.j.e.s.s.
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2006 29 March :: 10.10am
omg what a humongous b itch. seriously! i hate when you ask someone a question... i didn't aruge or complain or anything. just asking an effing question and she acts like i'm the hugest idiot in the world
I SWEAR TO GOD I F UCKING HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH ... I WOULD SAY WHAT I WANT TO DO TO IT BUT YOU KNOW.. I'D GET IN TOO MUCH TROUBLE. SCHOOL, YOU CAN SHOVE IT..
SEVERAL ANNOUNCEMENTS MY A$$..............
UGAH;;LKFJA;SLDKFJS;LDKJFLKJASLKJSA;LKFJAS;LK I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I'M DOING IT.
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holiday
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2006 29 March :: 8.18am
I took a test in Intro now I'm out sooo early. Class doesn't start for another half hour. Tonight is my "what to expect" class and appointment. hm... I'm getting pretty sick of getting sick every single morning. I haven't actually gotten hours at work in a couple weeks. So now I'm working for my dad starting tomorrow. My mom took me to go look at houses and stuff. The only house that we found that was actually really nice and in a kid-friendly neighborhood was also $1200 a month. :-( Depressing. Well, that's about it I suppose...
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 26 March :: 6.17pm
sooooo maybe i'll go back to sleep for the 3rd time today since my life is so effing pathetic.
and boring.
and .
ugh fuck you seriously. fuck you and how much you unappreciate everything you have . you fucking whore.
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sugarmouse0587
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2006 26 March :: 5.03pm
sprialing into hopelessness. i need a nap. i need a break. i need motivation and a good cry.
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holiday
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2006 26 March :: 4.39pm
I think it's all finally sinking in. My gosh, weddings are so detailed and hard to plan. I finally sat down and made a list of things I wanted/needed/people. I've been just putting it off because of the stress. It's going to be a really beautiful wedding! I'm excited. Just a lot of things all happening at once. If I can plan a beautiful wedding in just 2 months, I think it's possible for people to plan it in a year. I'm making a cool vase in ice carving tomorrow night :-) I love that class.
We watched Katriana yesterday and that was fun and interesting.
Well that's about it for now.
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stinko
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2006 25 March :: 6.55pm
the sky is absolutely gorgeous right now.
it starts with a light blue, which is swirled with pink and purple. a rich dark blue is melting into the top.
i want summer now.
i need to waste away days outdoors.
i need to take walks and forget about school for a while.
i need to ride a bike.
i need to figure out what is going on with all of the people i love.
i have lost touch with a lot of things/people i care about.
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sugarmouse0587
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2006 25 March :: 12.10am
the more time passes, the more devestated i feel.
i just keep reliving that moment and it's the worst feeling i've ever had.
a child is dead and you keep telling me to get over it. it doesn't matter that i didn't know him for very long. kids take a lot less time to love. i don't know how to get over it. i don't know how to make it stop hurting.
i see his face. i see the car. i see the woman driving without her license. and i see the young mother who doesn't know what to do. and i hate this place. this world.
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stinko
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2006 24 March :: 12.26pm
i have just spent three hours by myself.
i did some homework.
i didn't speak to anyone.
i feel like a machine right now.
i need some human contact.
i am surrounded by people right now but i feel completely alone.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 23 March :: 10.19pm
I've been gone for far too long, I want to come home
Well, to put it lightly, I haven't felt this dejected, irascible, neurotic, and disoriented in so long. Honestly.
I have decided I am going to play piano in the talent show. Please don't laugh at me.
I feel like since I hate and have hated high school so much that this will be a good way to end it. It might and hopefully will be a "happy" memory to leave school with. I guess.
And I don't know I just feel like my body is in 12 different places at once. I'm not all here and I can't stop biting my nails which I know is just gross and that is so not like me and when I develop a new bad habit, I know something is really wrong with me.
I feel so full like I need to pour everything out. I thought I did last night with that little breakdown but I guess I just filled right up again. In the worst way.
I guess that's it.
Jess.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 23 March :: 3.53pm
So...
I have an interview at Menard's tomorrow... (like I need another job, or another new one for that matter..)
I don't know what I'm doing in my life...
I'm doing this thing that I don't want to do at all.
Yeah, what's new.
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holiday
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2006 21 March :: 2.17pm
Holy crap. I had 4 tables at the Heritage today! It was crazy. I'm lucky to have everyone that helps me out. It gets really hectic.
Charlie and I are looking for houses now. I need to get a credit card soon. I'm angry I won't be able to get an ultrasound until 18 to 20 weeks. What is it with that? They don't do them unless something is wrong, but I'd still like to see. Grrrrrrrrr. I'm just happy nothing is wrong. I haven't even gotten sick. Just tired. Charlie's mom is so nice, she said now, everytime she gets paid, she will buy a pack of diapers. :-) Awesome. Can never have too many of those. haha.
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holiday
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2006 20 March :: 10.11pm
Oh yeah, and we were going to wait until next year, but we decided to get married in June! Yay :-) We want this, that's why we're doing it. I think my work, Applause Catering, is going to cater it. And the wedding will be at his Great Grandma's farm, it's really pretty there. More details later...
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holiday
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2006 20 March :: 10.06pm
The Stills- Love and Death
Oh WOW! It's been an interesting weekend. And a great one.
Saturday Char, Lissa, Katriana and I went to finish registering at Babies R Us. Then Char and I went to a beautiful park and he proposed on a bridge. It was wonderful! Sunday we talked to my parents and they aren't mad or upset. So that is nice. We also went to his Great Grandma's house for dinner. So overall everything in life right now is... right. And great.
