`x`[MrS. SeXy]`x`

`x`[MrS. SeXy]`x`

I LOVE MY SEXY ASS BOYFRIEND JOSE!!

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:: 2007 1 February :: 7.15pm
:: Mood: crushed

i feel so empty..
&& I haven't even left yet.

Gosh... my dad signed the papers to sell the house. We should be moving in about a month or so, unless I decide to live with my mom for the time being. I'm thinking long and hard about this because I really don't want to leave Alyssa. She's all I have. She's everything. She's my world & I'd be leaving it behind. How could I do that? I mean, there's this more than amazing school that I could be going to.. but really, no one I know will be there. My whole world is here. Do I really want to leave it? Part of me says yes. The other part says no. Although, I'll only be about an hour and 45 minutes away, it'll still seem like worlds apart. I mean, I don't see Alyssa rarely as it is. Imagine when I can only see her every other weekend... gosh.. =[ I don't know if I can do it again. We tried it when she left to Michigan and we didn't really make it. I don't know... I have to think.

i love Alyssa soo much.
more than anything & anyone.
forever and always.

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imaqinary

:: 2007 29 January :: 5.27pm
:: Mood: angry

& it all begins like this...

"& so it is....
just like you said it would be."

It's been a long time & I thought I should bring my journal up to date a little bit. First off, Alyssa.

We're great. As perfect as we're ever going to be. I love her & she loves me, we're going to be one big happy family. lol Yeah, we're amazing. Except for not seeing her as much because of homeschooling & now because her parents think we hang out too much (if they only knew....). It sucks. =[ But just one more year, & we'll be away. Away from it all. We'll be together. Able to be with eachother whenever we want. =] It'll be amazing.

Next, John Mayer.

Alyssa & I went to the concert on friday. AMAZING!!! lol Aly & Eric were there as well & our seats weren't very far apart. =] coolness! I got a shirt & Dippin Dots. SCORENESS! hehe. It was an excellent concert. I still can't believe I was like.. 500 ft. or less away from John Mayer. AH!

Third, the Rodeo.

Our quartet, which consists of Lyndsay, Alyssa, myself, & Anjane, sang at the Homestead Rodeo on Sunday. Wow. In 58 years of the Rodeo, we were the first quartet. Pretty awesome. =] We didn't do as well as we should've but there were also things you have to take in account. We were outside, it was windy as hell, their PA system was not very good at all. Of course we could've been better, but we can always be better. Overall it was pretty good.

Well, that was major weekend. hehe.

Also, I'm going to be recording a harmony part on a song for this band Dissever. It's going to be pretty cool. Apparently, I might be singing with them live next week at some show.. but I'm not sure. I'll update if anything.

[ l o v e a l w a y s ]

. g i n a .

i { l o v e } alyssa
.more than the moon & sky.
forever & always
.we'll be together.

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imaqinary

:: 2007 3 January :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "Man On The Side"- John Mayer

All because of her... my life feels.. liveable..
:Sigh: this past week has been such an amazing week. Ok, Christmas was great.. but it came & went extremely fast. It's already the 3rd.. wow. The days are speeding by. Since the 30th, everything has been great. Let's start on the 30th.
Last saturday. Went shopping with Alyssa to the Falls. Bought a $40 bra at Victoria's Secret! =] A micro mini skirt & white sandals at Hollister. Awesome day. (Before I mention this, Alyssa & I broke up on the 20th. =[) Later that night, I decided that I wanted to be back with her. I missed her so much. Seriously, we've been inseperable since saturday. I haven't been this happy in sooo long. I love her so much!
New Years Eve. What an awesome day. Besides the fact that the Dolphins lost. But it was to be expected. Especially since we were up against the Colts =[. I hung out with Tiffany & Alyssa. Gees, it was so much fun. I missed hanging out with Tiffany. =[ I loved it & I hope it happens more often. I actually wanted to drink that day. Really weird since I'm completely against drinking. =\ I had a tiny bit of Hennessy but wasn't evennear tipsiness. I kissed Alyssa at exactly 12! Aww.. it was awesome. =] & Then, Tiffany, Alyssa & I had a group hug around 12. Gosh, so cool. hehe
The rest of this week I've either been staying at Alyssa's or hanging out with her and then going home. This week has been amazing. I stayed up on New Years Eve till 7 in the morning with Alyssa. Just talking. I haven't had that in so long. I missed it. =] I'm so happy I'm back with her. I'm never going to mess up again. I won't ever lie or be confused. I want to be with her forever. Really. I love her so much.

Well, I have to go... I'll write as soon as I can.

I love you Alyssa.
Always & Forever baby.
More than anything & everything.

=]

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chorusnerd620

:: 2007 3 January :: 7.01pm
:: Music: Angels and Airwaves- The GIft

Love is the Pursuit of Happiness

Love is such a Great Feeling
Wow, i cant believe we're in our 3rd day of 2007 going to already our 4th! So much has happened. I bet this year is gonna be a good one. I really hope so.

Gina and I Got back together. I was so HAPPY!!!!! I know this time we're gonna do it. We'll make it. I know it! i FEEL it! I never wanna lose her again. I love her SOOOOO much and she loves me! ima be a good g/f. The best ive EVER been towards ANYONE! Shes my world. My life. My everything. She said she was gonna change some of the things she regretted before and never hurt me again. I hope she doesnt. Ive given her 2 chances after this no more. But i believe she wont. She told me and i believe her, i really do! New years night and Last night we're both amazing! Gina and I talked so much. I LOVED it! Great Communication. We also have Loyalty. I would NEVER cheat on her. NEVER! Love, thats what we truly have. Now so this relationship to e perfect we need Honesty. Hopefully, Gina can do it. I know she can. If she loves me the way she does then it wont be a tad bit difficult. :sigh: im so in love! Never been more Happy.

The new years was great! I was with my Gorgeous G/f and good friend Tiffany! It was fun!! Man, i havent hungout with both of them at the same time in a while. It was Great. Ive missed it so much. I hope we have more hangouts like that. And Jose will come to! It was fun blowing up fireworks, i was gonna throw some at them but i didnt. They're faces were funny though. :snickers: We all hugged when it was 12:00 and Gina and i kissed. I've never done that before, im glad Gina was the first person. :D eeekkk! It was beautiful! Tiffany and i drank it was cool! Gina wanted to get tipsy, that was weird. I should've recorded it cause she NEVER says that. We hungout all night. It was fun. And i didnt go to sleep until freakin 7:00. Just talking to my baby. That was Awesome! New Year's was the BEST!

