Butterfly
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2005 26 August :: 4.12pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Yellow - Coldplay
So I got a 94% on my Advance Biology test. Definitly not the best, but I guess it's acceptable for right now. I was rather upset though. Johanna got a 75%. I would have died, seriously. I could not live with that.
Karl called me last night at like... 7 maybe I don't know, but he was going some where with his friends or some shit I don't even know, and then he said that he would call me back later as usual...but then he didn't. I don't know if something happend or what. I hope he's alright, and I'm sure he is, but I got a little worried. I don't mind that he didn't call me, I mean for petes sake he shouldn't have to call me every single night if he doesn't want to, but ahh it just worried me. I'm sure he'll call tonight and everything will be hunky dory ... I hope anyway ...
Anyway, I've been in a really bad mood all day and right now I want to go sleep for like 10 hours, not that I'll get to, but yes, it would be nice. Anyway.. Oh!!
Karl said that they might move his deployment date back to December, or at least to after Thanksgiving. If they do that then he wants his family and mine to have Thanksgiving...together. I was like oh... ha... yeah that'll be cool... but I was really thinking holy shit no, my family is so demented and messed up that your family will hate me and forbid you from marrying me. But yeah... we'll see how it goes. I kind of want to meet his family before my family meets his family... but I don't know. It probably would be fun.
Anyway, I'll talk about that later
Rachel
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Butterfly
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2005 25 August :: 5.12pm
:: Mood: happy/tired
:: Music: A Whole New World - Aladdin (thanks to choir its stuck in my head...)
This has been such a long week and it Still isn't over. How depressing is that? Just one more day though.
We had a pop test in Algebra II and I got a 4 out of 10, so I guess that means that I missed... freakin 3. Yeah, just wonderful. I wanted to cry, but I was to tired and I didn't want my make up to run. lol good reasons, I know.
Tessi has been making me so mad lately. She's gotten into this phase where she punches, slaps, or pinches you for saying or doing anything that she either doesn't like or doesn't agree with. Hell, she does it for no reason, she'll just come up and do it. I don't want to hit her back because then she'll hit me and blah blah blah it would just go on forever and we would probably end up getting into a serious fight. I don't want to fight with her for God's sake, I just wish she would fucking stop hitting me. Also, today she decided to make a little poster that had pigs and lady bugs on it. Now, I'm not deathly afraid of them, shit I'm not even really scared of them, I just prefer not to be around them for the simple fact that I don't like them. I don't even like to see pictures of them. She knows this yet she fucking did that shit anyway. She's terrified of midgets but you don't see me giving her pictures of them now do you? Fuck no. I don't know, I don't want to fight with her, but God damn, she needs to like... change. Everyone agrees too so it aint just me, not that any of yall would know...
I'm done with this shit
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Butterfly
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2005 24 August :: 10.34pm
:: Mood: stressed/tired
:: Music: Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows
Does liking Choir make me a complete and total geek?
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brandnew26
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2005 24 August :: 8.34pm
ChiefofSheep1: I'm always lonely
ChiefofSheep1: I seem to be getting used to it
ChiefofSheep1: which scares me
ChiefofSheep1: but yes I am
i am jacks sn 26: yeah, i usually am too
ChiefofSheep1: we are men devoted to our trade
ChiefofSheep1: modern day cowboys
ChiefofSheep1: we don't have the time for relationships
ChiefofSheep1: we take women in whatever town we happen to be passing through, and leave with the sun, room for no ties
i am jacks sn 26: yes
i am jacks sn 26: if we were tied down in a relationship, we could not do our work
ChiefofSheep1: for fear for the safety of our loved ones
i am jacks sn 26: yes
i am jacks sn 26: we deal with things that the average person would run away from
ChiefofSheep1: yeah
ChiefofSheep1: we show no fear
ChiefofSheep1: no love
ChiefofSheep1: no mercy
i am jacks sn 26: toward our enemy
i am jacks sn 26: mercy to those we help
ChiefofSheep1: or anyone around us
ChiefofSheep1: we'll help you, but we have little time
ChiefofSheep1: so back off and let us work
i am jacks sn 26: yes
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brandnew26
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2005 24 August :: 7.37pm
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Butterfly
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2005 24 August :: 4.32pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Here's to you - Rascal Flatts
I have an Advance Biology chapter test tomorrow over all the body systems, the anterior and posterior body landmarks, and a million other things. I don't think I'll do that bad, but then again I have no idea so... we'll see how that goes.
