:: 2004 16 February :: 11.30 pm
:: Music: i am watching pearl harbor and that has music

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 15 February :: 9.45 pm

today sucked...well parts of it
i'll be happy to begin this but then its gonna get bitter and angry. ok so yesterday my sister and i were supposed to go to church but we didnt. instead we drove around and went to barnes and noble cause shes in love with it. i like it there but spending an hour there when all she looks at is romance novels is REALLY boring. its fuckin romance. theres like a million romance movies that you can watch and it ends in 2 hours. so then we went to the travel book section and i was looking at a book about ireland and she found stuff about random middle eastern countries. what the fuck?? its not like shes ever gonna go to one. so then we went to go pick up her stupid friend who says like 2 words the whole night. we pick her up she says "hi" then the rest of the time its silent. we rented s.w.a.t and some lifetime movie..well it belongs on lifetime. it was a waste of time but i picked it out cause it looked like it would make me cry.
today....there are no good words to describe it but there are several ones that kinda fit it. it was pretty fun..at times. i went with louise (sorry jessica) and we laughed practically the whole way up. we were complaining about sean. thats really fun. so we got to san francisco and we were trying to find some museum i dont remember what and we got lost and my stupid sisters dumbass bitchy friend kept telling us to go the wrong fuckin way. we ended up spending 2 hours in the car on a ride that should have been 1 hour maybe. we finally stopped for lunch and ate a shit load cause we were all really hungry then we went to some jumbo size target for no reason. louise and i went off by ourselves and kinda looked around then went into the mall. then we got bored and ran back to target cause we only had 10 minutes. so we got my sister to give us until 3:00 and we went around some more. we ended up looking for axe cause it smells really really good. so we had the axe in our hands and louise wanted to walk around more and made me hold it. we went down an aisle with makeup in it and a guy and his girlfriend came in from the other end. it was soo embarrassing cause he was kinda looking at us. so i tried getting louise to hurry out of the aisle but she wouldnt cause she wanted some fuckin eye liner. I WAS HOLDING AXE AND I'M A GIRL AND ALL SHE COULD THINK ABOUT WAS HER STINKING EYE LINER! so finally we left the aisle and went out to get in line. we were next in line and my sister calls and says that we have to go cause my dad found out we were in target in daly city and was pissed. stupid really. so all that embarrassment for nothing. louise says she will get some axe this week and i'm going to pay her back for it later.
we finally came back home and hung around till 4:30 when louise had to go home taking with her a conversation between her and sean. poo face. oh well she said she's gonna make a copy for me.
the rest of the night has been okay. american dreams is gonna be on soon so i'm gonna go so i can take a shower and stuff.

4 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 14 February :: 12.24 am
:: Mood: sad...again
:: Music: bittersweet symphony

3 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 13 February :: 7.16 pm

a little survey:

Basics
Name::	Marilyn
Birthplace::	California
Birthdate::	5/21/90
Current City of Residence::	San Jose
Family Members::	Parents, 4 older sisters
Favorites
Color::	blue
Beverage::	diet coke
Movie::	billy elliot
Musical::	top hat,white tails (i thinks thats what its called)
Board Game::	i dont play them
Computer Game::	i dont play them either
Game to Roleplay::	what?
Animal::	chickens and roosters
Sport::	baseball
Book::	i dont usually read but...anything that will make me cry
A Day In The Life..
School::	i dont get it
Typical Mood::	cheerful or sad
Usually Found?::	on a chair
Collects::	random stuff
Have You Ever
Been kissed::	nopers
Done drugs::	oh yea i'm always doing drugs! no
Eaten an entire box of Oreos:	unfortunatly and now i hate them
Eaten sushi::	no and i dont plan on it
Been on stage::	uh...kinda but i want to more
Been in a car accident::	no
This or That
Cold or Hot::	hot
Blue or Red::	blue
Rain or Snow::	RAIN!
Wool or Cotton::	cotton
Private or Public School::	private..sorry
Chocolate or Plain Milk::	depends..
Celsius or Farenheit::	faranheit
Spring or Fall::	fall
Science or History::	history
Math or English::	english
"Love Life"
Do you like somebody?::	yup, several people
Do they know?::	one does
Do you want them?::	? uh..yup i guess i do
Are they hot?::	yea
Random
Who do you e-mail the most?:	louise
Who do you IM the most?:	jessica
Who are you talking to now?::	jessica
Are you currently in love?::	no
Is this survey lame?::	i suppose so (billy elliot moment)
Isn't bzoink! nifty? =) ::	no
In 24 hours have you...
...Showered?::	yup
...Had a serious talk?::	no
...Hugged someone?::	yup
...Gotten along with your parents?::	yup
...Fought with a friend?::	no but i was annoyed
...Done something kind for someone?:	yes
Do You Like To...
Give hugs?::	YUP! HUGS ARE GOOD
Give back rubs?::	no
Take walks in the rain?::	yea..without an umbrella or rain stuff
Cook?::	sure
Eat?::	of course
Sleep?::	sometimes
Who..?
..Knows you the best?::	my sister
..Have you known the longest?::	louise
..Do you know the most about?::	louise
..Do you consider your friend?::	people but i dont feel like writing the names
..Is most likely to end up in jail?::	stephanie
..Can you go to with your problems?::	louise or jessica
..Do you want to get to know better?::	hmm...i dont know
..Do you spend the most time with?::	people at school
Have You...
..Been to a concert?::	nopers
..Loved someone so much it made you cry?::	yes..bek aka justin when he graduated last year
..Cheated on a test?::	yup
..Ever stalked someone?::	yes..bek again
..Done something you regret?::	hasnt everyone?
..Been in an online relationship?::	yup for like 2 days and it was really dumb
Random Questions
Single or Hooked?::	single
What is your worst habit?::	biting my nails
Scariest moment?::	almost drowning in the ocean
Do you swear too much?::	yup
How do you feel about homosexuality?::	i have no problems with it. =)
Where are you right now?::	at home in front of the computer
Are you sitting by anyone?::	no
What song are you listening to?::	i'm enjoying a silent house
What is the last thing you said?::	"lol sorry"
What's on your mousepad?::	a mouse..ooh this weird animal thing
What are the last four digits of your phone number?::	i'm not saying
What was the last thing you ate?::	ice cream
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?::	red
How many buddies do you have on your list?::	114
What's the weather like right now?::	half cloudy half sunny and windy
What do you feel like doing?::	going to sleep or watching pearl harbor..again
What is your favorite quote?::	"i'm gonna beat you"

Lame-Stupid-Random Survey brought to you by BZOINK!

while i was at ccd on wednesday i was playing with a safety pin and was scratching my thumb and i scratched once really hard by accident and it really hurts so i'm complaining.
last time i wrote i said that kyle isnt hot. well something about him is and i lied last time cause i was embarrassed.
just now louise told me that her grandma could be sick with breast cancer. i really like her cause she was kinda like my grandma in a way. i really am going to miss her if she dies.
bye

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 12 February :: 12.18 am

ok short entry tonight cause i gotta a paper to write and its 9:00 but i need a break.
today i discovered i still like kyle. yup gross but i cant help it. i mean hes ugly but i like him for his personallity. today, as we were walking out of science class, he said "marilyn." and i said "yea" then he said "our lab notebooks weren't due today" and i kinda half laughed and said "i know i'm sorry" then he said "its ok" and he walked away. big conversation. lol. anyway the reason he said that was cause i thought they were due so i ran out of the science lab cause i didnt do mine and pretended not to be done with my test and i guess he didnt finish his either.
so i talked to sean today and told him some bad stuff about stephanie but apparently he doesnt care. stupidass. someday he'll realize that hes wrong when hes upset cause she broke up with him cause hes boring or something. well i think hes really nice still but i dont like him as much as i used to.
Cherrylicious451: marilyn why would he be pissed at u if he dodnt want u to be pissed at him lol
see thats the improper grammar shit that i hate.
thats about everything important that happened today. bye

