<font="Impact">WAR IS OVER <br> <fontsize=

:: 2007 28 October :: 12.19am

I went to bed four hours ago, and just woke up feeling completely rested and great.
What. The. Fuck.

:: 2007 27 October :: 1.36pm
:: Mood: working

So, here's the deal:
I watched "Darkness Falls" when it first came out. It's on tv right now. I told myself, "Hey, I've seen it before, no big deal. Nothing else is on, I'll watch it."
Mistake one: Assuming I could watch a scary movie no matter how many time's I have previously watched it.
Mistake two: Making such assumption and acting on them while home alone.
I'm freaking out at every small noise and it's the middle of the afternoon. It's kind of cool until I leave a room and it's all dark behind me and I picture some creepy porciline (sp) masked freak behind me preparing to rip out all my teeth.
I woke up kind of freaked out too, because I had a string of scary dreams, and then I leave my room and no one was home.
I hate Halloween time. I'm such a baby.

Work load today:
-Do English homework I forgot about
-Attempt to not be scared
-Work on my PowerPoint for Comp. Apps.
-Possibly write my speech
-Make Speghetti for supper

Should be a fantabulous day, but before I get started, I'm going to go convience myself that I'm not a pussy by watching this damned movie.

:: 2007 26 October :: 1.01am
:: Music: I'll Be - Goo Goo Dolls

I was just sitting here thinking, and even though we're not physically together, just talking to Kelly makes me the happiest person ever.
I can't wait to be up there. I love him so much, and I hope he know's that I would be a mess without him.
<3 you babe.

4 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2007 24 October :: 7.57pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Crossfade

Invincible - Crossfade
I memorized all the words for you
But if you only knew
How much that's just not like me
I wait up late every night
Just to hear your voice
But you don't know that's nothing like me

You know I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time i've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I want to make sure everything is perfect for you
If you only knew
That's not like me to follow through
Maybe even give up all these dead end dreams
Just to be with you
But you don't know that's nothing like me

Hey yeah I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time i've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

Now I'm waking up
I've finally had enough of this wreck of a lifetime
I never thought I'd survive it
Now I'm taking back
All I gave up for that
Leave my pain behind
Wash these stains from my life

Just when I thought all was lost
You came and made it all okay

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I memorized all the words for you
If you only knew
How much that's just not like me

:: 2007 23 October :: 2.08pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Frank Sinatra - Stormy Weather

It's raining.
Awesome.

:: 2007 22 October :: 4.37pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Small Town Saturday Night - Hal Ketchum

Same old, same old... as always
/sigh

1 !@#% | imagine

:: 2007 20 October :: 12.15am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Frank Sinatra - In The Wee Small Hours Of the Morning

Friday's kinda suck, I usually have nothing to do because all my friends either work or have girlfriends. Friday nights are my night off, and I don't have a girlfriend, so I usually end up watching tv or playing video games. Sometimes it feels a bit depressing. But oh well.

Tomorrow I pretty much have the house to myself, and I have to figure out what I'm going to do with myself with all that time. I'll probably watch football. GO IRISH!!!

:: 2007 18 October :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: mewithoutyou - leaf

I'm watching the USF - Rutgers game, I want USF to win because its cool to see a new team win, and I would like to see them in the BCS title game because I think they have a chance to win it all.

Apparently we are going to get some pretty strong storms tonight, but I'm hoping to be asleep by then because I'm getting up at 5:45, otherwise I'm rushing to make it to class on time, and I like beating the rush around here. It takes me around 45 minutes to get to OU from out here in east Macomb, and traffic sucks from the public high school, along with pretty much all the Chippewa Valley school district buses.

:: 2007 17 October :: 7.09pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Welcome to the Black Parade - MCR

I got a letter from Crowder today, and it seems there were funds left over from Financial Aid, so I'm going to be getting back a lot more for this semester than anticipated, like a couple hundred, so I'm excited about that.

That's really all that's new.
Kelly's still amazing. And still mine. <3

:: 2007 12 October :: 7.51pm
:: Music: Television

After searching for a new purse for like 2 months, I finally found the perfect one this morning in Aeropostal. It's brown and pink and freaking huge -- and the best part is that it was 20% off so I got it for like 16 something. I love it.

When we got done at the mall, Tessi and I went over to Kyle's to decorate. I made a penis out of pink streamer and made it jizz, even, with green streamer. I can't wait for Kandace to see it. Oh man.

