moana
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2005 14 March :: 8.07pm
:: Music: Depeche Mode - Waiting For The Night
And so it ends. How so? Like this:
The end.
Thanks again, Danielle.
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WhitePony
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2005 13 March :: 11.49pm
:: Music: Hopesfall - The Ones
I'm trying. I'm trying really hard. Its just difficult to keep my head up when my shoulders are so heavy.
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moana
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2005 14 March :: 7.20am
Global Domination
This morning, I had an epiphany. I don't really want to do anything. When it comes right down to it, I'm not extremely motivated to reach a goal because I don't really have one. I just have a list of things that people want me to do, and I chose the one that's most convenient for me.
I would like to do big things, but in reality, I just want it to happen. I'm not energetic enough to actually do anything about it. I'd much rather the world just realize on its own how stupid it is and straighten itself out than have to pursue college, a masters degree, a PhD, a career, and grab it by the balls until it squeals that it'll do better this time, it promises.
But ah well, what needs to be done needs to be done. Make friends with me now, because when I take over the world, I'm going to do the things everyone else is too scared to do.
9 comments |
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nerdalert
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2005 13 March :: 9.34pm
spring break.....real quick
friday: at the H all day with my mom. shes all good, the surgery was quick and we were home by 5. went to greek town for dinner with hilary and mills. then went to tims.
saturday: laid around all day, then hung out with mark, we played some bball in the driveway (yes on the ice) and went bowling.
sunday: church, laid around, bible study with stein, hung out with janet, mel and ryan
monday: laid around, went to the mall, was stalked by janet and mel ;-) celebrated ryans b-day
tuesday: went to the mall again to switch things i got, hung out with janet, and then janet mel and tony.
wednesday: church, basketball (mark came), went to hilary's, went in deannas hot tub and to the grocery store (in board shorts and a hoodie...to get ice cream!) put in a movie (which will remain unnamed) and fell asleep.
thursday: drove home, dont remember what i did in the day time, sorry whoever i was with. went to hilary's again, hung out with her, got mauled by her huge dogs.
friday: drove home, watched some bball, hung out with my mom, we went to dinner and then to the movies and saw "million dollar baby" it was really good, i would suggest seeing it.
saturday: woke up, showered, went to a cabin in canada with hilary, emily, matt and ashley. it was a lot of fun.
sunday: came home, went to school, went to the practice that was cancelled! and now its 933, im realllly tireed and going to bed
4 comments |
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moana
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2005 13 March :: 7.38am
:: Music: Dave Matthews - An' Another Thing
Rain
Rain for me oh you but called me
It’s my broken heart just where you leave me
Now I say to you, “ooooh boy.”
Weight on my head
You won’t go up, oh
Weight on my head
Oooh ooh my babe...
Stay a minute just to hear you waitin’,
And no one confine her
Sweet and tender won’t you go out again?
Oh, rain on my head
Wouldn’t you
Rain on my head?
Oh, someone take off a
Weight all alone
Ahh, I met a girl recently.
All in a sudden, all a suddenly
Nobody deal for the woe of the world
Wait, all a sudden, all a suddenly
It will all would be, all would be over
Wait, come on rain on my head.
Water water!
Dates,
Many, many dates how you all die.
Oh rain money,
Grow a war at heart
And in the fire,
One out of a million.
.. wait a minute,
Touch your look on me
Denial, denial
Touch your work with me
Do not deny
Rain on my head
Rain on my head
Rain on my head
Rain on my head
5 comments |
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moana
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2005 11 March :: 6.09pm
Life expectancy is mine, Doctor. I'm not a medical miracle, I'm someone who doesn't believe in your medicine. And I don't want your drugs anymore.
I will not die here. I will not die now. I will not die in a hospital bed. I will not die drugged so that I wouldn't feel the pain. I will not die alone. I will not die sick. I will not die of old age. I will not die before I live. I will not die until I am good and ready to. I will not die before writing a book, before seeing Niagara Falls, before becoming a parliament member. I will not die before I learn to fly. I will not die until I go down in history. I will not die divorced. I will not die wanting something.
