last time you went on a date? sunday night yay!
077) Have you ever had an eating disorder? no
078) How many rings until you answer the phone? Depends on where I'm at.
079) Do you look more like your mother or father? my mom i guess
080) Do you cry a lot? yeah
081) do you ever cry to get your way? no
082) if you had to amputate one limb, what would it be? a leg i guess.
083) what phrase do you use most on the phone? duno
084) are you the romantic type? Yeah.
085) Have you ever been chased by cops? um.. i duno
086) What do you like most about your body? eh i duno
087) what do you like least about your body? my lower half i 'd say
088) when was the last time you threw up? like 2 weeks ago
089) in the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?Brunettes.
090) what do the shoes you last wore look like? flip flops black and polka dots
091) do you ever wear shirts to show your belly? psh no.
092) what about cleavage? pshhhh no
093) is your best friend a virgin? um well ..
094) what color are your underwear right now? Blue.
095) what size shoe do you wear? 7 or 7.5
096) would you pick a wedgie in public? if ii announce it first lol no.
097) how are you feeling right now? ,my eyes hurt and i feel fat.
098) when was the last time you were at a party? um like never or something
099) have you ever given a lap dance? no.
100) what do you sleep in? depends
101) has there ever been a rumor spread about you? Yes.
102) what is one of your bad qualities? wow lets see. i'm a freak and i overreact and freak out and cry and bitch and yell and get mad. and yeah
103) what is one of your good qualities? im compassionate
104) would you marry for money? no.
106) what do you drive? 2000 red grand am yay my baby.
107) for two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy? doubt it
108) what time is it now? 7:10

comment.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 4 July :: 10.36pm

okay so i was supposed to have a totally different day but everything got messed up so this is what i ended up doing. everyone look
Read more..

maybe you dont think it looks good but i do and i did a good job if i do say so myself. which i do. it is a present for roman and i am so excited to give it to him. yay and hooray. it took me like 4 hours. take that bitches.


what
a
boring
day.

but i do love the picture collage very much and yay. can't wait to show roman!

i wanna just leaveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

and oh. people are so stupid i swear ughghghgh i hate people. ugh what a stupid day. stupid bitches.

2 comments | comment.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 4 July :: 12.40am

roman baby i'm so fricken in love with you.

we went to the whitecaps game tonight and it was so much fun. this guy came up to us and asked us if we wanted to be 'upgraded' and he gave us 'the best seats in the house' and they were two leather recliners just put right there by the field lol it was so funny. and so we got to sit in leather recliners the whole game it was very comfy. and they put the camera on us and we were on that screen and the anouncer guy was talking about us lol it was embarrassing i dont think i've ever been on that screen. not that it's a huge deal but anyway, it was fun! and roman did one of the games and won beacuse of course he is awesome and he gave his prize to this cute cute cute cute cute little girl. she was so adorable and kept dancing ahh she was so cute.

it was so much fun and then after the game were fireworks and they were so pretty. i just had such a good night. i love you buddy!!!

and jess and jess i miss seeing you both al lthe time and il ove you a ton.

goodnight everyone.

oh and i talked to my friend bryan from camp and he's so nice i miss him!! he's a good guy. i miss amanda and bryan and andy from camp. hmmmmmmmmmmmm

okay goodnight everyone.

1 comment | comment.


brokenmentality

:: 2005 4 July :: 12.26am

oh goodness...

boys and their need to "fix" everything..
bobby, bobby, bobby

im so fortunate to know him. both him and vince, its crazy... because if i had never met keegan, i wouldnt have met these two amazing people.... and even though i've only known them for about as long as i've known keegan.... i feel a need to protect them because i love them and they love me and its like they're my big brothers. this big wonderful protective circle... its beautifull.

we're gong to watch fireworks in grand rapids tomorrow... getting away from sandlake... blahhhh. im excited, i've never seen grand rapids fireworks, AND this is my first fourth of july with someone... i've seen fireworks with ex-boyfriends, not on the fourth though cuz i was in Disney World... and keegan doesnt remember ever spending the fourth with anyone... so this counts as his first too... the way we look at things... if you look back and either dont remember or realize an experience was nothing like the ones we share together... then they dont really count.. because they lack in comparison.. so much that they dont exist. we both have pasts, we both have fairly long relationships under our belts, and we can BOTH happily say that THIS is our first relationship.... because nothing else compares. its just an amazing feeling.... i thought i felt this way once..... but the way i feel when we're together is mind blowing.... it totally replaces everything i ever felt. i mean yeah.. i thought i was in love once.... but the way i feel when im with keegan is so much stronger then i EVER felt... and we're not even in love yet! its a beautiful beautiful thing.....

*sighs......

