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brandnew26
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2009 16 August :: 8.46pm
It has been a while eh?
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2008 28 January :: 11.49pm
:: Music: Relient K - Getting Into You
Its kind of like when the Soviet Union collasped, people weren't really willing to talk about wounds that were still fresh, and when they were ready to talk and needed to, no one wanted to listen.
Its kind of that way with me, people want to know, but not really care, just know.
I've been through enough, its tiring, and it wears me down. I'm getting tired. I never thought at the age of 20 you could be so tired. You put your body through enough and it catches up to you. Your mind goes through enough and you can't forget. I stopped drinking and started thinking. So I've taken away what crutches I had in life under my control and I'm standing on what is left of my legs. I'm going to stumble, I'm going to fall, I'm going to make the biggest, most god-awful fucking mess of things, but I'm going to walk again.
When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
"Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"
When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
"Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2008 21 January :: 11.06pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: Billy Joel - Vienna
I'm actually sore from running, but it kinda feels good. I'm mostly sore from the push ups I did. Two sets of 40, kinda hurts.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2008 20 January :: 1.42pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: Relient K - Be My Escape (Acoustic)
Figured I needed to update this. I'm now in my second semester at Oakland. I kinda like it here, so I'll finish out here. I'm pretty used to not knowing anyone, ha, I see new people everyday. But I do see Pat more often that not, so it makes life easier to see someone I've known for 6+ years.
I started running again. I'm not sore today from yesterday's 25 minute run in the cold, just a little bit of tightness in my right shin. I'm still debating going out for a quick one today, but its supposed to be like -20 out with the windchill, so I may just wait til Monday.
I've pretty much going through my entire routine twice a day now, more depending on if I run that day.
If I run I only do the routine at night. If I don't run, I do it in the morning and then again at night.
Its mostly several sets of crunches, sit-ups, push ups, up downs, and other various stuff. I do about 150 crunches, then 25 push ups, straight to about 90 seconds of up downs and then other random things over again without break, its tiring, but I think it'll pay off. For strength work every couple days I either chop wood in the cold or go into the basement and pick up and move around the boxes of tile or bags of grout. That's how I got into shape at work, and its more dynamic than working out in a weightroom.
Also, my Irish is now getting better. Its getting close to pass the little spanish I know. I've been watching Aifric a lot, haha, it sounds weird. I'm 20 and I'm watching a tv show for teens, but its at a level I can somewhat understand.
Here's a couple Irish sayings or toasts I came across that I like:
Here's to women's kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
Not as sweet as a woman's kiss,
but a darn sight more sincere!
"Faol saol agat, gob fliuch, agus bás in Éirinn."
Long life to you, a wet mouth, and death in Ireland.
There are only three kinds of Irish men who can't understand women— young men, old men, and men of middle age.
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brandnew26
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2007 23 October :: 2.08pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Frank Sinatra - Stormy Weather
It's raining.
Awesome.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 20 October :: 12.15am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Frank Sinatra - In The Wee Small Hours Of the Morning
Friday's kinda suck, I usually have nothing to do because all my friends either work or have girlfriends. Friday nights are my night off, and I don't have a girlfriend, so I usually end up watching tv or playing video games. Sometimes it feels a bit depressing. But oh well.
Tomorrow I pretty much have the house to myself, and I have to figure out what I'm going to do with myself with all that time. I'll probably watch football. GO IRISH!!!
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 18 October :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: mewithoutyou - leaf
I'm watching the USF - Rutgers game, I want USF to win because its cool to see a new team win, and I would like to see them in the BCS title game because I think they have a chance to win it all.
Apparently we are going to get some pretty strong storms tonight, but I'm hoping to be asleep by then because I'm getting up at 5:45, otherwise I'm rushing to make it to class on time, and I like beating the rush around here. It takes me around 45 minutes to get to OU from out here in east Macomb, and traffic sucks from the public high school, along with pretty much all the Chippewa Valley school district buses.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 11 October :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Anberlin - Paperthin Hymn
So its finally cold here. Well kinda cold at least, cold to me is below freezing, above that point its a bit chilly. Its sunny for a while, and cloudy a bit later, all in cycles. Its fun.
Its my day to make dinner at home now. My mum came up with the idea of rotating who makes dinner, which has really turned into I make dinner twice a week, my mum pretty much the other three weekdays, weekends are kind of a free for all, my dad usually makes breakfast saturday and sunday, but not of recent because of my brother's tennis tournaments, which leaves me to fend for myself (bad run on sentance). So tonight I think I'm making stew, since its all stewing or whatever it does it the pot while I sit here and type. When I move out I'm fairly sure that my friends will become permanent roommates sorely on the face that I can cook.
