butterfly
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2006 20 October :: 8.28am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: My stupid teacher talking
Hell Week
This week has been a bad week. I've hardly gotten on to talk to Kelly at all because random things happen that prevent me from being able to. Last night I didn't even get on because I had to go to the School Board Meeting to present our case for our Senior Trip to Orlando, Florida. We wanted to fly, but no one has ever been allowed to fly before, but we proved our point that it would be a lot safer and less expensive if we got to fly for 6 hours rather than drive for 52 hours and whatever, so they allowed us to fly. That made it a little better.
What made it worse? We were supposed to leave for the trip in the beginning of May, but now we have to leave from the 25-30 of April so I won't be 18 but for the last day. that SUCKS. I wanted to do all the cool shit and get a tattoo but NOPE. damn it. All because of stupid Track.
*sigh*
Monday we finally get our Senior stuff that we should have gotten 2 months ago, so that's exciting.
Then on Wednesday I leave for Indianapolis, Indiana at friggin 5 am, and I won't get back until about 10 pm on the 28. It'll be fun though since Kandace and Tessi are going.
Anyway, I miss Kelly more than anything right now, and I'll only get to talk to him for a little bit tonight if he's on because I have to go work at my gramma's tonight.
Next week better bring tons of good things or ... something.
Ok. Accounting calls. Stupid T Accounts
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2006 16 October :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Shed Some Light - Shinedown
So Kendra, who's entire family is friends with my entire family, was dumb. She disobeyed her parents and stayed out when she wasn't allowed to. Her dad went and got her, she told them she might be pregnant and hoped that she was so that she could get away from them, and then her dad pulled her hair and they got into this huge fight. Her mom stuck her in the car and drove up town to the police station. Her dad wanted to stick her in DFS but her mom didn't want to, the cop "didn't think it in everyone's best interest" so at 1:30 am sunday morning we get a call asking if Kendra could live with us for awhile. of course, of course she can.
She is oh so very dramatic. I've been friends with her since i was in the sixth grade, so when everyone's talking crap about her i feel an obligation to stand up for her. I <3 her but she's just the girl you feel the need to strangle from time to time.
Hopefully she'll pull through this thing alright though, and her and her family can sufficiently patch things up.
On a happy/sad note, I didn't get to talk to Kelly on our one month anniversary. I was so upset about that. I had to wake up at 5:30 and go chase cattle because we were moving them from my grandpa's field to my uncle Larry's field for better grazing and we had to get them loaded into trailers after chasing them through the awful field full of hills and ravines in the freezing cold dawn. Not my idea of fun. Got done with that close to 11:00, came home, got cleaned up and then had to paint the effing house this yellowish/tan color that isn't even close to being an ok color. Mom enjoys it though and it's "her house" so that's of course all that matters.
I did finally get on around one something that morning, but then the Kendra thing happened and i had to leave after like 5 minutes so it wasn't even a nice night.
School's still a bitch.
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2006 15 October :: 2.39am
"I do not exist,"
we faithfully insist
sailing in our separate ships,
and in each tiny caravel-
tiring of trying, there's a necessary dying
like the horseshoe crab in its proper season sheds its shell
such distance from our friends,
like a scratch across a lens,
made everything look wrong from anywhere we stood
and our paper blew away before we'd left the bay
so half-blind we wrote these songs on sheets of salty wood
you caught me making eyes at the other boatmen's wives
and heard me laughing louder at the jokes told by their daughters
I'd set my course for land,
but you well understand
it takes a steady hand to navigate adulturous waters
the propeller's spinning blades held acquaintance with the waves
as there's mistakes I've made no rowing could outrun
the cloth low on the mast like to say I've got no past
but I'm nonetheless the librarian and secretary's son
with tarnish on my brass and mildew on my glass
I'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me
but a few leagues off the shore, I bit a flashing lure
and I assure you, it was not what it expected it to be!
I still taste its kiss, that dull hook in my lip
is a memory as useless as a rod without a reel
to an anchor-ever-dropped-seasick-yet-still-docked
captain spotted napping with his first mate at the wheel
floating forgetfully along, with no need to be strong
we keep our confessions long and when we pray we keep it short
I drank a thimble full of fire and I'm not ever going back
Oh, my God!