Ima try to be different this year. I mean im gonna turn 17. WOW! What the heck, its crazy! Graduating in a year and a half. Gonna be living somewhere WITHOUT my parents. So many freakin Responsibilities. Bills...ugh. I dont really wanna grow up. I like being immature and not having to worry about things. The only avantage i would have is being able to be wtih Gina EVERYDAY! :sigh: i cant wait. I know its gonna be difficult with bills and stuff but ima do everything in my power to maintain a roof for my baby's head. Ima do it watch! :D Anything for her. We'll get through it together.

This year is so far so good. i LOVE it. I hope it continues like this. Being wtih the person i love most and Hanging out with my buddy Tiffany!!! YAY! cool! A few down a couple more to go...This is gonna be a long year.....

I Love Gina!!
FOREVER and EVER and EVER and EVER and EVER!
My One and Only.

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 29 December :: 12.03am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: "Come What May (Finale)" - Moulin Rouge

life...Duh!
Its been a while since ive typed in here. Now seems a great way to update! :)

Alot has happened in this 2 or 3 week period. I moved back home! Im so happy about that. I know this place is one the worst places to live but i dont care i love it. "You never realize you love something until its gone", i never really believed that quote until i was home alone wtih nothing to do. How depressing. I loved it, but then again i hated it. But i just couldnt adjust, maybe cause i didint want to or maybe just cause i oculdnt. Whatever it was im here now. Safe. Happy? Sure. I guess you could say that. Im more happier here than i ever wouldve been there. Stuff has happened but i cant do anything about it.

Recently, Gina broke up with me. On our 6 month Anniversary. Reason why: Unknown. Most of confusion. I guess you can say. My reaction towards it, was ok. Very surprisingly. usually i cry and cry for days and stupid crap like that. But i guess you can say being with Gina has made me mature alot more in relationships. of course i was hurt. But we have been discussing quite some time before the action took place. I was ready for either outcome. It hurts alot, oh yea it does. But no need for tears. Why cry if it makes her happy? If she doesnt wanna be wtih me tahn im not gonna make her. Thats stupid. I would rather her be with me causeshe wants to be than out of Sympathy or pity. Honesty is such an amazing thing, i wish people would use it more often. Love, how i wish more was in the world. I really do wish Gina would come back to me and everything be the way it was before, BETTER than it was as of that matter. Whatever happens just...happens. I hope her decision makes HER happy. Hopefully she doesnt choose an answer to make me happy or anyone else happy. Just her.

My Parents. PERFECT COUPLE! yea, never happen! I hope the person i spent the rest of my life with, our relationship isnt like that, or anywhere near it. Like a month ago they hated each other and didnt want anything to do with each other. And now they fuck everyday. We were living with my grandma for a while and it kinda sucked but hey i lived closer to Gina and Tiffany. :) Then my mom got tired of it and we went to our house cause we were gonna sneak in but my dad changed the locks. ASSHOLE! then miraculously! we found an open window. we shoved my brother in here and he opened the door we got in and put our things away. And yea my dad came home it was better tahn expected, until my dad called the cops. DON DON DON!!! nothing happened though. it was all good, than my dad left and a couple of hours he came back begging my mom to work it out and saying he loved her and other bullshit like that. Stupid! how pathetic. For a week they were good, but my mom and dad hung around his family and my dad was an asshole to her and shit happened. But AGAIN they worked it out and they're ok.I think, no i KNOW my moms' an idiot for going back to my dad. But hey Love is weird and STUPID. who knows they're outcome. THey want another kid. But w/e those 2 stupid idiots know what they want. Ones a Coke head, drunk and the other is a moron. Pretty fucked up family. lol. Oh well, i guess i love them. :) All i know is that i wont ever end up like them.

School...ive been in it for a week but havent really gone to my classes. :( But once we go back ima be good. i promise Journal! :D

Well its 12:52. Ima go. ill update later. Goodnight Journal.

I Love You
*~Gina~*

~*AlWaYs AnD fOrEvEr~*

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imaqinary

:: 2006 18 December :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: confused

Cannibal Girl..
Eh... I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I mean, life isn't suppsed to hurt this much.. right?
Every damn decision I've made recently has, I feel, been wrong. =\
Alyssa came back to Homestead =] For good! So yeah, almost the entire time she's been down (About a week), we've been talking about breaking up. It's all my fault. This all happened because I'm "confused".
I love her. No confusion there. I still somewhat love Mike. Complete Confusion! I started talking to him & I shouldn't have. I don't want to hurt Alyssa anymore & I never want to lose her as my best friend. =[ She told me that we'll always be best friends and that she'd accept it if we broke up but I know it would be awkward for a while & oh gosh... I don't know. There's a big part part of me that wants to be with her so bad but then there's the part that tells me we should break up. She said she'd always be here for me & that breaking up would be easier for me... but it would still be hard because it would be hurting her. God... I don't want to hurt her anymore. I love her so much... but I've lied to her too many times although I didn't mean to. I've lost her trust. I wish she knew how much I really do love her. =[
I'm acting the same way I have in every relationship. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I think in some subconscious way, I'm afraid of commitment. Things being final. I don't know. =[ I wish I knew how I felt about everything.
Things should start getting better... I'm getting over a cold & my voice is coming back, slowly but surely. I'm also getting withdrawn from school this week because of home-schooling & then the next 2 weeks are Christmas break.

I haven't wanted to do it in a while, but I remember what it feels like to want to die.
I want to now.

"The fame & praise come
year after year
Does nothing for these empty
tears."
-Jack's Lament, Nightmare Before Christmas

Gina

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 5 December :: 6.31pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: "Cry" -Mandy Moore