Monday night Karl and I got into a fight. I hate smoking. It might have something to do with like my entire family dying of lung cancer whether it be from smoking them selves or second hand smoke. Anyway, Karl used to smoke and he said he would quit for me and he did... until last weekend. He was talking to me when he told Bubba that he was going outside for a smoke. I was like "... what?" and he was like "oh..." and told me that he bought a pack over the weekend and oh my gosh I was so upset I like started crying and ooh I was just so pissed. He had promised me the first time that he wouldn't smoke again, and he broke that promise. He promised that night that it would be his last and that he wouldn't do it again, but I don't know if I can trust him to keep that promise if he's already broke it once, which puts me in a really bad spot because I want to be able to trust him. I can trust him.. I know that smoking is hard to stop so maybe I should give him some slack, but then he **PROMISED** me that he wouldn't and you shouldn't promise if you know that you won't keep it, or at least have any doubt that you might not be able to keep the said promise. Right? Am I being to difficult with this one? Should I just forgive him and move on, or should I dwell on the fact that he made a promise and knowingly broke it?
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brandnew26
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2005 23 August :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Hello Nurse - My Ally
hi, i'm eric. i don't think we got off on the right foot(or left), or were properly intoduced. you don't really need to know much about me, because i'm not that interesting. I'm boring, like his songs. But I do like you, which seems to be irrelevent, because you show no interest, which is fine then. So, you will not hear from me, because I seem to bother you.
So, farewell, goodbye.
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Butterfly
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2005 22 August :: 6.13pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benetar
So...Yes, it has been quite a while since I've last updated. If you have complaintes...stick them up your ass because I don't care about them. Anyway, school started Thursday and I've had homework every night. This is deffinitly my hardest year. Weird thing? I remember Kelly telling me that His Junior year was sure to be his hardest. Strange I know.
anyway, my schedual falls as this :
1st - Mixed Choir
2nd - World History
3rd - English III
4th - Anatomy & Physiology (Adv. Bio.)
5th - Mass Media
6th - Animal Science
7th - Algebra II
yeah, may not Seem hard, but ... it is
*cries*
I am so stressed out. oh, and every day we have either a quiz or a test in adv. bio. a quiz you can use your notes, but a test you caint. Mr. Terry is a cool guy, but his classes are freakin hard.
In Example: Today at the end of the hour he told us that by tomorrow we have to have all of the Anterior and Prosterior body landmarks memorized for a TEST ... tomorrow. yay...
*cries again*
Other than that my life has been full of nothing other than talking with Karl every single day. We had our first fight. Kind of ... well ok no not really a fight. He pissed me off (of course i don't even remember why now, but oh well) and i didn't talk to him for like a whole 5 minutes, and the whole time (like it was a long time...pshh) he was like "aww baby I'm sorry..." blah blah blah. I ended up feeling really bad so I started talkin to him again obviously. But yeah...
Tessi informed me that her and I are going to a party next weekend and getting shit faced. I don't know about this, but maybe. I'll think about it. Sounds fun, but I don't know if I'll end up being a big whore and ... yeah. I've never been drunk so I don't know.
3 !@#%$ |
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brandnew26
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2005 21 August :: 7.11pm
saving your 8 year old cousin who you barely know and rarely see from yellow-jackets is not worth the three stings from said insect.
P.S. Those little bastards pack a punch in that little stinger they got
P.P.S. I still am better than every single on of you
P.P.P.S. I really mean it
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brandnew26
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2005 19 August :: 10.25pm
:: Mood: working
:: Music: hellogoodbye - call and return
so now i'm back to making music on my computer. its fun, but i don't have much money anymore. ha, oh well. my day was completely devoted to trying to beat geist and deconstructing hellogoodbye's dear jamie. so far i have 2 of the parts laid into track. there are two seperate piano/keyboard/synth lines going in the beginning. i'm trying to find the right set of drums that they use for the bass line. you probably have no idea what i'm saying, nor do you care. actually, i have no idea why you are reading this anyway. so i now own all the freshmen in cross-country. coach put me in charge of them, big mistake. so now i have my little sheep/minions to do me and jeff's work. small, young, feeble minds are so easily corrupted and reprogrammed. but for now i require some sleep.