3 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 10 February :: 7.22 pm
:: Mood: tired and annoyed

today is bad. woke up at 6:45 and then fell back asleep till 7:00 when my mom came in with the dog, cubbie. cubbie is a really good dog and i love him but at 7:00 in the morning having a dog put his big fat head on your pillow isnt exactly nice.
went to school and we took our history test. i was really tired the whole morning and jessica and i both wanted to go home. so at recess we figured out how we would do it. jessica was going to go first and say what was wrong with her which was real. then about a half hour later which only ended up being 20 minutes i would go to mrs. saunders and say "i really dont feel good may i go to the bathroom" like i had to barf or something. so i did that then i came back and told her i still wasnt feeling well. so she said i could go home and i went to the office to wait for my mom. i didnt really have a stomache or headache but i was extremely tired and i told my mom that so she said i could just lay on the couch for the rest of the day. the one really nice thing about my mom is that shes pretty good about letting me have the day off when i'm sick or stressed or just tired. i even got the day off once just cause i started crying cause we had a science test the next day and i was really worried. i ended up getting sick but she didnt know it when she let me stay home. i just talked to lynn and she said that some people asked her if i faked it. i did but i was tired so technically i was sick. well i watched this show and stuff and saw some depressing stuff.
ok so theres this guy, alex, and i guess he likes me but i think hes pretty annoying and ugly (not like i'm beautiful but u know). whenever i talk to him and he says he has to go he says "luv ya". i dont love him. in fact i only like him as a friend. i dont want to be mean and not say "luv ya" back but how can i if i barely know him? so i havent and i wont unless i've known him for a long time and decide i like him a lot. i just dont get why after knowing someone for like 2 days poeple say "oh yea she/he is my boy/girlfriend and i love him/her." maybe i am dumb for thinking that but its so stupid. its kind of hard to love someone unless you know them well and care about them a lot.
today ashley, a girl at school who i usually dont like, had surgery for scoliosis. i used to be friends with her but her hygene wasnt very good starting in about 6th grade. i make fun of her a lot for her greasy hair and disgusting blackheads and greasy skin. its really really gross but right now i'm worried about her. i also have a lot of sympathy for her cause her parents have known about her scoliosis since she was baby and they did nothing about it. instead they bought a lot of clothes and unnecessary (sp.) junk for her and themselves. her mother has barely worked in her life and they complain about being poor but they have noone to blame but themselves. i believe i said before that we are not rich and that everyone thinks we are cause of my dads profession and stuff. well i realized we should be rich and that we should have lots of stuff but my parents spent their money wisely. we dont have big fancy nice cars and stuff and we dont have a big fat house. they spent the money they had and even money that they borrowed on sending us to a private school and all my older sisters through college as well as setting aside money for vacations and extra stuff. well her parents should also be rich but they arent. not because they spend it on important stuff but because they spend it on crap. good parents would make sure each of them had a job and make sacrifices to make sure ashley got the surgery. at one point 7 people were living a little 3 bedroom town house because my parents decided that my sister needed to be placed in a mental institution for her own good. nobody ever complained or whined about it. ashleys parents would rather live in a larger house with a whole shit load of crap than get her surgery. its absolutely disgusting. i can remember that she was so spoiled that she complained about not being able to shopping after school one time and spend money that they didnt even have. her parents have made me appreciate mine.
i feel like i was just bragging about my family. sorry i dont like doing that but it was the best comparison i could come up with. well i have to go do my homework and write up part of my paper. bye

1 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 9 February :: 10.32 pm

i have lots of homework i need to be doing but i want to take a break.
tomorrow there are 3 tests and on wedneday there are tests (2 or 3). we have winter break next week so i guess the teachers want to load us up with extra work and get all our tests done right before. normally it would be okay and i would manage but i think i'm starting to get a cold. my head really hurts and stuff and we have to study and take tests. its gonna suck.
this morning i had to write all these fractions, decimals and percents down cause i didnt do it over the weekend like i should have. during religion as i was writing all 200 of them down ms doherty caught me and told me to put them away. some teachers would have just taken the paper but she didnt so i managed to get them done in time for math.
during p.e instead of playing basketball and not really having to do much work we actually did stuff. first he started us out with 2 laps around the field to get ready for the mile in march or early april (i cant remember which). then we had to play capture the flag. nino and maria were pissing me off so bad during p.e. first nino kept mispronouncing my name. M-A-R-I-L-Y-N--3 syllables. its not pronounced "merlin". stupid ass. is it so hard to say an "a" sound and add an i into it? lots of people mispell (sp) my name too. i can understand that more cause my name is fairly unusual but its annoying when everyone does it. getting back to the nino thing. he kept saying "hey merlin run!" and i said "no i dont feel like it" maria also did the same thing and yelled to brad that i think he runs funny. stupid bitch.
ok i just told jessica about this but i'm going to put in here as well. my parents are i guess "mild alcoholics". that means they dont get drunk every night but they do at least once every week. they act very strange and yell a lot. my mother tends to be very emotional when she's drunk and it brings back memories of when her dad used to beat her mom. my dad gets very mean and yells quite a bit. i remember one time when my sister took me into the bathroom cause i was crying and gave me a hug and i asked what was wrong with them and she said "marilyn, i know this sounds terrible but our parents our alcoholics." The words stung my ears and i began to cry even harder. i never thought they were alcoholics. i guess i kind of thought that everbody's parents drank every night and got drunk. i didnt want to accept that they were alcoholics and from then on i observed and still do observe their drinking habits.
3-4 drinks before dinner. 2 glasses of wine during dinner and then my mom goes to bed while my dad drinks more and eventually passes out.
thats what happens just about every night in my house. i hate talking about it cause its embarrassing but since the only person who sees me and reads this is jessica and occasionally louise so i am writing it.
i'm tired. goodnight

