:: 2004 15 April :: 12.45 am

i'm too lazy to seperate this into paragraphs. l
i dont know what the hell is wrong with me! Right now I wanna tell the world to go fuck itself. I dont care about most people that I deal with everyday. Notice the "deal" part. Its cause i dont like them. I am forced to go along working around people. I feel like when I talk to certain people I have to walk on eggshells for fear of hurting their pathetically small amount of feelings. I hate living this dumb life right now. This part is going to sound SOOOOO stupid. I dont give a fuck what you think though. This week I've watched movies about these really cute relationships and like fairy tailish stuff and I wish so bad that stuff like that would actually happen to me. Funny thing is that IT WONT! NEVER! EVER EVER! NOTHING GOOD LIKE THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN! There are several reasons for this. number one is that i have glasses. UGLY! dumb stupid annoying glasses. Nobody likes a girl with glasses. Immediatly they assume that I am a nerd. I'M NOT NERDY! everyone has nerdy moments. I dont THINK that I have that many. If I'm wrong please feel free to burst my bubble. I dont give a shit. I need my bubble to burst if I'm wrong. Thing number 2 is that I'm shy. How can anything good happen if I never know what to say...if i never have anything to say. Maybe its not that I dont have anything to say, but that I'm afraid of what people will think of what I say so I just dont say anything at all. I think thats it. I want to be my self but I'm afraid of rejection. I dont remember the next reason but there are many more. This sounds terrible. I want to kill someone. I know exactly how I'd do it. Yet at the same time I NEVER would. Only out of self defense. I really dont think its worth spending the rest of your life in a jail cell for killing somebody you hate. Then after that its off to hell. The catholic church says that if you are truly sorry God will forgive you. I dont believe that. How can God forgive someone that killed someone else. Anyway, I've decided that I will not spend the rest of my life and after life being punished for one thing. I wish hiring a hit man wasnt a crime... So now I'll describe how I want to murder someone. Beating. Yup. Thats how I'd do it. No cutting or shooting. I'd need physical contact and lots of energy in it. Now that I've scared anyone who reads this.... I try not to fantacise (sp) about this but its really hard when I get pissed. REALLY hard. I suppose I wouldnt be like this if I hadnt been brought up with violence. My parents were always really rough with my sister, Michelle, when they thought she was just a behavior problem. They pulled her hair and hit her..pretty much anything to make her stop being bad. Shes been raped. Yup. SHe wouldnt tell anyone and then she started acting like she used to. She hit my other sister, Mary, and poured a gallon of milk on her. She threw stuff and broke it. She even let Scooter, Jessicas dog who we are dog sitting, get loose. WE FOUND HIM! I dont think Jessica will be happy to find that out. Sorry. My sister gets drunk a lot. Shes lied to my parents. Shes a fucked up dumbass. I hate her. If I ever do any of the shit she does I should hope that someone will beat me.
Wow..i'm tired. bye