Life, what else?!
I dont even know where to start off at. Im so confused about everything. The only thing im sure about is how my heart hurts so bad, how i constantly cry, how i really dont wanna live so i wont have to be faced with anything anymore. All my feelings i HOPED and PRAYED i wouldnt have to go through again as i did in middle school and the beginning of high school are unfortunately coming back. I hate crying! I finally thought all of that bullshit was over with. Everything i say to try to help, doesnt mean anything! it doesnt mean shit! i feel so alone in the world. i know people love me and stuff, it just feels like they dont anymore. i finally seemed to get over with the whole moving thing and just get use to it and get it over with already. but another issue comes up. My heart hurts so much, i dont wanna eat, i dont wanna be happy, i think moving was the biggest mistake i couldve made. well, the mistakes ive made before, in the long run benefited me somehow. Ive felt worse than this and something good always came by. I hope i dont find out 20 years from now. I hope its soon. I dont wanna feel like shit anymore. As i continue writing i realized something. Im just not gonna care anymore. im not gonna cry anymore. just fuck the stupid shit. w/e it is. Im just gonna live the days as it is. W/e happenes, just happens. I may not agree with it but oh well, there's nothing i could do about it. im just gonna handle it strong and continue with my life. Im not gonna feel like shit when theres so much other horrible things going on. i need to think of others. How are my tears gonna benefit someone? they're not. maybe if i just care about others and forget myslef i wont get hurt, i wont cry, i wont feel the need to wanna die. This is where the army comes up. After i graduate i might be alone. My life would be useful to protect others. it wouldnt be useful for anything else. As well as donating my lungs or kidneys i dont know some body part to someone BETTER, SMARTER, That has better dreams, who can have and live a life i couldnt ever pictured having. this entry may be weird, how i was so depressed and now caring less..i dont know either. All i know is that i dont wanna get hurt anymore, i dont wanna hurt anyone either, I LOVE this beautiful girl named GIna, I wanna be wtih her forever, I wanna do something for someone that can change their life forever. I wanna help people. I wanna save a person from dying. I wanna be with someone who will love me forever, be loyal to me forever, honest and can talk to me about ANYTHING! I just want things to go back to the way they were before. I may have it..... You tell me (you know who). I want to make her happy, never make her feel an ounce of sadness. Watch her accomplish her dreams, Support her in EVERYTHING she does, Hug her when she least expects it, Spoil her, Kiss her all the time, pinch her cheeks, make her laugh, make her feel like the most luckiest person in the world. help her whenever she needs it. i wanna be the person she comes to when shes sad, when shes happy, eveything and anything. I want her to have the g/f everyone DREAMS to have. Make people think shes the luckiest person in the world. How i try. Accomplishing with that I want to be someone's hero. A role model for people. Im just not gonna care about anything anymore. Let it go as it goes. W/e it is, i guess it wasnt meant to happen the way its suppose to. Im just gonna care more bout people. more about my world i live in and how i can make it better. No more tears, no more loneliness and no more Heartache.

i just LOVE you Gina..
I LOVE you more than ive ever loved anyone else
Im forever gonna LOVE you...
no matter what baby.

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imaqinary

:: 2006 5 December :: 7.55pm

woah....
This is a horrible habit.. I always seem to write when I have a bad day or something or other.
I woke up and my eyes were extremely puffy... another night of crying. I was so tired and I woke up a little late.. but oh well.

1st period: Did my work, didn't understand it.... copied Randi's paper and told her I'd make her another bracelet.. lol that did it. Anjane was supposed to get me out so we could practice for 3rd period.. but she forgot. Oh well.

Lunch/3rd period: Anjane and I try practicing our revised version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas".. didn't work out to well. Actually, that's an understatement. It sucked. When we told Kristin we couldn't do it, she got upset and told us to sing the beginning. We sang it, it was blah. She said it was fine and they had already gotten their instruments. We said we couldn't do it again and she gave us a guilt trip. I almost started to cry because I felt bad... so we tried to practice it again all together.. it was horrible. We deff. couldn't do it. So, we're going to perform it next 3rd period. Oh well.

5th period: We sang once out of the whole period. Whatever. This whole Science FCAT thing happened... I really don't feel like writing the whole explanation. Other than that, chorus was boring. I'm so discouraged in chorus now.

After school: Didn't have to go to Drama today. Went straight home and ate some mandarin oranges and raisins. Had to go to Publix to get Cookie mix and got Hot chocolate, M&Ms, and a cookies and cream Hershey's bar. Lyndsay tells me she's going back to SD full time because she wants to go back and her health is better. My dad said that I could still do home-schooling without her though. I really hate SD now. It's getting really bad and stressing me out like crazy. I hate crying.

Well, I have to go.

I love Alyssa soooo much!!

=]

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imaqinary

:: 2006 5 December :: 7.55pm

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 29 November :: 5.59pm

The Morning:
i woke up @ 6:00. Took a shower and once i got out my mom was on the bed. She was talking aobut how it was yesterday in the whole court thing she went to. We're gonna get Child Support. It'll take a while though. The process can and will be a longer time only if my dad were to wanna do a DNA test. To me i would take major offense to the situation. My dad would basically be dening my brother and I. That would be some shit if he were to do that. Hopefully, he doesnt stoop that low, waste HIS money and HIS time on that. According to the laywer if he were to go with the State Michigan's laws on Child support he would have to pay $1500 a month. But if he were to go by Florida he would have to pay the hospital for the birth of my brother and I. Cause of something with Medicade or something. i didnt really undestand that part. But yea, basically he would have to pay alot more to Florida. ALSO he would have to get a lawyer. so yea. we talked more and then i asked my mom if she could just take me to school @ 7:45 since we dont live at all far away from the school.

1st Hour:
I got into Gym, had to dress out cause we were gonna play basketball. We didnt really play basketball we just practiced dribbling and taking the balls away from people. lol. Then we did this relay game thing. It was fun. Then the rest of the 30 mins we had left we saw a movie about stuff about Anorexia, belgim and Belimia and stuff. It was really gross. The pictures were horrible. I hope i never encounter someone with that. Then we had to draw a picture of us and write what we felt about our physical appearences and stuff. Then we had to pick someone randomnly in our classes and tell them 3 compliments. It was cool. If you wanna know what i wrote about myself i said i love myself and have very high self esteem im happy and other crap like that.

2nd Hour:
Humanities. I kinda hate this class. Its boring and we do nothing but work, work and more freakin' work! We discussed the current events going on in our world and then we talked about the project we have. After, they had artifacts that were used a long time ago and we had to write about them and stuff. It was pretty gangsta. Then we had to read articles from newpapers between the years of 1885-1915. Pretty interesting facts. That's all we did. THANK GOD!

5th Hour:
Algebra 2. math is freakin' hard! dang! well, atleast matrices are. its so confusing. Ella wanted me to sit next to her in the back. I've done it before and i really didnt do anything in that class. I couldnt concentrate and i would've felt bad if i moved to the front of the class. My concentration was being distracted. i hate that! So i didnt sit wtih her. i just stayed in the front by myslef. It was all good. i understand it somewhat. Brady was being a loser and talking like a Cuban. Weirdo. and Dustin he hasnt been in school for 2 days. I hope he's alright. math was basically boring. Then we went to lunch and i sat with Ella, Meagan, jessica, another Jessica, Aiela and Ashely. it was boring. We went out to Jessica's car and listened to the radio. and it was STILL boring. Nothing special about that

7th hour:
Nutritional Science class is pretty fun. I have Brianne, Zach and Dustion. But Dustin wasnt here. Anyways, we did some work and talked and laughed the whole time about the most dumbest things. But yea overall it was fun! Zach didnt sing N'Sync today (surprisingly) lol. That was that class.

Then i came home, my baby called me! :D eeekk! i got excited! hehehehe and i have to do a project, (which im paying some girl to do) and i have to study my notes from Science. I came online cause i was bored and that was pretty much my day. Nothing special at all.