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 3 July :: 2.20am

me and keegan saw bewitched tonight... it was pretty good. i love magic. then after that me, emma and keegan went into sandlake.. this is at about 10:30 im guessing... we had more fun on the carride there then we did at the carnival.. the way we see it... the trashy people hang out at the carnival.. the COOL people make a few appearences and then leave.... laughs* you can only walk by so many girls in belly shirts, bleached blonde hair, and nose rings before you've had enough to vomit. ughhh.. laughs.

we were jammin though... DMX.. ohhh yeahhh.... i'd say when it comes to dancin.. i give keegan a run for his money... its true. *giggles.

we listened to this chris rock comedy thing on keegans ipod yesterday, it was like an hour and a half long.. .sooooo funny.

yeah... keegan keegan keegan... i know.
but hey, i didnt see him for 6 days, he's my best friend, and part of me just wants to brag about how amazing my boyfriend is.

*sighs.....

2 comments | comment.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 2 July :: 4.20pm
:: Music: britney spears-someday


i had a wonderful day with my boyfriend who i love so much. we went to the lake and it was fun and warm and nice and i love him.

baby you're the best boy a girl could have.

i'm glad it was a good day today. i'm extremely tired though and i think i might go take a nap. i like this song and i know it's kind of bad in a way but i felt a tiny bit disapointed in a little way.

i bought this new scrapbook and scrapbooking stuff and it is all so awesome and i made a page last night and it's cute and yay.

love<3

1 comment | comment.


holiday

:: 2005 29 June :: 10.44pm

Wow. I am just learning now how psychotic my boss is. EVERYONE::: DO NOT WORK AT TWO SISTERS CAFE!!!
I mean, it's a great place to work, if you really don't mind having your brain ripped out by your bosses fingernail (to say the least)
I am not joking at all. She made me cry today. And then had the nerve to tell me, with all her yelling, that I'm "lucky this is such a good job, no other place will put up with that crap". Well I am SORRY! But that is bullshit lady. I have worked in more kitchens than you for longer than you have and I know that if I want to leave I WILL LEAVE. I can find a job that will not "TEST" me and be manipulative and be insane. This job is nice, don't get me wrong...it's really just the boss.

So, if anyone really wants to visit me, I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!
Kathy won't be there tomorrow, or next tuesday, and both days I work 11:30-6.
Two Sisters Cafe, in Champion (Rockford) open to the public. duh. :-)

In other news, Charlie won't let me go to Michigan's Adventures. Well, just in case, you know. I've already rode the Zipper. Don't want her comin' out all cross-eyed. :-P
The zipper is crazy. I will never ride that thing as long as I live.
Off to work tomorrow so I better get some sleep.

2 comments | comment.


sugarmouse0587

:: 2005 29 June :: 4.25pm

Dani Lauer's Open House was totally rockin'!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

totoot toot tooot ttooooooootttt tooooottttttt

I wish Kathy was my mommmmmmmm!!!!!!1

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr\

totototottoootooooottttttttt



toot!

1 comment | comment.


holiday

:: 2005 28 June :: 10.31pm

Tonight was definitely interesting. I didn't feel too well at work today but it got better. ate a samwich. drank a yummy drink. I need visitors there. Jane and I were bored out of our minds! Today was an interesting day though. Full of craziness. I need to go to the beach. I want to lay in the sun. I'm scared to ride quads, I think I need practice. And rollercoasters. But I love them just the same.
So tired. Water is good. :-)
So is sleep.

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 28 June :: 8.35pm

keegans mom is picking me up at 10 so we can go get keegan from the airport... he was supposed to be home by 4 today but his flight got delayed... so now he should be in by 11:30..... mmmmmm, darn this weather makin me wait.

yayyyy... i have a consultation with studio 630 about being one of their models... my friend alyssa was their top model last year and her pictures just turned out amazing.. im crossing my fingers..

i should probably put some clothes on.
yeah.. thats generally a good idea..........

2 comments | comment.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 28 June :: 3.13pm
:: Music: rascal flatts- fast cars and freedom.

i'm really bored and waiting to hang out with roman and i was looking at pictures and here you can see too..

Read more..

2 comments | comment.


danibean

:: 2005 27 June :: 11.18pm

mmmmmmmm..........the beach tomorrow

camp
counslers
named
tom

band camp

shaved legs and naturally dried hair

longing to be there again

need to talk to beansy

sigh

2 comments | comment.


holiday

:: 2005 27 June :: 9.25pm

worst headache of my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to leave work early. It actually made me sick.
Ugh. I am tired. My eyes felt like they were being cut.
Feeling a little better now. :-)

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 26 June :: 11.35pm

he never hangs up first....

fucking.. ahrl;akejrl;kj.ac....





on a brighter note, im hanging out with matt tomorrow... i've misssed him.. he's always on the road with his band. it'll be nice to sit down, have some cofee, and catch up.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 26 June :: 10.46pm

roman is my absolute best friend in the whole entire freakin world.

love you buddy <3

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 26 June :: 7.08pm

me and my mom and shelby went to traverse city last night... that was fun. its nice spending time with my family... we havent really done that in awhile.

i miss keegan... i hate massachusetts.

the yearbook thing was awesome... im so sad this was my last year going.. but im almost sure my experience with yearbooks wont be over this year.... awwww... i love kourtney too.. she's so cute!

hmmm maybe i'll call emma and see if she wants to see a movie... just cant get enough of the loye family! laughs* we were planning on seeing the sisterhood of pants movie or whatever... might as well see it tonight...

alright... goodnight dolls.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 23 June :: 11.41pm

how come nothing happened?