2 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 31 March :: 11.02 pm

HI! Lets begin with Monday. (it smells really good in my house right now) p.e. need i say more? it was so fuckin hot out there. we had to run 5 laps aroudn the fuckin field then play incrediball. Lynn got so dehydrated that she couldn't see and everything looked weird. She ran into the fence at one point too. Shes okay though. I went to the orthodontist after that. ORANGE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YELLOW! (jennifer would understand that). My teeth still hurt. The guy pushes so fuckin hard on them with his little metal plier things.
Tuesday sucked. We went to a jazz competition for kids. We saw this one group of kids perform and they were really good. I saw an Asian guy that I thought was hot. First one for me. Well, he wasn't necessarily hot but he wasn't ugly. English guys are still much better. Sorry Jimsta..not like he'll read this anyway cause of his dumbfuck brother. After we came back from the Jazz thing we had to watch the movie version of Anne Frank. I really liked reading her diary but the movie is soo bad. The girl didnt even look like her and she doesn't know how to say "Peter" its more like "Pater". ARG! Also the girl barely looks like her. Her lips are too full and her cheek bones are screwed up. Her nose is pointy. Anne's nose was not. Also I think for some reason that she didn't act that well. I know that Jessica could have done better had she been alive in 1956. After that I came home and ate my brains out. Not as much as I would have liked cause my stomache started to hurt for some reason before I had eaten to my content. I sound like such a pig. I think I'm growing cause my legs are hurting a lot in that really uncomfortable way that keeps you awake for a lot of the night. I hate growing pains but that is what I use to make myself feel not as bad for eating so much. I'm not all that fat though. I'm around 5'3 and about 120..thats not to bad. My sister is 4'11 1/2 and shes 125. Anyway, back to the day. I didn't study or anything because I got really wrapped up in reading "Little Women". Those who know me, especially my family, would say that it is deffinately a rarity to see me reading for hours on end. I took my shower at 5:00 and climbed into my bed at 5:15. I read curled up very warmly in my bed until about 7:55 when I had to eat dinner. My mom came in to check on me cause she thought I was sick. It didn't hurt that I was only 98 degrees instead of 98.6 so that got me out of doing the chores. She even said that I didn't have to go to school today but I went anyway cause I felt guilty. I wanna miss Monday when we have to run the mile.
Today I finally finished that book after reading for another 2 1/2 hours when I got home. I sound like the biggest nerd ever right now. Oh well. I cried so much as I was reading this book. I cried a lot when I read the Diary of Anne Frank but that was as I was reading the Afterward. I was crying throughout this book because Beth died of cancer..i think cancer but I could be wrong. At one point she wrote "a tear fell onto her thin hands" thats probly not it exactly but it was basically that. That reminded me my Aunt Marie when she was in the hospital and I held her hand. It was so skinny and her arm was bruised. Her hand was so thin that I could see every vein and I swear I could see her bone. Maybe it was just my imagination.
I feel like writing about my aunt..again. It's hard to believe that I've spent almost a full year without seeing her or hearing her. In a way I have heard in her...in my heart. (I don't care how corny this all sounds to anyone and if you feel like being an ass i would just like to say that when someone you really care about dies see how you fuckin feel and see the things that you write) She died on May 10 at approximately 9:00 AM. I remember that I was out front staring blankly at a snail. When the phone rang my heart sank to the ground. Before my sister came out to tell us I sensed it. She looked at us and her lip was quivering and she said "Aunt Marie died this morning. At times like that being the youngest has its very wonderful advantages. My sisters were hugging me a lot and sort of smothering me. Normally I would have headed straight up to my room to sob into my pillow but for some reason I stayed around my family which was probly very important. I've only seen my dad cry 4 times. When his father died, when we found out Aunt Marie died, her funeral, and when he heard "on egles wings" at church once. Its so sad to see such a large break down into tears like he did. I hugged him when we were in the kitchen and sobbed into his shoulder. I feel like we sort of bonded because he had lost someone so dear to him and even though I didnt know her for even half as long I still felt very conncected. Also Mr. Vane was struggling through his cancer so it made it that much harder. No words will ever be able to describe the large void in my heart created by her passing. I only wish everyone could have known her. I'm sure they would love her just as much as I do if they had. In the book it also says that Beth died peacefully with a final sigh to sort of let the world know she was finished. It is so hard to understand how someone could just give up like that. I'm sure my aunt did it. I just can't understand what it is like. I'm sure if you're in that much pain its easy to let go. I'm afraid that even when I feel like that I will try to hold on too hard.
I'm out of time. Good bye.

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 28 March :: 9.30 pm
:: Music: lets call it...an angry song i dont know the name of