"I do not exist," we faithfully insist
while watching sink the heavy ship of everything we knew
if ever you come near I'll hold up high a mirror
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as you
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butterfly
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2006 10 October :: 4.02pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Let Her Cry - Hootie & the Blowfish
I needed an update.
Consider this as one.
<3 Me.
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butterfly
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2006 8 October :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Warning - Incubus
So Kelly owes me 5 games of Scrabble.
It'll be fun, he doesn't even know.
I'm definitly sick. I have a dizzy headache, a sore throat, and a cough. I couldn't stay awake last night so I bid farewell to the love of my life and went to bed at 12:30. I didn't wake up until 2:00 this afternoon, and only then because I had to help Taylor cook. I kind of want to go back to bed, but I'll just roll around restlessly because I'm more exhausted than tired.
I'm so damn happy we've not got school tomorrow. I think Kelly has to do something though. I can't quite recall what it is, but I remember talking about it. I have a lot of homework to catch up on anyway. Mean mean teachers. Only one more year though... Then college and more, harder homework.
*sigh*
I need to fill out a FAFSA packet, but I have to find dad's PIN number first. I don't want to do that. I'll probably end up making him get a new one. Yeah. Quick fix.
I really need a car. Too bad my parents suck and won't just get me one. I'd pay them back, they know I would. But they incist that people won't just do things for me with the promise that I'll pay them back, so they won't either. I know they're right, but ... they're my PARENTS. They so need to cut me some slack.
I also need to save up a few hundred and get a bank account. This would be a smart thing to do. I need to go steal a mathbook and science book and study for the ACT because I really need to get those two scores up and I'd possibly be able to get a 24. All the other scores are good. I got a 28 on Reading. I kind of went dumb last time I took it and wasn't paying attention to the time on Reading so I ran out of it and had to guess on the last 2 stories' questions. That was stupid. Won't happen this time.
¨Me¨
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2006 6 October :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Hate Me - Blue October
So Ferris has all my info. They can now love me or leave me.
Kelly's workin and totally preoccupied. Makes me sad, but I'm happy he got the Eden job... thing. Surely it'll make him happy? If not... uh... he'll do somethin. Uh-huh... Ok. Done with that one.
I want to be able to stay up as late as I want on Friday night, but staying up late during the week makes me really tired, so then I'm exhausted come Friday and not able to keep my eyes open. Not cool.
So my family keeps talking to me about going to Ferris; how I'm "not very good with money" "don't know what I'm getting in to" "I don't know anything about financial aide" "how am I going to pay for it?" "what's the cost for a full year?"
I like how they think I'm completely moronic and cannot do one fucking thing. Even if I don't get accepted, I'll work my ass off here with 8 full time jobs until I save enough money up and then just move up there anyway, just to spite them. Just to show them that I can make it on my own, don't need any of their help, not that they offered in the first place.
I just wish all the stuff they said didn't hurt and that I really did have the heart of ice they say I do.
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2006 4 October :: 11.24pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Let Love In - Goo Goo Dolls
2 words: Long week
It's only Wednesday. This doesn't seem possible at all and I so want to just curl up in bed and sleep through the rest of the week. I'm already tired of school. It's fun ... inbetween classes. Teachers are so happy to pile on the homework in every single class.
I've got the ACT to take on the 28th. I need to study for it. Refresh my memory on Sin, Cosin, and Tangent, and every other formula in math. I shouldn't have Not taken a math class this year, but I didn't need one and I hate it so much I didn't want to torture myself with it. I'll be damned if I was going to take Calc or Trig. I suppose I could have taken Algebra II again but it killed me. I got a disgusting B in that class. Eh.
Good news though, I moved from 11th in class rank to 9th. I still have dreams of becoming 4th, but i'm realizing it's slightly out of my reach atm. That's fine though. 9th is Soo much better than 11th. Too bad I couldn't have been in a dumb class so I could be Valadictorian. Too many smart people!!!
As soon as I fax my ACT results (old ones) to Ferris they can review my application and tell me if I'm accepted or not. I'm getting nervous. What do I do if I'm rejected? Obvious choice: Curl up and die.
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2006 30 September :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Gone With the Sin - HIM
So... the month is over and so my life has returned to me, and somtime around the middle of October I'll be getting a $170 check... which is great news imo.
I have a ton of homework to do tomorrow. Not so much on the "good" side of news, but not all together bad.