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 8 February :: 2.41 pm

random stuff
this morning i am going to complain about everything that i hate so if u dont like complainers i suggest that you not read this.
i will begin by complaining about my sister, maureen. she would like to think that she is my favorite sister or that i really can confide in her about things that are troubling me but the truth is that i need someone else that i can complain to about her. i cant though because almost everything i say gets back to my or dad or spread throughout the family. this morning she came into my room and woke me up at 8:45 and made me get up cause we had to go to church. i hate being catholic. i ate breakfast and did everything like that then i was down stairs and looking through a pile of papers. in the pile there was a book called "band of brothers" (i know its supposed to be underlined). that is also a show that was on a couple of years ago and my dad got it for christmas from "santa" aka my mom. so my dad watches it at night on the weekends cause hes obsessed with anything to do with history. i said "oh i didnt know we had this book" and then i went over to go sit on the arm of the couch so i was across from maureen. i was kinda being annoying and felt like talking so i said "i feel like watching Pearl Harbor." then i said that they are going to have it on network t.v and thats a bad idea cause they will have to cut so much out of it and they will have to add commercials so it will be like 4 hours. then she looked at me and said "marilyn, you are being so obnoxious" isnt that nice. then she said "you are acting like you are so into this war stuff and now you are just magically interested in it all. where were you when dad and i were watching the war stuff before?" its like dude fuck off. i'm not obsessed. i am not pretending to like it. i am generally interested in it now because i read anne frank and this other book for school. WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO ASK HER FUCKIN PERMISSION TO BE CURIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING? then i told her that i have always been "obsessed" with pearl harbor and if they have to edit out all the bloody parts a love story with some mild violence will only be left. stupid ass. i hate her a lot when she does shit like that.
another thing that pisses me off is that she is always comparing how big i am to her. she only 5'1 (if that) and i'm 5'3 and she thinks cause shes 5 years older that she should be taller than me. then she says "what size are you" so i tell her that i am still a size 5 and a medium and she says "ooh i'm a small still". this makes me really mad. i dont care if i'm bigger than her cause i'm not fat. stupidass bitch.
i'm done complaining now.

