you know it tears me up inside.. to see the feelings that you hide... hide inside that empty bottle.. i wish you saw how great you were. i wish you saw what lief was worth, you wouldlnt have to hide y
i looooove that song. the plain white t's kick ass.
today was boring.
procrastination filled.
at least i cleaned my room ?
mom and dad went to test drive the saab. if it goes down another thousand he's buying it. i havent seen it but supposedly its "more of a car" than the passat. so im assuming thats a good thing ? we shall see. the cell phone people are being poops and we still havent gotten them yet. but i think im getting the one i want . hopefully.
i had a lot of me time today. i like me time. when everyones out and i just sit back and listen to music or read n stuff. its relaxing. and i wore my dress around too. lol. did some chem.. read some gatsby . basically saving the rest for tomorrow. i feel like i have way too much trust in people. and then they let me down. and then i forgive them just like that. and then they go and do it again. is there a sign on my back that says "treat me like shit.. i wont do anything about it" ??? well i have news for you people. ive had it up to here. and im done with that shit. so.yeah. lol. now the faith and trust goes down the drain the minute i feel taken advantage of. so beware.. the christiniator is out. tomorrow i have such a good schedule planned out for me. i swear if it fails on me im so fucked and there is no hope for me whatsoever

*to speak to me to talk to me to treat me like a human being.... * (plain white t's- unconditional love)
lyrics of the day.

later gaters.

You're doin' it again, you know
Sometimes I don't even know who you are
And I don't think you know how bad it hurts
'Cause you don't have to see the scars
If you knew how bad you made me feel
You'd never do a thing like this again
But if it's just a game you're playing
I don't think I'll make it to the end
cuz I don't think I'd last that long
baby, I'm not that strong
So if you care about me you've gotta stop acting this way

Or I'm leavin' today
I'll say goodbye to my favorite face
Don't wanna go, but I just can't stay
And be treated, I won't be treated this way

At times I think I love you
And at times I know I've finally found the one
But it's times like this that make me feel
The game of love has only just begun
You know I'd never leave
But making threats to you could be the only way
I love everything about you
But when I'm in doubt then something's gotta change
cuz I don't think I'd last that long
baby, I'm not that strong
So if you care about me you've gotta stop acting this way

Or I'm leavin' today
I'll say goodbye to my favorite face
Don't wanna go, but I just can't stay
And be treated, I won't be treated this way

::sigh::
funny day-> bad day-> ok day-> good day -> annoyed-ish day -> good luck day-> awesome day -> bad day -> depressive day.
yes. that all occured today.
im sick of everything.
im sick of being pushed around.
im sick of being bullshitted.
im sick of being treated like crap.
im sick of trying and getting nothing out of it
im sick of trying to be the better person
im sick of trying to be nice
im sick of trying to get what i want and then being disappointed
im sick of having too much faith in people
im sick of being annoyed and pissed off by everything
im sick of all the homework
im sick of all the stress
im sick of all the fucking rrrrrr people
im sick of people making fun of me and me taking it personally
im sick of wanting waht i cant have
im sick of being lonely
im sick of being weak
im sick of being bitter
im sick of holding it all in
im sick of EVERYTHING.
i just want out.
but is there a way out ??? of course not. its just an endless cycle of shit.

ughhhh bad long day. french was boring as usual. felt neverending. spanish same pretty much. chem. god i hate that class. i want it to just end. i always think i get it, and then i get back a test/quiz and its pretty obvious i dont . but i told mom that i need a tutor or something cause i have a c and she was like ok we'll get you some help.. didnt go off onme at all. so thats good. and swim was bad too. usually i just like glide through the water and im fine.. but today i felt like i had 100 pounds more of me. so since mr im a dick coach wasnt there.. walton let me sit out and hang with him. hes so niiice. and he brought his son today !! hes so sweet. i wish he'd adopt me. lol. k... gonna go sleep and such. thank god i have no hw tonight.

lalala
daddy let me driiiiiive yesterday . i did not crash. or hit anyone. so it is all good and skippy. today was alrigth to.. couldnt go to the meet tonight cause of hw and delayed dentistA appt. lol natalia.