AND WHEN I DIE I WILL DIE PROUD AND COMPLETE, AND I WILL BE A WHOLE PERSON WHO HAS LIVED AND LOVED AND TOUCHED LIFE. I WILL NOT DIE A NOBODY THAT WAS DEFEATED BY HER OWN HEART. THIS IS MY BODY AND I WILL MAKE IT LIVE AS LONG AS I NEED IT TO. AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO.
3 comments |
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WhitePony
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2005 10 March :: 11.28pm
:: Music: Atreyu - The Crimson
At long last. We have a cd. Granted its a half assed cd, its still something. Half assed meaning it wasn't done in a studio, it was a live recording of us at practice in our fish warehouse. It wasn't with highly technological equipment, we used Zach's recorder (which is still pretty good, just not the best), we have been working on a new song for the past couple weeks so we hadn't practiced our songs in awhile so we weren't at our finest, and lastly a bulb in Kyle's head broke so he's been using a crappy old head and with that he can't use his distortion peddle so not only did i have to reach over and push a button when he switched from distortion to clean tone, but it also would make a weird noise in the transition. But either way its nice to have something to show people. It doesn't hit hard and a few parts are muffled, but what the fuck, at least its something.
18 comments |
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moana
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2005 10 March :: 6.00pm
Karma. Should've known.
Ever have an epiphany where you realized that you just can't get away with it? You just can't. You can't get away from what you've done, and you can't leave your past in your past. And you can't pretend you're over it because it's just pretend and it's not over you either.
And the book says, "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."
5 comments |
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moana
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2005 9 March :: 10.05pm
Toss me up in triumph.
Let me down in let down.
I think I'll live,
But I won't like it.
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nugenta3
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2005 9 March :: 1.24pm
:: Mood: horrified
will it ever stop?
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/03/09/iraq.main/index.html
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moana
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2005 7 March :: 8.17pm
It's Women's Day tomorrow...
The argument on whether man or woman is most valuable reminds me of the argument about the chicken and the egg, and frankly I'm sick and tired of both arguments. I can say all I want to say about how men are better because they can do this, and women are better because they can do that, and how one can't survive without the other no matter what, but at the end of the day, neither side is gonna hear what I've got to say about the opposite side. You just want to hear me talk about you, and you want me to get done fast so you can talk about you.
But I am a woman, and nothing can change that. It's not my body that makes me a woman, it is my soul and my mind and my heart, and I wouldn't trade off any of those things for the world. I might as well sell my soul to the devil because I'd just as soon sell my heart and my mind. I have no intention of doing any of it, because I am a woman, and that's how I want to remain, with or without your consent.
And when I tell a man, "Hey you, treat me how I want to be treated," he says, "Woman, you're crazy! But if you wanna be treated like a man that's how I'll treat you." And the women, they all say, "Yes! Treat me like a man!" and the men will beat on them and they will hurt them and they will steal their money and they will leave them, because that's how men treat other men and that's how women treat other women because that's how people treat people. And when it happens women say, "But I'm a woman, and a man that beats on a woman is no man at all!" But you just said 'treat me like a man' and he gave you what you wanted. But that wasn't what you wanted.
You say "I have the grief of men, I have to work and slave and pay the bills and look after my children and then the men will give me none of their perks." You like to say, "I can do anything that a man can do!" Well when was the last time you heard a man complain about doing all the things that women do and getting none of their perks? There are no perks! You get the perks of being a human being, not the perks of your reproductive organs.
I am a woman, and I don't want to be treated like a man. I am a woman and I can run and jump and I can play sports and I can dance and I can make men fall in love with me and I can work and I can make money and I can walk in high heels and I can cook and I can clean and do the laundry and I can walk and I can saunter and I can cheat and I can steal and I can lie and hurt and I can beat on other people and take away their love and I can break a man's heart and I can do all those things because I am a woman. I don't do anything 'in spite of' being a woman, I do them because I am a woman, and you will treat me as such.
I am not a doll, I am not a baby, so don't call me 'baby doll'. And if I sell my body to you don't think I'll sell my soul. And you say you just want to know, you say, "You want the right to vote?" And I say, "You damned right I do, and if you're not gonna give it to me I'm just gonna take it because I can, and I will. Treat me right because I won't let you treat me any other way." And if man says, "Woman, you're crazy! But if you wanna be treated like a man that's how I'll treat you," you turn right round and say, "No, you fool, you will not treat me like a man. You will treat me like a woman because that's what I am."