Went to the optomotrist yesterday. My vision is 20/200. I swear I almost died when he told me that. ha... plus, adding to the greatness, I've got a mildly bad stigmatism on my right eye, and I'm developing one on my left. They have time to get better since I'm "so young" but then that also just gives them time to friggin go psycho, so eye surgery is a likely event in my future.
Ashley freaked out today. I was talking to her about Ferris and she started crying and telling me that she had always wanted us to move out and live together and all this random stuff... I had never heard of this in my life. I was like "uh... sorry...." and kind of quietly left. I felt like an asshole, But... it's my life. I might as well do what I want to do and not succumb to others wants. *shrugs*
Church tomorrow... I might just stay home. I plan on being up as late as I can remain awake talking to Kell, and then I have homework tomorrow. seems I need to do something tomorrow as well, but it's not coming to mind.
2 !@#%$ |
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2006 29 September :: 1.20am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects
SPELLING WORD!!
though commonly spelt "lieing".... the word is actually spelt... are you ready?
lying.
crazy.
i love you Kell!!
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Butterfly
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2006 26 September :: 5.08pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Lips Like Morphine - Kill Hannah
Goodbye Life
I fucking am sick of everything!!!
My stupid sister and I have to watch Travis (at my grandma's) 40 hours a month, and if we don't then grandma kills us and we don't get paid. So, I've been working most the weekends and I THOUGHT that she was getting the weekdays. Last night I went over there to watch him because gramma had this TOPS class which is like weight watchers thing and found out that we only had like 8 hours. WOW. that means that i have to get in 32 hours in one week by myself. fuck Ashley. now I have to spend my life over there, I can't go cut wood like I'm supposed to this weekend, because I have to donate my weekend to stayin at grandma's, AND ... I can't get on late at night and talk to Kelly. *sigh* that's definitly the worst.
So tomorrow is Senior Sneak Day. it's gonna kick ass. We're going to Silver Dollar City as they always do.
Tonight at 11:00 Kandace, Tessi, Johanna, Heather, Renkoski, Tylor and I are all going to meet up at the school and spell out "SR 07" in front of the school with plastic forks. it's going to be freaking amazing.
Anyway, Taylor just ALMOST burnt the house down. she put in a TV dinner that I didn't even know we had, or ever had bought any ever, and turned her back to get a piece of cake and i walked through, there's fucking flames everywhere i was like "OM EFFIN G" and jerk open the damn door, and throw the dish into the sink. My hand hurts like a mother, but other than that I'm alright. She's going to die. Not by me, but just because she's a dumbass.
Anyway, I have to go do some stupid homework before leaving for grammas.
Later
Kelly..... I love you. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on before I die.
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2006 19 September :: 9.48am
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: Calling you - Blue October
I found a(nother) song that makes me happy.
--Calling You--
Theres something that i cant quite explain
i'm so in love with you
you'll never take that away
and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away
well expect me to be
calling you to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile
well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
i thought that the world had lost its sway
(its so hard sometimes)
then i fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that away
(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)
you take away the old
show me the new
and i feel like i can fly
when i stand next to you
so what if I'm on this phone
a hundred miles from home
i take the words you gave
and send them back to you
i only want to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile
i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
Blue October is almost my new favorite band. I need to go get their album.
Razorblade is kick ass
Hate me is sad, yet kick ass as well
Calling You... perfect example of my feelings. though i don't call Kelly 24/7...
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Butterfly
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2006 19 September :: 8.54am
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: Pretty Baby - Spin Doctors
One more day!!!
*misses Kelly too much*
*sigh*
This is odd. I feel like a stalker missing him this much, always wanting to talk to him.
Hopefully I don't annoy him :s
... or scare him.
haha
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butterfly
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2006 18 September :: 9.03am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Call me when you're sober - Evanescence
I so did not know that I had an invitation code. I would have used it long ago, because I <3 Woohu.
Anyway, I've got 2 tests today. I thought it was 3 but I was wrong.
Coming up: Business Management test. It should be relatively easy, a lot of it is common sense. I still get nervous and stress about it though.
The Psych one is actually only a quiz, but I don't like the word quiz, so it's a test. We have one everyday after we take notes (which is almost every day) and it's a lot of shit to remember, but it Does make you memorize it, so I guess it does work in the long haul... but I still effing hate them.