LOVE LIFE! :D
Still with the Long Distance thing. I Honestly thought i wasnt gonna actually be able to do it. But it isnt over yet, so i better not jinx it. It's going perfectly well, i love her the same actually even more than before. hehehe. We've had arguments since i left but we're doing better i say. We talked about it. We've been together for 5 months 1 week and 2 days. yea, i know..im a loser! but a loser DEEPLY in love. :D i think in a couple of more days it's gonna be my longest relationship i've been in. I forgot my other but it was around here. YAY! im excited. I love her SSSOOO much! ima see her in 3 weeks and 6 days. Im so anxious! By the time she's here its gonna be 2 1/2 months since ive seen her...thats a loooooong time. But yea, its all good. I cant wait to see her beautiful eyes, smile and sexxxy ass body OoOoOoo...lol. YEA...she's so Perfect. :sigh: i love her! so mucheseses

Well, thats my day and thoughts. So yea until next time hair adubaladubala that's all folks (im trying to imitate the pig, it didint work) but yea!

I LOVE my baby..
Always and Forever

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imaqinary

:: 2006 23 November :: 5.13pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: "Dance Party Plus"- Head Automatica

Thanksgiving!

To begin with, Happy Thanksgiving to all. I've had a very good thanksgiving! I woke up pretty early today, around 9 something. Went to my aunt's house to feed the dogs and let them out. I'm taking care of her animals this weekend because she's out of town. I needed money and the opportunity arose, so yeah! lol. Came home, watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. That's a pretty cool parade. I wonder how much of our tax dollars go to that every year. Hmmm.... Anyway, time passed and the parade ended. Then, the beloved Dolphin game! 5-6 baby!!!! =] hehehe I'm extremely happy about that game. The final score being 27-10 and all. We whooped 'em! lol I wish I could've watched the game with Alyssa though. =[ Well, my dad had cooked a lot today and his girlfriend came over. It was really fun. We ate turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes... yummmm... lol i think my dad's girlfriend is bringing over an apple pie later on too. I actually prayed.. which is pretty funny because I'm bordering atheism. In about an hour I'm going to go back over to my aunt's to feed the dogs once more. I'm so thankful for so many people. Gees, I can't even name them all. Aly told me that she was thankful for me! yay! =] Tomorrow is the "Choral Thanksgiving" which I need to ask Alyssa about. I'm not sure if I'm going to go yet. Tiffany & I kind of started talking again. It makes me really happy because when we stopped talking, it hurt really bad. It won't ever be the same, but atleast it's something. =] Well, I'm having a pretty damn good day, so I'm going to go.

Love yaaaa!!

Hope everyone had a GREAT Thanksgiving!

��

I love Alyssa
Always & Forever

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 18 November :: 8.44pm
:: Music: How to Save a life- The Fray

Life of course...
Havent update in a while. I hate regretting things. I can honestly say i have never regretted anything in my point in life, until now that i've just discovered one. The Unforunate. The Unexpected in one's life. The description of upsetting nights ive had in two months cant compare to my whole lifetime. To when i got my first heartbreak, to my choice of coming out, to losing my friends, to being afraid of the future. (Which i still am). This cant compare to FINALLY getting the one i love, than having to leave her behind for my studies to persue a life for which we can both live in happiness without any concerns of an argumenative realionship. So our love would'nt end up with Cheating, lying nor Hatred of one another. But it seems my task of attempting a long distance relationship will end up with never finding out how what the future holds for us. My temper, my argumenative conversations, my act of jealousy can really hurt a person, annoy a person... unfortuantely it can mistakingly be towards the one i love. i do not intend for any if these actions i have an act of doing. I know it's my responsiblity to control it, to overcome it. BUt ive been dealing wtih this from the first time ive ever fallen in love. And unfortunately it ended in tradegy of cheating, lying, hating one another and an ending of a great friednship. It took almost 2 years to become friends again. i wish for this not to happen with my new love. I do try, it may not seem like it, but i cant help it. My act of failure has left me in tears, in my barely breathing weeping. An also comes to an conclusion every so often for you to be with someone who would treat you better than i. i should'nt blame this long distance for my act of jealousy, act of anger, sadness. Cause it was still there when i lived in Florida. It seems as if my attempt to try this realtionship further only deepens my brokenheart. But im willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish this difficult task. For i love this girl, i love everything about her, I KNOW my life ends with her. And trying to do wheatever to get ALL her hopes, ALL her dreams. i only wish i could treat her better, the way she's suppose to be treated. I dont wanna lose her, she's my everything. To see her, to hold her, hug her, kiss her, my wanting of her here can't happen. My views of her are only on occassions, sadly months at a time. I only wish i could turn back time, to not have made this regretful mistake. I can honestly say i have never regretted anything in my point in life, until now that i've just discovered one...

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imaqinary

:: 2006 18 November :: 8.10pm
:: Mood: discontent

I should be having a great day!

I should be having a fantastic day... with getting a Superior at Solo & Ensembles and all. We would've went to States, but FVA isn't having States this year for some odd reason.
I was so nervous today. I messed up on our first song very obviously because of my nerves and I thought it all went downhill from there but apparently not. Our dynamics were really good. =] I was really proud of Lyndsay though. She started learning that music on tuesday and got it. It was so awesome! hehe..
I feel like I don't do anything right. Alyssa was mad at me again... still is actually. I don't know what to do. I really wish I can prevent her from being mad at me. Anjane slept over my house last night so it would be easier for me to take her to Solo & Ensembles today. She got mad. I was out all day at Solo & Ensembles and couldn't talk. She was mad. I'm sorry. What hurt me the most though was that she knew how many times I had cried about going today and how much I cared about this day, and when I told her we got superior, she didn't even care. Well, I guess it doesn't matter much.
Then Aly & Anjane got into a big fight about gift wrapping at Barnes & Noble this year. Aly didn't call them and sign us up and Anjane was really mad.. oh well, it's sort of done & over with now. I guess I'm going to go. Alyssa's not going to talk to me for the rest of the night so I'm extremely bored. I might go to sleep.

♥

I love Alyssa

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imaqinary

:: 2006 17 November :: 6.11am
:: Mood: anxious

Life..
I've realized that life really does have ups and downs. There are moments when I'm the happiest I've ever been, to moments where I contemplate death. It's really early in the morning and I'm getting ready for school. Right now, of course, is not one of my happiest moments. Not only because I'm going to school, but I'm not feeling good and Solo & Ensembles are tomorrow.
Tomorrow I might be happy in the morning or completely stressed out or just nervous. I'm not sure yet. Last year when I was doing a solo, before I actually performed, I was freaking out. I was so nervous I was scared I couldn't sing. I went in and seriously sang those songs the best I had ever sang them. Right when I got home, I had the worst fever I had ever had and I couldn't get out of bed because I was so sick. All the stress had built up inside of me and released by giving me a fever, apparently. Ms. Romero, Anjane, Leslie, & Tomlin had called me with the results though and told me I was the only soloist that got a superior... that made up for it all. lol
Anyway, this year (I don't think) will be as good as last year... I might go to school late... I'll write later.