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 7 February :: 2.08 pm

yesterday was fine until the evening came around. then it went from good to bad to good to bad to okay.
sarah called me yesterday afternoon and begged me to ask my dad if i could go to the dance. since i was grounded i had to do something extra good to get my dad to say yes. so i decided to vacuum (sp i think) and put away my laundry and stuff cause my dad appreciates anyone who will vacuum for him. so he called and said he was on his way home and he asked me what i wanted for dinner and i told him my idea. first thing he said was "youre not going" then i said "but dad i vacuumed and did some other stuff too." so then he said "ok well how are you going to get there?" yup it worked. my dad is funny when it comes to doing chores. so i took a shower then sarah called a few seconds after i was done and i told her. then about an hour later she called and told me that stephanie (cause of our earlier fight) didnt want to be in the same car with me and that her mother didnt to drive me back from the dance. so sarah said that she would take me and her mom would pick us up. very nice of her to do that i was surprised.
we got to the dance and the first 20 minutes stephanie was giving me evil looks and i wanted to hit her really bad but i didnt. then completely randomly she turned to me and said "marilyn, i'm sorry i got mad at you." then sarah yelled "YES!". so i forgave her just cause i knew sean was going to the dance and i wanted to be around him. stephanie then decided she needed to go the bathroom and as we were coming out a chaperone grabbed her arm and told her to put on a sweater or something because her stomache was showing. lol it was funny.
sarah found her friends nicole and kristen and they all started to ignore me about an hour into the dance so i went off with erin y and jennifer. they were being nice to me and i feel bad cause later on i was kinda rude. after another 10 or 15 minutes of hanging out with them monica came up to me said that stephanie and sarah were looking for me. so i told erin and jennifer that i would see them later then went to go find stephanie and sarah. when i did stephanie told me that sean was there. so we were looking for him then i saw him and "there he is" and stephanie didnt believe me but she yelled out his name several times and he turned around. so fuckin hot how i love him. so after the first slow song they WOULD NOT let go of eachother! at all. him arm was ALWAYS around her waist and sometimes their bodies were facing eachother and there heads were looking at me and sarah to talk. that fuckin pisses me off. the rest of the dance sarah and i were walking around occasionally talking to nicole, meghan, erin and monica. someone decided to spit out their gum on the floor and then of course i stepped on it. it got on my shoe lace and stuck to the bottom of my shoe. sarah and i went over to sean and stephanie then sarah, while laughing hysterically, said "she stepped on gum" then sean told me to go to the bathroom and put hot water on it so i did and it worked. hes very smart or maybe its just happened to him before. i got most of the gum out but there was a little left which ended up getting stuck to the bottom of my shoe still but not as bad.
as i've said before there are many good things about sean but there is one very bad thing that kinda makes him hot but in a weird way. when he looks at you to talk to you he doesnt really look at you cause he only opens his eyes half way. also he has bad posture so he kind of slouches. so when he looks at you since i'm about his height but a little shoter it feels like his eyes are glued to your chest. even when he talks to guys he does it. its very uncomfortable but if that is the way he is then theres nothing that can be done about it.
during the night i got to touch his sweatshirt when he was standing next to me. i wasnt putting my hand on his sweathirt but sometimes i would bump into him by accident. then i also gave him a high five (like i said before in another entry he really likes them) cause i said i wanted to beat jason. his hand was a bit clammy but nothing disgusting.
sorry if i talked about sean too much and this was boring but i still love him.

6 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 5 February :: 11.56 pm

i liked today. i went to school and the guy who always rides through our school on his bike went through. i flipped him off but not so he or anyone else could see cause parents were dropping off their kids. then sarah and i walked over to where he had just gone through and i discovered that he smells really really good. i dont know what it was but it was yummy. also this guy in our class, aj, smells really good. axe is good stuff.
in religion class today nino raised his hand to answer something about some saint and said that the saint freed the people from jurisdiction. it didnt make sense at all cause you cant free someone from jurisdiction so miss doherty said "what does that mean?" and he didnt know so she said "nino, dont use words you dont know the meaning of in your work." he is always trying to use big words to sound intelligent but it just makes him sound dumb cause he doesnt make sense.
we had an assembly today and it was funny. people kept yelling stuff like "DAZZI! DAZZI!" LOL FUNNY! DUDE BONE MARROW IS FUN TO SAY!
MY MOM SAYS ITS TIME FOR A SHOWER. BYE!

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 4 February :: 11.40 pm

LAST PERSON WHO...
. Slept in your bed: me and my dog on top
. Saw you cry: uh....my mom i think
. Made you cry: mr.vane and my aunt marie for dieing
. Spent the night at your house: hmm louise?
. You shared a drink with: i took a sip of my sisters drink w/out asking but thats not sharing really
. You went to the movies with: louise and jessica and anna was there
. You went to the mall with: sarah
. Yelled at you: my dad, he called me a jackass
. Sent you an e-mail:i dont know
. Said "I love you" to you: my mom

HAVE YOU EVER...
. Said "I love you" and meant it: yes but to a picture and to my family
. Been to New York: yup but not the city
. Been to Florida: yup
. California: well cause i live here yes
. Japan: no
. Mexico: no
. China: no
. Canada: almost
. Danced naked: yuck. no
. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: kinda. i had a dream i cussed out sarah then i cussed sarah out behind her back
. Got a really bad feeling about something then it happened: not really
. Wished you were the opposite sex: never
. Had an imaginary friend: yes. i remember he used to wear blue shirts a lot
. What are you going to do after you finish this survey: type some other stuff then be forced to go to bed
. What was the last food you ate: chicken and salad and a nasty red potatoe and spinach
. Are you bored: not really
. How many buddies are on: 17