Dramatic people annoy me... *sits and listens to 2 dumb girls in front of me* yep... hate them.
I hope I wasn't that dramatic and dumb when i was little. Actually, I can rest assured that I wasn't; they annoyed me then too. If you've got some drama, keep a journal at home. Takes care of that solution. Now if only I can convience about 98% of the female population to do this....
I kind of make me sad. Used to I could smile and listen to dumb things dumb people told me about. Now I'm finding it hard to smile at most people even if they're not telling me anything dumb. I'm annoyed but about 8/9 of the school now a days. ... *sigh* i've become a hateful person I fear. Can't wait to get the hell to Michigan and my love.
Speaking of my love, he's away. Up and left me. He went to ... Mackinac.... i think.... to do his job. He will (hopefully) be returning on Wednesday, though it could be on Thursday I've been forewarned.
He's so cute and I love him
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2006 16 September :: 6.24pm
:: Mood: content
Talking to the one I love, so all is well right now.
Still no news from Ferris. I'm really trying to be calm about this, but it's definitly getting to me. I never was one with patience.
Ashley got a new dog, and it's completely house trained so mom said we could keep it in the house rather than in the kennel... I hate dogs. that means that we have 2 1/2 inside dogs. the half is the only one I like, and only counts for half because she's outside most the time anyway. She's a white lab, and the dumbest/funniest thing ever. That's the extent of my liking of dogs.
Anyway, new dog's name is Piper, and I let her outside, and she started trying to kill my 2 cats. It was a freak out moment of mine, because I couldn't make her stop attacking them. It pissed me off, but Ashley wasn't here for me to scream at. *sigh*
The psychotic children that I called cute are definitly giving me a headache. Here's the line up
Marcus - 10
Kelsey - 7
Peighton - 5
Raygen - 4
Kendra - 2
Trevor basically has a non-stop conniption while they're here. He's used to 3 older sisters that don't touch any of his stuff because it's of no appeal to us, to 5 kids wanting to play with all of his stuff all of the time.
Marcus is Taylor's shadow, and an annoying know-it-all. sadly he does know most of it, he's one of those little kid geniouses.
Kelsey's a good kid, quiet and doesn't get into much, Peighton is probably the biggest whiner in the entire 5 year old population. Raygen is into everything, but it's almost impossible to get onto her because she's so sweet.. and, trueth be told, she's just a little ditzy blonde, which makes her even cuter. Kendra is a mouthy little shit. She can talk really freakin good, and uses the wonderful skill to put you in your place.
Anyway, I'm now bored with that, and tired of writing.
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2006 15 September :: 4.32pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: To love you more - Celine Dion
I've a new favorite song!
Pretty Baby - Spin Doctors
Look around your world Pretty Baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be
The wrong guy
The wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me
And look into your heart Pretty Baby
Is it aching with some aimless need
Is there something wrong and you can't put your finger on it
Right then
Roll to me
And I don't think I have ever seen a soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there
So don't try to deny Pretty Baby
You've been down so long
You can hardly see
When the engines stall and it won't stop raining
It's the right time to
Roll to me
Roll to me
Roll to me
And I don't think I have ever seen a soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there
So look around your world Pretty Baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be
The wrong guy
The wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to meeee uuuhhhhhh
gorgeous hmm?
So tonight there's a party. i don't know if i'll be going or not. i kind of feel like putting on pj's and going to bed early tonight. It's been a really long week, and tomorrow some girls that we babysit a lot are coming over. Their mom was in a really bad wreck and was in the hospital for like 2 months so we kept them a lot. We're not needed anymore, but ... well it kind of seems like we're getting used, "oh, well i wanna go to the movies, so brian lisa and the girls can watch the kids." oh well though, the girls are so funny.
Still nothing out of Ferris.
Ok i just may go lay down, i've had an awful headache all day, and i don't need it turning into a migrain.
Love you Kelly.
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Butterfly
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2006 14 September :: 10.10pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: The Gift - Seether
Kelly & Rachel
IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!
He asked me!! We're happy and together now!!
Hopefully he doesn't realize how crazy I am just yet lol
*Thursday, September 14, 2006*
9:44 pm (my time)
10:44 pm (his time)
Isn't everything just perfect now? I think so too.
