silentcriez
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2004 22 October :: 7.07am
i had another weird dream.. part of which is much too graphic for this journal.. haha
well.. part of my dream was i was at someones house but i forget who.. and i was randomly taking a shower and then all of a sudden the shower went dry and there was no more water and i had to sleep with like soapy hair it was gross... and i cant really remember but i also had a dream that my mom was in.. hmm..
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 21 October :: 7.01pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: over and over
people!!!
ok well today i was in a pretty good mood until becca started bitching at me.. like i really need that shit right now honestly.. like i wasnt even mad becasue im just trying to let everything go.. i got put on Zoloft today so hopefully it will help me :/
ya so i wasnt mad until she blamed me for "leaving her in the middle of the street where anything could happen" well i talked to amanda, Dj, and bil;l and they all sed that i was the ONLY person trying to keep becca in the car.. so that just upsets me to think htat if anything did happen if she would like blame it on me ya know? ya but it just made me sad becasue i thought she forgot about my birthday.. like i think about how close we used to be and my 8th grade yead that was honestly the best year of my life.. and i see how much i miss her.. and i guess i try to push hewr away becasue being mad feels better than missing her without seeing her.. i dont really know what im saying.. im probobly the only one this makes sense to but whatever.. i just hope she is still going to my party :(
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I can't wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I Can't go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I Can't go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
(Now that I've realizes that I'm going down
From all this pain you've put me through
Everytime I close my eyes I like it down
I can't go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo
Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it's all in my head
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 21 October :: 6.41am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: some weird bomb nose my comp is doing..
Birthday!!
ya so my birthday sucked..
the people i thought were my "Best friends" i.e. BEAN.. half of them didnt even wish me a happy birthday.. like honestly what kind of friends are those.. its just like the other day i was getting bitched at for not wanting to go our to dinner.. so we were on our way and then one of them flipped out and got out to do "more important things" well i dunno what ot do about this but i happens wayyyy to much.. i cant entirely blame BEAn becasue Amanda White is amazing.. i love her sooooooo much.. she made me brownies and then i was sad last night so i went over there with dj and bill and we watched the game.. and we WON!!!! hell ya..
ohhh ya and they did end up saying happy birthday.. but only when my birthday was already over.. seriously now i know who im gunna be wishing happy birthdays to this year..
anyways.. back to the SOX!!
i was really excited that we won on my birthday but someone pointed out that we won at exactly 12:01.. ohhh well!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG GENE WHITE!!!!!
ya so basically my birthday sucked.. i hope big Genes is better..
well i did get my permit.. that made it a little better :/
-Nik
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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krazykelc1
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2004 20 October :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: High
:: Music: Twista`Korrupt World
Bad Week.
this week sucked. It started off shitty and got worse. Bad things that happen to me just seem to have a domino effect.. once it starts it doesn't end until I'm completely miserable. It was so bad yesterday that I just left early. So early that I was only in school for about 20 minutes.. then I came home. Stayed high the whole day. Watched movies and stuff.. how productive. That's why I've dropped out of half the classes I had this year and am still in the process of dropping to 2 level English.. and that shows alot seeing as how English has always been my best subject. Mrs. Simms sucks but she's right.. I am perfectly capable of doing the work.. She just doesn't know me well enough to know I'm LAZY, I can't concentrate on anything important and I just don't care enough to stay in her class and work hard. I'd rather be able to do my work with ease.. I hate challenge, which probly isn't a good thing.
Well this is getting lengthy and I'm sick of whining. Good day.
