the end is the beginning is the end

:: 2004 2 April :: 4.59pm
:: Music: the beatles - baby you're a rich man

this n that
hmm, i've done mcuh this weekend and haven't updated. well, here goes.

after the wedding, we woke up the next day at around 8, and we were all sleepy as fuck cuz we hadn't slep the night before til 4, but we got up anyhow, my mother made breakfast, i did the dishes, and the nwe all got dressed in our prettiest clothes and went to the arcade in the city center next to my house. well there's a DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION arcade there, and if you don't know what that is, it's a dance game, where the play music, and on screen they tell you where to step and how to step and when to step, and you stand on a platform with sensors that decide if you're stepping right. well there i was, playing it easily a dozen times over, and i actually got an audience. i was moving! i danced like no one was watching, and when i was done, people started cheering! it was so cool! my cousins were all oh-so-impressed! it kicked ass. i felt good. well after that, we all went to my aunt's house BUT on the way, my cousin decides he wants to soak m. meaning, he took his bottle of water and poured it all ALL on my head. then he took another three bottles of water and poured THEM on my head. it worked. i was soaked. we finally got to aunty's house and i took a shower and borrowed some of my cousin's clothes (her t-shirt was more than enough while i waited for my clothes and underwear to dry) and then i started getting sick for a while, retching, whatever else, but that passed. just in time, too, cuz i threw my clothes back on and we went cruising. well on the way, my driving cousin stopped at her university and bought a good chunk of weed and a bottle of beer. there i was i na car with two kuwaiti girls and two emaratee girls, all wearing the hijab, one emiratee drunk, the other three high. i was the only sober one. it was hilarious cuz they started going nuts, and eventually i made my cousin pull over and drove her home. when we got downstairs, we waited until the lights went out before going in the house, in case someone decided to ask what was wrong with my happy happy cousins, and we played loud (arabic) music waiting for the smell to go away (the windows were rolled down) before half an hour later, we went in. we passed ok, and no one noticed anything. i put them all to bed and waited for my mother to pick me up. i have a recording of the wasted family on my fone, absolutely side-splitting it was. remind me to let yall hear it sometime.

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:: 2004 1 April :: 3.47am
:: Music: bush - speed kills

marriage party!
woohu! family weeddings rock my socks off! never mind i spent five hours in a salon and didn't even get anything done, and then i had to get dressed, do my make up and hair in less than ten minutes (it's a record i swear!) but when we got there at around 11 (we took a nice lady from the american embassy with us, Mrs. Kristina) guess who was there?! bedoor! oh wow i missed her! i huged her and we hugged and kissed and hugged and kissed and it was soooo nice! we danced the night away and didn't stop dancing until 1 because our feet were so sore and we were both starving. we ate, and laughed, and danced again, no matter how tired we were, and we talked the whole time. i loved every second of it, and when it was over i didn't want to go home. she's going back to emirates on friday, and i won't be able to see her again until then. i'm going to miss her so much, seeing her again made me realize just how much i already missed her. the way she laughed, the way she nodded when you were talking to her, the simple motion of her body and just the way she smells make me ache. i really wish she could stay here. she and i would have so much fun together. when we had to go, we hugged and she cried, but i was strong. she told me she'd been thinking about me since i left and i told her i'd been thinking about her too. we said we'd keep in touch, but it was poor compensation and we both knew it. she gave me a ring with black, grey and white stars on the band. she said she couldn't stand seeing me again with empty hands so she picked it up at the airport. it was sooo cute! *sigh* well, at least we had a great night. that and, i looked great. i didn't take my fone with me so i didn't take pictures (*gloom*) but i took a picture before we left and one after i got home, and can i just say? i look good in dresses. well i have to go now, entertain family. but i will be back.

p.s. kookee i lerve you! update us on what the fuck happened in miami!

