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The Only Broken-Hearted Loser You'll Ever Need

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krazykelc1

:: 2004 4 October :: 8.11pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: lloyd banks `karma

'good day
well today was good, don't know why but yeah

fyi I'm using SweetNostalgic for my cell now and this for regular AIM..



yeah thats it. Half day tomorrow =) yay








any ideas on what I should be for Halloween? :o)

::I::Saw::Red::


silentcriez

:: 2004 3 October :: 10.53pm
:: Music: all cried out x 112 ft. allure


sooooo i started work at stop n shop yesterday its good with the exception of meaghan fahey working there but hey its work and i must be mature and put aside my shit.. seeing as how the world is much bigger than stupid problems with bizzle slizzles --johnnys cue-- "squidwards"

haha

welll shits been kinda confusing with a certain someone but i guess i cant sweat it.. or shouldnt cuz things will just happen if theyre sposed to..

ppl at stop n shop are nice to me :-) so many random ppl gave me compliments :-D

after work today stephie and goncha and lizzy picked me up :-) and we rented the sweetest thing and got wendys then went back to gonchies and chilled with matty cj tony n el6 :-) lol

i <3 you girls

ill write more later

::I::Saw::Red::


xonixieox

:: 2004 3 October :: 8.45pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Breakaway x Kelly Vlarkson

ok so yesterday we all got caught for drinking up on da hill.....

suprisingly my brother and my cousins blamed themselves.. and not me or any of my friends...

so i was like mom dj ius just covering up for all of his friends.. so hopefully they believe me..

ya so we had to clean up all the empties.. and let me tell you there was ALOT of empties!

ya so i felt bad cuz we all got yelled at and my dad asked me who's alcohol it was and i REFUSED to tell him...

so i bought my brother a shot glass that i got engraved from things remembered.. kinda ironic tho huh? lol!

ya so we found a new spot!!!

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

ok so anyways i had a little fun on friday night.. but that was the most fun i've had in a really really long time.. and that was under the influence of alcohol!! so ya i dont know what to do about my life...




-Nik

2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::


krazykelc1

:: 2004 3 October :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: just one of those moods
:: Music: Do or Die ft. Twista `Do U -favorite song of all time

Something's gotta give
can't understand how people front happiness and a smile then turn around and talk of how their hearts are shattered and broken





"I am the weakest link"
no matter how hard I try I just can't move on.. everyone around me can do it but nope not I. one day "I fucking hate him" the next day I can't deny it, I love him
every time I pick myself up and start to walk something just pushes me back down. then there's my crazy stoned thoughts that turn my A+ effort into nothing.. there's always some obstacle in my way that I'm just too weak to fight. It's gonna take something extreme to pick me up and let me live my life again.. I only hope I have enough patience to wait for something like that to come along.

::I::Saw::Red::


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 2 October :: 11.30pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: white houses

...
well i guess i should update. i never know what to say, i mean, im feeling so much, but its nothing new.

i think ive figured out that if i had stayed in natick, i may have been just as unhappy eventually, i guess its just happened quicker. i miss all of you, everyone, everything...but why? you dont give a fuck about me, dont bother telling me otherwise, as if you would.

memories, they aere all i have left, and the only thing i have is what i have to question.

i always wondered how people REALLY felt, i told myself, they told me, that they were real and genuine when i ever questioned it. and i just cant figure out why. why if they were only going to do this in the end.

i tell myself that i am better than that, but am i? maybe i would have done the same. ill try and remember how badly it hurt. use it to be better to people in the future.

what did i do? what is wrong with me to make this happen. it has to be me because i thought you were such good people.

i have to change, or else this wil happen again, and therew ill be no way out.

what did i do to make you hurt me.

1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::


krazykelc1

:: 2004 2 October :: 11.28pm
:: Mood: quiet
:: Music: After Midnight

shit talker(s), you know who you are..
make sure you read my 8th comment cause obviously what I do is of some importance to you.. so that is for you to read.





I decided I'm a very confused person. Actually I'm alot of lots of things.. just confused at this point. Seems like I've come to a point where I have so many options that I don't know which way to go.. I've sort of dug myself into something that I'm not sure if I want yet.. but that's part of moving on I guess, opening doors for yourself.. seems like I have too many open now.


that was alot of garbage that half the people who read this WON'T understand but comment if you think you know, I'll give you a cookie

1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::


krazykelc1

:: 2004 1 October :: 11.29pm
:: Mood: ripped
:: Music: Bone Crusher ` Grippen the Grain








that feeling always comes back..always :-/

::I::Saw::Red::


silentcriez

:: 2004 1 October :: 11.04pm

hahah i saw g-unit boy throw a trashcan top at a moving car..

what an eventful night

::I::Saw::Red::


cocopuff

:: 2004 30 September :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Led Zeppelin- "Fool in the Rain"

BOO!