Dad's bringing me a hamburger and french fries. I'm so excited.

Anyway, I am currently at Tessi's because she wanted me to come pick out something for her to wear and get some stuff together so that when she gets off of work we can just head out there, and I'm done with everything, and I want to talk to Kelly, but she doesn't have msn, and for some reason Meebo won't connect. So... ugh.

-Edit- Meebo's working now!! How amazing.

1 !@#% | imagine

:: 2007 11 October :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Anberlin - Paperthin Hymn

So its finally cold here. Well kinda cold at least, cold to me is below freezing, above that point its a bit chilly. Its sunny for a while, and cloudy a bit later, all in cycles. Its fun.

Its my day to make dinner at home now. My mum came up with the idea of rotating who makes dinner, which has really turned into I make dinner twice a week, my mum pretty much the other three weekdays, weekends are kind of a free for all, my dad usually makes breakfast saturday and sunday, but not of recent because of my brother's tennis tournaments, which leaves me to fend for myself (bad run on sentance). So tonight I think I'm making stew, since its all stewing or whatever it does it the pot while I sit here and type. When I move out I'm fairly sure that my friends will become permanent roommates sorely on the face that I can cook.

I'm actually enjoying some of my classes, because I'm learning some new things. Western Art History sucks because its boring, but I need it for my minor. Intro to Latin America sucks because the prof is a Marxist. In art history I don't really do a whole lot because its boring as hell.

Midterms are coming up, as well as crunchtime for work.
These next few weeks could suck.

:: 2007 10 October :: 12.49am
:: Music: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song - Fall Out Boy

<3'd
Sometimes I wonder what people would look like without toes. There would be no flip flops though, and that would be sad.

In further news, do not even attempt to think that Mountain Dew - Game Fuel is good.
Maybe it is and it knows that I'm not a gamer, so it transformed itself to taste like bottled ass because I'm posing as one to drink it, but I'm doubtful of this theory.

Some dude has a crush on me. It's cool... until I realized I don't know for sure who it is, though I have a really good idea. I was informed through this random ass thing on Facebook that I added that's called like Crushes or whatever, I don't know for sure.
Weird though.
I thought everyone at school thought that I was this weirdo silent person that ocassionally cracked random jokes that most don't get, but if I'm right then this dude is in one of my classes.
The drama continues.

Anyway, congratulations to my darling love Kelly. <3 you!

2 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2007 7 October :: 10.11pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Acceptance - Take Cover

I watched a condensed version of the ND - UCLA game, so now I'm in a really good mood, hoping it will carry over this week. I saw a stat at the end of the game, ND hadn't won since playing Army last year, November 18th, 2006. I remember that day pretty well too. I got up and went to breakfast like I usually did on a Saturday, I had a date that evening, so I watched the game for a while in the first half and I remember calling my buddy up and saying that I called ND wearing green jerseys that day prior to them actually doing so. My 1st roommate was moping around the room probably hung over, so I ignored him as I did the shower, shaving and dressing. Borrowed my friends car and picked her up. I had my friend call me with updates, which may have annoyed her, but that was also the night Pat called me to tell me that DLS was going to the state championship game. Yeah, that was a decent day, but I have no idea why I typed that entire day out.

1 !@#% | imagine

:: 2007 7 October :: 11.32am
:: Mood: pleased
:: Music: Journey - Don't Stop Believing

I thought about writing a nice long entry for the hell of it, but I don't really have that kind of motivation. So a quick update of the weekend:

Friday - Hung out with Jeff, Ralph and Mark, ate too much pizza and drove around all fucking night, it was fun.

Saturday - Woke to an empty house, so I kinda lounged around for an hour or two in my boxers, ate breakfast and my dad came back. Drove and watched my brother in his tennis tournament. The padre and I took the long way back home on the back roads for the scenery, even though it doesn't feel at all like fall is weekend, it was nice to look at. Couldn't watch the ND game, which fucking sucked since they won, so I played Halo 3 with my brother for a while and watched part of the LSU - Florida game and my house went fucking nuts when news that USC lost to Stanford came over the wire.

Today - So far I've gone to mass and have had breakfast and I might do some studying in a bit, but other than that is probably going to be watching the Lions game and Halo 3.

I think it'll be a good end to my weekend.

