love me or hate me its all the same

1 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 20 November :: 5.58pm

Im only miserable when I'm away from him.
The misery eats away at me as I sit and wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking.
And when we're together, I'm constantly questioning everything that he's thinking, and whether or not he truly wants to be with me.

Wednesday at 5 we are meeting with the guy that we are going to be getting the new place from.
I told the landlord last week we'd be out by DECEMBER 1st.
Won't be able to move in until the first of the year.
So I have to go talk to the landlord and try to extend that.
Otherwise we're screwed.

When we move we might be getting a dog.
Mike said it'd be our home warming present.
A plant would be our best bet.
But a dog would be nice.

Even though I love him entirely and he makes me happy, shouldn't I be happy even when we're apart?
I hate being away from him.
I love the way his scent lingers.
I love the way I can still feel his arms around me, even after he's not there.
And I love the way he looks at me.
Sadly, I still question whether he means it.

I'm constantly contradicting myself.
Questioning every thought, even every movement.
And just when I think that our relationship is coming to an end and I've braced myself for the moment, everything turns around.

The self-esteem I lack is well needed at this point.
The confidence I've never had, is desired.
I hate how I'm so insecure.
Will I ever lose this feeling that he wants/deserves better, prettier, smarter?

12 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 19 November :: 9.15pm

Leave some memories that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Don't send a message, leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you

:: 2006 18 November :: 5.30pm

All I have to say is big trucks and shooting guns excite me.

I got to shoot a gun for the first time today. I shot 3 of them actually.
I am going to start hunting next year.

1 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 17 November :: 8.42pm

90 days
I never realized how much happened in 90 days till I thought about my 90 day probation period at meijer. I made some new friends, already got rid of some of those friends lol. I moved out. Seems like things that were bothering me 90 days ago don't even bother me anymore. Makes me realize how in 90 days the things that are bothering me now I prly wont even care about and thats a awesome thought to have. I guess life is funny like that. Well I started my new job, which is turning out pretty good. I don't really do that much so I have to bring stuff to keep myself awake. I hope I don't get fat from all the sitting around at my new job. But the people all seem really nice. I like just hanging out with the residents. I am hoping I get to be one of the nurse aides that goes on there trip to the mall with them. So apartment life is going good. I love having good days off. So basically I've just been hanging out with friends, work and drinking. Nothing new lol.

:: 2006 17 November :: 12.34am

the weekend, nothing to do.
definatally some WoW and posiabally some drinking.

6 will hate me | will you love or hate

chelthesmell

:: 2006 16 November :: 2.53pm

DO IT!!!
Leave some memories that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Don't send a message, leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you

joeydomina

:: 2006 14 November :: 8.29pm

well lets see
Well I'm not single.... We worked things out for now. I'm working at Blockbuster mainly now. I enjoy it very much. It's super easy also. Umm.... November 28th Superman Returns comes out on DVD at least thats what my boss said... but I get my little employee perk so I'm going to use that... and ummm yeah not much else sides playing Tony Hawk's Project 8 so yeah.... Yall have fun and everything. peace

Eddy	:: 2006 13 November :: 5.34am "It smells like gunpowder, throw-up, poo-poo eggs" 3 will hate me \| will you love or hate

:: 2006 12 November :: 11.25pm

finally i have internet in the dorms now.

4 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 11 November :: 4.05pm

i'm in ohio
made it htere in a $100 car.

:: 2006 11 November :: 4.05pm

i'm in ohio

joeydomina

:: 2006 10 November :: 8.50pm

I shouldnt write this but oh well
Well everything has been made like I wish it wouldnt be but I have to live with it. I'm single now and thats how I'm gonna be for a while. well I'm gonna go and play ddr or something thats all I can do.

:: 2006 9 November :: 9.33am

Well its prly time for a update. This is my last week at Meijer then I start my new job at the nursing home. I am pretty excited for that, cuz it will be a lot more money. I finally got rid of april, so I don't have to deal with that whole situation anymore. So now Brenton and Jay live here. So apartment life is now a ton better and everything seems to be working out the way I want it to. So feel free to stop by whenever you want :)

:: 2006 6 November :: 3.09pm

I think that there is a point in every relationship were atleast one of you starts feeling not good enough or like there is always someone better for the other person.
Frankly, I just got over that feeling.
I have finally realized that if there was someone better or someone else he wished to be with, he'd be with them instead of me.
Everytime I look at him, I fall even more in love with him.
We've been talking a lot more lately.
Working on talking about things before we get frustrated.
And getting things out there in the open.
It seems to be working, because we are both extremely happy.
We've been together for a year and one week.
Even though I have hit some low points over the past year, I'd have to say I've been the happiest I've ever felt.
I love him more than words can explain and I won't let anything or anyone come in between that.

