love me or hate me its all the same

:: 2006 3 April :: 9.07pm
:: Music: I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - MCR

errg...I dont know what I should do about this little "situation" I'm in. Maybe I'll just let things go and if anything happens it will happen and if nothing happens I wont let it get to me. I'm done with getting too attached and then getting hurt all over again. I'm just going to live for me for now on and if someone wants to join in then that's cool. As long as they aren't suicidal, emo nemo, or crazy then they are cool in my book. lol. And as long as they dont say "I Love You" or at least wait more than 2 months to say it. God...Mike was a fucked up bastard. I'm glad he's gone. I'm really glad that he hasnt called me or anything in a little over a month or so. I like it. It's nice....

welp I think I shall give Mindy a ring pretty soon. Make sure she's doing good cause I love the shit out of her. (eww...lol)

well....I'm off! Ta Ta Kiddies...! =)

moomoo

:: 2006 3 April :: 5.23pm

I'm in Florida. Were at the Library getting directions to Wet n Wild and Crypress Gardens. Were leaving for Cypress Gardens tommorrow. I hope everyone is having a good spring break.

:: 2006 3 April :: 2.18pm

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).

Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.

agnosticism
75%
Buddhism
75%
Satanism
71%
atheism
67%
Paganism
63%
Islam
58%
Hinduism
42%
Christianity
33%
Judaism
33%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

amazing how buddism and even islam and hindu came before christianity...wow...! but that sounds just about right i would say...

1 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 3 April :: 2.06pm

apparently i'm an asswad.

now i'm a hunny bunny and a snookems
cause bethhy loves me.

but after asswad i was a dick and a fucking cock.
:D

i should keep a list of names she calls me in a day, cause that was like 5 minutes lols

:: 2006 3 April :: 1.49pm

it really annoys me when my best friends all get together and hang out and they dont invite me. errg...it really really seriously pisses me off. and then they talk about it to me. wtf?! what the hell am i? yesterday's stew?! and me and ash both get out of work at 8 it's not like they arent inviting me because i'm busy anyways or anything. erg! that's one of the things that i hate most, when i'm not invited. even if i know i dont want to go somewhere everyone else is going, it's still nice to have that invitation there for just incase ya know? or maybe i'm just a cry baby or something, i dont know. i just dont like being left out of the group, makes me feel like crap. and it's stinky crap at that.

*emo sigh*

this poetry.com contest thing keeps sending me stuff telling me that they like my poem and i dont even remember signing up for it. and now they are telling me they want to turn it into some dumb pop song. it isnt even that good of a poem i mean i've written way better than that one. it's stupid. and then they want me to pay 50 dollars just to get the cd. i've desided noone is putting my poems in and books are songs unless i'm getting paid. i were the pants in this relationship...biotch!

welp, no golf today due to the rain and snow (wtf? it's suppose to be spring break not shitty break?) so i had to go babysit my niece and nephew (Madison and Chase) while my sister Holly went to the doctors for them to check on the baby that's going to be here any day now (Adulf Lusifer is his name lol) i cant wait until that little shit demon comes out! i'm so excited! =)

welp, i have to work today from 4-8...i dont want to, but it must be done. i really need the money.

i think i'm going to go get my hair done next week. maybe like monday or something. maybe mindy can schedule an appointment for me at the carreer center. i hear it's only like ten bucks there so that kinda rocks! i need a new color or something. somethings gotta change for me. change is good every once and a while.

and suddenly my hand is bleeding and i dont know what i did? hmm...what can ya do eh?

errg...i wish someone would want to hang out with me. some inperticular...oh well...once again, what can ya do?

later gaterz...$$!

tonyp.

:: 2006 3 April :: 1.36pm

ive never been more misserible in my life.....some of this shit just isent fair.

8 will hate me | will you love or hate

rayray

:: 2006 2 April :: 10.04pm

Mike and I are back together.
My hair is purplish red with a brown tint.
I still have no job.
Knee surgery is a week and a day.

3 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 2 April :: 5.17pm

Sundays are nice. Even when it rains.

I like the smell of rain. I think it's cool.