:: 2007 5 October :: 12.48am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Who Knew - Pink

I was on my way home from class (which was really hard tonight) and Tessi called and asked if I could come hang out with her. We haven't hung out or really even talked in weeks so I stopped by and we sat around and talked about everything down to our sex lives. It was fun.
For some reason we decided to go down to Fastrip and buy cigaretts and smoke.
I quit smoking quite some time ago...I know, I know, I'm only 18 wth, but I started when I was like 15 1/2. It was one of those "cool" things to do that I got swept up in. Anyway, I usually end up smoking when I drink, but just smoking to smoke? Don't really do that anymore.
She doesn't either. So... yeah. I don't even know why we did it. It was fun though; we had niccotine buzzes and we did stupid stuff. Another good time to go in the books.
Now I'm left with a pack of cigaretts with no intention to smoke them. Good times though.

Next weekend is Kandace's 19th birthday. It's going to be freaking awesome. I haven't hung out with everyone in a really long time so it'll be nice.

Well... It's 12:55 and I was hoping Kelly would be on, and if not him than at least Jacob but neither are. *sigh*
So I'm going to my room to watch We Are Marshall -- which I stole from Ashley -- and be a big loser.
Awesomesauce.
<3 REP

:: 2007 3 October :: 6.24pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: White and Nerdy - Weird Al

I just found out that next year, FAFSA might be upping the aide to $7000 as opposed to the $4300 we're getting now.
Holy Fuck. I'm poor, that means that if it does happen, I'll be getting $2700 more.
Yay!!

School's getting harder. I'm writing essays and speeches for like every single class and it's getting stressful.
I have three tests next week.
English
Political Science
Computer Applications

So yeah, blah.
Also, it's been storming a lot lately, and we lost power last night from 8:00pm until 4:00pm this evening.
Yeah... it's been real fun.

Despite everything, I'm in a really good mood right now. It's crazy.

:: 2007 1 October :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Brand New - Handcuffs

I'm still sick, but I'm getting better, so that's good. Classes are getting to the point where they all get boring, but I'll make due. I thought I was going to type more, but I don't think that's going to happen on this one.

:: 2007 1 October :: 12.26am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Go Blind - Hootie and the Blowfish

I got on today and Kelly was away for hours and hours, so whatever's up with that.
Then I kept getting disconnected every five minutes, so I went to my room and read a book. I tried to go to bed early, but I couldn't sleep so I decided to test the internet again. Seems to be working fairly well now.
I don't know what was wrong. It was annoying though.

I've been depressed lately, and really short with everyone. Who know's what's wrong.
I think a trip to Michigan would cheer me up.
That's a long time coming though.

I want to move there after this semester, but "what the fuck would I do?" seems to reverberate in my mind.
I won't have enough money to go to school. I won't have a place to live. I won't have a job. I'm hoping to have a car by then, but even that seems impossible at the moment.
My parents are like, "Ok, we're aware of your intentions to move after this semester, but you should stick around for the rest of the year and move at the end of your freshman year."
What I hate is that it would make sense for me to do that.
I'm getting over $500 back for this semester, I would get close to that back for another semester, and while $1000 isn't a whole hell of a lot of money, it's a starting point.
I just don't want to stay. I'm sick of not being with Kelly. I don't know if that makes me stupid, but that's the way it is.
It helps nothing though. I need to figure everything out, but I'm not sure how to.

Anyway, Jacob gave me this link. It's kind of funny.
http://tlf.cx/bilder/h4x0rs_shampoo.jpg

5 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2007 27 September :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Fuck You Like An Animal - NIN

Earlier today I misplaced the phone, so I was looking for it.
Apparently I had hit the on button, because when I did find it, it said that it had been on for 4:04.
I laughed so hard.
Then I realized that I was a nerd :(

:: 2007 24 September :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Teenagers - My Chimical Romance

Most fucking awful day EVER.

:: 2007 23 September :: 11.49pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" - Fall Out Boy

It was the first day of Fall, which makes me happy. It's my favorite season, and it's so pretty. I love the smell of the leaves.

I've been sick all weekend so I kept holed up in my room watching the marathon of "So You Think You Can Dance" on tv. Also, I slept a lot. I enjoyed it; I love sleep.
The only bad thing about sleeping away my weekend was not getting to talk to Kelly. I wouldn't have been too much of a delight to talk to though, so he'll thank me later.