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2006 14 September :: 7.55pm
:: Mood: Nervous
:: Music: Remedy - Seether
I just realized that Ferris hasn't gotten back to me. I'm scared now.
Hopefully if they thought that I sucked and didn't want me at their school, they would tell me so in a letter right? Surely they wouldn't just trash my application while maniacally laughing... If I were them I'd be nice enough to let the person they're turning down know, rather than letting them hang in the air forever.
Unless of course they don't check the applications until closer to the start of the applied for school term? I bet that's it. I'm probably stessing over nothing.
*Crosses fingers*
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2006 14 September :: 7.38pm
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: Call me when you're sober - Evanescense
So, today was very well compared to yesterday.
I kind of forgot to bring home my homework yesterday so I had to hurry up and do it second hour when I have library. I also had to make up an interview with someone because I was simply too lazy to do that one. I need to stop being lazy and forgetful and do my stuff. It was a damn good made up interview though.
I'm slightly (majorly) disapointed because I've yet to tell the world that Kelly is amazing and that I love him whole heartedly. Again. lol
I never stopped loving him actually, just tried to pretend I didn't. But now we're together again, though not official, and where as that's pretty sad, I guess it's alright because ... hm. I can't think that thought out tonight. We'll let it go.
Fruit Sales for FFA started today, and I kind of don't like it. I'm not good at giving the sales pitch to people. But I sure can take the money!! .. ha.
*makes that invisible to Kelly's eyes*
Ah! speaking of which, I told him to update and I've not even read it yet!! I gotta go do that pronto.
<3
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2006 11 September :: 9.41am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Talk shows on mute - Incubus
Today is awful. It started out me waking up almost an hour late because it started storming in the middle of the night and killed my alarm clock. Ok. whatever, I get up and get ready, go to school and then go to the Senior meeting. We were going to decide where to go for senior trip today. well That didn't happen. We were supposed to get a presentation set up of all the things we could do at the location you chose, how much it would cost if we flew, how much it would cost if we rode a bus etc. only one person did this, and it was for Orlando, Florida. I don't give a hoot where we go so I didn't bother making a presentation. All of the guys have been to Orlando and said it sucked balls. Ended up only 5 people voted for Orlando, but we didn't have another place set up to go, so though Orlando is out, we're stuck without a destination. the Board will gladly take our trip away if it causes too much rucus. So I said we should be given one more week to set up as many presentations of places and it was voted that was alright and so ... next monday all hell will break loose once again. Jessica is a stupid bitch and was yelling at everyone. her reason? "they're opinion doesn't matter. i hate them and so they're faggots." so.. everyone that has an opinon is a faggot? hmm. that's crazy. the bitch should die. everyone hates her. Gah.
Then retarded accounting teacher gives us this list of shit we need to record and expects us to pick it up right away. we didn't. it was the first thing we had ever done like that and we was all lost as hell. she got pissed and started bitching us out and telling us that we were just lazy and didn't want to do it. ok. first hour into the day and already 2 bitches on my "die" list. sweet. luckily i have library this hour. all i had to do was put a few books away then plant my ass on the computer.
Too bad launch isn't friggin workin.
*sigh*
i think i need to go back to bed. i have a feeling i'll get into it with retarded Jessica. Eh
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2006 8 September :: 11.09pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Rain - Breaking Benjamin
I became known as Raquel. hardly anyone calls me anything but that anymore. Teachers have even began refering to me as that... it's insane. i WISH i had some Mexican in me. curse the incredably white pigmentation in my skin.
Oh actually, my cousin's had a black baby. the pigmentation of it got all screwed up. whitest people ever. cute baby though.
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2006 8 September :: 9.46pm
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: Hurt - Johnny Cash
Drunken Stories
Eh. i love having money, but i hate working for it. *sigh*
i have $193.50 left to pay for my Senior Stuff (my official name for it)
i have $250.00 to pay for senior pictures
i have $22,000.00 to save up for tuition and expenses to save up to move my ass up to Michigan to be with the love of my life.
i have 6 classes with teachers all too eager to give out homework like they're the only one doin it and have to give us enough to last all week. so after one day, i have 6 weeks of homework to finish in about 4 hours. deal with the stress of that one.
on happier subjects, i found out that at the end of last year my GPA was 3.7 I have weighted classes this year, and i'm doing really good in them, so that'll up it even more.