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brandnew26
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2005 18 August :: 10.38pm
Sunrise Goodbyes
Amidst a smile the setting sun
Red sequined dress that could kill anyone
The music moves you like good poetry
I wish I lacked this anonymity
It strikes me funny when you mouth the words
to "Am I Wrong" a song I've only heard
while sipping whiskey living out a lie
a perfect portrait hosting you and I
A made up romance, my soliloquy will read
I know I'm lost again, my timing's off again
because something lacks in your passing eyes
It's lust and libido
why give up this opportunity?
Give it a go and maybe you will see
so take a chance it'll be alright
and that's all you've got to go on
You dance around my head throughout the day
a want, a wish, a will to have my way
and when I fumble over words you smile
you'll kiss my cheek and say, "I like your style."
Dream a dream of our life story
I will tell it over and again
I'll tell the world just how you got that
got that perfect smile I can't withstand
Let me kiss your index finger
I'll point out how you've made me crazy
I know I'd do it all the same way
I'd do it all the same
A made up romance, my soliloquy will read
I know I'm lost again, my timing's off again
because something lacks in your passing eyes
It's lust and libido
why give up this opportunity?
Give it a go and maybe you will see
so take a chance it'll be alright
and that's all you've got to go on
Dream a dream of our life story
I will tell it over and again
I'll tell the world just how you got that
Let me kiss your index finger
I'll point out how you've made me crazy
I know I'd do it all the same way
A made up romance, my soliloquy will read
I know I'm lost again, my timing's off again
because something lacks in your passing eyes
It's lust and libido
why give up this opportunity?
Give it a go and maybe you will see
so take a chance it'll be alright
and that's all you've got to go on
Why give up this opportunity?
If I can't be near you then I'd rather be
in hell forever I'll think of you
so just give me chances to go on
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brandnew26
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2005 18 August :: 3.11pm
Polygraph, right now!
Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds, yeah
She enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence
From deep within my guts now
I'm the king of this pity party
With my jewel encrested crown
I wanna tear apart your room
To see if what you say is true
Darling don't you lie, lie to me
I wanna break into your heart
To see why you want us apart
Oh, scared to death to find out what you think of me
Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds, yeah
She enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence
From deep within my guts now
I'm the king of this pity party
With my jewel encrested crown
According to you, we don't click
That's a blatent lie, and you know it
Angel, what are you hiding from me
If there is truly not a secret lunchbreak
Working late, lover oh
Then I will die but at least that I'll be free
Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds, yeah
She enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence
From deep within my guts now
I'm the king of this pity party
With my jewel encrested crown
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brandnew26
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2005 18 August :: 2.41pm
First Semester
Day 1
Mod 1-2 - Religion 4 Perrin
Mod 3-4 - US History After 1945 Nicoloff
Mod 5-8 - Empty
Mod 9-10 - Goverment Ritchie
Mod 11-12 - AP English Kirck
Mod 13-14 - Intergrated Math Gagnon
Mod 15-16 - Empty
Day 2
Mod 1-2 - Empty
Mod 3-4 - Intergrated Math Gagnon
Mod 5-6 - Goverment Ritche
Mod 7-8 - Photo 3 Littlejohn
Mod 9-10 - US History After 1945 Nicoloff
Mod 11-12 Empty
Mod 13-14 AP English Kirck
Mod 15-16 Empty
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Butterfly
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2005 15 August :: 1.03pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Come Home Soon - SHeDAISY
I need to go to school again to finish this damn schedual ordeal, but Ashley hurt her back doing something and cannot drive. Now, being 16, I should be able to drive myself right? Wrong. I have yet to get my license. I simply don't enjoy driving, therefore I keep putting it off. Besides, I cannot get the whole parallel parking scheme down. I shall work on this and then go get the damned thing. Yes. Ok
I need to get the fuck out of Art, and ... well other than that I have it good seeing as how Mr. Roller gave me an Independant Study for Ag I during sixth hour. yay.
