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2006 6 June :: 10.19am
God I dont' know what to do anymore.
I seriuosly can't handle living two hours away from Roman anymore. I can't handle not having the best friend I used to and her acting like it doesn't even fucking matter. I can't handle having this stupid open house that I haven't even prepared for AT ALL and I can't fucking handle Rosie's anymore because here's how my schedule goes...
I get my schedule 2 weeks ahead of tiem from Menards, then I take my schedule into Rosie's and the days I don't work at Menards I tell Rosie's that those are the days I can work and so unless Rosie's doesn't schedule me on the one or two days I can work for that week, then I work at Rosies. Which leaves me with like no time off at all unless I ask it off and a full plate and feeling tired and like nothing is getting done. Yeah it's good money but I am feeling so drained. I feel like I never want to go out and do anything because then I'll be too tired the next day at WORK.
Also, roman and i have tried to pick out a day that we both get off so we can see each other. It was tuesday but then when menards doesn't schedule me on tuesday, i've been asking to work at rosie's so guess what, I have been working on tuesday leaving no day for us. and yes, we need an entire day because goign to see each other requires four hours of driving. and when we see each other once every other week or so then we need to take advantage of the small amount of time we have so shut up!
and rosie's always makes me feel like they don't want me there anymoer because i can only work a few hours. I am really close to quitting because it's so pointless. they just make me feel like crap and keep hiring people so i feel like they are slowly pushing me out. ....ugh whatever i'm not going to get into it. the farm will be starting soon so i'll have that job again too. i guess i'm just prety sure i'm goign to quit rosies.
So far this summer and even before summer started there hasn't been a day at rosies that i've worked and havent felt like shit ... i'm not gonna get into it but it's completely true. and yeah, i can't really take that anymore.
bye.
oh but wait. i get to work at rosie's tonight at 3. yesterday omg, i worked at menards from 12:30 to 10:30 because the stupid hardware department made us help them with stock when every single night the cashiers have to stay the latest anyway doing returns and they get to leave!!! next time i'll be like hey bitches we helpecd you, you help us. but no, they'll just leave early like always. big suprise.
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swimfan14
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2006 5 June :: 12.11am
Weekend
Friday I went to Luke's house and then I went to Veronica's open house and then I went back to Luke's.
Saturday I went to Elyse's house and then we went to Annalise's and Stacy's open houses. This old guy at Stacy's was trying to hook up with my mom, until I told him she was married. Hmm. Later on we went to the Kenny Chesney/Dierks Bentley/Carrie Underwood concert. It was pretty awesome. It's always fun being surrounded by drunk people who are either stripping or hitting on you. There were limo's parked outside so Elyse and I went into one that was unlocked, but it turns out there was someone in there. I have no idea who it was.
Today I went out to breakfast with my sisters and then I went to Luke's for a while, went to the mall with Elyse, bought a pretty sweet Dior bracelet and got my new iPod since my old one had something wrong with the battery, and then I went back to Luke's and hung out with him and Ryan.
I'm pretty stoaked that it's Summer. Who wouldn't be?
Ashley<3
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2006 4 June :: 8.09pm
oh and ps i'm totally done trying.
i am afraid
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2006 4 June :: 8.05pm
wow. are you fucking kidding me?
i am afraid
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2006 4 June :: 9.30am
Oh and in other news about myself instead....
the senior all night party was a lot of fun and when i got back from it , i met roman and he drove us to the apartment but we were early so just to simply kill time, we stopped at a garage sale that was on the same road as the apartment. we were about to get going, with me just buying a Pictionary game, lol, when roman spotted a sign that said more in back, Bedroom suite blah blah blah and so we asked about it and she had two different ones for sale. Long story short, we ended up buying a mattress/box spring/everything you need that's less than a year old, a headboard, a tall dresser, a night stand, and a huge vanity with a mirror and shelves on the side and a light over it It's SO NICE. ... for only $200!!!!! That honestly is such a good deal. we thought we'd be spending 200 for like only a mattress.
but this lady just wanted to get rid of everything because she had a son die or something so its sad but we got a great deal. yesterday my dad and brandon and i went to pick it all up and she sold me this whole dish drying rack thing filled with kitchen utensils like spoons and stirrirs and tongs and a nutcracker and spatulas for a dollar. AHH it was crazy!
so now we have everything we need for the bedroom except some sheets but some lady from romans work is giving him these brand new sheets she never used because she didn't end up buying a queen size for them. so yay
i'm so excited now we only need a table and a futon and we'll be good to go.
hooray
today is stef's shower so off to detroit i go...
i am afraid
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2006 4 June :: 9.29am
it's SO fucking stupid. be real. stop being so fucking FAKE!
i am afraid
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brokenmentality
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2006 2 June :: 4.31pm
i was just reading some of my old entries. i should have seen this coming, and yet how naive i was to still be so happy.