Geeze, doesn't it suck when you realize your life is, for the most part, pointless?
i've never anything to do but read or get on the computer and talk to people. when i'm really bored? i read the dictionary. Yeah. you read it right. i love words though... so maybe in my case it's not quite so bad? i like knowing words and not being so ... ordinary in my speech. I'm an eccentric person and i pride myself on it.
Gah, i have to babysit my neighbors bratty granddaughter and her friend tomorrow. i have to be there at 8:30. How inhumane. i'll be there for SIX HOURS. *gouges my eyes out*
Lord have mercy.
Tessi want's me to go drink with her tomorrow night. do i want to drink down $8.00? i don't know. last time i drank i threw up. people are ALWAYS like "Ooh Raquel, do a shotgun with me" "No you guys, i always throw up, i can't drink beer" "no no, i swear, you'll be fine"
-- they stab beer can, pull the tab up a bit (i'm incapable of opening cans of ... whatever) for me and stick it to my face --
"oh ok, i'll shotgun with you. sure"
-- shotguns --
"Ha! i told ya you wouldn't get si--- Raquel? dude, are you alright"
-- me over in the corner throwin my stomach up --
*chokingly yells "ASSHOLE"*
yeah. that's how it goes. i can't do beer. EVER. everyone knows, but amazingly forgets and forces it down my esophogus anyway.
Luckily Tessi love's my ass and always takes care of me.
Once i was really buzzed and i almost fell off of a bridge. lol it was crazy. Sean grabbed me and saved me though ... ok. that was WAY out there. it was like 2in. deep water because we never get rain. i wouldn't have died. but i would have spilt my Smirnoff.
Ah. once i insisted upon going home after a party, a night when i was just about drunk off my ass. it's almost 1 am Sunday morning. i was convienced no one would be awake. i walk in... OMG. there is my entire family is sitting in the living room watching tv and talking. i had a coronary. my eyes are bloodshot, i'm slurrin my words, i can't walk straight, i'm talking WAY too loud... luckily my room is right to the left of the front door so i just say hey and go to my room. a few minutes later, after attempting to sober myself up, i go get on the computer and talk to people. i don't know who i talked to that night though.
ok. i've bored myself with this... actually that's a lie. i enjoy recalling all these memories.
Oh!!! man, one more, then i'm done. i swear.
First time i EVER drank, i had a Bud Light. but before that, i took 3 shots of ... some whiskey. i can't recall the name. but... i was feeling wonderful at the time i finished my beer, so i screamed at the top of my lungs "HEY! ... HEY EVERYBODY! I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST FUGGIN BEER! SWEET!!" then i attempted to stand up and it didn't work.
*sigh*
ok. despite all that.... i'm not a huge ass drunk. i've been DRUNK 3 times. maybe four.
......
.....
....
...
..
.
ooook.
later
imagine
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Butterfly
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2006 4 September :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Far Away - Nickelback
Senior Year!!
that's about all that's new and crazy in my life.
I've applied to one college so far, in the process of applying to 2 more.
The one I really wanna get into?
Ferris University. I really hope I get accepted. like Really Really hope.
If I don't then I'm just going to pray fate takes my side and lets me move up to Michigan anyway, so that I can see my beloved Kelly.
*sigh*
Salt & Pepper's "what a man" song definitly comes to mind about now.
anyway, senior year is slightly crazy, but fun. and then not fun.
1 !@#% |
imagine
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brandnew26
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2006 30 July :: 12.16pm
in elementary school we had dreams of things we would do when we were just a older than we were.
in middle school and junior high we thought our old dreams uncool, so we came up with new things we were going to do in high school.
in high school, we were always too busy to do what our dreams wanted.
we always had grand ideas for the summer between high school and college, the last hurrah of childhood, but sadly for most of us, these never amounted to what we thought.
somewhere in this area we stop dreaming, for whatever reason. we stop listening to the kids in us telling us to accomplish our dreams. somewhere here we let the child in us die. we spend more time listening to what people think of us, and let them dictate to us how we should lead our lives. around this time we begin our decent. we begin to stop caring, to stop dreaming, to stop loving and stop learning.
life's far too short for us to put off our dreams, because we could be gone the next morning, leaving our list of dreams still folded up in our cold wallets. so use what time you have to do what you can. live harder, fuck harder, kiss harder, love harder, learn harder, run harder, play harder, eat harder, sleep harder, hit harder, pray harder.