Wednesday I have a class at the doctors so I suppose that will be pretty interesting. Tonight at Ice Carving I carved a bowling ball and a pin and everyone went bowling. I carved it only with a chisel too! It was way cool.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 20 March :: 7.16pm
oh. one more thing. I miss my friends.
and am I ugly?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 20 March :: 7.14pm
okay so well 2 more pages to go.....
ugh! suck me english paper! go to hell!
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 20 March :: 2.40pm
Nobody get too close to me...
I might taint you with my unholiness!
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 20 March :: 1.54pm
can you believe i'm honestly STILL procrastinating to start writing this paper and it was DUE TODAY?!?! .....
so yeah... maybe i'll start it sometime today...
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 18 March :: 10.39pm
and well blah blah blah and then she was dead.
ughghghgh the end.
Oh! But I see Roman tomorrow.... thumbs up! way up.
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holiday
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2006 18 March :: 7.44pm
So I'm wearing something sparkly and shiny on my left hand these days...
Eh hem. Eh hem.
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sugarmouse0587
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2006 18 March :: 1.23pm
at least i'm doing something for phillip. i can't sit around and be sad.
i miss him though.
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stinko
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2006 17 March :: 2.51pm
hot damn!!!
so i definately waited around for like three hours at school only to find that my teacher totally wasn't there and didn't bother to post it online or anything.
whatev.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 17 March :: 2.34pm
uggggggggggggh.
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holiday
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2006 17 March :: 12.08am
Today was busy. The Heritage opened. Ahhhh I helped Chris wait tables. Crazy crazy. Then Government.
Work went late. We went to the Gardens and it was a party for 315 people. The plates looked superb and we got major compliments. whooo! And I found out we won best caterer of w. michigan this year too (& 2003 & 2004) So that was cool.
Tomorrow I work at the Heritage so all those CC kids should stop by sometime.
Saturday Lissa and Katriana and Char and I are all going to go register! FUN STUFF. :-)
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stinko
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2006 16 March :: 2.25pm
so . . . today was productive.
and i will still have time to do my homework when i get home from work.
stupid honors stuff.
colleges shouldn't make me work to get in . . . they should beg me to go to their college.
i should just be able to get all F's and still get scholarships.
like seriously.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 16 March :: 2.19pm
I've kissed...
01. [x] on the cheek.
02. [x] on the lips.
03. [x] on their hands or fingers.
04. [x] in my room.
05. [x] in their room.
06. [x] of the opposite sex.
07. [ ] of the same sex.
08. [x] a little younger than me.
09. [x] a little older than me.
10. [x] with black hair.
11. [X]with curly hair.
12. [ ] blonde hair and blue eyes.
13. [ ] with red hair.
14. [x] with straight hair.
15. [ ] shorter than me.
16. [ ] with a lip ring.
17. [x] who i truly love/loved
18. [x] who was drunk.
19. [ ] who was high....
20. [x] in the morning.
21. [x] right after waking up.
22. [x] just before bed.
23. [x] late at night.
24. [ ] who i had just met
25. [x] who I really didn't want to kiss.
26. [x] just talking not dating.
27. [x] on a bed.
28. [ ] in a graveyard.
29. [x] at school.
30. [x] against a wall
31. [x] at a show. (what kind of show?)
32. [x] at the beach.
33. [ ] at a concert. .. well kind of
34. [x] in a pool.
35. [x] who was/is a good friend.
36. [x] in the rain.
37. [x] with a mole on their body
38. [x] in the shower
39. [x] in a car/taxi/bus.
40. [x] in the movies.
41. [x] in a bathroom/laundry room
42. [x] in the dark.
43. [ ] on a roof top.
44. [x] under water
45. [x] while driving
46. [ ] a stranger
47. [ ] more than one person at once
48. [x] crying
49. [ ] goodbye forever
50. [x] when i was drunk.
51. [ ] who didn't speak english
52. [ ] in a hot tub
53. [X] in an elevator
54. [ ] an ex
55. [ ] last night.
56. [ ] Just today.
wellll good.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 16 March :: 2.18pm
aw poor you!!
cry me a fricken river!
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brokenmentality
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2006 16 March :: 12.12pm
nevermind... im not going.
you are UNbelievable.
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brokenmentality
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2006 16 March :: 8.56am
aww.. we went to the circus last night. it was really cool. i havent been to the circus since i was like 7, and every time it comes to town we always miss it. :) smiles..... what a wonderful night.
tonight's a rampage game. to bad im going by myself.... ahh well.
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 15 March :: 11.07pm
Have you ever felt like everything you've worked for your entire life was for nothing? Have you? It's really disapointing.
I had a lot more to say, but Roman just called me and suddenly, it's like I can't complain anymore.
And to YOU: the one i talk about ALL the time I swear. because your HORRIBLE UNAPPRECIATION just burns my soul everytime i hear about it: You think you've got it so bad it just kills me. I wish just ONCE you could be like us. You could be like me. You could know what it's like. UGALSDGJ God I can't even say what I want to. You bug me so much. Someday you'll see. And who SAYS I can't feel that way or say those things or do those things? YOU? is it WRONG and unethical and impractical and impossible because your DUMBASS says it is?!?!? Is that what you want me to believe. Gosh you amaze me in the worst way possible. I dont know how I can even "stand" you. Oh, but sigh... I only wish I could be as GREAT as you.
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sugarmouse0587
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2006 15 March :: 5.29pm
nothing feels right. i'm doing normal things. i'm hearing normal things.
but phillip is dead and gone. and he was only four. and he was so smart and funny and beautiful. i always thought when phillip grows up he's going to be so cute. no. i don't know what to do. i don't want to do depressing things. i don't want to cry. but everything is so shakey.
nothing else is even important today. i love the peepers more than ever.
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