I'm actually enjoying some of my classes, because I'm learning some new things. Western Art History sucks because its boring, but I need it for my minor. Intro to Latin America sucks because the prof is a Marxist. In art history I don't really do a whole lot because its boring as hell.
Midterms are coming up, as well as crunchtime for work.
These next few weeks could suck.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 7 October :: 10.11pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Acceptance - Take Cover
I watched a condensed version of the ND - UCLA game, so now I'm in a really good mood, hoping it will carry over this week. I saw a stat at the end of the game, ND hadn't won since playing Army last year, November 18th, 2006. I remember that day pretty well too. I got up and went to breakfast like I usually did on a Saturday, I had a date that evening, so I watched the game for a while in the first half and I remember calling my buddy up and saying that I called ND wearing green jerseys that day prior to them actually doing so. My 1st roommate was moping around the room probably hung over, so I ignored him as I did the shower, shaving and dressing. Borrowed my friends car and picked her up. I had my friend call me with updates, which may have annoyed her, but that was also the night Pat called me to tell me that DLS was going to the state championship game. Yeah, that was a decent day, but I have no idea why I typed that entire day out.
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brandnew26
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2007 7 October :: 11.32am
:: Mood: pleased
:: Music: Journey - Don't Stop Believing
I thought about writing a nice long entry for the hell of it, but I don't really have that kind of motivation. So a quick update of the weekend:
Friday - Hung out with Jeff, Ralph and Mark, ate too much pizza and drove around all fucking night, it was fun.
Saturday - Woke to an empty house, so I kinda lounged around for an hour or two in my boxers, ate breakfast and my dad came back. Drove and watched my brother in his tennis tournament. The padre and I took the long way back home on the back roads for the scenery, even though it doesn't feel at all like fall is weekend, it was nice to look at. Couldn't watch the ND game, which fucking sucked since they won, so I played Halo 3 with my brother for a while and watched part of the LSU - Florida game and my house went fucking nuts when news that USC lost to Stanford came over the wire.
Today - So far I've gone to mass and have had breakfast and I might do some studying in a bit, but other than that is probably going to be watching the Lions game and Halo 3.
I think it'll be a good end to my weekend.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 1 October :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Brand New - Handcuffs
I'm still sick, but I'm getting better, so that's good. Classes are getting to the point where they all get boring, but I'll make due. I thought I was going to type more, but I don't think that's going to happen on this one.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 23 September :: 11.53am
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: Live - Shit Towne
I went to my old high school's homecoming football game yesterday, they switched around where they played it at, and it was a Saturday morning/afternoon, it did not feel like a homecoming game. They beat Catholic Central 21-14 in overtime, which was pretty cool. After that we went over to play football at Pat's. I found out I am so out of shape its not even funny. I can still throw okay, my arm strength isn't so great anymore, but I still have some accuracy, to an extent. I got sunburned too, I swear I'm slowly becoming more irish, my hair is slowly getting more red tint to it, I sunburn more easily, that or I'm turning into a leprechaun. Who knows. Also, I'm slowly learning to play the piano again, which I enjoy a lot more now than I did growing up. If I try play the guitar for more than an hour my fingers want to die. With the piano I only have hand and forearm soreness, which I can live with. Reading music is a whole other thing though, I can still read treble clef to an extent, but since I never learned bass, it is a struggle. I still write the notes and chords next to the notes on the music, which kinda helps me learn.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 18 September :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: aggravated
I really hate my brain these days. It comes up with stupid things for me to think about and miss some things and it really sucks.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 15 September :: 11.17pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Sufjan Stevens - Christmas in July
I am really enjoying the colder weather. It feels so much better than the heat and I like breaking out the cold weather clothing, since I have so much of it. There is actually a frost advisory for tonight, crazy. ND lost again, but I'm sticking by my team no matter what. Classes are going pretty good, a lot of work, but I like the challenge more than I did at Aquinas.