I slept until noon today. Well, actually 11:45. I only woke up because Karl called. He always calls me during his lunch hour so we can talk. Anyway, I didn't go to bed until 4:00 in the morning, so it's no wonder I slept until then. I'm actually still really tired and I want to go back to sleep, but I'm sure Ashley would have a conniption and kill me for leaving her alone with the kids (who are being a pain in the ass today) when she can barely move (because of her back) so I guess I'll just go drink a few cups (or pots) of coffee and actually go to bed tonight. I need to work on getting up early anyway, what with school only ... holy fuck, only three days away. I Still need to go shopping. Fuck this. Hopefully this year will go by fast.
On another note, I'm in the process of finding a dress... it is quite fun. yay me!
Rachel
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brandnew26
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2005 12 August :: 6.57pm
Your Life: The Soundtrack | Created by aiko and taken 33489 times on bzoink! | | Opening credits | Say Anything - Yellow Cat/Red Cat | | Waking up | Zella Mayzell - Her Feet Go Down to Death | | Average day | hellogoodbye - Two Weeks In Hawaii | | First date | Cowalker - Communion | | Falling in love | Elliott Smith - Waltz #2 | | Love scene | Waiting For Autumn - Memories of You (Yellow) | | Fight scene | Every Time I Die - Guitared And Feathered | | Breaking up | The Spill Canvas - Polygraph, Right Now! | | Getting back together | Gatsby's American Dream - A Minifesto Of Tangible Wealth | | Secret love | Michael Buble - Moondance | | Life's okay | Larger Than Life - This Day And Age | | Mental breakdown | Norma Jean - Memphis Will Be Laid to Waste | | Driving | Saves The Day - Shoulder To The Wheel | | Learning a lesson | The Decemberists - Red Right Ankle | | Deep thought | Built To Spill - Car | | Flashback | Glassjaw - Hidden Track | | Partying | Relient K - Be My Escape | | Happy dance | Houston Calls - Sunrise Goodbyes | | Regreting | I, Heart - Friday Nights New Color | | Long night alone | Zella Mayzell - Straight Ahead At The End Of The Court | | Death scene | Explosions In The Sky - A Poor Man's Memory | | Closing credits | Her Space Holiday - My Girlfriend's Boyfriend | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
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Butterfly
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2005 12 August :: 12.04pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
Last night Karl asked me where I would go if I could go anywhere in the world.... I said Cambodia because it's really pretty and for some reason I've just always wanted to go there. So... he said he would take me there for our honeymoon!!! I'm so excited now. After that we talked about kids ... yep. We both want a big family so we decided on 4. I had always wanted 3, but then there would always be one left out and I definitly want more than just 2 so 4 was the obvious choice. He freaked out because I said I didn't want to have any drugs. Mom had all of us natural and came out just fine and I've always wanted to have my kids natural. He said he just doesn't want to see me in that kind of pain, but yeah... he's a little girl and I'll be fine. I laughed at him a lot but anyway. This afternoon we talked about our wedding... yep. We plan on getting married pretty soon after I graduate. I want an Autum wedding, always have... but anyway, he said that I could have fun and plan it. I've always wanted to get married in my church. My grandparents did and so did my mom and dad... it's kind of a family thing, but his parents live in Utah... and I don't know I would feel horrible for making them travel up here...but I don't know. We'll figure it out later. Plenty of time.
On a different note, we're having a surprise birthday party for my gramma Prewitt tonight at my Aunt Jeannie's.... It's promising to be Very boring and sure to drag on forever but oh well, I love gramma so I'll put up with it. Hmm.... yep that's all there is to do tonight. When I get home I gotta call my baby and then we'll talk forever, but that's the norm
*smile*
I'm so in love... it's wonderful.
Alright, I need to go figure out what to wear tonight and... *sniffs* .. yep, I need a shower also. So, catch yall later
Rach
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Butterfly
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2005 10 August :: 3.00pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Pour Some Sugar on Me - Def Lepard
More ramblings
8 days before school starts.