because what's life if you aren't living it?
i challenge you to make a list of things that you want to do, and do them. it doesn't matter if they are lame to some and awesome to others, they are yours, your thoughts, so go and do them. climb everest, run with the bulls, fuck a celebrity (charm not drugs, of course).
i swear that every day you spend living your dreams will be the moments you carry with you for the rest of your days, the moments that cary you through the bad moments and push you to achieve more and live more.
i promise you that i will spend every day of my life, bettering myself, and living every single day.
dreams and goals:
run with the bulls at san fermin
summit denali
see the snows of kilimanjaro
spend a winter on isle royale
travel across the united states on a motorcycle
backpack across europe
cycle to the arctic ocean in alaska
see the spires of moscow
see the birthplaces of civilization in the middle east
travel the kashmir
run through the tunnel onto notre dame field
graduate from medical school
this is an incomplete list.
but i will accomplish these.
eric
1 !@#% |
imagine
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brandnew26
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2006 10 July :: 12.01am
:: Music: the fray - over my head (cable car)
Each sentance is perfect and clean.
Like every single letter had more meaning than the one prior to it.
To realize that you will never write something so poignant, something with the power he can.
You reach the moment when you say to yourself
"I will never create anything with such an intense and singular passion. I will never know the drive that compels one to reach beyond what my head and my heart are capable of."
Because I'm only fooling myself.
Because I know I'm capable of so much more.
Because I'm not just lying to you, I'm lying to myself as well.
Because I'm in over my head.
Because I owe you that much more.
Because I will take the talents that God gave me and make the most of it.
I will take the privledge of living, and create the perfection of it.
Because I don't just save lives for a job, I save lives for my life.
Because I will put my life on the line to save a complete stranger, to bypass my basic instinct of self-preservation.
Because this is what I need for life.
imagine
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butterfly
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2006 5 July :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Get Stonned - Hinder
Trip of a Life Time
I left for Utah on the 20th of June. actually, ashley mom dad and i drove down to Tulsa, Oklahoma where we caught our plane on the 19th... irrelevent information, but anyway. we got off at Vegas, hung out there for 3 hours until our next plane left for Salt Lake. it was a very long day. Karl had gotten to Utah the day before we did (ashley came with as babysitter. oh the joy) so he and his friend Mike picked us up... and sadly they didn't offer to take our luggage for us. I threw my carry on into Karl's arms, and he mouthed me about it... i was like wow. Southern hospitality must stay in the south. It should definitly travel West though. geeze. anyway, we didn't really do much the time we was down there. Karl took ash and i sight seein, his mom took me a few times... we went to the zoo and this air force museum the day before we left, and we played pool a few times. i kicked everyones ass at 9 ball. i didn't know what i was doing, i got the shot after Karl's friend Ben broke, and i hit the 2 which hit the 9 in. it kicked ass. i was pissed off though, because i didn't know i had done it because i didn't hit the 2 where i wanted it to go, and so i just stomped off, but then everyone was like "holy shit. she won" and then i was still pissed because i thought they had just hit the 9 ball in... but i really won. i was happy. oh and we went to the Drive In movies... it was so fucking cool. i had never been to one. oh and we went to this huge ass mall and out to eat a few times. it was a good trip... but the whole time i was trying to talk myself into believing that i was still in love with Karl. he was just different and i was different and we sort of clashed... it was hard, but i ended up breaking things off with him, and we caught the next flight back home.
i think i might have jumped the gun though, because the first time we was having sex the condom came off without our knowing. i don't know when this abomination occured... but it did. so i might be pregnant, because i do feel different, but then it might just be my mind playing with me and all the heat and stress and depression... i don't know. we'll know soon though. lol i really don't want to be pregnant going into my senior year though. that would blow some big dick. but whatever comes comes i guess. it'll work out. hopefully the way i want it though... which would be to not have a kid for at least another... 4-5 years.
whatever. i don't really care right now.
so... i'm single. i don't really know what to think about that. i've not been single in a long while. i need to get the flirtin thing back down.... or just jump right into bein a tease. i don't know yet. i'm debatin. i've gone from one relationship to another for the past 3 years, i'm ready to have some fun.
look out Boys... Rach is without a leash.
imagine
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