i realized finally.. that.. im gonna be okay :) cause i have my friends and with them i can get past anything.. cause there the bestest .. i love u guys ! (thank you for having my best interests at heart. i needed it. even though i didnt wanna hear it. )

lmfao
today was an okie day, yearbook was deal-able. ms rowles was all blehhhhhhh but its otay. shes like. "NO ONE LEAVES THE BACK ROOM WITH LAST YEARS YEARBOOK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE." . then ms snooty editor comes out with it in her arms and ms rowles says nothing. great. lol. economics was fun we just talked and stuff lol, came up with halloween & twin day ideas. ( so cute ) . english.. man i LOVE that class.. the teacher is so awesome . and its an easy class. and all my buddies are in it !!!!! :-D natalia skipped and stayed in english with us today. we looked at nakie people in the art history book. muy comico. lol lizzy. math was .. math. yeah. lol.
after school me & rachie took the bus cause we didnt feel like nadar-ing . lol. she came over l8er and dan was supposed to but he was a poo and he didnt. we had SO much fun tho lol. we watched lots of funny stuff at ebuamsworld.com... if youre ever there looking for something funny.. the star wars kid ones and the period 101 one is FUNNY. lol. then we.... i dont remmeber. then we went online and ate and watched a walk to remember in french ( didnt even notice.. lol ) and we made FARTS ONLINE!!!! LMFAO . funniest fucking thing in the world. so many funny things happened tonite. love you rachie ! <3 .. hope everyone had fun at the game... tomorrow is a day of out with papa at stuarts and the at&t store. sunday were goin to the wellington mall for dresses... ( sam it was switched from sat. to sunday.. so lemme know if you can !!! you HAVE to come tho. lol ) love you guyyyyyyys night night <3

sad day...
today wasnt all that great. got a c on my chem progress report :-/ mommys gonna kill me if she finds out... ive been doing a lot worse in school than i usually do. :-/ . and rachel yours dont count cause theyre missing grades. lol.
anywho... after school i took sga pictures and then went home with ms radu and mom got me from there.. picked up dad.. came home.. showered.. and then liz's mom picked me up to go to the wake with them.. it was like, THE saddest thing in the world. the second i walked in and saw amy i started to cry. she is such a sweet girl and her family is amazing. they dont deserve tht kind of pain. no one does. no one deserves to die at the age of 13. there was a nice little service then a lot of sara's friends came up and talked about her.. it was so emotional. i only met her maybe 2 or 3 times... and i was so sad for her family. so.. yeah. i guess when stuff like this happens it really makes you think about life and how tomorrow it could very well all be over. when we least expect it... someone we love leaves us. and i just hope that it doesnt happen again. i saw a few people i knew there.. danny.. erin was there.. and at the end this girls like, christine, i havent seen you in so long, and i was like, who on earth is that, but then it hit me that it was amanda neilson ! we were like best friends in 3rd grade.. and i havent seen her since elementary school. it was good to see her.. but not on such an occasion. i dotn know, when people just die out of nowhere like this it really makes me sit and think, that we really dont have time to waste, and if you have stuff to say and people to say it to.. do it now.. cause tomorrow may be .. as much as we all hate to face it.. it may be too late.

ehhhhhh...
yesterday was good. meet went well. we won. hw didnt really do... just talked to emy the rest of the night :) . today.... got a late start... yearbook was so funny with amy.. its getting into habit :) ... french wasnt TOO bad... spanish.. god shoot me. i cant stand that woman. she is so fucking obnoxious. chem was pretty damn boring too. shes cool.. but she thinks everything chem- related is hysterical. but. its not. lol. anywho.. then came swim.. it was alright.. then my dad was supposed to get me.. but he forgottttttttt... and hten he got me and we went to the sprint store to look for a plan and phones.. i think were getting em tomorro.. and then he wouildnt take me to wendys so i boycotted and wouldnt eat lol.. and i really didnt feel like going to the game.. i just wanted to stay home and talk to emy and sleep.. but rachie just HAD to guilt me into going.. like, so last minute, and it wasnt really all that fun anyways... but it was alright i guess. lizzy was a hot momma in her red jumpsuit looking shiznit lol, and sam in her elf outfit.. haha. but other than that.. not too much. got home... here i am. whoopdeefreakindoo.
its 1:15. late for Ibs, lol. sammy left me.. so im gonna go to sleep and go off into my perfect little dream land..... later gaters.