I went up to school today to attempt and get my schedual worked out and I got most of it done, but ... well here's what I have as of this afternoon:
1st - Algebra II
2nd - World History
3rd - English III
4th - Ag I
5th - Mass Media
6th - Elem. Aide
7th - Art I
Ha... I caint draw..but anyway, I HAVE to have Adv. Bio and I NEED to have Spanish II. They're both during 4th hour too, but I have to have Ag. I too....So, I'll ditch Span. II for this year, save it for Senior, and I'll probably ditch Elem. Aide and take an Independant Study for Adv. Bio. during that hour. Mr. Terry usually doesn't do that many Ind. Studies, but...well he loves me so it'll probably work out.
Um...yeah, pretty much ... yeah. ok i'm done, nothin else to say other than MSN is bein a shit head and won't let me change my name. I hate that damn piece of shit but I would die without it
Rachel
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Butterfly
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2005 9 August :: 2.17pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
9 days until school starts...yay...
*gags*
I still need to go get some more clothes, I don't have Nearly enough jeans, I need underwear and I seen some cute shirts that I want. Ha, and of course I need shoes. Ooh Tessi and I decided that we're going to dress up in skirts and heels a lot this year. I wanted to last year but...no. This year I'm definitly going to though. I like that look and I love skirts so this shall be an exciting year.
Oh, Karl gave me a ring...no, not that kind of ring ... yet ... this one is his ring he got from basic training. He said that I would be getting a shinier ring after he gets back. lol I almost started crying but anyway.
He said that, unless it gets changed, he gets shipped out November 19. I'm pretty scared but I caint show it. One day I was crying about it and mom had a coniption and killed me, saying that I have to just get out and not dwell on it, and she's right but whatever, she's mom.
So, I have strep throat and I'm pretty sure I have the flu also. My muscles are all So damn sore, I can barely move without dying and I've lost my voice and I keep throwing up, which is just peachy for my fuckin sore throat *rolls eyes*
Anyway, It's fucking hot so I'm gonna go take a freezing cold shower. Yay.
Rachel
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Butterfly
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2005 8 August :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: Tired/Sick
:: Music: Fast cars and Freedom - Rascal Flatts
Karl and his friend Bubba (no, not his real name, but his real name is basically impossible to say, let alone spell, but he also goes by Crespo) came down and we hung out in Illinois Friday night, and Saturday. We left there at about 2:00. They decided to go home with us. Unexpected but not unwanted. We drove forever (7 hours) and stopped by Wheaton at the fire house. We decide to stay because they're having a cruise. Like none of my friends was there so we decided to go to Monett. We got home and eventually went to bed. Sunday we wake up and go to church....this part was interesting seeing as how I'm Baptist, Crespo is Pentacostal (sp) (I think...) and Karl...is kind of nothing, but maybe Mormon...or some shit, I don't even know which is bad but oh well. After church we went back to Monett but there was Nothing to do (because it's Monett...) so we decided to watch a movie. Well...we felt bad for Crespo so I called Tessi and we went and picked her up. He liked her Sooo much but she didn't like him and yeah, I felt really bad, but it wasn't exactly my fault...but yeah, it was bad. She was nice enough to him though. Anyway, we went and ate at Mazzio's pizza, then went and bought tickets to watch The Bad News Bears, but we had like 40 minutes before it started and Tessi freaked out because now Wal-Mart sells water bras and she wanted to go buy one. So...yes, we made them take us there to buy bras. Sad part? Tessi and I are both quite...large up there, and the biggest size was 36 C so we couldn't get one. Kind of pissed us off but oh well. Hmm...oh, we then went and watched the movie, went back to Tessi's house and called Jo. Hell fire was she pissed, but she didn't answer when I had tried to call her, and she wasn't at the cruise the night before or at church that morning. Anyway, she had a coniption and came over to Tessi's house and we all sat around doing nothing. It was actually pretty fun. Jo left at like 7:30 - 8:00 and we left around 10:00. We came back and Karl freakin made me drive his truck. He has a stupid clutch. I like killed us but it was really fun. He says I did a good job but I'm quite sure he was just being nice. lol he told me to pick it up to 25 and so I was watching the speedometer (or whatever) and not the road...lmao yeah it was funny he was like "Holy shit Rach, you have to watch the road hun!!" haha it was grand. Crespo was in the bed of the truck, and before you go thinkin we're horrible people, it was by his own choice, we didn't force him back there...anyway, he was like screamin and shit lmao he was so freakin hilarious. Anyway, we get home at like 10:30 or some where around there and so we just sat out in the bed of his truck and talked forever. It was quite fun. Crespo ended up climbing in the cab and sleeping and ... well ... ha, Karl and I had some fun ... but anyway, at around 2 dad came out and made me go inside and go to bed. Kind of stunk, but it was ok. This morning we got up late and did nothing. At 12:00 Karl took me up to the school to get my schedual, which the school fucked up. I'll tell more on that in a minute. Anyway, we get back home around 12:30 and Crespo says that he wants to go say goodbye to Tessi, so I go call her and tell her that we're coming over, but her Ex was there, along with Johanna. Karl said oh well and so we went anyway. Crespo was aparently joking because he didn't really know where we were going and then we show up at Tessi's house and he has a coniption and then I felt really bad once again but...well yeah. Anyway, we get back home at 1:45 and then mom and Karl talked about the fastest way for them to get back and then they left. I then went, took a shower and slept forever.