I went to the movies with my brother and his friend tonight, to get my mind off the loss. I felt like dressing up a bit, so I did. So I'm standing out front in the cold air finishing off the end of my cigar, while I'm standing there in a zip up sweater covering my shirt and tie with my dress pants and shoes, and I chuckle to myself because I probably looked like something out of the 50's, not out of 2007. So we saw 3:10 to Yuma, which was pretty good. So we drive home and i decide to have another smoke before I go in, and my mum was making hot toddys, which was pretty damn awesome if you ask me. I probably drink too much, but I don't do it so often, so its okay, and I rarely ever get a buzz at all drinking at home, so that's good. So now I'm sitting here writing and listening to Sinatra and Dino, its a good night. Last night my brother tells me as we're going to get Wendy's at midnight that I'm dumb for not wanting to date, to which I laugh at hime and tell him that he's naive. In some way, I want to date, but then I think my brain kicks in and is like, "you dumbass". I don't know, I don't really care, so that's probably not helpful in that area, but I really don't. My mum is always like "you just haven't found the right girl yet", but I really don't care. To an extent, I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to go out of my way for this shit. This is probably me being tired, but oh well, not a whole lot of people read this anyway.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 13 September :: 12.04am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Relient K - Bite My Tongue
I kind of am getting used to being home.
Its so weird to me though, you think when you leave, everything will be the same when you get back, but its not and its the hardest thing to get used to. All of the relationships with my friends from high school are right where I left them, there is no change in them, which is probably a testament to my friends. That's probably the best part about being home. Its the guys I grew up with in high school. I think I was ready to type more about this, but I'm dead tired and I need some sleep because I need to get some major work done tomorrow for class. On that note, I'm really liking Oakland.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 23 August :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Jude - King Of Yesterday
My back is actually killing me from work this week, I don't know what it is. Oh well, one day left til the weekend and paycheck tomorrow. Then paycheck is going straight toward the new laptop, I'll probably order it next week. My old laptop pretty much lit on fire internally and shot smoke all over the place and burned my leg. Still not really ready to go back to class, I don't really want to, but I don't really want to work all the time either, so its either classes or work, classes are easier, and there are girls in classes, and I'm alone with machines at work, so its not such a hard choice. Except work pays me, and girls are pretty much there just to look at, at least for me, I don't care too much.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 20 August :: 10.06pm
"She started jitterbugging with me-but just very nice and easy, not corny. She was really good. All you had to do was touch her. And when you turned her around, her pretty little butt twitched so nice and all. She knocked me out. I mean it. I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls, Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."
"Look," I said. "Here's my idea. How would you like to get the hell out of here? Here's my idea. I know a guy in Greenwhich Village that we can borrow his car for a couple weeks. He used to go the same school I did and he still owes me ten bucks. What we could do is, tomorrow morning we could drive all the way up to Massachusetts and Vermont, and all around there, see. It's beautiful as hell up there. It really is." I was getting excited as hell, the more I thought about it, and I sort of reached over and told old Sally's goddamn hand. What a goddamn fool I was. "No kidding," I said, "I have about a hundread and eighty bucks in the bank. I can take it out when it opens in the morning, and then we can go down and get this guy's car. No kidding. We'll stay in these cabin camps adn stuff like that till the dough runs out, I could get a job somewhere and we could live somewhere with a brook and all, and later on, we could get married or something. I could chop all our own wood in the wintertime and all. Honest to God, we could have a terrific time! Wuddaya say? C'mon! Wuddaya say? Will you do it with me? Please?"
Jesus Christ, sometimes I swear to God I'm Holden Caulfield, its weird. I think its because I think too damn much, but somethings got to get me through work.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 14 August :: 5.05am
:: Mood: sore
I am beyond tired at this point, I've had three hours of sleep and I have to work 10 hours today. I feel like I did most of the time throughout high school, since I rarely got enough sleep and waking up sore, but like the sore you went to sleep with. Not my favorite feeling in the world.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 10 August :: 3.02am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional - Stolen
I need to just write to get ideas out, so bear with me on this entry.
Had orientation on Tuesday, wasn't so bad. Woke up to rain, so I left early for it, got there pretty quick. Checked in and all the fun stuff, sat down at a table where no one was as is my custom. Orientation leader girl comes over to talk to me and joking with my about how I look like a James, so if I ever see her again I might be known as James. Went to get my ID picture taken, I look fat in that picture, and very pale and very tired. Came back and there was a very attractive girl sitting next to my stuff, so I sit down and think, "God must be making up for high school", considering I went to an all male high school. So I'm feeling dumb because I pretty much get nervous and keep going over in my head what should I say to stimulate conversation. So there's a quick break so she gets up to get something to drink and eat and my dumb ass is trying to think as quickly as possible and out of the corner of my eye I'm actually watching her eat so I can ask her where she transfered from when she doesn't have something in her mouth. I narrowly succeed in this, and after quick small talk, and I mean quick, I can tell she's a junior, a transfer from MCC and a health science major and I was too stupid to ask her her name, or give mine. I swear I'm retarted sometimes.