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:: 2004 30 March :: 4.23pm

hahaha
this was craigs response to my freddy dream....well after he was like "thats fucked up"

Babyskankno19: i had this dream that my pinky finger got cut off and i cooked it and started to eat it, but it was normal, not weird or anything

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:: 2004 30 March :: 4.15am
:: Music: you're so vain

fuck it fuck it fuck it FUCK IT. young grabs me in the hall, asks why i'm leaving hsi class. i told him for my GPA's sake. he says that universities value academic rigour, i said scholarhsips of our beloved ministry do not. he says out of our entire class only 4 people know what's going on, and i'm one of them. he said i'm going to flunk out of college, and i'm irresponsible. he said it didn't matter if i got into a university, i wasw bound to be kicked out, and i was whiny and a lazy brat. he said i had to suck it up and face life, because i can't run form everything that's hard. i told him he was wrong. i then told him i would drop by on him ten years from now, he'd still be a teacher, and i'd have a nobel prize. fucker.

WhitePony

:: 2004 29 March :: 2.45pm
:: Music: U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday

(none)
1) Using band names, spell out your name:
Juliana Theory (The)
Orgy
Snot
Eagles
Pink Floyd
Hoobastank

Rage Against The Machine
Adema
Nirvana
Deftones
At The Drive-In
Lacuna Coil
Lost Prophets

Avenged Sevenfold
Nine Inch Nails
Thursday
Hot Hot Heat
Open Hand
No Doubt
Yellowcard

Finch
Incubus
One Side Zero
Reggie & The Full Effect
Eurythmics
N.E.R.D.
Zebrahead
Abandoned Pools

2) Have you ever had a song written about you?
Jimi Hendrix wrote �Hey Joe� about me cuz we were good buds back in the day and I was known to constantly have a gun on me. Y�see, I am a very angry person so when someone pisses me off I�m apt to pull my gun out without a second thought, so you best watch your ass. I�ve killed before and I WILL do it again.

3) What song makes you cry?
haha long ago a Hootie and the Blowfish song made me cry cuz it reminded me of a girl� this was back in like 6th grade I think.

4) What song makes you happy?
Deftones � Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away) It just has such a summer time with my cousins feeling to it. Driving around the town late at night looking for adventures.

5) What do you like to listen to before bed?
my inner thoughts telling me how much of a wuss I am for not asking girls out. Have you ever noticed how much confidence you have when you�re laying in bed imagining the conversation you could be having and you build up your confidence and you KNOW that you�re going to do it, then you wake up and say, �ehh not today.�

r i g h t n o w

WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Abandoned Pools � The Remedy
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Saliva� not that stupid band, I mean the real thing
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: sunny and breezy but not hot, the perfect combination. I�m so happy I could shit
HOW ARE YOU? *see above
WHAT IS WRITTEN ON YOUR HAND IN PINK SHARPIE?: over lapping phone numbers from countless women from today.

d o y o u

GET MOTION SICKNESS?: only in cars. I get a cold sweat going and very nauseous.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: I have a tendency to shoot people when they piss me off, and I grind my teeth when I play with a cat�s or dog�s ear
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Yeah, I�ve waved my gun around enough so they know not to fuck around.
LIKE TO DRIVE?: I�d rather be the passenger so that I can have a clearer shot

h a v e y o u

BROKEN THE LAW: broken? More like obliterated
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: no need to run when you pack heat
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: only to sit out on the front porch to avoid talking to people early in the morning and have them question why I�m going outside and blah blah
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: I never go swimming unless that�s the case
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: I�d rather go to their house and threaten them with my .22
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA-POTTY: yeah, then rolled around in the excrement afterwards and had people take pictures
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: My mom has me buy my online Christmas presents with her credit card
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: I missed over 19 days in the last quarter of high school in my English class only and I ended up getting an A+ in the class. That�s how much of an English stud I was/am.
FALLEN ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: no, but sometimes there will be water left over from the bath as its draining and I�ll turn on the shower and pretend I�m back at �Nam in the rainy, muddy trenches clutching Charlie�s shrapnel wound crying out over the mortar blasts. Then my mom bangs on the door and asks what the hell I'm yelling for.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: I had to do a ridiculous amount in Elementary school. I was a background dancer in a musical of �The Lion Sleeps Tonight� in 4th grade I remember.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Like Laura said, I�m usually the one crying.