Now, about my freakin schedual.... this is what they gave me:
1st - Algebra II
2nd - World History
3rd - Contmp ISS / Psychology
4th - Advanced Biology
5th - Ag I
6th - Elementry Aid
7th - Creative Writing / Novels
Ok...nice and dandy? Horse shit. I don't even know what the fuck third hour is, I've already had Creative Writing / Novels, and freakin Elementry Aid is for the fuckin Seniors most of the time. I didn't even write that shit down on my list of classes I needed. I needed Alg. II, World History, Adv. Bio, Ag I, Spanish II, English III, and freakin Mass Media, a FACS class or a typing class, which ever one I could get into on that one. Yeah...fuckers. But then again we got a new councler, principle and V.P. this year. Ha, yeah, all our people quit. Quite wonderful. Anyway, they were Way to busy up there for me to do anything about it today so mom's gonna take me back up there tomorrow. Oh I was so freakin pissed. All Juniors have to take English III. Why the hell wouldn't they even GIVE me an English class???? Freakin morons. Anyway, I'm pissed again so now I'll be going.
Rachel
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brandnew26
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2005 8 August :: 5.46am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: houston calls - amtrak is for lovers
so i write to you, from my house, because i am leaving now. so being up at 4:30 really isn't cool when you went to sleep at 1. i don't get to sleep till night, because i'm splitting the driving with my dad, who also had around the same amount of sleep with me, great way to start out the week. so, i may miss some of you, slightly. so, goodbye. i shall see you thursday.
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brandnew26
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2005 7 August :: 6.49pm
here's a question that needs to be answered.
do i look like jude law or do i not look like jude law?
i'm thinking the latter. please tell me what you think/your opinion.
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brandnew26
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2005 7 August :: 5.56pm
1.) How big is your music file on your computer?
12.3 Gigs
2.) The song you are listening to right now
The Apparatus of Heaven - The Lost Trails Of Light
3.) A CD you recently bought
A Collection Of Short Stories
4.) 5 songs you always listen to or that have sentimental value to you
Explosions In The Sky - Your Hand In Mine
Say Anything - A Walk Through Hell
Zella Mayzell - Straight Ahead At The End Of The Court
Godspeed You! Black Emperor - East Hastings
Explosions In The Sky - Have You Passed Through This Night
5.) 5 people you will pass the baton to:
Whoever wants to
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Butterfly
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2005 4 August :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: I've only got eyes for you - Frank Sinatra
So basically I have 8 replies to my last update, and that just might be a record for me. Makes me excited.
I cooked supper tonight and I have to say I did a pretty damn good job. Ashley helped a LITTLE bit for you see, I do Not touch raw meat, I never have been able to, and I'm obviously still not able to. But anyway, she made the hamburger patties, and then I fried them, along with potatoes, and then I put some corn on. I thought we've had enough salads this week so I would be nice and clog our arteries.
I know, I'm too nice.
Ashley punched me in the cheek (yes on purpose, but not meaning to hit me hard, and we were just playing around) and yeah...it bruised and so now I have some nice coloring to my face. Yay. ... she's such a shit face.