Comments, PLEASE
::I::Saw::Red::
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cocopuff
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2004 19 October :: 7.24pm
:: Mood: burnt out
:: Music: Seether-" Broken"
been a while
lol now thats its been forever sinc iv written in here...
lol nikkie yelled at me today and told em to write in ehre again.. and im bored and have nothign to do so i figured i would..
well ICP was fuckin awesome...12 DAYS TILL FRIGHT FEST!!! i cant wait!!!
this weekend is Nikkies birthday!! that should b alotta fun tooo!!
hmm what else is new... oh yea! lol i got a job at roche bros.. working after school a couple days a week, not bad.. id rather have my weekends free... lol and yes roche bros not stop and shop.. everyoen works there... but yea i went and did all the paper work for that today.. madna went home sick so i went with nikkie and traci to have fun then we went to go get food.. fun funnn lol
oh yea and GO SOX!!! have faith lol we can do it this year... i hope :-/ ...
but now i rememberd y i dont write in this much... lol cuz im boring... lol so i will stop borin you people...
http://virtual.bonghit.net/
<3 Lizzy
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 19 October :: 12.45pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: none..
im in english
ok so im in english right now.. my birthday is tomorrow!! yay!!!
anyways.. i had a really bad day at practice yesterday.. like i was honestly seriously thinking about quiting.. obv. im not gunna quit but i dunno about basketball season.
ok so we were doing our lib and i thought it was going well.. then stacy told me to bring it above my head, so i tried but either virginia or cait was pulling it out.. then she kept yelling at me but i was trying really hard..
then she told cait she should main base becasue she was doing all the work even though that is bullshit!!! whatever i just cant stand the way varsity is always mean to jv and they say comments that arent needed.. like i like stacy becasue shes usually always nice to me and all that shit.. and i know she wasnt trying to be mean.. but it just really upset me..
im already so sick of how this team doesnt care and everybody goes to practice when they want to.. and that like 5 people have quit.. w arent even going to comp.. and we are only having like 3 games so theres really no point of even having a jv.. i guess im just not good enough for cheerleading and thats why im on the suckey team..
if i do try out for basketball season and i dont make varsity im done with cheerleading forever.. its a waste of time and money..
ok those are my feelings for now..
-Nik
1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2004 19 October :: 9.57am
:: Music: i'm stupid x abandoned pools
BLAH
home sick again..
im getting my wood floors put in today.. i guess theyre gonna take 3 days tho
friskey has a bite on her back and it looks bad i think were taking her to the animal hospital today.. she better be alright i love her so much
heres a song.. kinda sums up me
I'm stupid , you're smarter
I'm stupid, for thinking there's a way
this could turn out right
I'm dreaming, you woke up
I should have known from the start
that you were never mine
'Cause if I can make you love me
you're out of reasons to stay
Make it easy on yourself
Don't worry about me
Can't make you feel something you don't
I'm crying, but don't pity
I'm dying, but just walk away
It will be all right
'Cause I was dreaming but you woke up
And Im gonna miss you but I
am gonna be all right
'Cause if I can make you love me
You're out of reasons to stay
make it easy on yourself
dont worry about me
If I can't make you love me
You're not the one here to blame
I will make it on my own
don't worry about me
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2004 18 October :: 6.08pm
:: Music: only you x ashanti
hummm
i stayed home from school today.. i didnt feel good and just needed to rest.. i hate mondays
i cant describe how i feel right now..idk what it is but i feel like somethings missing maybe its the fact that everything is changing? maybe its the fact that i dont talk to half of the people i used to.. idk i mean it feels good to make new friends.. but what happens when im sick of meeting new people and just want my old friends back.. i dont know.. i dont want the winter to come i dont wanna be sad.. i dont wanna be alone and i dont want things to be different anymore...
i just want to sing.. and i just want to do something with my life.. life is so short and i dont want to waste it..
idk what the hell im rambling about i just needed to get all this shit out.. not like anyone actually reads it or anything
once again ive been caught in the same infamous situation.. me wanting somebody i know i shouldnt have.. fucking shit up and realizing i cant have them.. and then leading someone on i should like.. could be happy with but cant force myself to be with.. idk how i get myself into these situations..
i miss my mom.. i miss having someone who actually cared.. i cant believe its been over a year now that shes been gone.. its still so unreal to me because i like to keep it out of my mind.. but the truth is that shes gone and never ever coming back into my life.. maybe someday ill become something that shell wish she never abandoned.. who knows..