WHAT WAS THE...
. Last movie you saw: in theatres LOTR and at home billy elliot or pirates of the carribean
. Last noise you heard: my mom tell my sister to be quiet
. Last time you went out of the state: last summer

. Hair Color: brown
. Eye Color: green on the outside and hazelish near the middle
. Height: 5'3
. Glasses/contacts: unfortunately yes
. Current Age: 13
. Siblings: 4 older sisters
. Siblings Ages: 23, 22 (in 2 days),20,19
. Location: san jose california
. Any Piercings: yuppers-ears
. Are You Timely Or Always Late: depends on whose driving
. Do You Have A Job: no
. Do You Like Being Around People: only if they dont shop at abercrombie

STUFF...
. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: of course
. Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: stupid ass sean made me cry cause he cried
. Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: ENGLISH PEOPLE!
. Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: well he used to be my friend but i havent talked to him in a while and i like him now.

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
. Cried: yes..once again my aunt marie and mr.vane
. Bought Something: yes
. Sang: lol yes. i feel so bad for my family
. Said I Love You: no
. Missed Someone: yes
. Hugged Someone: yes
. Kissed Someone: no
. Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: day dreamed
. Had a lot of sleep: no
thats a nice survey. so today was nice. lynn stopped being mad at me but then started again this afternoon.
ruben, sarahs old boyfriend, just told me he thought i was hot. (JESSICA DO NOT TELL HER THAT) i dont think i believe him but hes not lieing then that is good. i admit that i like him but havent been able to cause of sarah. he is nice and i dont see why sarah doesnt like him but i dont really care.
so today in the car on the way home from ccd sarah started talking about owning cabins and stuff. she was complaining about owning only one house. we dont even own a house though so i felt kinda dumb but i said "yea i know the biggest thing we own is a car".everyone seems to think that just cause my dad is a lawyer that we are rich so its embarrassing when people find out that we rent our house. they dont realize that we did own a house once and we almost bought one but my sister always got sick and we had to back out of it.
i'm tired of writing. good night or day depending on when u read this

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 2 February :: 9.58 pm
:: Mood: so fuckin pissed

today was a fuckin nightmare. i hated today. so we went to school and then sarah got out of her car and walked right passed me on her way to lynn. luckily louise was there and she came over to me. we both got really pissed and were yelling and getting very angry cause of the sean thing. we yelled and stuff and then jessica got there and we got very angry again and yelled. so we went into the lockers and louise went over to stephanie and hit her twice. not too smart cause now she is in trouble. so anyway stephanie got really pissed and they all got pissed at us and us at them. at recess sarah came up to me and said this:

at that point i was very close to beating the shit out of her so i turned around and complained to louise and jessica. i hate them so much. it makes me so mad how stephanie completely changed what i said about sarah around. we were all in the car and i said "sarah is obsessed with her boobs" then stephanie agreed with me and we were kinda making jokes about them and stephanie was laughing and stuff. then when stephanie got mad at me and louise and told sarah that i was the one who was saying all the stuff even though she was too. stupid ass bitch. i cannot trust any of them. sarah had such attitude that she made me fuckin cry and she has caused louise to cry several times. it makes me so mad that i cant describe my feelings.
my mom just called sarah's mom and stephanie's mom and told them what happened. stephanie is mad at my mom and so is sarah. what ever i really dont care. lynnn is trying to help thought so that is good.
bye

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 1 February :: 9.43 pm
:: Mood: so fuckin pissed off