1 comment | comment.


brokenmentality

:: 2005 22 June :: 8.03pm

i leave for my yearbook workshop tomorrow morning... and then keegan leaves friday morning for massachusetts on a business trip for lazer skate... so im not gonna see him for 6 days.... call me pathetic.. but that'll be the longest i've gone without him.... :(

but asides from that.. we'll do fine.. cuz even though we SOUND pathetic, we're not... and unlike alot of couples, we're perfectly capable of not seeing eachother for a couple of days... i'll be here when he gets back, he'll come over to my house, kiss my forehead... and all will be well.

i got 40 dollars worth of new makeup yesterday... im very excited... i was gonna go to blues at the mall tonight.... but ended up not, and still put all my make up on... its lovely.... *smiles.

the saying... "all dressed up and nowhere to go" that sucks.... but at least every time i look in the mirror im like..... awwww.

i fell in love with an A&F polo yesterday... but it was 40 dollars... sometime i'll get it... keegan got his first polo yesterday... mmmmm i could just bite him he looks so good. *thinks about it...... he's SO fine... ALL the time.

alright... well im bored now.

1 comment | comment.


holiday

:: 2005 21 June :: 9.43pm

I guess I realized today that life's one true, real promise is death.

On a lighter note: I like my job. A lot.

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sugarmouse0587

:: 2005 21 June :: 4.30pm

Floating and fighting, like a kite on a string
Till you cut through my tether and changed everything
From the sky you looked small, but I loved you the same
So I darted back quickly to spell out your name
And when they say that I'm just a terrible kite
You'll tell them you're proud of my loveless flight

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sherriffsteve

:: 2005 21 June :: 1.30am

After you make Him your first, He'll find your second.

3 comments | comment.


brokenmentality

:: 2005 20 June :: 2.33am

thank god....

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 17 June :: 4.56pm

JESSICA HAZEN

I would like your presence as an over-night guest in my home (and bedroom teehee) tonight. Please, give me a jingle (call me) and let me know if you would be so kind to ablige.

Thanks BItch.
:0)

1 comment | comment.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 17 June :: 3.16pm

i love you. so fricken much, you are the absolute best.

ever! love you!

hahaha everyone else!! Ha Ha Ha!!

I win!!!

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 17 June :: 2.30am

keegans car is so nice :)
no more crappy red one... woot woot

so tonight was good, he called me paranoid... whatever.
i think i feel better now though.

i dont like it at all.... *totally different subject* it just puts these terrible images in my mind because the other night i had a break down about it... i wish ______ would just move far far away and i would never ever have to think about what happend ever again... now that i know details... ugh, i could just be sick. i hate that part of him.

whatever right... cant change it eh? deal with it and move on erika, well its not that easy.

im really nervous for next year... for many different reasons.

i need to become dependent on myself more... i depend to much on my mom and keegan to keep me strong. why cant i just hold myself together... for gosh-sakes, i didnt even want to go to the dentist alone today (which i did end up going alone... yay for me) im afraid of needles, so i just wanted someone to comfort me... but i held my own today.. nobody was there to hold my hand or wait for an hour in the waiting room..... wait, now im kind of depressed.... step backwards erika, step backwards. hmmm, not good.

tomorrow is keegans performance at daybreak, i suppose i can brag him up a little..... they're getting paid 200 dollars to dance for 2 minutes... that 50 dollars for each of them for a mere 2 minutes.... thats crazy! but so awesome..... IHOP here we come! the performance is at 8:30... so we have an early rise day tomorrow... haha... i'll be getting up at DAYBREAK... mwah ha ha..... wow, teenage girls should not try to be corny and witty this late at night.

i've suddenly run out of things to say....
*crosses fingers..... (doesnt concern you why...)
*crosses them again.

4 comments | comment.


holiday

:: 2005 16 June :: 12.41am
:: Music: The Shins

Today has been pretty strange. Slept in till noon. Went to work. Was overly emotional. Stressed out. Got stuck in traffic for 1/2 an hour after work. Had to PEE!!! Finally got out of traffic and now I'm home. Feeling yucky. I want to go to bed so I will in a second. There's only tomorrow and next Tuesday left at Johnny's. If anyone wants to visit me, sniffle sniffle, I work at 4 tomorrow, and 5 on Tuesday.
I will be very tired on Tuesday though. Next week I work 48 hours at the Cafe. Which, by the way, if anyone wants to visit me, sniffle sniffle, it's at Champion fitness center, and is open to the public. I will be working 5:30am-1:30pm. I'm excited though. Yuck! I keep burping.
Ew.
Alright it's time for bed.

comment.


sugarmouse0587

:: 2005 15 June :: 8.33pm

oh gody god

it can't even be possible. but you know. it would be hilarious in a very sad way.

but not really. it would be the more horrible thing. EVER.

i can't hide. and. oh. i have to be something.


i won't be the girl from cedar springs.

3 comments | comment.


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 15 June :: 3.34pm

BLEGHGHGHHARRRRARRRRRR

i love roman.

5 comments | comment.

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