Until The Day I Die

Until The Day I Die

:: 2005 1 June :: 5.34pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: HIM - The Sacrament

I was talking with Alicia last night on the phone, and I decided to post a few of the things she said to me..

Me: "Woah, this picture doesn't look like me at all.."
Alicia: "What, is it pretty?"
- - -
Me:"I'm debating whether I should redye my hair or not."
Alicia: "Man, you look weird without your hair dyed.. thank god you dyed it."
- - -
Alicia: "No Hillary, you never look ungodly awful, just a bit screwed up."
- - -

..She's malicious.

fearthainn

:: 2005 30 May :: 7.02pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Paul Oakenfold - This is trance

First off, I'd like to thank Sirus for the chocolate, it was really good.
I love chocolate.
heh.

I arrived home from camping with Carl earlier. It was awesome.
When we first got there, Carl showed me around.. then her, Pop-Tart and I walked around on the trails.
We ended up in the woods, where I managed to get stuck in the tree.
Then we went back and roasted marshmallows, and Eliseo was practically eating Carl's face.
Then Carl and I went back to Pop-Tart's house with her for the night.
We rented "Team America" and "Killjoy". Team America is hilarious. Killjoy.. is um, well, I suppose you'd have to see it.

I have a lot of pictures. Just ask if you want to see them.

fearthainn

:: 2005 28 May :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Within you - David Bowie

"How you turn my world
You precious thing.
You starve and near exhaust me.

Everything I've done,
I've done for you.
I move the stars for no one.

You've run so long.
You've run so far.
Your eyes can be so cruel,
Just as I can be so cruel,
Oh, I do believe in you.
Yes I do.

Live without your sunlight.
Love without your heartbeat.
I... I...
Can't.. live.. within.. you..."

Oh, how I love the Labyrinth.

Today I went out with my sister for awhile. Then I came back home.. and now I'm listening to music, and doodling.
Yeah, very uneventful.
But tomorrow will definitley be the opposite, as I'm going camping with Carl.
I'll probably be bringing my camera along, so I'll most likely have pictures when I return.

I think that is all, I'll update either tomorrow, or when I get back..It depends on what time I decide to wake in the morning.

fearthainn

:: 2005 27 May :: 11.38am
:: Mood: hungry

To Carl:
I once again forgot that you don't get service out at your mom's.. and I do not have your mom's number. I was wondering if you'd like to do something this weekend. Soo, call me once you read this.

xJayk

:: 2005 26 May :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: In Flames

I miss Her
God is a sick joke parents tell their children to comfort them so they have something to believe in, just like Santa and The Easter Bunny.
If there was a god my mother wouldn't be living in poverty and we wouldn't have a terrible illness passed to a woman whom devoted her life to her children. She's gone to work deathly ill to keep food on the table. Her eldest daughter wouldn't have to give her shots and hook her up to her IV at the end of the day. She has always told me I should take up drama. I guess she realizes that I am an constant actor. " No everythings going to be okay" and " I'll buy the school clothes and pay for drivers ed, don't worry about it". It may not seem like much but emptying out your collage fund to put clothes on your brother and sister including funds for Drivers ed all add up quickly, exspecially without a job.Everything went from great to well, not so great. I guess thats what you get when you do not appreciate what you have when you have it.
Tonight I think I'll make a wish on a star asking for my mom back..I miss her.

I wish I could wake from this
nightmare
and everything will be alright again...

2 Ghosts | Fade Into Memory

fearthainn

:: 2005 24 May :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Savage Garden

I didn't really get the chance to update about my weekend, I'll just name a few things..
- Went to Alicia's
- Took photo's downtown Holland
- Had an awesome italian soda
- Walked around for a bit
- Hung around Alicia's house

Yep, I didn't feel like going into detail.. buut, I'm sure you get the gist of it.

I was listening to music with Sye, and man, I'm getting hooked to Savage Garden.. they're pretty awesome. I haven't heard a lot of them, only bits from when my sister would listen to them, and then the radio hits.. but I didn't know I'd like 'em as much as I do.
Thank you Sye, for reintroducing me to them. : )

fearthainn

:: 2005 23 May :: 3.11pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Zeromancer - Send me an angel

I'm sick of you taking your anger out on me.
I'm sick of you being selfish.
I'm sick of your excuses.
I'm sick. of. you.

"All you care about is your goddamn computer, and your stupid pictures! Fuck you!"

No.
Fuck you.

I've had enough of this.
All you do is think about yourself, you don't care about any other.
I've asked you to take me to the doctor for my headaches. What do you do?
"Oh, it's nothing."
You try to make things better with purchasing me things.
Enlighten me, how is that going to make things better?

Please, look up the word "mother" in the dictionary.
You shouldn't have the honour of being called by that name.

- - - Edit- - - 5:48 pm

I apologise for all of you having to read about how my mom angers me, but she just crossed the line yesterday, and I needed to take it out somewhere. I figured this was the best choice.