It's weird, sometimes rain makes me depressed and sometimes it just relaxes me.

Right now, I am relaxed.

I got paid today

I'm thinking that I am going prom dress shopping on Wednesday with Sonia. It was her last day at work today. Makes me kinda sad cause I love that girl to peices. She's a sweetheart.

I need to mooch money off of my folks.

And I need to get my hair done...I'm kinda sick of it.

I think I want either a yellow dress or a lime green one. But I really really REALLY want a pocka dot one...lol

and a date too at that matter...lol =(

welp...bye!

eddy

:: 2006 2 April :: 4.14pm

Why is it people feel the need to freak out on you when they don't get their food in minus 30 seconds? Beats me. Anyway, my wallet is nice and fat, I can't even close it anymore, no kidding. Its a wonderful feeling I tell you what. I guess this job is really taking its toll on me too. I just weighed myself out of curiosity, and apparently I've lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Whoa. The last time I lost that much was during my surgery when I couldn't eat anything. Then I gained it all back, and was back where I started (125) and now its gone again. Yay for muscles! lol.

Oh, and I forgot to mention something about yesterday at work. Remember I talked about that fight I saw? Well theres this really big girl in the group that looks like she has waaaay too much testosterone in her system who is pretty much doing all the fighting. Well, I saw her again last night. And guess what she was doing? Yep, she was fighting, this time she was coming in the door. Getting started early I guess. Oh well, serves for nice entertainment.

eddy

:: 2006 2 April :: 3.51am

Oh my GAWD! I am so angry! Just got home from work like 20 mins ago, and I have to go back in at 10. Im debating if I should even sleep. I probably should though, Im glad I have Mon and Tues off. anyway, thats not what I'm angry about. Im angry cuz it was like, 10 mins to close, everything is going slow, so we start cleaning stuff up so we could get out faster, then all of a sudden theres this mad rush for food when we're supposed to close, and our manager won't let us close because we were so busy. Whats worse, it was only two trainees that were there, me and Amy's sister who was hired about the same time as me. So were trying to do all this stuff, we both wanted to strangle someone, mainly Sherry,(our manager who made us go longer) UGH!!!!!

Still waiting for more takers for HIM! It would be nice to have like a small group go =) Even if you're not like a super huge fan of HIM. Come on, its like a freaking road trip! plus a concert!! Thats like F-U-N to the max man!

:: 2006 1 April :: 10.42pm
:: Mood: tired and bored
:: Music: joyride

well, my mother seems to think that i'm grounded over spring break but i dont remember discussing this...? i think it's funny when they think they have some kind of control over me. they are never home and they never know where i am and one time i come home at 1 in the morning and all the sudden they are parents again...they kinda annoy me. i cant wait to leave. sometimes i really wish they'd do one stupid thing to screw up so i could move in with Janis or something cause i'm sick of them. but i guess i'm just a teenager or something.

i work all week. tomorrow from 8-4 and then everyday 4-8 until friday and saturday i work 4-10. kinda sucks but i'll get alot of money.

i need to get a prom dress this week. i think i get paid tomorrow so that should be helpful. maybe i can talk my parents into giving me atleast 50 bucks or something. cause that would be nice. lol. they are stupid about things sometimes. i wonder if i'm going to cedar's prom or not. i dont know if i should. i have a band compitition the next morning but i can probably go to that half dead so no big deal. i'll get that day off just incase.

i miss mindy already. early this week i was looking forward to being with her anouther weekend but then i remembered that she wasnt going to be here..=( poo...I hope she gets me something cool though!=) I asked for a unicorn but i dont think she's going to try too hard to find one. she's a lazy ass like that sometimes when it comes to me i guess. she just thinks i'm not too reasonable about somethings but i just think she's a silly poo poo head. lol. but i love her. and i miss her like a buttload!

i think i have a bladder infection...=( i need to go to the doctors

wow..i thought i lost this but i didnt. phew.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hTwl-y2EFkc&search=jack%20black <--this makes me and john laugh. lol. you gotta love that kid...

yeah but seriously, if anyone wants to do something just call me cause i really dont have a life so that'd be cool if you helped me have one or something. lol. bye gangsters!!