♥

I love Alyssa

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 29 October :: 10.45am
:: Music: "we both reached for the gun"-Chicago

Life..
Nothing's really been going on. Its the same things. The only things that are important are my concerts and my girlfriend.
Chorus is pretty good, we had our first concert on tuesday. it was awesome! i hard the other choirs and they were really good. I dont think we sounded that good. we were ok. there's a couple of things we have to fix. Our dynamics are the only thing that's pretty good. i guess you can say. Chorus would be alot more better if i actually talked to people. But i dont. They dont really know how to carry a conversation. Or maybe they just dont wanna talk to me. But w/e. Im gangster..im cool. i guess not. oh well, all i need is my florida peeps and im str-8! they're better anyways! hehehehe.
my girlfriend and I are doing pretty good. i love her! i loev hearing her voice on the phone telling me she loves me and wants to be with me forever...aaaawwww! i love her. i wanna be with her forever too! i still need 2 months to see her. it seems so long away, but i would wait forever to see her. I hope we can continue with the less arguments and more kissy-kissy! hehehe :D well, not literally but yea, i think you know what i mean journal. I dont know if i told you but on Oct. 20, 2006 it made 4 months! yay! Im trying to beat my longest relationship...which i think was 5 months and a week...not too sure..And also im trying to beat her lngest realtionship too. i think it was a year and 2 months..i dont know. but yea. i love Gina!
Also, ive been talking to Tiffany for a while. I'm glad! ihated how we just stopped talking and stopped being friends all in all. We're slowly trying to get a friendship back. im glad we can talk like friends...None of the jealousy, or flirtation..just friends. it's awesome! :)
Life, is slowly getting into place...

I love gina..

Alyssa
Loves
GinA

Forever and Ever...

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imaqinary

:: 2006 28 October :: 4.44pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Alyssa's voice

bllahhh!
Ah... life... I don't really see what the point of it is sometimes. Everything I love has just been taken from me... My 1st year of chorus, I began to love chorus.. & Ms. Romero leaves... I actually fall in love with Alyssa & she leaves... I just hate life sometimes.....
We were so close to not being able to go to Solo & Ensembles.... I had to bring the application to John Rose's house last night at like... 11.. it was crazy... John Rose is Coral Reef's director... I feel so special that 2 choral directors were helping us out.. =] Ms. Romero & Mr. Rose are cool people! hehe...
Yeah.. but I wanted to die last night.. I was not happy... I was crying a lot & I felt cutting myself.. but I didn't thankfully... =\

Anyway... I downloaded music from Aladdin.. so yeah I think I'm going to go listen to it... lol

Here are some icons...
Read more..

I love Alyssa

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 22 October :: 4.22pm
:: Music: 'breath, Stretch, Shake

Past few days
It's pretty much the same ol', same ol'. I met a few people. brian's becoming my stalker, its kinda scary but hey atleast i dont walk alone in the hallway. Also, i met Alex he's pretty cool. He's in Chorus..he's a bass. GANGSTER! He's a neat person. He likes me, so does Brian. I hate when people like me, i feel bad to turn them down. But i gotta do what i gotta do. even if it makes me a bad person, or if they dont wanna talk to me anymore.
Friday was pretty cool i guess, i went to my friend Amanda's house, she was having a sleep over. Her freakin house is like a mansion. I got there around 4:30. Then we went to the West VS. Central game. OH YEA!!! we won. 10-28. The game was insane! Surpringly, there were NO fights. Its a game as if South Dade and Homestead were playing . The only thing that sucked about it was the fact it was like 40 degrees out there. Then like the middle of the 3rd quarter it started snowing! Don't get me wrong i love snow, but not when im not able to move. its even colder! oh well, the game, the excitement was all worth it.
Then we left and went to her house. We watched The Blair Witch Project and The Hills Have Eyes..Amanda's house is surrounded by trees and after we watched The Blair Project her dad asked if we wanted to go walk in the woods..all of us were like 'NO, that's ok", "Are you crazy?", "heck No!" ..lol, it was funny. The Blair Witch Project isnt all that scary, but still! it makes you wonder. Then we liked pigged out on candy, chips, soda, the regular stuff you eat at a slumber party. we went to sleep around 3 or 4, dont really remember. Then i left around 12:00.

The i came home and had to put ALL my clothes away, and some otehr crap, cause my aunt brought the rest of our stuff from Florida. then after i finished that crap we went to the mall, i got some applications to get a job. I NEED SOME MONEY!!! lol, yea hopefully i get one. We chilled there for a while, i got some clothes :D YAY! then we came home. My mom and Aunt went tout so Corrina and i had the house to ourselves, it was pretty cool1 i love when parents arent' around. Then we feel asleep around 2:00.
That was pretty much Friday and Saturday

Sunday (today) isnt nothing. i just woke up around 9:00. Ate breakfast with my Mom, my brother, Aunt, and 2 cousins. Then my mom, br0ther and I just talked and stuff and waited for the Dolphin game to start. We're officially 1-6. We lost to the FUCKIN PACKERS! we could've won if we just played better. If we had a better Offense, O-Line, Special team, Recievers, Running back, pretty much EVERYTHING! othere than a defense, they're pretty good. And now im here. Nothing pretty special happened today, or any other day for that matter. I think we might go to this Haunted House thing later in downtown, but i dont know..whatever.
Well, that was my weekend. Update tomorrow or something. Bye, Journal!!

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imaqinary

:: 2006 22 October :: 2.46pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: "Nobody Wins"- The Veronicas

Man... apparently I suck..
I sware I must be one of the worst girlfriends of life.. right? I mean, I wasn't able to talk to Alyssa on friday (although it was our 4th month anniversary! Mind you, I was completely understanding about the whole thing.) because she was at a sleepover and then yesterday I went out (not even all night) and I get the cold shoulder because I somewhat can't talk on the phone. =\