Well there’s a light in your eye that keeps shining
Like a star that can’t wait for the night
I hate to think I’ve been blinded baby
Why can’t I see you tonight?


And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin’
And the thrill of your touch gives me fright
And I’m shaking so much, really yearning
Why don’t you show up, make it all right?
Yeah, it’s all right.

And if you promised you’d love so completely
And you said you would always be true
You swore that you would never leave me, baby:
What ever happened to you?

And you thought it was only in movies
As you wish all your dreams would come true
It ain’t the first time believe me, baby
I’m standin here feeling blue
Yeah I’m blue

Now I will stand in the rain on the corner
I’ll watch the people go shuffling downtown
Another ten minutes no longer
And then I’m turning around


The clock on the wall’s moving slower
My heart it sinks to the ground
And the storm that I thought would blow over
Clouds the light of the love that I found

Now my body is starting to quiver
And the palms of my hands getting wet
I’ve got no reason to doubt you baby,
It’s all a terrible mess

I’ll run in the rain till I’m breathless
When I’m breathless I’ll run till I drop, hey
The thoughts of a fool’s kind of careless
I’m just a fool waiting on the wrong block, oh yeah
Light of the love that I found...



i love the mounth of october.. its my fav mounth... mostyl cuz i lvoe fall.. but cuz i love halloween.. and this year halloween is gonna b sooo good....10 days till icp, 30 till fright fest... im soo excited!!!

yea thats my borign randomness for the night i need sleep :-P

::I::Saw::Red::


xonixieox

:: 2004 30 September :: 5.05pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: none

lately i have been really depressed..
well i dont really know why i am writing in here becasue theres really no point.. the people who look at it dont read it and the people who do read it are the ones that i either dont know or dont like...
so i guess that this journal is just for me so i can let all my feelings out..


so anyways i have been really depressed lately and i dont know why.. i have been crying myslef to sleep for a week and a half straight now.. i cant sit by myself in a quiet room for more than like 5 mins. or else i think about everything and start crying.. like right now... and i have to go to this counceling thing on tuesday and get prescribed on some stupid medication.. so i cant even relieve my stress cuz i gotta go their.. even tho its a fucking early release day and i dont have practice.. i dont wanna go to that ayside place.. i just dont wanna go.. they are only gunna tell me what i already know... but w/e...

anyways so i tried to call cristina and she didnt answer.. os i imed her, but she texted me back saying she had to go.. she obv. doesnt wanna talk to me becasue she sed she would call and she never did.. am i a bad friend or something? whatever.. i guess im not even gunna make another attempt...

i dont even wanna have a party anymore... whats the point.. to sit there when all my friends have fun... im not gunna have fun.. i havnt had fun in weeks...

anyways today in cooking traci and kim didnt let me do anything.. again... i think im just not gunna go to that class anymore.. i dont really enjoy sitting on my ass and watching people cook...

people were pissing me off all day... and at least last period kelsry made me kinda happy... thank you kelsey.. you always make me smile when i need it.. and lately i need it alot! not like anyone is reading this anyways but if you are reading it kelsey i love you.. and theirs not many people i can say that for right now..... thank you...



anyways i really just want to die so i dont have to deal with all this shit... i guess im just gunna go sit in my room and think some more now....








-Nikkie

7 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::


krazykelc1

:: 2004 29 September :: 8.02pm
:: Music: grateful dead `althea

so true...

maybe in a different light
you could see me stand on my own again
'cause now I can see
you were the antidote that got me by
something strong like a drug that got me high

I never really wanted you to see
the screwed up side of me that I keep
locked inside of me so deep
it always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
so many things you should have known

what I really meant to say
is I'm sorry for the way I am

10 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::


silentcriez

:: 2004 29 September :: 7.32pm
:: Music: still in love x 112

I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to feel like this. To be here...feeling all this.

I just want to dissapeear. This is how i am this is how i feel. You obviously have a problem wiht it.

But you think you know me but u don't. You don't know me at all, how i am... Me.

you gave that up a while ago. I don't understand you or how u can judge me....but it doesn't matter becasue neither of us care enough.


humm well things have been interesting.. i guess im cool with robbie and cozzy they both kinda came to a truce.. i didnt really agree only because i wasnt the one with teh issue in the first place but its ok...

i walked up to johnson today withg lizzy and john morris and there were 2 girls sitting on a table in the basketball court and i couldnt tell who it was and it kinda looked like kelsey and katie but i figured oh theyd wave if it was them and so we sat there for like 10 min and kelsey walks up from the path and goes down there after saying hi to us and it was meg and katie.. and i didnt even recognize them and they didnt say hi.. and i was sitting with john and lizzy and mike and they were all together down in teh basketball court it was like.. wow.. im like really not friends with them anymore well im friends with kelsey and katie but like obviously not as much

yeah so thats part of my day..