- manda
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 18 October :: 6.20am
:: Music: tobey keith x stays in mexico
yesterday!
hahah yesterday i chilled with julie and virginia and then we met up with jimmy (pickeles) ya so anyways im so proud of virginia shes fucking hilarious.. hahahahahahahahahaha i cant even write it in here its to fucking funny! hahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ya anyways thats all.. nothing else special happened..
ohhh but our fucking burner wont work and i pissed.. i fucking hate this computer!
-Nik
::I::Saw::Red::
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krazykelc1
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2004 17 October :: 9.49am
:: Mood: in need of coffee
:: Music: The Streets ` Dry your eyes mate
Good Morning..
yeah so I haven't written all weekend.. theres really not much to write about anyway cause I do the same fuckin thing every day.. I either go to school for 6 hours or work for 6 hours then I go get high with my buddies.. usually katie n meg :-)
joey was supposed to come see me friday but I guess not.. oh well.
but last night mommy n daddy went to a party so ryan came home for the night and I had emmy katie n meg over. we tried to get ryan high but hes too cool to smoke with little 15 year old girls.
so we had a good time.. 5 MONTHS EMILY oh my god =-O
yeah well I'm gonna go get ready for work now, peace :o)
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 16 October :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: how many lick*s :D
my day
today i had fun...first i spent the beginning of the day collecting and properly stacking like 300$ worth of wood for our new fire place perfectly on a rectangle stand thinger, that took liek 3 hours and im soo sore now! like fire places are so not worth it lol.
then i went to the movies with michelle and her friend corina! we saw shark tales lieka bunch of cool kids and made profane jokes throughout the whole thing lol. then we bought stickers form the sticker machine... i got a shark tales one and michelle spent like 4 bucks trying to get the one that looked liek th epepsi logo but said sexsi...yeah...? then i went home and made he rlivejournal pretty.
nd now im going to bed.
:) darien
3 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2004 16 October :: 10.49pm
alright well..
shit is gay.. and people suck.. but what can you do.. i went to the mall (ugh) with derek alex and lizzy today.. good to be back with summer ppl :-\ i miss the summer..
fright fest is coming up im excited :)
i talked to aj on the fone last night.. havent talked to him in a while.. quite random..
i cannot wait until tomorrow :-) i wish i didnt have work
i must go because i am on elizabeths computer so.. i guess i will ramble later..
- manda
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 16 October :: 11.17am
ok ya so my c team girls had comp this morning.. i had to wake up at 4 30 and i went to bed at fucking 2 ! ahhh.. anyways.. they did so good and i was so proud!! 3rd place babyyy! ya but instead of doing 4 places like always they only dis first and second so we didnt get a trophy :( thats sucks but ohh well..
-Nik
::I::Saw::Red::
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 15 October :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: running water?
lala
well today was interesting i suppose. we had a pep rally and it was exciting lol.
the ppl actaully seemed to put alot more efforty and work into it unlike the lazy ass bum teachers in natick... like very team had a presentation, and every class voted for homecoming king and queen. oh yeah and in the sophomore class this poor girl got voted homecoming princess because all the guys voted for her as a joke! i would hvae cried if that was me! i felt so bad for her lol!
oh yeah and the cheerleaders were really good...the jv could all do back handsprings and the varsity could do back flips and front flips and all these twisty flips! haha our varsity only does back hand springs. yes well that was my fun day...i think i may go to the movies tomorrow? :-?
ill update with more interesting thoughts.
3 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2004 14 October :: 10.20pm
ya so i changed my journal again! lol i have no life..
yea so my birthday is in 6 days.. im excited! but i dont think i get to go get my permit becasue my dads gay.. he sed i have to wait a month becasue i got sdetention.. well fuck that shit!
ya so we had little child practice..
bill and dj want us to go to some hell's gates tomorrow.. but im madd scared of the dark.. its probobly gunna be me, manda, britt, keri, bill, nick, and dj.. but i dont really wanna go cuz im terified of the fucking dark! lmao! i guess im gunna have to get over it soon! ok thats all for now cuz im getting ready for bed!
-Nik
::I::Saw::Red::
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