STEPHANIE THE BITCH
sarah just gave me bad news. sean has a girlfriend. some abercrombie named mary. yup mary like a saint but shes not. her sn starts out with "sexkitten" and i think there is some numbers. sickass. she makes me so mad. he could like louise or jessica or me cause we are good and we dont have sns like 'sexkitten" and other nasty shit to do with sex. i hate her so much. i feel like crying right now. i guess i'm a stupidass for wanting to cry over a person i've only met once and talked to on the internet. NEVER FUCKIN MIND!!!! THE PERSON IS STEPHANIE!!!!!!!!!!! STEPHANIE! THAT STUPID BITCH! I HATE HER! I HATE HER SO MUCH! dude she only started liking him after he told her she was "hella hot". that stupidass motherfucker. i hate both of them. i dont like sean anymore. hes probly some superficial little asshole who only likes her cause she is "hella hot" and has boobs and shit like that. dude that fuckin makes me so mad. god damn her. dude shes gonna end up pregnant like tomorrow or soemthing and end up living her life inside of a nastyass trailor in a nasty ass trailor park and her like will be so fucked up she wont know how to fix any of it. i will laugh when that happens. why the hell does she do this? she will go out with any guy that likes her if he is even minimally (sp) hot. stupid bitch. you cant trust her to be around a guy you like cause she will take him and without any regrets. why did she do this?i hate them. i have never fuckin wanted to kill someone so fuckin badly like i do right now. OH AND FUCKIN THE PATRIOTS ARE FUCKIN LOSING!AND THEY SUCK! I'M SO MAD! THEY LIED TO ME. I ASKED SARAH IF STEPHANIE WAS AT HER HOUSE AND THEY SAID SHE WASNT SO I SAID SOME STUFF TO HER ABOUT STEPHANIE. FUCK THEM! I HATE THEM BOTH MORE THAN ANYONE CAN IMAGINE! JASON IS TALKING TO THE PRECIOUS ASS HOLE NAMED STEPHANIE BITCHY ASS FUCKER SHIT SUCKER! I DONT HAVE ANY MORE FUCKIN PATIENCE TO SAY WHAT ELSE HAS FUCKIN HAPPENED!

Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 31 January :: 9.24 pm

sean
so i'll begin by talking about last night. what a wonderfull night. jessica and louise came over to get ready to go to the dance and then we didnt start early enough so i looked really bad. (that becomes important later) then stephanie came over at 6:20 so that we could take her. while we were getting into the car for some reason louise yelled "vagina" cause we were talking about bobby, kid in my class, and his desire to be a gynecologist (sp) cause they get to see women naked. so my mom got really pissed and today she yelled at as both and said even though louise and i have been friends for 9 years she would not let me be friends with her. stupid bitch. i hate my momsometimes. so we went to the dance and were bored for the first 2 and 1/2 hours. stephanie tried to teach me how to dance and i was really really bad. for some reason i kept thinking that something was wrong with jessica cause she looked like she was sick so i would ask her but she said she was ok. so then we went to go sit down on some chairs and louise looked under her chair. under it was a red sweatshirt that belonged to jason, a guy from another school that we all know. louise picked it up and smelled it then she handed it to me to smell. at first i didnt want to smell it cause i thought it would smell like sweat or something but i did and it smelled so good. so after that we were trying to get his attention and he wanted come over. finally, one of his friends, sean, came over and asked us what we wanted him for. ah sean, so hot and nice. (did i use the comma right?) so he asked jessica and louise what there sns were so he would know who they were (but not me). they told him and then he went to jason to get him over to talk. eventually he came and then only said a few words then left with his sweatshirt. dumbass. i wanted that sweatshirt. so then sean came over and started talking with us and gave us all high 5's. see how nice he is? after he did that and everyone talked to him for a bit a slow song came on and he pointed to louise with his right arm and said "do you want to dance?" then she jumped up and said "oh cool i get to dance with sean!". poo face. she got to dance with him and have her hands on him and his on her. i still get mad when i think about that. i was talking to sarah on the phone while they were dancing then sean said "is that sarah? let me talk to her" so i did. i gave the phone to him. then he talked to her and gave the phone back to me. when the song ended he walked off and he was putting his hand out for a high 5 (which i think hes obsessed with) from louise but she didnt so i put my hand out for her cause i felt bad for him. his hand was soft. he went off with jason somewhere but then jason fuckin ditched him so he came back over to us. i feel bad for him cause he has to be friends with jason. anyway though he was acting distressed or sick or sad so me louise and jessica were concerned so we asked him if he was okay. then he started laughing and ran over to the wall and put his on his arms which were against the wall. when he came back over to us he pointed to this fat girl and this short guy dancing together and said something like "i cant believe that guy asked her to dance". jessica suggested that it might have been the girl asking the guy to dance and he agreed that that was a possibility. at one point he was restin each of his arms on louise and jessica. then i gave jessica a high five that was hard cause i like to see peoples reactions to it. (i think i'm getting a lot of the details wrong) so somewhere in that conversation jessica said that i should do that to sean and he accepted. the first time we ended up hitting wrists and that didnt hurt. so then we tried again and i guess he didnt kinda just put his hand out there cause it didnt hurt very bad. then everyone was talking except for a few awkward silences. i kept seeing him look at everyone out of the corner of his eye like he was trying not to be obvious about it but he was. when he did it to me i felt very insecure cause like i said earlier i looked really bad and i hate being judged. so the dance ended and we got into stephanies car then sean was walking to his car with his dad and jessica stuck her head out the moon/sun roof and yelled "bye sean" ( i think thats what she said. i know had to do with bye) so he turned around and waved at her. hes so nice. the rest of the night we couldnt stop talking about him.
louise and i spent the night jessicas. it was fun cause we talked about him a lot and went to sleep at 2 am. then we woke up and watched fruits basket. i was surprised that it was good. it remined me of a soap opera just in a cartoon. i think that i might like to watch more. so louise came over to my house when we got dropped off and we went on the internet for a while to see if sean was on. we went on several more times and had several conversations with jason about sean and what he could say about how much we like sean. we told him that he could not say we are obsessed even though we are but he could say that like sean a lot. he hasnt yet. sean did tell jason that he likes louise and thinks stephanie is hot. yup no love for me or jessica. louise says that he thinks i'm cool. i doubt it but its nice to pretend. sean told jessica that she is weird but louise and i were trying to make her feel better by telling her that he thought she was weird in a good way. i dont think jessica is that weird. is being yourself considered weird now?
jason is going to get us a picture of him and i am going to get jason a picture of sarah...somehow. stupid scanner, it wont work.
today i got yelled at several times because i dont do enough chores. i do a lot more than some people my age and my parents arn't thankfull.
i love sean even though he loves louise. he 100% english and that is nice cause i love english people so much.
bye