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 24 March :: 7.23 pm

dudsters...stephanie is a dumb bitch. why you ask. BECAUSE SHE IS A POSSESIVE DUMB FUCK! SHE ALWAYS LIKES THE SAME GUYS I LIKE EVEN WHEN I FUCKIN LIKED THEM FIRST! AND THEN SHE GOES AND GETS THEM CAUSE SHES PRETTIER THAN I FUCKIN AM! I DONT GIVE A FUCKIN SHIT HOW UGLY I AM..AT LEAST I HAVE A BETTTER PERSONALITY AND I'M NOT OBSESSED WITH SEX! SHES THE MOST SUPERFICIAL PERSON EVER! SHES GONNA BREAK UP WITH HER CURRENT BOYFRIEND JUST SO SHE CAN DATE JOEY. I FUCKIN LIKED HIM FIRST AND STUFF! DUMBASS..I WANNA BEAT HER! REALLY FUCKIN BAD! TILL SHE BLEEDS SO BAD SHE PASSES OUT THEN I CAN JUST POUND HER TILL SHE DIES WITH A BASEBALL BAT! TODAY AT LUNCH SHE WAS GOING TO ASK ME PERMISSION TO DATE HIM AND LOUSIE WASNT SUPPOSED TO TELL ME BUT SHE DID! TECHNICALLY I GUESSED AND I TOLD STEPHANIE THAT SO NOWS SHES ONLY MAD AT ME! SUCH A DUMBFUCK! THATS THE DUMBEST FUCKIN REASON TO GET FUCKIN PISSED AT ME! SHES ONLY FUCKIN MAD CAUSE SHES A DUMB FUCKIN BITCH! ROT IT FUCKIN HELL! IF SHE WERE TO EVER READ THIS I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THIS TO HER:

YOU ARE A FUCKIN SLUT! GUYS ONLY LIKE YOU TILL THEY REALIZE HOW STUPID YOU ARE! THEN UR FUCKIN MEAN TO THEM AND U BREAK UP WITH THEM FOR SOME STUPID FUCKED UP REASON! THEN THEY HAVE TO CRY. YES I'M ACTUALLY FEELING SORRY FOR RYAN AND ANTHONY AND THAT OTHER GUY ON THE INTERNET THAT IS SOO FUCKIN NICE BUT U DONT FUCKIN APPRECIATE CAUSE UR SO FUCKED UP. I HATE U! BURN IN FUCKIN HELL. I HOPE SOME GUY RAPES U LIKE WANT THEN U GET SCARRED FOR LIFE! STUPID BITCH!

OK I'M FUCKIN DONE NOW!

2 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 19 March :: 10.46 pm

GO FUCK URSELVES U BITCHES!
I HATE FUCKIN EVERYONE RIGHT NOW. NINO FUCKIN SHOULD DIE IN FUCKIN HELL. THERE IS SOMEBODY ELSE WHO I'M PISSED AT BUT I'M NOT GONNA PUT THEIR NAME. WHAT THE HELL EVER FUCKIN HAPPENED TO MANNERS?? HUH? DOES ANYONE FUCKIN KNOW?! IF THEY EVER FIND WHERE PEOPLES MANNERS WENT THEY NEED TO FUCKIN TELL ME! I HATE NINO SOOOOOOOOO MUCH! CAN I EMPHASIZE (SP) ENOUGH HOW MUCH I FUCKIN HATE HIM???!!! i think i'm going through a depression time or something. i dont fuckin know what it fuckin is. i want to hurt everyone and i want lots of people to die. i'm not saying i'm perfect but it hurts me to see everyone elses imperfections. i hate it. i hate the way people are. there are so many bad people in this world who dont give a shit about anyone elses feelings. i know that i'm not always nice but i do care about how people feel or would feel from the way i act. i started crying right in the middle of l.a class today cause maria wrote "i'll miss u" on a thing we did for jessica. it was so nice and i guess i've been being really emotional lately so that was just too much. then nino said "why r u crying" or something. IT WAS SOOOOO FUCKIN MEAN! I HATE EVERYONE RIGHT NOW. I HOPE EVERYONE DIES. MAYBE NOT EVERYONE...BUT MOST PEOPLE.
GRADUATION IS ONLY 8 WEEKS AWAY...I THINK THAT THATS A PIECE OF ME ACTING SO UPSET ALL THE TIME. BYE