:: 2006 1 April :: 11.42am

damn...I think I spoke too soon...

errg...!

1 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 1 April :: 11.02am

she's coming home tomorrow. no more nasty ass welding dust.

:: 2006 1 April :: 1.09am

call me for fun! now bitches!
haha...you guys are weird...

bowling tonight was fun. i got kinda bored with it though. i just got home. no one cares either...it's weird. i dont know...maybe they just dont care what i'm doing. if i'm off selling my body for crack or robbing a chinese resturant. i dont know...they just dont care. oh well. i have to work tomorrow from 2 - 10 and then sunday from 8-4 damn...ugh..i dont know...i just dont. i want to have fun over break but yeah...i do. yeah. lol. i'm not making much sense right now but you know what i mean. well i mean you probably dont but oh well. fuck off!

bye!

eddy	:: 2006 31 March :: 11.02pm :: Music: James Blunt O.O Who wants to come see HIM with me in Chicago on the 17th of May @ the Congress Theatre?!??!! 12 will hate me \| will you love or hate

6 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 31 March :: 5.50pm

go back to whore island where you came from....bitch!

:: 2006 30 March :: 9.46pm
:: Music: john mayer - only heart

so today was uneventful. i wanted to leave all day long cause i was soo tired and i didnt feel good. but yeah...mindy is leaving tomorrow...=( i dont know what to do with my weekend now. everyone else (my school) is going to my friend joel's birthday party but i dont really want to go cause his dad makes me feel uncomfortable. makes me feel like i'm going to hell and i dont like that feeling. so yeah...i probably wont be going to that one. so yeah...anyone want to hang out, give me a call or something i suppose and if not...oh well i suppose.

i need to go golfing soon...

*sigh*

night....

:: 2006 30 March :: 4.48pm

i'm not getting any oil pressure in the grand am now...
its not looking good...

3 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 30 March :: 10.46am

so yeah, I've been watching car shows lately on tv, i want to get my cutlass running, i've said it a million times before, and i've never done anything a million times before. its just talk, an idea, i need a garage to put it in for a couple weeks to get it put together, thats all.

tonyp.

:: 2006 29 March :: 11.27pm

well i got a hair cut, two new piercings, and the day off. well i think i look good. hard to talk but its good. doing nothing for spring break, hopefully having a tattoo party! wanna come?

what are you doing for break?

4 will hate me | will you love or hate

5 will hate me | will you love or hate

:: 2006 29 March :: 6.18pm
:: Mood: completely exhausted
:: Music: sweet emotion - aerosmith

i think i've faced my fear of heights
yesterday was so much fun. we left school early and headed to D-Triot! lol! it was so much fun. we stayed at the Hilton. it was awesome. we performed at pre-game and my mom said they got a few close ups of me, it was way cool. someone said we were on tv so i thought that was awesome too. the game was soo cool though. i had sucha blast! we got a buttload of free shit too. i got a free hat, a free pistons bag, and a free dance sweater. then today we got free breakfast which was good and then we went to this outlet mall that was huge! well it wasnt HUGE but it was pretty big for an outlet mall. i got this cool big ring for this chinese store. that place was so awesome, they had these sameri swords that i really wanted to play with but they wouldnt let me. and then i got these awesome shoes that were only 10 bucks and i got some sweet sunglasses and some panties and a new bra. ugh! it was so cool. rue 21 had 99 cent panties! i was so excited! you dont even know. oh gosh! and at the game they had dippin' dots! those are me absolute favorite! i was so excited. i forced it upon my dad to buy me some. they were delicious. i was happy. i still am. but i'm really tired from that 4 fucking hour drive. i figured i'm really tired cause i'm so dehydrated. god, i'm a fucking genius. i should be a doctor when i grow up.

my dad is putting siding on the house. it's going to look like my old house but smaller. it should be done by friday i guess and then were going to put dry wall up in the house once they're done with the sidding. i'm pretty excited about that. i cant wait until our piece of shit house looks like a pretty piece of shit. lol!

welp...i'm going to go take a bath...bye!