Don't as me why or how I remember all these details, my memory tends to be near photographic at times and suprises me.
Found out my buddy Sulek also transfered to OU, its nice to know people, but I am 99% sure I will know no one in any of my classes, and there are a shitload of people too, different than high school and my old college.
Working this many hours is catching up to me, I almost feel like I'm getting sick and I feel like an old man when I get for work in the morning. Might be from the masonite sheet incident from Wednesday, or the long hours, who knows.
Hung out with Ray, Sulek, 9 mile and Dewitt tonight, I suck at tennis. Watched the Lions beat the Bengals. Drove home after it rained and it was all foggy, it was cool. I took the long way home to think about some shit, it was nice. I find it weird how the human mind attaches itself onto things. Like the girl from above, I don't know her name, and I only kind of remember what she looks like, but for some reason she pops into my head at the most inopportune times, which was a reason for me getting crushed by masonite, I wasn't paying attention at a critical moment. I think it maybe that I'm actually lonely. As much as I hate to admit that I need something from another human being, I am lonely and I wish I had someone to talk to and spend time with. Its funny, most of my friends have girlfriends who they have been with for a while and I would think to myself, that kind of sucks. But I think I'm the one who might be missing out. I wouldn't go out of my way to find a girl, and she would have to impress the hell out of me for me to want to date someone, because I really have been turned off by the whole dating thing, but that maybe because of stupid shit. People keep telling me its easy with the right person, then how the hell does it seem like people can be with the same person for months or years at a time and I can only last a month and I'm dying to get out of a relationship but yet I'm so ready to swear away 8 years of my life to the US Coast Guard where there is a very distinct possibility of dying slowly, cold and alone somewhere in the vast sea. Yet that doesn't scare me in the least, and I relish the chance to save lives. Do I want to be a hero? No, I'd rather be the guy who was just doing his job, because the look and thanks from the people you save is enough for me, the fanfare and glory isn't needed as it is a distraction. I don't think anyone goes out trying to be a hero, I think we are thrust into heroic situations and we rise to the occasion. But in all seriousness, how I am so afraid of commitment in a relationship but not of a contract that I risk my life on to serve and save others? Is there something seriously wrong with me for this? These are the things I think of too much. This is a look into the crazy mind of yours truly. You know, I always worry I'm not living my life enough, when everyone seems to be jelous of the stuff I do, its funny. But I also worry I don't leave an impression on people, that I am forgotten quickly, considering I'm quite average. I stand a whopping 5'6" right of out bed, and a measly 145 lbs. I've sustained more injuries than most pro football players and yet I still subject my body to the continous punishment, but I don't think I'd have it anyway. I consider myself an above average athlete in some ways, but in no way spectacular. I've been through more shit than most people I know and I always bounce back, but I'm never remembered for it, everyone else who does one thing like it is. But what else is there to do but keep slugging it out, because as much as life and others try to keep me down, I'll never stop fighting. I'm wondering how I've gotten so far off topic from where I began, so I'll stop with the lecture. For anyone who reads all of this, I am sorry and you deserve a medal or something. But I think this is the best way to rid myself of the loneliness I'm feeling, just writing it out, and probably no one will read it, but its out there, and out of me. I need to sleep, so I'll finish with a few lines from a song that is stuck in my head.
Billy Joel - If I Only Had the Words (To Tell You)
If I only had the words to tell you
If you only had the time to understand
Though I know it wouldn't change your feelings
And I know you'll carry on the best you can.
If I only had the urge to tell you
If you only knew how hard it is to say
When the simple lines have all been taken
And the radio repeats them every day.
If I never find the song to sing you
If you always find it hard to comprehend
Well, you know there wouldn't be much meaning
If I had to sing those tired words again.
If I only had the words to tell you
If you only had the time to understand
But I only have these arms to hold you
And it's all that you can ask of any man.