Yesterday was pretty fun. I hung out with Anjane like I usually do on the weekends now. I went over to her house at around 1:30 yesterday and we were going to practice our solo and ensemble songs again. We really only practiced for about 20 minutes out of the entire time we were there though. lol We talked about everything most of the day. She straightened my hair and it actually turned out really good. Although my hair isn't really far from straight.. it's just a little wavy, but it looked a lot different. She did all of my makeup too.. It was fun. We called Aly but she had plans already so she couldn't hang out. We decided we wanted to go to Barnes & Noble and we had called Kristin to meet us there but she couldn't go. We had also asked Ryan but he was acting dumb and said he was going to the movies, so it was just Anjane & I. My dad actually gave me money so I was pretty excited. lol
So, we went to Barnes & Noble and we were just looking around. Anjane suggested we go across the street to Old Navy and the GAP so I was like, sure! We looked around there and I was going to buy a pair of flip-flops but decided against it. I really should've bought them, but oh well. I had my heart set on buying a book. =] We were going to go to Claire's which was around there but they were closing as soon as we got over there, so we couldn't. After that, we decided we wanted something to eat (& strangely I was craving hot chocolate) so we went to this 24/7 diner. It was around 9 p.m by this time. So yeah, we had food and talked and then got out of there. Then, we went back to Barnes & Noble because I wanted to buy a book extremely bad. lol
I had no clue what book I wanted to buy throughout this whole time in Barnes & Noble and Anjane was trying to figure out what I'd like to read. We started talking about A Series Of Unfortunate Events and I had told her I wanted to read it. We found out last night that they had finally come out with The End. It was the last book of the series and it had apparently just come out last week. Anjane was freaking out. All she kept saying was, "They made an end? Oh my gosh! They actually finished it!?" lol it was really funny. I had already seen the movie, which is based on the first 3 books and she had told me that the 4th book was extremely boring and she didn't like it. So, she told me that I should start with the 5th book since I basically know the beginning and everything. So I bought it. I actually already finished it and I bought it at like 10 something last night. I was reading it from 10 something in the morning today and finished it around 1:30 or something. lol yeah, I'm a loser.
Anyway, I've called Alyssa like 3 times today and she didn't answer any of the times, so I'm guessing either she's not home or she just doesn't want to call me back because she's mad. I think it's really pointless to be mad about something like that, but I can't change it. We really shouldn't be fighting now. Especially since we're so far away from eachother. It's bad enough that all we have is the internet and phones now. =[
Yeah, I feel like I've done a lot today. I finished a book, I cleaned my room, I'm doing all of my laundry (Not that I don't do it already!)..

Well, I have to do some other stuff... I'll write later.

.I love Alyssa.
With all of my heart & soul.

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imaqinary

:: 2006 18 October :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: "The Piano Duet"- The Corpse Bride

Did I do something wrong?
It seriously feels like everytime I update this journal I'm insanely depressed. Oh well. Today started out pretty good.. I mean, I wasn't stressed out completely like I am now.. well, I'll explain.

Morning: I went to school for about 20 minutes? lol I picked Anjane & Kristin up and we went to my house. We were trying to practice this song called "Rosin Eating Zombies From Outer Space". Kristin wrote me notes and lyrics to it, while she and Anjane play seperate violin parts. It's crazy! I have to sing 2 D's above middle C (I know everyone reading this is probably like, what the hell is that?)!!! If you don't know, that is EXTREMELY high!! & even that is an understatement. It was hard because I hadn't really practiced the night before.. so yeah. Well, Kaila called Kristin at around 10 and we decided to go to Denny's. We had fun. We shared stories. Well, they did while I listened. lol. When we got done there it was about 11 something and we all had decided to go to school. Blah!

School: We got to school at around 11:30. No one was around the auditorium or music department so we got away with not getting late passes. Well, Kaila and Kristin had already decided to get passes but Anjane & I stayed in the chorus room. The other girls met up with us in the chorus room about 20 min. later. Mr. Navarro, surprisingly, was ok with us staying in there. I was shocked. lol. We're all doing the "Zombie" song (Kaila plays Cello) for our English class because in the lyrics, Kristin put in our vocab. words. We would've practiced but I hadn't brought my music, so they just played basically the whole time while I listened. At the very end Anjane & I sang. I was supposed to go during what was supposed to be my 2nd per. to get Ms. Perez to sign my Office Aide paper, but I didn't. So great, I might be getting a F3F in my teacher's aide block because today was the last day to turn in our papers. =[

After school: I was freaking out about the teacher's aide paper so I went to Ms. Perez's class and tried to get her to sign it. She wasn't there. Typical. So, I went to the Drama club meeting. I was freaking out there and almost crying & Brienna was trying to calm me down. Bryan attempted too.. he's funny! He does a really good gay impression! lol. I stayed there till about 3. I got the script for the play we're doing and I have to memorize my lines by Nov. 5. I only have 16 lines... so I should be ok. We actually acted some of it out. It was pretty cool! Then, when I was leaving, Bryan was like "Hold on. I need to talk to you about the play." (He's the director) We walked outside and I thought he was going to say I did bad or something but on the contrary he was like "Man, I didn't know you could act! You did really good!" lol It was funny. I was like, "Well, thank you!". Oh, and there was a guy (he was in Drama) outside who was talking to his mom on the phone and he was like "Bryan, Stop flirting!" & Bryan was like "I'm not." & the guy kept insisting he was and I just screamed to him, "I have a girlfriend!" & the guy was like, "WHAT!?" lol. People have the funniest reactions whenever I say that statement. It's kind of ironic that 4 words can effect someone so much. Yeah, then I was almost running to my truck because I had to pick up my cousin. On my way there, I called my dad because he had called me during my meeting. I asked him if we were going to look at that truck that I might buy and he said yeah. Then he started telling me that I should have a job because he's not going to pay for the truck and all this stuff. I was already stressing out about the paper I hadn't turned in and stuff and I was almost crying. It's all ok right now and I'm praying I can turn it in early tomorrow morning... oh well... yeah anyway... I was crying before I picked up my cousin and after. I cried more at home. It's killing me not being with Alyssa. I could handle so much when she was here but now it seems like it's piling on and I can't stop it. It's horrible. well, I have to go... I'll write later.

I love Alyssa

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imaqinary

:: 2006 15 October :: 6.38pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Dolphins game on t.v

High Hopes... Too high?
Are my hopes too high in life?
I would really like to know the answer to that question... I mean.. The least of my hopes is wanting the Dolphins to win. I want to go to Juilliard, the best performing arts school in the U.S. I'm hoping we move really soon. I'm hoping that Alyssa and I are together forever.
Is it all too much to be hoping for?
My dreams are really big... are they too big?
I'm dreaming to be a Broadway singer. I dream of Alyssa and I getting through all of this.
Broadway? Is it too much to dream for? Too high? 1500 miles... is that too much distance for a relationship? I have my days where I think nothing is too big or too high for me, but then, like always, there are the negative days. The days where I don't believe I sing good enough, don't believe I'm a good enough girlfriend. I don't know anymore. I try so hard at everything I do, but maybe it's not hard enough.
I want to be the perfect daughter, the perfect teenager in general. I want to be the perfect singer, the perfect actress, the perfect dancer. But most importantly, I want to be the perfect friend and girlfriend.
Alyssa means everything to me. I want to be everything she wants, but I can't. It's really hard. I hang out with Anjane & Aly to take my mind off of being sad but I end up sad anyway because Alyssa gets mad at me. I try though. Really, I try. Of course I'm going to make mistakes, although I hate the fact that I do. I really wish I was perfect. Then I wouldn't get into fights with anyone, I wouldn't be criticized. Everyone would like me and no one would be mean to me. It would be amazing. I could do no wrong. Then, & only then, I could be everything and then some that Alyssa wants.
But, I can't. I can't be as perfect as I dream to be. I'm sorry for that. I can't look as perfect as I want. I can't act as perfect, sing as perfect. I can't always say the right thing. I'm sorry.