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 12 March :: 10.43 pm

oo school....
i'm going to begin by talking about today cause it was REALLY good. we went to church today like we do every friday and i was walking back from communion and someones cell phone was going off and i cant remember what the music was but it was funny. so then everything was the same as usual until l.a class. we had this substitute, Mrs. Duffy, cause our regular teacher was doing something else. i hate mrs. duffy. jessica sits in the front right where Mrs. duffy decided to stand to give instructions. when we got there jessica and eric were talking to her about asia and where she'd been and eric was talking about the languages. so jessica was asking about stuff and i could tell that mrs. duffy was getting annoyed but i still wanted to ask her if she'd been to england...i didnt. then later on in the period she was acting really bitchy and she almost gave bobby a misconduct for yelling out to much. i dont think he does but maybe thats because i'm so used to it. (I'm going to start using proper capitalizations because I realized how stupid I look when I don't) Then Jessica was being random again and asked her if she knew that Jessica was related to the first duke of England. She said "no" then Jessica asked her if she knew what "chloraphobia" (sp) was and she said "no" again. Then she asked Jessica "Are you always this random" or something like that. She kind of had an attitude when she said it and I thought it was really rude. What the hell is wrong with being random? I just think that she has a stick stuck up her ass that would probably take years to remove. I feel bad for her daughter. There was some other stuff but I don't feel like typing about it.
Science was deffinately the best period of the day. I went over to sit next to Jessica. Ooo Kyle. He is so fuckin hot in a weird way. I don't think that if you saw him on the street you would say "Oh wow! That guy is hot!". I think it is more like you have to know him to think that. Somebody was talking about a fake tattoo that they had and then he said something about how his are better. Then he did the best thing he has done since the end of the year swim party last year. He lifted up his shirt to show his tattoos! KYLE WITH HIS SHIRT UP! HOW NICE! Allow me to describe what it looks like. He doesn't have muscles or anything but there is no fat at all. He is very tan naturally and it looks SOOO nice. I think that there should be a rule that says Kyle cannot wear a shirt when its hot outside. That would be a good, GOOD rule. i know this is going to sound dumb but I'm going to say it anyway. I just find it funny that we were born in the same hospital on the same day of the same year, we both have gone to the same school for 9 years, and we both have outy belly buttons. lol. well i used to but sadly, not anymore. My sister says that we are meant for eachother...I wish she was right. Anyway, getting back to science class and Kyle and how he acted during it. I was trying to figure out what we were supposed to be doing on an assignment so I said "What are we doing" then looked up and said "Eachother." then later on I said it again and he said "Were humping". I didn't really know what to say either time and I did think it was funny so I laughed at it. GOD! HES SO FUCKIN HOT!
so then after school my sister took louise, sarah, and I to Target so we could get School of Rock. I love that movie. As we were driving in the parking lot we passed Starbucks and Sarah saw what looked like a pig and she announced it. We all looked and then my sister pulled over and offered to let us out to pet the pig. So we got out of the car and then the "pig" looked at us. We all realized at the same time that it wasnt a pig. It was a dog. lol. Sarah yelled "Dude, its a dog" and then we all ran back to the car. lol it was sooo funny.
yesterday...OOO PAINFULL! I had the pleasure of learning how to slide. I did it completely wrong and scratched up my right knee, left elbow and even my stomache. Now my shoulders hurt from it but it was pretty fun minus the scrapes.
I forgot to put this up there so I'll put it here instead. I got all B's on my report card! YAY! thats the first time in like 2 years.
Tomorrow is our first game. FUN!...yea right. were gonna suck. i'm not holding out to much hope for this game. GOOD LUCK US! okay i'm done cause i'm tired.
night night fools!