moomoo

:: 2006 28 March :: 10.50pm

This cracks me up.
Mindy says:
what up with woohu?
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
somoeone told me that you turned into a whore and started sleeping around
Mindy says:
like who
Mindy says:
and why would you post that in my journal
Mindy says:
why wouldnt you just ask me
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
what have you done for me? you used to talk shit about me, remember?
Mindy says:
you dont see me going to your journal writing what i hear about you
Mindy says:
and what for how long now I havent talked or seen you, talked about you, heard of you, or anything and just out of know where, you attack in my journal, for what, to cause drama and problems,
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
because im a heartless bitch.
Mindy says:
obviouse
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
eh, what can ya do.
Mindy says:
well whatever, I dont know what your whole new deal is with bothering me again, but just leave me out of your little drama filled life and stay out of my journal
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
i wasnt the one that bothered you before. if I remember correctly, you had the problem with me when you were dating justin
Mindy says:
yeah, that was how long ago and how long has it been since I talked to you? like forever, so just out of know where you start all the shit up again, and for what reason, cuz your bored with your life and need some excitement. You need some drama, who knows with you
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
I dont need anymore drama. Im not bored with life. And sluts have boyfriends too. But I never once said "Hey mindy, you're a whore"
Mindy says:
pretty much in my journal, and one you havent talked to me in forever, so all your hearing is hear say
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
From people who have hung out with you, that would know.
Mindy says:
and you know how people say shit like that about people, cuz people have said that about you and you know your not slut
Mindy says:
like who
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
Mutual friends.
Mindy says:
yeah names
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
I could care less if people think I'm a slut. Because, hell I probably am. But I don't sit and cry about it at night.. well atleast not anymore.
Mindy says:
me neither
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
And what kind of friend would I be if I were to rat them out?
Mindy says:
whatever, just stay out my journal okay and my life, just like we had been doing for a while now, till you wanted to start something again for some reason
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
Oh, and if you ever feel the need to leave me a comment telling me something you heard about me, go right ahead. I don't give a fuck.
Mindy says:
no, I'm more mature then that, I would go to your msn if I thought it was true or it was a big deal
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
if its true, ill more than likely post it in my journal. im not afraid.
Mindy says:
I'm not afraid, I'm just not mean
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
eh.
Mindy says:
so whatever, my life is prly the best in been right now and not gonna
let you bother me again
~Raych Lee* || rip out my heart and tear it in pieces... says:
good for you.
Its funny how some people will never change. Also how I havent talked to her in so long and just out of now where she atttacks me. So oh well, just thought I would let you all know what I said to her, so she cant word it around and change it on me. Also if your one of the people who thinks i"m slutty, go right ahead. Thanks Jessica so much, I love you so much. Your a great friend.

12 will hate me | will you love or hate

eddy	:: 2006 28 March :: 7.23pm 2 will hate me \| will you love or hate

rayray

:: 2006 28 March :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: *ehhhh...*
:: Music: *unknown - lifehouse*

*some food for thought*
I'm on prozac to help my depression.
Yet I'm still depressed.
I used to be one of those depressed people that ate all the time and slept all the time.
But I've changed gears.
I barely eat, and I barely sleep.

After 5 days he tells me he's not ready to give up.
That he misses me.
And he actually wants to talk.

I really want to be with him. I love him more than anything. I've taken all perspectives into consideration. I need to do what makes me happy. What I think would be best. The thing is, I can't picture my life without him, again. I was ready to give up, to let go. I was doing fine, until he told me he missed me.

One thing that has stuck in my mind this entire time, after all the lies and whatnot, is that he didn't turn on me when I cheated on him. He gave me another chance. Even though he didn't fully trust me. He was still right there by my side. So why can't I do the same for him? Yeah yeah yeah, Just because I cheated on him, it doesn't give him the right to do it to me.

I'm not writing this post to tell you all that I'd get back together with him. I'm writing this post to inform all of you that I have taken all of your opinions into consideration. I thank everyone for their advice. But now its up to him and I. We have a lot of things to talk about. And after we talk, thats when I will make my decisions. I have a lot of unanswered questions.