Saturday night when we were bowling, we sat a little ways away from each other, and we just kept looking at each other and smiling and starring into each others eyes.
And when we got home everything was perfect.
I loved every moment of it, and I was quite surprised.
I am really glad that things are working out.
And most importantly, I am really happy that we're together.
We are getting out of our financial slump and talking more about that.
We plan on being out of here by December 1st.
He's supposed to call a guy back on some more details about a place we looked at last Wednesday.
I'm getting really excited.

1 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 2 November :: 10.30pm

the 3rd corvette ever made just sold for a million dollars.... wow

3 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 31 October :: 4.09pm

So right now on our one year anniversary, we're not talking.
All because he doesn't believe me that he took me a on a date 1 year ago today.
He's siding with Paula, the mother of his child who was married when they had their thing.
Wonderful. Just wonderful.

joeydomina

:: 2006 31 October :: 4.04am

happy halloween folks.....

5 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 29 October :: 4.34pm

Well I ended up getting my CNA job, but I don't get a lot of hours right away. So right now am working at meijers and there.So my sleep pattern is a little weird lately. But I am adjusting fast. The apartment is great, seems like people are here a lot to keep me company, which I like a lot. So you should all come visit me. Other then that its just the normal, school, work, sleep, drink.

:: 2006 29 October :: 9.35am
:: Music: metallica

okay, the metallica probe can finally play metallica... really really loud.
i have a redneck "system" in there, it was compleatly free and came from my basement, pics tonight if your lucky(dont count on it)

:: 2006 30 October :: 6.59am
:: Music: Over my head - The Fray

Last night Mike and I went a date.
He took me out to dinner and then we went to wal-mart to get a bunch of stuff that I needed, and he paid! haha
And then we went bowling.
Where I beat him 1 game.
So now I can make fun of him and say he was beat by a girl.
Poor loser!
It was a lot of fun.
We bowled like 4 games.
We're thinking of making it a weekend ritual.
So maybe we can get more people to go with us each weekend.
It was so much fun last night.
And now he's at work.
I hate it when he works the weekend because then im stuck alone.
But this time I have the car, because I need to do laundry and i'm not sure if Im going to do it here or take it to one of my parents houses.
Anyway, all I know is that my apartment is so freakin' hot!!

4 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 29 October :: 6.01pm

It's amazing how all through high school I was afraid of commitment and all the stuff that comes with it.
And then when I graduated, I started dating Shaun and thought I was ready for something that I wasn't.
So our relationship soon ended because I then found something that I thought would make me happier, when really it turned my whole world upside down, inside out and everywhich way but the right way.
After that whole experience, I was a mess.
I thought my life was over, and I wanted it to be. After a couple months of doing stupid stuff and holding in all the depression, I started dating Michael.
After we started dating I started to release all of that pent up depression and I started drinking a lot.
But soon quit after I made a terrible mistake which resulted in our relationship coming to a week long end.
Here we are, still together.
Tuesday will be 1 year.
Not only is this my longest relationship, I am the happiest I've been in a long time.
I love him very much and even though we fight, and have our problems I wouldn't trade it or him for the world.
And recently I had the same thoughts that Brianna has been having.
And Im sure if I asked Michael if he thought we were meant to be together, he'd tell me the same thing Dann told Brianna.
But sometimes, even though you don't want to hear the answer that they have, you have to ask the question.
The truth hurts and will always hurt.

All day today, I look at him and just smile.
He makes me really happy.
When I look at him, it makes me so happy to know that I'm with him.
That I am able to wake up next to him everyday, and fall asleep with him every night.

If you haven't noticed, I really do love him.

Justy, I miss you.

Eddy	:: 2006 28 October :: 5.23am Why does reading woohu always depress me so? 5 will hate me \| will you love or hate

Eddy	:: 2006 28 October :: 4.59am New My Chemical Romance: The Black Parade Love it. Especially number 8, 'Cancer' will you love or hate

:: 2006 27 October :: 10.34pm

So its been awhile since a real update.
There really isn't much to fill you in on.
As I'm sure you all know the contents of my life.
And I'm sure most of you are just as surprised as I am, that next tuesday will be mine and Michaels 1 year anniversary.
My longest relationship.
We've been in a slump the last month or so.
But things are so much better.
And I love him so much.
I get depressed way too easily.
But anyway.. this isnt much of an update because I have to go to bed.
I have to be to work at 4. Sucks to be me.