2 did | Go fuck yourself

:: 2004 28 January :: 9.59 pm

hashem
today...such a lovely day. when i got to school lynn came over carrying the picture of hashem. hashem is the really really funny and cute 6th grader that we met when we were in yosemite. he is wearing the yellow shirt he wore almost everyday we were there and holding a glass of pepsi or coke. i really miss him and his accent (he is jewish so he has a hebrew accent) and how he called louise a bitch. that was funny cause louise accidently grabbed his soda instead of hers and he said "are you trying to steal my coke you little bitch?" it was so funny. then he said "we going on the mountain hike." as he was hitting his hip in this weird way. oh and there is this asshole in our class named shawn (i believe i've mentioned him before) and he was trying to hump all the 6th graders and i felt really bad for them cause hashem was nearly crying and he said "he was humping me" it was so sad. if shawn is going to do that i think he should have done it to his stupidass friends.
so i did my performance of a poem in front of the first grade today. the first poem i did was very bad and it was embarrassing. the second one i did was with mikaela and i did my "granny voice" so i didnt have to do much movement to make people laugh. it was fun. i like being up in front of people when there is someone else with me and being in front of 6 year olds is not so bad.
after school i went home and sarah came with me....it wasnt such a fun afternoon. she likes that "milkshake" song. its so fuckin annoying.
we went to ccd after that for school hours even though i dont need anymore. so i was stuck in the faculty room with my mom and i saw our 8th grade quilt. its pretty nice but i think its a bad idea to have us color the squares for it with cloth marker. then sarah and lynn came by and i went with them down the hall and when we passed mrs borges's room and they had a ccd class in there and some kid when we passed said "hey ladies". so i told lynn to go back and wave and she did. it was funny. then i went into the classroom and asked for their attendance book and the lady gave it to me then the kid smiled at us and waved to us. it was funny. then when ccd ended we were leaving through the hallway and he was there so he said talking to all of us "hi what do wanna do this weekend. how bout go to mcdonalds or baskin robbins, coldstone...whatever you want." he's a very interesting person.
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! HEY JUDE!!!!!!! i think that song is really good. its fun to sing really loud.
i dont know what else to say. bye

2 did | Go fuck yourself