Enough with my philosophical rant though. Two months until I can see her beautiful face in person again. I miss it so much. Being able to hold her and kiss her, whenever I wanted almost. It seems like she's been mad at me a lot. I don't really know what I do, but I guess that's where the "not being perfect" thing comes into play. There are going to be plenty of things I do wrong. I'm sorry in advance. I wish I was perfect but I can only change myself so much, & even then I still wouldn't be perfect.

I love you so much baby & I want to be with you forever. Really.

♥

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 14 October :: 9.04pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: 'Come Undone"- Duran Duran

Another day gone by...
CAUTION: I suggest no one read this if you are easily bored, if you have a life, or if you dont love me. Only read if EXTREMELY bored...

Today was a normal day, i guess. I woke up like around 11 and Corrina and I watched a movie..we watched meet The fockers. That movie is so funny. Then we watched some haunted houses on Travel Channel thing. When your at home watching movies, its usually classified as Boredom. What teenagers mostly go through. or just what I go through. My mom and brother went to the stores and came back and asked if we wanted to go the movies. Of course we're gonna wanna join because what else were we gonna do? NOTHING! there's nothing to do when you dont have friends or dont have a g/f or b/f. So we watched the movie Grudge 2. We got to the mall a little early so we ate there. I ate Chinese Food! yyuumm! and i saw my friend Brian, he's cool. I actully saw a few people i met at school, at the mall. Brian hungout with us for a while. He even saw the Grudge with us. The movies' pretty good. Alot scarier than part 1. After the movie we walked around the mall i went to Aeropostle and bought a few sweaters...then i called my love, but she was busy. She seems busy for me alot. She says that shes not, but i know when it is or isnt. Oh well, i guess im happy she's doing things and she wont be preoccupied thinking or missing me. There's days when i think we are doing perfectly fine, and nothing's gonna go wrong. But then there's times like today when she's doing other things and cant talk to me...she's BUSY. oh well, i guess only if i was there she would pay more attention to me. but im not, so im pretty much nothing. W/e i dont care. Anyways, after Aeropostle we went to Spencer's :wink, wink: i was looking at this postions book...pretty interesting. lol. YAY! my mommy bought me a hacky sack! i lost my other one :( oh well i gots a new one! hehehe. After Spencer's we left. Then we went to Meijer's, gosh i love that store! so better than Wal-Mart. I bought some Candy Apples!! yay! ima get fat. oh well, if you dont love me fat, then you never loved me at all. :sniff, sniff:...:pause: FUCK YOU! yea, then we just came home...now im writing in you Journal and on myspace. Well, that all about my day. Nothing special of course.. i guess im gonna fnish writing and just be bored, doing nothing...continue having no life. I hate feeling Lonely...and dont tell me im not cause i am.

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 13 October :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: better than yesterday
:: Music: "Say it like you mean it"

The Perfect Mistake
i had everything...friends, family and the best g/f anyone can ask for. But i left all of it..i had a choice and that was to have a better education. That was the only thing i didnt have there. I would say that education is a necessity if your with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, or if you wanna family, or if you just wanna live by yourself and shut the whole world and do your own thing.
I want one to support the love of my life, and maybe one day start a family. i gave up everything, everything i built up and then i had to leave it, i had to move on...not wanting to. i left something that wasnt finished and im never gonna be able to finish it. i couldnt do it, i wasnt gonna make it. Im scared of failure, im scared of living life without a future. i dont want that, i really dont . i wish i wouldve tried harder, i wish i can do it all over. i didnt wanna leave them, especially didnt wanna leave her.
What have i done? i had everything except one stupid thing. But i had to have it! wait...its not stupid what am i talking about.....i want my family back, i want my friends back. i wanna be with my girlfriend. Im no longer able to see her everyday, kiss her everyday, hold her hand everyday.
Unfortunately, its too late i made my choice, i got what i wanted, what i got on bended knee for. And my choice just slapped me in the face. i cant say i wanna go back, i cant even go back even if i wanted to. The choice i made was to have no friends, to sit by myself at lunch, stay home on the weekends...The only good thing that came out of it was chorus, snow and being able to only concentrate on my school work.
I hate it! i want my old life back. i dont wanna be alone anymore, i dont wanna be away from Gina anymore, i dont wanna cry without a shoulder for me anymore. i wanna stop feeling stupid for the decision i made. i hate myself for not trying. I HATE MYSELF!
i wanna be with Gina. i wanna be able to kiss her whenever i want to, touch her, hug her whenever i want to, look at her, EVERYTHING. Baby, i miss you, i love you so much. Im sorry, im SO sorry. i wanna take this all back. I wanna go home, i dont wanna be here anymore. If i could just get one more chance, i promise to do everything i have to do, i wont skip anymore, Ill do my homework, Ill study more, ill cherish eveyday there. Please, just give me one more chance, i promise....please.....

Im Dying Here.....

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imaqinary

:: 2006 9 October :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: "Let Go"- Frou Frou

Today
Journal,
Ehh.. my day was pretty good compared to the last few. I wasn't crying really bad. My eyes were very watery and tears ran down my face but there was none of that heaving crying. What a surprise!

1st per.:
Finished my work, like always. Mr. Rodriguez checked our notebooks and I got a B. =] Anjane was supposed to pull my out but for reasons unknown to me, she couldn't. Doesn't really matter though. I don't necessarily hate that class anymore. It's just boring.

3rd per.:
Fun as always. I love Ms. Perez's class. We took a really important test today on The Great Gatsby. I got an A!!! When about half of the class was still taking the test and there was a selected few who were done, she was like, "Gina, you really understood the book." lol I didn't know if she was serious so I was like, "Are you being sarcastic?" & she was like, "No, you did really good." I was like, "YES! :arm pump:"

5th per.:
Chorus was actually fun today. All of us sopranos were in the keyboard lab. We were supposed to be practicing this really stupid medley of Christmas songs. It has stuff like "Jingle Bells" and "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen". It's so retarded. The only part I like in it is when we sing "Silent Night" and I sing a high A! Ah, I love it! So yeah, we didn't want to practice that. We started singing Hanerot Halalu and finished the entire song in like, 30 minutes! It was amazing. It's a really cool song!! It's in Hebrew and you know you gotta love those Jewish songs!! =] We got into somewhat trouble for doing that song though because Mr. Navarro didn't know we were doing that one. So we went out to show him and then he told us to go back into the room and practice the real song. So we practiced it and then we were making fun of it and singing "Jingle Bells" really bright like we were 5 year olds. It was a lot of fun! I was sitting on top of the filing cabinets and standing on chairs. lol

well, have to go. I'll write tomorrow.