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moana
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2005 7 March :: 9.31am
Arab poet Amal Dunqul -
*O sacred Seer..
I came to you.. covered in wounds and blood
Crawling in the coats of the dead, and over the piled bodies
Sword broken, dusty brow and limbs
I ask you, Blue..
Ask your ruby lips of your virgin prophecy
Of my disconnected fortune.. and it still grasps the broken banner
Of the pictures of children in helmets.. strewn across the desert
Of my neighbour who is only concerned with sipping water..
And a bullet pierces his head.. at the moment of contact
Of the mouth stuffed with sand and blood!
I ask O Blue
Of my lonely stand between sword.. and wall
Of the scream of women between captivity.. and escape?
How I carried the shame...
Then walked? Without taking my life? Without falling apart?
Without my flesh dropping.. from the dust of infected sands?
***
O sacred Seer..
Don't be silenced.. I have been silent year upon year..
For peace
I was lost in the slaves of Absin gaurding the herds
Sheering their wool..
Returning their cries..
Sleeping in the barns of forgetfulness
My food: nuts.. and water.. and some dry dates
And here I am in the hour of war
The hour of clashes of riders.. and shooters.. and knights
I was called to battle!
I, who have never tasted lamb..
I, who have no importance and no power..
I, who told stories to younglings,
Called to death.. yet not called to the deciding council
***
O sacred Seer..
What good do miserable words do?
You told them what you did about the caravans of dust..
And they accused your eyes, O Blue, of failure!
You told them what you did of the army of trees..
And they laughed at your babbling imagination!
And when they were surprised by the edge of the sword: they traded us..
And sought survival and escape!
And we, the wounded of heart,
The wounded of soul and mouth..
Nothig remains but death..
And wreckage..
And destruction..
**And the scattered boys crossing the last of the rivers
And women driven in chains of captivity,
In clothes of shame
With bobbing heads.. they have nothing but miserable screams
Here you are O Blue
***Alone.. and blind!
And the love songs exist still.. and the lights
And the caravans.. all fancy.. and the fashion!
Where can I hide my deformed face
So as not to disrupt the hidden.. foolish.. purity?
In the eyes of men and women?!
And what about you, O Blue?
Alone.. blind
Alone.. blind
*"Zarqa' Al Yamama", or "Dove of Blue" is an old Arabic legend about the woman, Dove of Blue, who could see things at a great distance. One day she told her village that she saw trees coming towards them at a three-day distance. Her people laughed at her and said, "Obviously your eyes are failing you at last." Three days later, the village was attacked, half of them slaughtered in their sleep.
**The scattered boys are the Palestinian children fleeing from the occupying armies.
***Blue's eyes were gouged out by the enemy when her village was attacked.
These are selected segments of an Arabic poem. This translation does it no justice.
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moana
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2005 5 March :: 10.43am
:: Mood: disgusted
:: Music: Annie Lenox - No More 'I Love You's
I won't tell you what happened,
but I will tell you this...
It's not sweet, it's not romantic, and no, I don't beleive in love at first sight. And if any small-dicked pimp-daddy wannabe loverboy ever comes up to me again telling me how he's loved me the moment he set eyes on me, I'm gonna shove his genitals so far up his ass he'll be blowing them out his nose.
No one is ever allowed to use the word "love" on me ever again.
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amazighstarrynights
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2005 28 February :: 9.19pm
:: Music: My Arabic Language CD
The Meaning
I could hear the rain coming down
Beating on the floor
As you shivered in bed
Longing for someone to keep you warm
"I wish I had the words to tell you
The feelings in my heart"
"You've said more than any other
Has ever had the courage to"
My nights are full of tossing
of turning
of dreamless, sleeplessness
Wishing I had somewhere to lie my head
Don't tell me it's not true
Don't tell me it's a lie
Don't tell me I'm imagining
Don't tell me not to cry
Because my eyes are only for you
My body and soul are yours
And all I ask of you
Is for you to love me too.
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moana
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2005 28 February :: 11.36am
Fuck me sideways and turn me to pudding.
Kill me.
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