We're getting a long a Lot more now for some reason. We go through so many freakin little periods of time where we either hate eachother or are always in one anothers company laughing so much we get killed by our parents. Anyway, I just remembered a wonderful story so:
Our neighbors granddaughter was over at his house and she's around Taylors age, so she came over to play with Tay and Trevor. Well, I was in the kitchen doin the potatoes and Ashley was making the patties, and Amanda (obviously the granddaughter) came in asking for a drink of water. Well, Taylor and Trevor decided they just Had to crowd in the kitchen with all of us and they were like Way to close to me so I was screaming at Taylor and Ashley was like "Rachel, calm down, you don't want to go back to anger management." Well, Amanda was over by Ashley and she whispered to her "She's already Been? She looks like she would be nice..." and then Taylor leaned over me towards the sink and stuck her elbow in my face and I was like "Taylor, get any closer and I'll freakin stab your elbow" ... yes, I know I'm violent, I've come to terms with this, leave me alone ... and Amanda was like "...or I could be wrong". It was quite funny.
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Butterfly
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2005 4 August :: 4.55pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Fever - Madonna
Gettin the fuck outta here
well my people we (mom, dad and I) are heading out at 6 in the morning to go to Illinois. The time sucks but the destination is about perfect
*stary eyes*
We (ok, he) decided to come steal me away and we're gonna go back to his barracks and hang out. yeah...only because he will more than likely get stuck doing work this weekend which SUCKS ASS. I asked mom and dad if that would be ok, and surprisingly mom was like "I guess, but you can only take granny panties and you cain't shave until Saturday night" I was like...ha...yeah right. and by the way, No, I do Not own ANY granny panties. *shudders*
Anyway, dad freaked out and was like "Where will you sleep? It won't be in the same room as him" I was like "dad...that's the only spot that I Would be able to sleep at, and don't worry, I'll make him sleep in the floor or something" Ha...we all know that wouldn't happen, but we can pretend for the moment. It's not as if we could do anything Anyway, because his room mate will be there probably the Whole flippin time. Yeah...Eww.
Anyway, dad still freaked out and had a coniption (sp) so I don't know if I'll be able to stay down there with him. If not, then hell, it's only 2 hours away. I'll sneak away in the middle of the night...haha. Yeah, sneaking onto an Army base to do the dirty. Fuck that, I would probably get killed.
Eww I'm scared that some Sargents gonna yell at me and make me do push ups for the hell of it. I'd probably cry. No, I freakin Would cry. I don't know, I'm done thinking about that scariness.
I really wanted to go shopping but dad said that I didn't need to go buy more underwear because I was keeping them hidden from Karl's eyes and so what did it matter. Yeah...poor, innocent daddy. Haha.
I think that I'm actually kind of nervous about going, because I'm not dumb enough to think that we won't end up having sex, but I try to kid myself and be like "Oh, that won't happen, there won't even be Time for it to happen blah blah blah". I mean, yeah, I might end up not being ready and so we won't, and he would be fine with that, he's already told me that we won't go that far until I swear to him up and down that I'm completely ready, so basically I have nothing to worry about.
Yeah ...
Weird, I know...
Ok then, that's enough details for now I guess
Rachel
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brandnew26
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2005 4 August :: 12.33pm
I want to be anointed
I want to be inspired
I want to hear voices
I want to breathe fire
If I could be a hero
If I could be a saint
I want to rise above this
I want my past erased
I really want to decide to grow up
And stop being a little boy
I want to act in true chivalry
I want to see that it's a choice
I'm a supporter of all I'm against
Quietly resting in my role
Keep telling myself this
Telling myself this
Will never take a toll
I've misplaced my
Replaced my moral code
It's built a stronghold inside of me
Running off gas fumes and greedy intent
Being nothing to me can't feel good
Where do you get your standards from
I like to act like I'm better than
Better than you better than some
But the truth is inside it kills me
To be a part of the ebb and flow
Of something so detrimental
So consequential
It only goes to show
I'm just as weak
As I am dumb
And I don't care
If they don't know it's wrong
Ignorance is bliss and I'm happiest with my
Conscience all but gone (clear my history now)
It's only natural you're only gonna give in you're only gonna give in again
You know it's not it's not fatal you know you want to give in you know you want to give in again
My God please take this
I can't fight it now
Without you
I fall prey
To my own sense of shame
My God take this
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