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wraith6699
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2006 2 June :: 3.33pm
:: Mood: sad
Becky and I broke up today. i was standing in the rain.
it's the best for both of us, but it hurts. a lot.
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i am afraid
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wraith6699
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2006 1 June :: 5.54am
woke up at 2 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. probably because i'm anxious about today. oh well, it's comforting to know that video games will always be there for me, even at ungodly hours like this.
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2006 31 May :: 9.35am
okay i am so excited.
my apartment is SET. number 212. That's gotta be lucky because 2 is my lucky number. it even faces the pond which is exactly what i wanted because that pond is so super cute. on the second floor like i wished and requested. i am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and the only bad thing is her office is closed tomorrow so we can't come see it and roman still hasn't even got to view it so now we have to wait longer... well at least it will give us more time to decide on what colors we want them to paint it because i still haven't been able to decide.
if anyone has suggestions on what color we should paint a kitchen with no window, a livingroom with a big sliding door window/patio, a small bathroom, and a bedroom
...let me know please
me and roman are moving in!!! like i said, my trunk is just filling up with odds and ends we need. tomorrow, we are going shopping and browsing for more things we need. stef and paul have been so nice giving us a ton of stuff we'll need. and gave us a GREAT deal on a tv and tv stand. we already had one but it wasn't too great and now we'll have two if want want one in the bedroom.
i'll be starting college 2 weeks after we move at davenport. roman and i have both put in our transfer requests and should be able to smoothly transfer to the clyde park location. i am so excited.
ahh this is so great
Yay i'm so happy. the rest of the deposit is due sometime this week and i am so excited!!!
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Tails
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2006 31 May :: 3.09am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: The Dresden Dolls - First Orgasm
Little bits And pieces of clouds.
Its been raining all day. on and off. then steady. now its raining.
I fucking love the rain it allows you to stop and think.
i went to the park alone and sat (not morely) a cop came up behind me and asked what i was doing out here.
Me: "trying to clear my head"
Cop: "troubling isnt it?"
Me: "yes it really is, especially when you cant decided on whats worth leaving and whats worthing taking"
Cop: "maybe i should just take your I.D. run it and let you sit"
Me: "that would be nice"
Cop: "ill be back"
(She runs my I.D. and all is well)
Me:"Thank you officer, Have a good night"
Cop: " you too matt, and remember something for me."
Me: "yes?"
Cop: "Whats left to lose?"
I stood stunned and in complete and utter awe at what just happen.
As she walked back to her car and took off all i could to what sit there and stare into the fucking trees as the rain picked up and fell warmer.
It was like i had been trapped in a fucked up movie.
it was perfect. It was honestly the answer i was looking for for so long.
But who was she? Why did she tell me that?
Why would she say that?
Why wouldnt she just be like get on out of here or something else rude and cop like?
Why did she tell me that profound truth?
Maybe she was sent to me from something or somewhere.
either way it was interesting and felt great to sit in the rain and think alone and clear my head of thoughts with a little assitance
BTW Becky, Run with the passing of the torch my dear. Run fast and dont stop.
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spud
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2006 31 May :: 12.49am
:: Music: my fan / the thunder
lightning in the southern sky
this weekend was too incredible to describe with words. so i won't bother. we went canoing, swimming, movie-ing, chilling, playing cards, driving, everything.
it was great. and i still can't belive the trip home. all the way from elk rapids to big rapids. my ears were ringing. jeez.
moving on,
it has been a very long time since i have had my hair in a ponytail. but after today at work, i think it is a necessity, given that my hair kept swinging down and dripping sweat all over my glasses and safety goggles.
that's all i have to say for now. i can't feel my fingers, and that makes typing difficult.
but it's been like a week, and i feel entitled. or something.
i wonder what time i'll get up tomorrow. i'm not going to set an alarm, i know that much.
i am afraid
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2006 31 May :: 12.27am
So this is how it rolls: List ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'.
1. You hurt me.
2. It's all a joke.
3. I really like you. Honestly, I love you. I'm sorry I lie to you and I want to be what we should be.
4. I don't think I'll ever forgive you and I don't think you are as great as you seem to think you are.
5. One day you'll realize that being so 'good' isn't good.
6. Stick in there. Deep down I know you and I are a lot alike. And I believe that you'll be really successful when you grow up so don't worry.
7.I never tried. And also I cheated a lot.
8. I'm not as great as you think I am.
9. I don't deserve it.
10. I wasn't lieing when I said I didn't like myself.
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2006 30 May :: 10.20am
nevermind, i guess.
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i am afraid
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2006 30 May :: 12.10am
i hate myself.
i am afraid
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