today was superb. it was much what i've needed. a day away from it all. i got up, drove my daddy to work, then went to costco with mom, and to look at some houses, and came home. shes into the whole real estate thing, i knew, but i didnt know that they were looking at other houses for us possibly? it just seems so weird. ive lived in this house.. for about 10 years. i dont know. then we went to the pool and i did laps, i stupidly wore my swim team suit and the tan has returned. wkhdfa. but its okay. then i came home, and started to read one of my new books, the 5 people you meet in heaven, its good so far. then went to pick up dad from work, and drove over to emy's. got there kinda late cause i missed the turn because of the glaring sun in my eyes. but it was all good. dinner was.. relatively painful. my dad brought up school, and how he wants me to take physics, and they kept bugging emy about his application to atlantic and how his school practically refuses to send it over at the risk of his leaving? he didnt seem like he's too persistant about it, but its up to him, and i felt like they were getting all worked up about it. some issues discussed were just like, i want to go home. but the footsie playing under the table i must say kept a smile on my face. there's nothing like ending a day in his arms. especially knowing that in less than a week he'll be around 24/7 for 10 days or so. : ] any doubt of him actually , wanting wanting me there, was overcome in the process of my trying to leave. it feels so.. good to know that he loves me, and to see him look at me the way he does, and how he holds me close and wont let me go, its so, mm. yes. he gave me a key chain. of him. lol. it's.. funny. school pictures that his mom ordered came with the whole shidazzle. and i took home like half of it. heh. drove home. biatch. i am getting mighty fine at this driving thing. just not driving away from him .
my dad suggested that he sleeps over thursday night so his parents dont have to drive him to the airport early friday morning. :D

today was swell.
a fine day at that. fcat makes school seem so much shorter. yearbook= i almost peed my pants man. greta. you are one funny funny girl. t'aime! hahahaha. ive learned so much about greta within the course of an hour that i'd never otherwise know about any person in a lifetime. perhaps too much. ; ]
in government we finished watchin that movie with marquese and jose. hahaha. marquese was sad. pobrecito. and mr epstien has demonstrated that he has a part of a heart. he moved our test to tuesday. yes. did some swimming after school and now when mommy comes home i'm off to go driving. : D hasta luego lechonitos!

hm. yesterday rather than going about my work. i spent about 4 hours on the phone. almost 3 with emy, the rest con liz. oh how i love to waste time.
GUESS WHO GETS TO DRIVE THE NEW CAR TO LAKE WORTH FRIDAY NIGHT. WhaaaaaT! that is the high point of day.
i drove to the pool. and did my laps like a good little girl. : ]
is it really imperative to read economics tongiht? no. hopefully test wont be on friday.
parents & everyone= out alllll saturday. = house to myself. if emy doesnt come over.. partayyyy over here. ;)
i have been getting the house to myself quite often these past 2 weeks or so. i must say i like walking around in the undies and blasting music and dancing around and singing. :D tis fun.
i am enjoying life as of now. because . school isnt worth it to bring you down! at least not for now. heh. have a nice night all. even though one tree hill shall not air for the night.


biatch.

save me from the nothing i've become.
i feel so, worthless. today my mom made me take a practice SAT test, and i just, felt so stupid. i usually do really well on math, especially on those kinds of tests, and i just sat there, for an hour or so, staring at a math section. i felt so stupid. thinking i wouldnt pass it with a good score, and i wouldnt get into a good college. and it scares me to death. because everyday colleges are raising their expectations for incoming students. and everyday we all get lazier. especially me. my grades arent anything special, there are tons of kids out there with grades higher than mine and 4.0 gpa's. and theres nothing special about me, i dont excell in anything, im just not good at anything. even if i do join clubs and whatnot, if i dont have a significant part in it, they wont even care. and the grades and the SAT's on top of it, chances seem like they get slimmer by the day. and i work my ass off to even get some of the grades i do get. so what makes me think im even good enough for college? im just another average kid. that doesnt even fit into her clothes anymore. its really depressing. in the course of less than a month i dont fit into about 5 pairs of pants anymore. it scares me how lazy this generation has become. we dont want to work in school, we dont want to participate outside of it, we dont want to exercise. all we want to do is eat pizza and ice cream and taco bell. we're all going to end up being obese lazy asses who dont get into college. at least i am. i wish i saw something special in me. maybe its just the mood swings that have accompanied mother nature's visit to me this lovely month of march, but i feel like, i just dont belong in this world. i belong in my own little bubble with my sappy movies and fat free ice cream.