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 8 March :: 7.28 pm

LOOK I'M UPDATING ONLY A DAY AFTER THIS TIME
I'M GONNA WRITE THIS WHOLE THING IN CAPS LOCK TO PISS A FEW PEOPLE OFF SO I APOLOGIZE NOW IN HOPES JESSICA WONT BEAT ME.
this weekend was pretty good. on saturday i did nothing until noonish and i got to eat lunch and it was really good. then i went to softball on a full stomache..not too smart. sarah and i were the first ones from our team there so we went over by the fence to look at the lacrosse people. one of them was on the grass cause he got hurt and about 5 minutes later they were loading him into an ambulence. i hope he is okay. so sarah pointed at this one guy she thought was ruben and he saw her pointing at him and looked at us funny. we walked away and later on we realized that he was actually asian...ruben is mexican. practice started and stuff and we did this batting practice/get the catcher to be able to throw out a runner at second thing. for the first 10 minutes or something sarah and i alternated running to second. after 10 minutes sarah got to go bat and i was still stuck there with this other preppy "afraid to break a nail" type of girl. when she ran she had her arms up near her face and kinda jogged over to the base. it was really pissing me off cause we were supposed to be trying to beat the throw. (i think i'm going to brag a few times in this entry. oh well) she got out every single time the throw was good. i only got out 3 times and that was towards the end of my time running cause i was tired. my legs still really hurt from that. then i got to bat and i hit a few of the balls. the coach nicknamed me "m&m" cause of my initials. i think that its a pretty weird nickname but he said he only gives nicknames to the girls he likes (as in cause of their ability). sarah doesnt have a nickname. i think its cause she barely tries. she thinks she can do everything but when there is a ground ball that you miss you are supposed to run after it and she just walks. we also got your uniforms which are white with 2 green stripes on the shoulders. were gonna get hats later that say "g unit" on them. stupid rap.
poops..i'll write later. bye

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 6 March :: 12.54 pm

hiya. i havent updated in while mainly because i'm really lazy and i've been buisy with stuff.
i'm gonna make this short. all this week some assholes from st. justins have been bothering me and louise mostly about likeing sean. i cant help likeing (sp?) and i just want them to shut up about it. so the one who was being the meanest to me apologized yesterday and then he was nice to me. its so weird how they can just change like that. yea so uh...enough about that.
so softball is going pretty good but the fuckin assistant coach pisses me off really bad. he was teaching me to do this weird throw thing and it really hurt. so after practice and on thursday and friday too my arm was hurting. of course my throwing arm is the same hand i write with and all that important stuff with so everything was irratitating it. i actually asked people at school to pull on my arm..i think they thought it was weird but it made it feel better. then jessica started pounding on my my back during l.a to help it. THANKS PAL! lol. ok sorry about that. well it doesnt hurt anymore so thats good.
I HAVE TO GO CLEAN MY ROOM. BYE

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 27 February :: 9.55 pm

everything was nice till i woke up...
i'm bored and there is nothing better do so i find myself writing about my bad day right now.
i got up and my bad day began. i froze as i put my uniform on and then i went down stairs to eat some breakfast...i ate cheese. lol. being catholic during lent sucks. no meat on fridays and according to my mom you have to "sacrifice for jesus". i dont care..i hate being catholic..its so fuckin annoying. so we got in the car and i said "mom, why exactly cant i go to the dance tonight" and she said "i dont know..its lent and you have to make som sacrifices." so i said "well does that mean i cant go to any during lent" and she said "we'll go week to week". at this point i was getting pissed cause she always has to drag god and catholocism (sp) into everything! so i asked (with attitude) why she has to drag the church into everything and she got really mad at me. so we go to the end of the block where we turn to go down the other street to get to one of the big roads and she started to slow down a shit load and there isnt even a stop sign there so i was like "jeeze mom you gonna get us killed if you slow down like that" that did not help at all...it made things twice as bad. so then she was starting to yell and said "marilyn, why dont you shut up until you know how to drive?!" then i did. so i pulled out a math packet that i needed to get signed but was going to take a missing assignment for so i wouldnt get grounded from the dance which was pointless cause i did anyway. then she found out what my "game" was and got even more angry. so we got to this intersection/ merging spot on the road and i dont know what i said but she slapped me for it and i looked out the window cause i didnt feel like looking at her and she accused me of trying to see if the guy next to us saw and was gonna call cps on her. (that was a big runon sentence..oh well) we finally got to school and i didnt want to give her one of those sitting down hugs or even say goodbye and she got really mad at that too.
school was much more fun that that car ride that really only lasted 15 minutes but seemed like an eternity. at first i was acting really bitter and angry and i threw my books on the ground..it was a tantrum i admit it but i was so fuckin pissed that i needed to be a bit violent. i think i hurt louises leg a couple of times when i threw my books. so when she reads this..I'M SORRY! (and i'm also sorry for not being so nice on the internet tonight too) i almost got another pink slip today for religion and that would have been my detention but luckily she never collected the thing. during lunch stephanie was moaning cause of her pms cramps really loud. she like screams and it hurts my ears as well as everyone else around her. spanish was the best period. jessica was doing this really weird thing where she would kinda sit forward in the chair then move back really fast and it would hit my desk and move my whole chair thing back and down the row of desk things. at one point amanda told jessica to stop but it was so funny...you kinda had to be there to think that. then eric kept farting and it smelled SOO bad and he named them "zippy" lol. jessica started fanning the air and he said "thats the bad thing about zippy..he doesnt go away when you do that" or something like that..it was so nasty. we got our tests back and i had an average of 31/58 right and for some reason today that was especially funny. i think that we were just laughing at everything though. lol it was fun.
after school we kept singing the song "this is the new shit" by marilyn manson. then my mom came......... i think that should sum everything up but i'll speak more. i got in the car along with sarah and louise cause we take them home everyday and i said "so..what am i grounded from." and she said some stuff along the lines of we'll talk about this and i wasnt gonna talk about it in front of your friends. then she said "tomorrow i'm going to take you to a jail to show you were all the bad kids go." and i asked her why and said that she couldnt cause i have softball that i cant miss. then she said "yea i know but we can have you home by noon" so i got irritated and said 'why? its not like being rude to you is gonna turn me into a convict" then she said "i was kidding..your dad and i have to go up for some guy your dads defending" enough about that.
everyone is at the dance tonight but jason isnt there so louise cant beat him without me! YAY! well i have a really bad headache so i'm gonna go.