r a n d o m

DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yes, but its hard to get work done when my two female co-workers are constantly hitting on me and actually started mildly fighting over me (I�ll tell you about it later Moob).
WHAT DOES YOUR CD PLAYER HAVE IN IT RIGHT NOW: I don�t listen to cd�s at home, but in my car is the glorious Glassjaw � Worship And Tribute
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: I�d the the stubby one at the bottom that everyone used to use like crazy, but now is just shunned
HOW MANY SCARS DO YOU HAVE?: I have a �bob� wire (barbed wire) scar from hoping fences in my hick town �YEEHAAA lets go rape that goat!�
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: I�ll probably replace some of the cd�s that were stolen, possibly The Juliana Theory - Love.
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: Moob, V, �the band� �the cousins� B-Rey, Zach, Jimmy (Tim), T-Bone
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: pillage

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t

TIME YOU CRIED?: �What is this salty discharge?!�
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: Brandy sent me a letter with a Deftones Hexagram promo. She�s so sweet. Where the hell are the rest of you suckas at?
YOU GOT E-MAIL: I got one from Marcus suggesting I �give it to her good with Male Enhancement pills�
THING YOU PURCHASED: a one day parking permit. I think my permanent flew out the window.
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: The Ellen Degeneres Show, I love that show, I watch it every chance I get, no joke.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Starsky and Hutch

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buttercup954

:: 2004 29 March :: 4.10pm
:: Music: le tigre

ok so here's a dream to wonder about.
i wake up to the radio and it's around the time that they have a short news clip, and in it they mentioned documents stolen from some govt. place... and while alseep i knew that it was the radio but i started dreaming about the covenant stealing it, then i was sydney (i'm talking about alias obviously) and vaughn's wife had done it and i was trying to tell him it was her (cause i/sydney loves him and all and wanted him) but he didn't want to believe me... then i woke up.

:: 2004 29 March :: 4.08pm

and the weird ass dreams keep comming
well this was a lovely one i had earlier this week.........

im in a restaurant sitting at a table across from janet and mel and next to freddy kreuger.

now for this story to be uderstandable, it was a recangle table with chairs...not a booth.

now freddy wasnt like scary or anything, but he had his face and his hand...i dont know

freddy was a lesbian and was hitting on me, and went to put his arm around me and i jumped up, tripped over my chair and ran out of the restaurant.

that was the entire thing, but it seemed like it took forever.

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:: 2004 28 March :: 2.07am

Name: Fayer

Nickname: your mom

Age: 16

What music are you listening to: Deftones- Deathblow

What book(s) are you currently reading? 1984

If there was one animal you could keep as a pet, what would it be? panther

What were you last Halloween? grounded

What was the last thing you ate? eggs

What is the background on your computer? Kakashi copy ninja

Last play you went to see: Misery

Was it a musical? no

Give us a quote: �lisping angels are outcast at once, and that is why I am so silent� �madison garths

A random song lyric: �do what you want to do� �beatles

If there was any instrument you could play, what would it be? bass

What do you think of racists? Same thing I think of your mom

What languages can you speak? English, Arabic, French

What languages do you want to speak? Bulgarian and japanese

What are you wearing? School uniform

Hair color? Red-brown-black

Eye color? Dark brown

What did you do this past weekend? Lived at andy�s house, went to my daddy�s house. I ahd fun at andy�s house, we went to kast and the trackmeet, but that was it. I haven�t been sleeping much and I�ve bad feelings in my heart that the world is going to end