ladeeda.
this week. busy. as usual. there dont seem to be any more of those do-nothing weeks anymore. i miss them dearly. and i will treasure the next one that comes by. if it does. math test today. last of the quarter. i hope i got my 82 : /
ms french found it absolutely necessary for me to NOT MISS induction tonight. so me and liz and rachel went together.. to find all the ib's in the media center. it was funny. i felt like i was on a game show when they put on that music at first.. and that spanish lady was funny. cute. but funny. hung around a little with liz rach ari greta tina and allison, and then headed home. ended relatively quickly. it was a little odd, brother's ex-girlfriend handing me a flower. i was the only one she didnt really smile at . heh.
mommy dearest said she would take me into school at 10:30 tomorrow. = NO FRENCH CLASS! woot woot. i hate hate hate hate hate that class. it is pointless. especially now that iknow for sure i will not be continuing with the language. its like, why be there? oh well.
off to do homeowrk.
oh yeah- didnt we all love that video in government today? "i felt bad for robbing her.. but it was fun. i'd do it again!"

the reasons like seasons they constantly change and the seasons of last year like reasons are floating away.
hmpf.
mixed feelings.
last night was a perfect night out with the chicas. rachel sam liz and natalia made my night. <3. i love going out to eat with them. its so, sex and the sam. heh.
homework-blah as usual. still not getting far on my paper. im bringing it to school tomorroow hoping that in my boredom some fantastic ideas will come to me. hey. you never know.
i feel fat. i dont fit into half my pants anymore. i need to go shopping. or go running. lzdkfjgf.
mae is tonight. i wish it was them with something corporate. i would be there in a everytime things get hard, i close my eyes and put myself in the crowd that night listening, and watching them play konstantine. its so, calming. it gives me the chills. <3
emy coming over tonight.
happy sunday

bozo the clown.
random song lyric.
im so, worn out. yesterday was alright, economics test, i suppose went as usual. theres no point in even trying to improcve. i spent the afternoon glued to the tv. i took nyquil and was asleep by 8:30. i was so beat. woke up at 10ish today. dilly dallied. played with my woohu. it was really cool, but you couldnt read it, so now its just. cool. today: maybe some hw. girls night out a possibility i hear? idk. tomorrow will be more hw. dads birthday dinner thing at 5-ish. emys coming. so it'll be okay.
have a nice weekend. <3

deep sigh.
6 hours of wasted day. i give up. i'll read the rest of government, and b/s the notes. and do my precalculus homework. but after that, i am so done. i ask myself, why cant i just be a complete failure, skip classes, get drunk off my ass every weekend, and be stupid as hell. but no, i have to be a goody good. and do all my work. and study for all my tests. and have morals. and a brain. (makes fist.)
i think i have come to terms with my schedule for next year.
AP English III
AP Spanish IV
AP Calculus AB
AP American History
AP Biology
Chem II
TOK/Health
and possibly chem research over summer. only cause its at olympic, and so darn close. i'd get to experience what its like to wake up past 5:45 to go to school.
we all seem to have this massive burden on our backs. because these class selection sheets have come upon us during a time of the year when we've all been swamped with work. and its extremely discouraging. at least to me. im worried that i wont make it. but i have to. i think ive changed my mind about classes about 20 times in the past 3 days, as have many others. but i think thats the way it will be. for now. oh. and i think i want to go into medicine. like specialize in something. not sure what though. something high paying. to satisfy my need for shopping. and i want to be haitian too. there has to be a way.

stressed
upset/confused
just overall ovewhelming life.
got class selection sheets. for next year. 4-5 AP classes, 2 or 3 IB. thats scary.
i bitch about this year. with 1 AP class and no IB classes. how the fuck am i going to do all this. plus extracurriculars. sigh.


somebody take me away. <3

sigh.
hm. yesterday was spent dillydallying like a typical saturday. went running a little before it was getting dark out, and what do we know. sunil is at the b-ball courts. so i played some basketball with him, and the little kiddies were running around on their mopeds thinkin they were hot shots. heh. then ran back home. and dillydallied more. and went to sports authority with mommy to get daddy his birthday present. his birthday is tomorrow. but we're having his "party/dinner" next sunday night. emy's coming :]

how pretty is it out today. it feels like summer all over again. i got up around 8 and by 9 i was out on the roof in my swim suit soaking up the sun while working on my research paper. lasted till around 11. then just layed around.. and made some lunch and took a shower. and now im going to be working on that paper for the rest of the day and around 7-ish i have a chemistry date avec liz. ;)
enjoy your day, there hasnt been as nice of one in months. <3

"i had a moley butt."
heh.
fun week.
greta and i had a fight in spanish. contains explicit content. perhaps i will post one day. i have it saved. :P
yesterday we had a cheese tasting party in french class.ilovecheese:D
and played with fire in chemistry ;)
me and rachie went to wendys & then skurd liz at her house & ate all her orange chocolate. :D. hung out there for the night. interresting, funny funny developments. :P
the rest of the weekend: research paper, spanish packet, reading economics and studying chemistry. lovely.
with all these little brochures and stuff all the colleges are sending me, im starting to think. that if theres so many different ones out there, why would i want to just flock to UF with the rest of ib. ? theres so many possibilities out there. where i wont have to see all the people ive known for my entire life, but yet meet a million more people. :/. two sided issue i suppose. UF- familiar faces, full ride, not too far from home. anywhere else- endless possibilities? hmf.