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 26 February :: 10.14 pm

these past 2 days have been much better than the other bad days that happened earlier. so..tuesday was our schools version of mardi gras and it was fun. jessica, louise, and i walked around we went to the cake walk and louise won a cake. he was a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and we named him henry and ate part of him using our fingers. it tasted really yummy. then we walked around a bit more and i dunno what we did until jessica needed to go work at a 3rd grade booth thing. louise and i sat there and laughed a lot and then we went to go get some more junk food. we went and a root beer float for jessica, 2 nacho things and 2 sodas for us. we looked like big fat pigs carrying all of it back but it was really good.
so yesterday sucked. our softball practice was rained out so i couldnt beat or yell at ruben..oh well. i will see him on monday if it doesnt fuckin rain. i'm not saying i hate the rain but i really wanted to go to practice for that reason. oh well.
TODAY WAS GOOD! this morning i got 6 boxes of girl scout cookies from jennifer..YUM! oh dude i could eat girl scout cookies all the time.so then we went to our classes and lunch was nice. we ate our food then we went out side (me louise jessica jennifer and anna) and i suggested that we go annoy sarah stephanie and lynn for entertainment. so we went without anna or jennifer and ended up stopping half way down the intermediate hallway to look in at the 4th graders t.v cause they were watching willy wonka and the chocolate factory. so we watched for like 5 minutes or something then mrs. gurries walked passed us and went a little further and i dont know what we did but she said "ladies, i dont think you should be doing that. go back to your homeroom" she might not have said those exact words but it was something similar to that. dude we werent even doing anything bad..since when cant we peak into a class room?! stupid butt face.
WELL I HAVE TO GO CAUSE MY SISTER IS BEING A BITCH!

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 23 February :: 9.26 pm
:: Mood: sad and angry and generally pissed off at everythi

this entry is going to suck but it must be written. i want jimmy to know that its not his fault and i'm not mad at him at all for this.

yesterday afternoon jimmy sent me 4 emails that were of him and some other kid swearing a lot at eachother and stuff. i told my mom she could use the computer and i thought i clicked out of the window but i didnt. so i came back downstairs and she was looking at it and saying "marilyn, what is this?" i had to tell her about it and she got really mad at me. she said that she didnt want me talking to people who used this kind of language. well i said i wouldnt but i'm going to anyway and i'm going to have to be really really carefull of my language. i tried telling her that he was only defending himself against the other kid but she didnt listen to me. i hate myself right now...if only i had clicked out of it. shes also
i went to softball today and i got put in the outfield. i didnt see ruben and i didnt get to beat him. i also got hit on my thigh and i now have a large red spot thats slightly swollen and painful.
school sucked. i really dont think i have anything else to say except this which is for jimmy and jessica: i'm REALLY REALLY sorry. i feel like shit and i'm going to cry...to much bad stuff has happened today.