I'll update tomorrow.

xJayk

:: 2005 21 May :: 4.55pm

Well I havent been online lately because I've been in the process of moving. Hillary came on Friday to help on Saterday with the moving sale but that wasn't to successful. I must be going..*moves swing set*

Fade Into Memory

xJayk

:: 2005 19 May :: 9.35pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Skinny Puppy

I was looking back around..I would say 11 or 12 years back when I was in South Carlina to visit family. We went to a water park when I made friends with a little girl with cornrolls in her hair we devised a sceam to transfer all the water to one side of the pool. Working for around 30 minutes we stepped aside saying "I think we're doing really good" Soon enough her dad came and started to yell at her for hanging out with a white girl. Shows how much he knows I'm black. Thats right I'm black.
Later I was thinking about when Hillary was trying to make eggs and told me she would burn the house down if I wasn't on the phone with her. The eggs were made sucsessfully and no burning was nesesary. Well I really have nothing to say other than Jesus your an asswhole and since you made a mark on me I'm going to make one on you! I will have my revenge!

Fade Into Memory

fearthainn

:: 2005 16 May :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Darude - Sandstorm

Today was.. alright.
Nothing worthy of posting about, happened during school.
But after school today, Carl and I were talking about how I am incredibly intimidating, you know, when I turn around, throw my gum on the ground, puff my self up, and then slowly turn back around.. you cannot tell me that is not intimidating, you just can't. Hah.
Well, yeah awhile back when there was still snow on the ground, there were kids throwing ice chunks.. and they decided to throw one above my head and it smashed, and fell all over me.. well, I threw my gum on some kid standing next to me, puffed myself up and turned around real slowly.. all of the kids stopped dead in their tracks, and stared at me.. well, then they noticed it was me. This is how Carl put it..
*they all stop*
"Ohh, it's alright, it's just Hillary..we don't have to worry about her."
Then they go back about their business of throwing ice.
They did too, that's the sad part.
But c'mon.. you have to say that's at least a little intimidating.

But on to other things..

I went to my cousin's lacrosse game tonight, I suppose it was alright, besides the fact that I was freezing, and still am. *shivers*
Hm. I don't think I've much else to say right now.

fearthainn

:: 2005 13 May :: 5.50pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Old School Hollywood - System of a Down

System's new stuff is awesome, I suggest you all listen to it.
I've just downloaded two new songs.. the one I'm currently listening to, "Old School Hollywood", and also, "Sad Statue", both are incredible.
Counting down the days 'til their album comes out, which would now be 4.

There isn't much to say.. I'm just glad it's the weekend.
I'll be taking some new pictures tonight, ask if you'd like to see them.

fearthainn

:: 2005 13 May :: 2.40pm

Toby's Birthday!
Happy Birthday Toby!

fearthainn

:: 2005 45 May :: 5.33pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Burning - Darude

I was exhausted last night, and still am today.. I think I know what I'm doing tomorrow, as there is a half day.. Sleeping! That sounds wonderful.
Ahh, I love Darude.. well, most techno, actually. Yeah, go ahead, mock me for loving techno.. as I know most of you are "too cool" for it.

Anyway, I had to write a 500 word essay yesterday, on "why I should not leave my homework at home".. Well, the reason was because I didn't think to turn this diagram in on time, and my teacher said it was the only way I could turn it in.. and I cannot afford to not turn it in. *shrugs*

In German class I watched a movie on the Autobahn, I thought that was pretty neat. Oh and Sye, I saw the same model car on it, that you just got! :) I also thought that was pretty cool.

Other than that.. there's nothing.
I'm tired, and off to lie around.

xJayk

:: 2005 10 May :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: In Flames

Every single day I walk home, a few "gangstas" wait til I pass them to start talking about me, and yes it is quite obvious.
If you really want to call me a gothic whore go ahead, but say it to my face and give me reason. I don't understand, you know nothing about me yet you continue to harass. If you are waiting for a complete negative reaction from me your not going to get one. I will not stoop to your level.
I'm sure if I were a whore I'd have more than a couple gangstas telling me that. I'm sure some of my friends would tell me if I was a slut, whore, gothic, hideous,bitch ect..
Thanks for your input but I really think I'm doing fine without the extra comments on my way home from little nasty wanna be gang bangers who sag thier pants below thier ass to show off thier new boxers. Is that enough of a reaction for you?

1 Ghosts | Fade Into Memory

xJayk

:: 2005 9 May :: 3.29pm
:: Mood: enraged
:: Music: CKY

Don't you hate it when people put thier nose in where its not wanted?
I love having friends over I really do. I love to introduce them to my other friends so we could all hang out and have some good fun. To bad that doesn't happen much. When ever I do have one certain friend over every one likes to put thier two cents in which isn't worth all that much. If you believe that she/he feels something or if you think they do something but your not quite sure, don't you think you'd be logical and either 1 go to thier best friend that lives near to you, or 2 ask them yourself? Now come on I know we've all done it but when you don't know someone or how they are I believe your making a big mistake on your part on judging. Well there are few exseptions but this goes out to most of you back stabbing bastards!

3 Ghosts | Fade Into Memory