:: 2007 23 September :: 11.53am
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: Live - Shit Towne

I went to my old high school's homecoming football game yesterday, they switched around where they played it at, and it was a Saturday morning/afternoon, it did not feel like a homecoming game. They beat Catholic Central 21-14 in overtime, which was pretty cool. After that we went over to play football at Pat's. I found out I am so out of shape its not even funny. I can still throw okay, my arm strength isn't so great anymore, but I still have some accuracy, to an extent. I got sunburned too, I swear I'm slowly becoming more irish, my hair is slowly getting more red tint to it, I sunburn more easily, that or I'm turning into a leprechaun. Who knows. Also, I'm slowly learning to play the piano again, which I enjoy a lot more now than I did growing up. If I try play the guitar for more than an hour my fingers want to die. With the piano I only have hand and forearm soreness, which I can live with. Reading music is a whole other thing though, I can still read treble clef to an extent, but since I never learned bass, it is a struggle. I still write the notes and chords next to the notes on the music, which kinda helps me learn.

:: 2007 20 September :: 11.08pm

I've gotten into this weird habit where I'll write and write and write on here, and then when I'm finished I delete it.
It makes me feel better without letting everyone know how fucked up my life has become.
In high school I was forced to be the peppy girl that kept everyone elses spirts up.
When I am happy, holy shit, I am happy. And usually it's accompanied by extreme hyperness, but I'm not happy a lot.
I'm more often than not in a stuck feeling of what I like to call "blah."
I don't like it here anymore. I've associated my home as a place that's keeping me from where I want to be. My family as people doing their best to hold me back. My friends... they're pretty much non-existant anymore. That just plays right into the hands of the cliche "you find out who your friends are."
Jacob... there will always be Jacob. That's a given. He and Kelly are my best friends and I don't see that ever changing.
I think there is also going to always be a Tessi, though that I'm less thrilled about. I hate that I pretended to like her. Everything about her drives me insane, but we have mutual acquantinces so I can't just be like "wow, hey, I actually didn't like you in high school, and I sure as hell don't like you now, so ... goodbye."
That's mean.
I like to think of myself as, though not entirely a nice person, but a fair person.
I'll be rude to someone if they're being rude to me, but I don't tend to go up and start shit. That's just irresponsible to me.
There's also Kandace. She's great. She drinks a lot though, and so when I hang out with her, that's what we do. And we drink until we're passed out drunk.
Now, that's my problem 100% that I go along with it and drink with her, but I don't understand why I do; I don't even enjoy being in that state. She does it all the time, and it works for her, so whatever. I'm glad she enjoys herself. I just hate that we never hang out and do anything else. School was great, we made up stories all the time.
Kelly, you think I'm weird alone, wait until we hang out with Kandace present.
I have fun while drinking with her though, I do. I enjoy drinking. Just not to the point where I wake up and wonder where I am and how I got there.
Johanna... You know the movies where two friends meet up after 20 years and it's like nothing even changed? That's Jo and I. She's my oldest friend, but she's so wrapped up in her boyfriend Matt that we never hang out anymore.
Not that I help that, I never demand a girls night out, I'd rather sit in my pajamas and talk to Kelly.... So I understand completely, and we're still great friends so it works.

I feel like I'm going to be severely punished for taking for granted all the good things in my life, and merely focusing on the bad.
It's hard to be thankful though, when nothing's working out like you planned and you're scared everything that is good is going to come crashing down around you.

Maybe that's what's wrong with me lately. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose the one thing that's keeping me going that I try to flood my mind with all the shit that's messed up and it's just depressing.
I don't know. I need to knock it off.

:: 2007 18 September :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: aggravated

I really hate my brain these days. It comes up with stupid things for me to think about and miss some things and it really sucks.

:: 2007 17 September :: 8.17pm

I had just gotten out of class and was sitting in the computer lab writing essays and then this woman, Robin, that works at the school came in and was like "You can't leave, there's a situation outside, all the doors are locked. Stay here."
I was like woah wtf, but she wouldn't say what was going on, but this girl came running in and was like "Someone has a gun!" and so then I go over to the lab Ashley was in, and someone said there was no gun so who knows on that.
Anyway, the lock down was for like two hours. It just got lifted, but no one is saying anything still so I have no idea what exactly went on.
I'll make Ashley dig around and ask, she knows like every single person here. I don't talk to anyone.
People creep me out.