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 22 February :: 4.06 pm
:: Mood: pissed

what a terrible day it is. i just finished up the unit project for science and its really bad! i think i'm going to bring in the moldy bread tomorrow to show it to the class but i'm not sure yet cause that might get me kicked out cause mrs. gurries is a allergic (sp?) to everything. so i had to write part of toni anns part up and this is what she gave me to work off of:

Ok so it didnt really mold it just got all dewy and hard. On the first day the one in my fridge got all hard. The one in the dark and the one at room temperature were the same and by the second day it got all dewy (the one in the dark and at room temperature) and it smelled kinda weird but it didnt have a strong smell to it. By then the one outside was already gone. By the middle of the first week i lost the cheese in the fridge because my mom threw it out. Acctually it stuck to the plate. Then she scraped it off and threw it away. The things were pretty much the same with the cheese in the dark and the cheese at room temperature but it got dewyer. i touched the dew once, and it felt like oil. Acctually i put paper in the bowl with the one in the dark and the one at room temp and the paper was like see through but it didnt get wet and fall apart. I dont know how to describe it so I'll jsut bring in one of the two papers in a plastic bag on monday. And yea..... so if you have any questions just call me at my house. we probably will stay at the house the rest of the week and move in our new house on Tuesday so you can call me at my house. Man when we were packing yesterday this huge box feel on top of me and it hurt!!!!!!! And I like got practically got high writing stuff on boxes!!!!! Our house is creepy with nothing inside of it. Wait my dad just said we will stay at a hotel till Tuesday but we will check up on the messages at the house daily so if you cant reach us during the week just leave a message. So yea......Thanks again for doing most of the board but now you made me feel really bad like im taking credit for something i didnt do!!! Anyways thanks!

THATS ALL!!!!!!! oh well i dont feel like talking about it anymore cause it annoys me so i'll talk about something else that annoys me even more.
MICHELLE! MY STUPID ANNOYING SISTER! usually i complain about maureen or mary but michelle is really driving me nuts today. right now she lives in shasta for college but she still annoys the shit out of me. so today she has called once to "just check in cause i have nothing better to do" and yesterday she called twice cause first she wanted to talk to my dad about something and then she wanted to tell my mom she went to the doctor cause she hurt her shoulder. i can understand calling for the shoulder a little but still! I MEAN WHEN SHES ALL GROWN UP IS SHE GOING TO CALL FOR EVERYTHING?? i can just hear it "today i watched a movie and it was really good."and then she'll call to say "i went to the store and got some stuff" and then she'll say "last night i got drunk and threw up"....shes already done the calling about being drunk thing. SHES SO DUMB! SHE CALLS JUST TO HEAR HERSELF TALK! ITS LIKE SHES STILL HERE! i miss it when she was gone at her boarding school and they said that she could only call between 6 and 7 pm. that was really nice cause then we'd only hear her once a night for a short time cause everyone wanted to use the phone.
so for some good news my parents are gone again looking for some more houses in morgan hill today..the really nice ones that are new. i hope we can move into one but i doubt it cause they've been saying that since i was like 8.
i'm bored and once again i've complained too much but i guess thats what i have this for. bye.