[i love Alyssa]

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 8 October :: 7.06pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: "what's left of me" -Nick Lachey

Is today a subject?
Guess so. Today i just woke up took a shower and than went to Breakfast! man, believe it or not they have some GOOD mexican food! Before that got into an argument with my mom and brother as usual. My brother is becoming really badi odnt know how to control him...i just hope this angerness goes away. Well, than we went to the store bought some food and just tried to pass the time by so we can watch the Dolphin Game. DAmn do we freakin suck! we're now 0-5...thats some motha fuckin bullshit. I never thought i'd see the Dolphins like this. im ashamed to say im a DolFan...but oh well. i love them Winners or Losers. they just need to play freakin better. Harrington played, hes pretty good! oh well, now i can just hope they lose more and more games so we can get better drafts next season... After the game we went to the stores bought some food for our Fat asses and goit my eyebrows done. Damn that bitch did it hard! And the cool thing about today was that it was warm, lately its been cold as a motha fucker! sad thing about tomorrow is the high's are gonna be in the 50's ....AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! i just hope i can cope with this shit soon. Man, everyday i think about my lilo Woobie, i miss her sooo much! i just wish the days can go by faster so we can live together already, and start our beautiful lives together. AAHHH! i cant wait! thani came home and just watched t.v and came online. than i talked to the love of my life and still am...Well, nothing really special happen only when i talked to my love....I guess ima go, nothing left to write. Ttyl Journal! till tomorrow

I love Gina...Forever and Ever

*6-20-06* - Forever

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 7 October :: 7.33pm
:: Mood: jealous
:: Music: "say goodbye" - Chris Brown

Mind Thoughts
There's been a day or 2 when i feel really happy and anxious for school to start and how much my life is gonna change in so many better ways. But then there's the days when im so Depressed and feel so lonely cause i dont wanna go to a different school, having to find new friends ALL OVER AGAIN! I dont even want to. My friends were PERFECT, my school..uhh...somewhat but bedsides the point i was happy there.
I guess to have something Great, Unbelieveable, Undescribable, Incredible, Amazing, Life Changing, Life threatening, thing happen to you is unfortunately give up something special, something you love or someone.
I had to leave my Beautiful, talented, amazing, Smart, and BEst Friend behind. Man, i cant believe it. Shes EVERYTHING i mean EVERYTHING to me. I love her so much. i dont wanna regret moving here cause im doing this for her, for me...to benefit us in the later future. Alot of people dont believe we can do it. BUt they dont understand how much we love each other. I never loved someone this much. I mean before, i always cheated in a relationship, regardless if i loved them or something, but for her, i mean..i could NEVER EVER think of doing that to her. Im so honest with her also, and ive never been truly honest in a realtionship...but we share some special bond that i cant explain where i wish i could so i can tell the whole world! and they can envy us :) Wodrs cant explain how much i love and adore her...i get butterflies when she calls me those cute names, look at me in a some kind way, touch me...GOSH! i love her. i get so happy when i think of her, say her name....
Me being here makes me sad that i cant see her...but i know if i close my eyes picture her by me i can almost feel her here...in an odd way..yes but i do! i guess thats why i dont cry as much as i should, i dont know...she knows i love her and so does everyone else...
We can make this work, i know we can! I love her and she loves me...We're gonna be together forever and live happily ever after! fuck people who say there is no happy ending or fairy tale ending w/e i know we're gonna have that! i really truly know. i have faith..
well, i have to go but ill probably write more or just type tomorrow...

See ya later journal..

I love you Gina..
Always and Forever Baby..

*6-20-06* - *Forever*

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imaqinary

:: 2006 7 October :: 1.10am
:: Mood: Better than earlier..
:: Music: "Snap Ya Fingers"- Lil Jon

Icons..
I found some more icons that I really liked... so here they are..... they made me feel a little better.. maybe they'll work that way on you too!
Read more..

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imaqinary

:: 2006 6 October :: 4.14pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: "Get Up"- Ciara

My feelings..
Journal,

Crying is the only thing that's constant nowadays... I feel like I'm going to be seen as either really pathetic or like I'm looking for attention or something by the way I'm always crying... But honestly, I don't mean to be. It's like I feel so empty. It literally feels like my insides have been cut out. The only thing I've noticed that's better is I'm talking to people less just to get my work done in school. I don't do anything when I get home from school. I don't hang out with anyone except for lunch and things like that.
I'm so stressed out. Like always, I'm freaking out about colleges. I want to leave Homestead already. I want to see frikkin Alyssa & it's only been 2 days. I haven't really been eating... maybe I should be. I don't know.. I've just been really upset lately. =[ I think tonight I might be going to the movies w/ my dad or to the bowling alley w/ a few friends. I need to get out or something. If I stay at home I'm going to cry myself to sleep again. Maybe I'll work on my Rubik's Cube a little more.
Well, I'm going to go.. I think I'm going to look for more icons.

I love you baby. More than anything. & I promise that I'm always going to love you. I can't wait till I can see you in December. I'm going to get you a good present! You'll see!! =] We can do it my love. Don't listen to anyone and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Until the day I d i e]
[I'll spill my ♥ for y o u]

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chorusnerd620

:: 2006 6 October :: 2.55pm
:: Music: She will BE loved"- Maroone 5

Your a Journal..
Are you gonna judge me? Are you gonna resond to my thoughts in a message or some sort of action? If i tell you a secret will you promise to keep it? Can i just tell you why im sad, why i hate the world? Why i keep crying, why im so happy, why i feel like the luckiest person in the world? will you promise to be there whenever i need to write? Not only are you a journal, but where i can express my feelings, where i can feel clamer about however i feel. Please be here when i need you the most.....cause i know im gonna have the best times i can ever imagine and remember them by reading what i posted a few months ago, and unfortunately, have the worst times and not wanting to remember them but type it in you so i can get my emotions all out. i know this is weird talking to something that has no feelings whatsoever....well, on the other hand...it does have feelings.....MY feelings...thanks for being here...Also thank you Gina...for being able to have this..i love you...always and forever baby..

i guess ill write more later...

I love Gina
*6/20/06* - Forever :D

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