:: 2004 28 March :: 1.30am
:: Mood: the mood of a failure

i failed
ugh i have an F in physics. UGH I HAVE AN F IN PHYSICS! wtf, after all my work and slaving, after all those nights i didnt sleep and workin working with people and i dont know what and all that work, all that time, all that effort and for WHAT? a 58%. scrw this, i'm so tired. i dont want to go to school anymore, i dont want to do this anymore, i dont need this aggravation, this emulaiton, this pretend that i care because i dont. what am i doing with my life? why would i get a degree in engineering if i'm gonna drop it and become something else later? so that i can tell people "i have a degree in engineering"? fuck this, seriously, it's brought me so low, i dont even know where i am anymore. it's like, the entire time i'm working, i might as well have been playing. it's just like the dream. it's exactly like the dream. i hate this feeling of worthlesness it's all because of a teacher. i told my mother i had a premonition yesterday. i ahven't had one since i was a little girl, but i had one last night and the night before and the night before and so back for weeks. i told her i felt like something bad was going to happen ,and there was nothing i could do to stop it. it made me sick, because if its one hting i can't bear, it's this feeling of helplessness. i need to be in control of my life, and i can't believe i've lost that grip because of fucking physics class. i'll never get my scholarship at this rate, or get out of this sick sick place. i need to be free. i need to leave all this behind. who cares about school? why should i bust my ass to go to military school? my mother already has so many strings attatched to AUD to get me in, it's like a puppet. thats how much she wants me to go to where she wants to go. she confessed to me last night, she wants to get retirement when i graduate and move to emirates to teach at the university there. i'd still get my own dorm room, and have my own accomodations, which would give me the illusion of independence, but there you ahve it. it's already been done. i am already accepted in AUD. i dont know how, i dont know who my mother knows tehre, but i know thats true. thats it, my future's been settled. and i'm here, hating myself for failing physics. fuck this system of dependence and shackles.

:: 2004 27 March :: 8.04pm

im WAY tired
today was the lacrosse tournament, i had a lot of fun, even though we lost all 3 games...hope and st. mary's were really good....we played gvsu in a giant mud puddle (im not even joking) and we played terrible that game too.

in the first game against hope, i did pretty good, made good passes, but i hit the damn post 2 times! why cant the net be like 2 cm wider??

so im really tired and will be going to bed in like 10 minutes....not even joking, its 8 on a saturday night...i'll be sleeping! woo i rule!

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:: 2004 27 March :: 9.00am

fire
awaiting here, alight and ablaze
it's like the spark of a thousand years
per chance it changes who we are
per hap i can be better
if it would only ignite
start a beautiful flame
and all boundries would be lost
and the differences forgotten
it's all that separates the warmth after the cold from the fire after the fire
it burns the skin and singes my bones
but it's not enough, before was too cold
i need more, more sparks
brighten the night and forget the sun
make it stronger, let it be fierce
let it charr the memory of the cold
and it's lost, the meaning of warmth
and the virtue of heat
and all the beautiful things that happen when the weather is just right
because it's over
and after so much cold, i forgot what it was like
i need more heat to warm this chill
to stop the shivers
to make the ice melt and the frost puddle
but it's not enough
i need more
the ice still hurts
my fingertips are still blue
my tears still frozen in my eyes
melt it all, make it go away
let the whole world see
may they realize
it's not over, not even close
because all that heat is nothing to all that cold
and i hate the cold, i despise its wind
i loathe with a passion its rains
i need more sun, i want more heat
i pray for more fire, to melt it away
and with my own fire i'll fight the storm
the bilzzard that's stirred my life
the snow that's overlapping my home, i fight it with all that's mine
fire, all that's mine, fire
i need it to burn, untill all the hair is gone
when the skin has melted like chocolate on your tongue
when all that's left is ash
when it is warm, like embers, and you can touch it to be comforted
when i am a source of warmth long after i am gone
then i will abate this flame
but untill then, untill that time
when all the cold is gone, and it's a beautiful summer day
i'll burn myself alive

:: 2004 27 March :: 8.38am

Past
You are the most rarest find. You are the
shapeshifter. Have a bubbly personality? Thats
what i thought. You shape from the Yeti to a
fairy to a person of the mist to the person in
my math class. You can have a temper and can be
mislead easily.

What kind of element fey are you? (PRETTY PICS)
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Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.

Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
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Industrial rock! Just like Marilyn Manson, you
know what you have to say and you just say it!
I like you very much...just be careful you
don't scare me away...

What genre of rock are you?
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twisted
You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never
bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and
other times can be a bore. You can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they can find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and Kind, and can be party
animals. But, if you love someone, youre
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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buttercup954

:: 2004 26 March :: 7.54pm

watch it, like, now.

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