then big jimmi little showed up and i <3 him then miss elizabeth had to go and we just all hung out for a few.. and now im home waiting to possibly hang out with dana mike and jimmi.. humm i hope so!

im off to grab some grub mwahhhhh

1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::


krazykelc1

:: 2004 28 September :: 10.07pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: The Doors ` You make me real

New Layout..


let me know what you think.



yess.. comments... keep them cominggg :-)



mL <3

2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::


silentcriez

:: 2004 28 September :: 7.08pm

Here we are
All alone
You and me,
Privacy
And we can do anything
Your fantasy
I wanna make your dreams come true
Can you hear?
She's calling me
Between your legs
It's Loud and clear
I wanna talk back to her
Make love to her
I wanna hear you scream my name

CHORUS
We can make love in the bedroom
floatin on top of my waterbed
I'm kissin' you
Running my fingers through your hair
In the hallway making our way beside the stairs
We can do it anywhere
I can love you in the shower
Both of our bodies dripping wet
On the patio we can make a night you won't forget
On the kitchen floor
As I softly pull your hair
We can do it anywhere (anywhere)

I love the way
Your body feels
On top of mine
So take your time
We got all night
Girl, you know
I like it slow
And I know you like it too, baby


Please don't stop I feel it now
You feel it too
You're shivering
Ooh, you're pullin me close to you
Just let it flow
There's no other place to go

We can make love in the bedroom
(tell me how you like it baby)
floatin on top of my waterbed
(tell me can i drive you crazy)
I'm kissin' you
Running my fingers through your hair
In the hallway making our way beside the stairs
We can do it anywhere
I can love you in the shower (in the shower)
Both of our bodies dripping wet (in the bedroom)
On the patio we can make a night you won't forget (we'll do it all night long)
On the kitchen floor (tell me how you like it)
As I softly pull your hair
We can do it anywhere (anywhere)

Z too hot to stop
So we goin' from the bedroom to the floor
Let you know whether I'm gonna miss you when I'm on tour
When our tongues touch
Have a playboy sing it much
Roll a Dutch, let me tell you what turns me on
When 112 sing to you
What kinda feeling do it bring to you?
I bump hard till you say I'm being mean to you
I know the ice Roley game to you
A true player's what I seem to you
And if you want it
We can do it in the Black 500
Wit the top down
In overdrive when we ride cuz I'm hot now
You got me goin', I don't think I'ma stop now
Z feenin' like a criminal on lock-down
So let's get a way to get away
You gettin' hot baby, please don't run away
I got a crib on the beach in Palmetto-way
Here's your personal key, so take a left at
112...

We can make love in the bedroom
in the bedroom
floatin on top of my waterbed
on my waterbed
I'm kissin' you
(let me run my fingers through your hair)
Running my fingers through your hair
In the hallway making our way beside the stairs
(tell me how you like it)
We can do it anywhere
I can love you in the shower (in the shower)
Both of our bodies dripping wet (when you touch me)
On the patio we can make a night you won't forget (make me feel so good inside)
On the kitchen floor (let me touch you baby)
As I softly pull your hair (sexy, sexy baby)
We can do it anywhere (anywhere)

We can make love in the bedroom (tell what you want from me)
floatin on top of my waterbed (let me know your fantasy)
I'm kissin' you
Running my fingers through your hair
In the hallway making our way beside the stairs(let me touch you baby)
We can do it anywhere (can i drive you crazy)
I can love you in the shower (we can do anything)
Both of our bodies dripping wet (anywhere)
On the patio we can make a night you won't forget (anyplace)
On the kitchen floor
As I softly pull your hair
We can do it anywhere (we can do it)

let me touch you baby

::I::Saw::Red::


xonixieox

:: 2004 27 September :: 9.05pm
:: Music: shadow x ashlee simpson

so.. so much to write about..

yesterday was my first day of work.. it wasnt all that horrible..i bagged for meg and fenelly so it was all good...

sleep over at kims last night before the game! me and traci stayed up soooooooooo late becasue she kept laughing and i couldnt stop hickuping!! hahhahahahahaahha it was so funny! we went out onto the roof with anna and hung out and just talked for a little while! it was wicked fun! kimmi has a new kitten named "regan" but its true name is hallion staleiooonn.. lmao rigghhht kimmi? lol it is the cutest fucking cat ever!!


Hallion



ya so i "talked" to emme but it wasnt really talking cuz we just commented to eachother in her journal but i really hope everything is all set and better cuz i love that child!


...

ok so fucking today at lunch joe ripped my 5 and the lunch lady was like "ahhh these girls shouldnt let the boys take their money and rip it they should hold it" and she fuckin thought i wouldnt hear her.. i was like escuse me i had it in my hand and he ripped it out! what a dtupid cunt it was so funny! shes a fucking lunch money.. that 5 was proboly what she makes a fucking day!! lmao!!!

ok thats all for now


leave comments if you love me!

-Nik

2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::

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