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 20 February :: 1.33 pm

Chris Lee and other assholes
Last night I added Nick Dazzi and most of his stupid ass friends to my hate list. Nick made 2 sns yesterday just to im me and call me a bitch and a fag and some other stuff then ask me why i hadnt blocked him yet. STUPID MOTHERFUCKIN ASSHOLE! why the hell should i have to keep blocking people cause they are harrassing me??? i think it might be chris lee but i'm not completely sure that he knows there is a "nick d" in my class. he probly does though cause anthoney rogers transfered out of there school to ours and probly told them. i'm so fuckin pissed right now and its the next fuckin morning!
this morning everyone was fuckin yelling really loud but some how i managed to stay in bed until 9:30. i hate them all. i came down and asked my sister why everyone was yelling and she said our dogs got into the neighbors yard and he was pissed. i love the rain but i hate the fuckin wind and if it werent for the fuckin wind our fence wouldnt have crashed over. STUPID ASS WIND!
yesterday night i got grounded i think but i'm not sure if my dad remembers or not. hes so stupid. (sorry for going out of order) so he fuckin comes in and says "get of the internet and turn off the computer" so i say 'fine dad i'm getting off right now" then he comes in and reads what i'm typing and i was talking to jimmy and i'm not supposed to talk to people i dont know so i'm sorry for not responding to those other things you sent. anyway so jessicas window was up and i put "my daddys making me get off right now" or something and then he saw that and said "your off for a week now" so i said "fine dad i dont care" and i almost started crying cause of the nick dazzi thing and he didnt even care that i was distressed. well i admit the tears come awfully easy when i'm trying to get out of trouble but i was upset. after that he demanded to know who i was talking to cause i had a shit load of boxes up and i told him and he said "oh okay." its like dude your such a fuckin dumbass. he doesnt even know how easy it is to lie about who your talking to on the internet. so i'm going to try to get out of my punishment or sneak on in the afternoons when i'm home alone to write in here and stuff.
they said there is another storm coming but i dont see it. last night i did and i went outside and stood in the rain for a while to relax but it wasnt raining hard enough for it to be fun. i hate this fuckin week and i wish it would end and i could go back to school and be so wrapped up in all the fuckin work that i wont have time to care about what chris lee does and all his shit.
i have to fuckin clean my rabbit right now and take a shower and do some of the dishes in about an hour and a half...this fuckin sucks. bye.

2 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 19 February :: 2.05 pm
:: Music: beatles

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 17 February :: 2.38 pm

i'm bored and only one good person is on so i'm updating now instead of later.
i hate chris lee and i'm putting his last name in here so if anyone wants to they can go stalk him and kill him. last night "john kline" who ever the fuck that is was on chris's sn but i think it was him posing as the other guys cause hes a dumbass and he does shit like that. so he kept saying stuff like "noboby could be uglier than you" and "you're not even a human cause youre so ugly" its like dude "GO FUCK YOURSELF CAUSE NO GIRL EVER WILL YOU EVIL EVIL BITCH!" i hate him so much...last night i wrote a list of people i would like to beat and he is #1. i'm gonna share the list:
Chris Lee, Dela, "John Kline", Jason, Dani*, Anna C.*, Maureen, Amanda H. (maureens manly friend), Christina*, Sabreena (slutty ass bitch), Alan, Chrissy Parro (her last name so anyone can go kill her as well), Troy*, Shawn Dobson*, Lucas*, Stephanie*, Sean (for going out with stephanie), Amy*, Jessica Pellerin. people with stars are dumbass ass bitchy people that go to my school and if i put their last name go ahead and hurt them...badly.

so now i'm going to put in here a poem that i wrote last night when i was a ball of anger and its called "mean assholes"

People are right when they say "kids have gotten so rude"
Right now i feel like yelling "Amen dude!"
They can be so vicious and not think twice,
It seems like there are very few that are very nice.
Someday I will beat at least one of those nasty asses.
Make them feel so much pain over there body every punch passes.
Sure I'm not very attractive but i dont really mind.
A guy who isnt purely superficial is what I'll have to find.
I would like to hurt everyone who has been mean to me or people I care about
Kick them, punch them, beat them and shout.
Hopefully my anger would scar them for life
Worse than any serrated edged knife
Maybe if parents taught us kids good manners we would grow up to be great
But for some kids any correction would be too little to late.
so thats my poem..its not very good but oh well. that poem was written out of pure hatred towards chris lee and "john kline" aka chris's imaginary friend. i cannot emphasis enough how purely dumb and EVIL he truly is. there is no nice way to put it. hes a bitch AND DUDE! HE IS WAAAAAY UGLIER THAN ME! WAY UGLIER DUDE! i mean there are few hot asian guys. hes NOT one of them. stupid ass hole i hate him sooo much. this morning i spent 20 minutes beating the punching bag and screaming.ooo angry music is my friend.
I'M BORED! I'M GONNA GO NOW! bye bye

6 did | Go fuck yourself