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failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 4 August :: 12.56am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Tommy Makem - Mountain Dew
Apparently something bit me at work last week, without me knowing. Now usually that's the way I like it, as long as I don't know and no problems, its cool. But this time, somehow I contracted an infection through it, my arm was all huge and red and I had a huge bump-like welt thing where I got bit apparently, I was thinking spiderman at the time, but that passed. I wasn't going to go to the doctor's because of that, I've had worse things, but when I started to feel like shit, I decided it might be a good idea to go. So I drag my lazy ass up the road to the clinic, because its much cheaper and faster than going to my doc. He takes a look at it, doesn't like it and puts my on strong antiboitics. As much as I hate taking them, I oblige. So now I'm on strong anitbiotics, which I had to take every 6 hours. They kinda of suck, from my point of view, because after I take them I don't feel like eating for about an hour and a half, and I like eating. They make me feel like throwing up, but my arm is looking better since this is around the third day on them.
Also, my new airsoft rifle came, its pretty awesome. My brother shot me in the head with it when we were trying it out, I bled, but its cool. I have to work again tomorrow, at 8 a.m., so hopefully no new bites.
My dad keeps nagging at me about my beard, like usual. He goes on about me shaving my head and then after I do it he tells me it looks good, doesn't make sense. But I plan on shaving the beard and hair down to the same length. I could write more, but I need sleep now that I'm actually about to.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 20 July :: 2.17am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Something Corporate - 21 and invincible
so i thought i was done writing, but no, i just moved from the couch downstairs to the couch in my room, where i sit here in the pitch black darkness of my room, with only the light of my laptop illuminating the bareness of my room. i think after i get a few specific things done and out of the way, i'll be able to sleep, but the USPS seems to want to take their time, therefore increasing my time away from sleep. its sad how fucked my sleep is getting.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2007 20 July :: 1.52am
:: Mood: lonely
figured i should write in here again. so i'm back home. it feels nice to be home. only problem is i seem to be suffering from a case of insomnia again. i pretty much can't fall asleep until at least 4 a.m., and i toss and turn for another hour or two and don't really get a restful nights sleep, it kind of sucks. i really don't know if anyone even reads this anymore, but if you do, leave a comment. i've been trying to get into better shape and really rehabbing my ankles after breaking both of them this past winter. as well, trying to strengthen my knee, since it still gives me problems. been preparing to enter the coast guard reserve, doing some running, working out and some swimming. swimming isn't so bad, but swimming with fins is incredibly hard. my muscles are not used to it.
i've been trying to find more opportunities for working with photography, but its kind of hard, i'll just keep at it. i think tomorrow i'll hit up some of my old spots, in all of their decrepid, gloomy, morose and melancholy glory.
i'm out for now.
Slan (gaelic for goodbye)
Edit: I actually also broke my shin when I broke my right ankle, which was why it was nagging me for so long after, they told my I strained some of the tendons and muscles, I hate doctors.
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brandnew26
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2007 21 April :: 11.55pm
:: Music: train - i am
so where to start? so much has happened since last semester. riva's dad gets shot, VT gets shot up, still figuring out who the hell i am. i'm in a weird mood tonight, but i'm pretty sure right now of what i want and what i miss.
i miss my friends from high school
i miss the carefree days of high school
i miss my family, a lot
i miss being able to really trust
i miss home right now
i think that now i really do need to transfer to ND, because if i don't now, i'll regret it the rest of my life, and this place isn't the right fit for me at all. this place has too much change going on, and isn't the way they made it out to be.
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2006 10 December :: 3.38pm
three broken ribs and a seperated sternum
one currently broken ankle
took 8 x-rays to figure that one out
i probably glow in the dark now
numerous bruises, cuts, abrasions and other aches and pains
but i'm still swinging
one semester of college down
a shit load more to go
two more papers to write
two exams to take
too many late night food runs
and too many miles ran
three days til home
but it doesn't feel like christmas yet
at least to me
failed the crash test
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brandnew26
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2006 20 October :: 1.49pm
all kinds of time
The clock's running down
The team's losing ground
To the opposing defense
The young quarterback
Waits for the snap
When suddenly it all starts to make sense
He's got all kinds of time
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time
He takes a step back
He's under attack
But he knows that no one can touch him now
He seems so at ease
A strange inner peace
Is all that he's feeling somehow
He's got all kinds of time
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time
He thinks of his mother
He thinks of his bride-to-be
He thinks of his father
His two younger brothers
Gathered around the widescreen TV
He looks to the left
He looks to the right
And there in a golden ray of light
Is his open man
Just as he planned
The whole world is his tonight
failed the crash test
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