:: 2003 18 November :: 3.44 pm

MENTAL HEALTH DAY!!!!I stayed home today to think for a bit and sleep!and read and do homework.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i still very tired and yes...ive been studyin for SO ....i had an interesting dream. I was like i guess floating in bloody water but i could breath and i saw all my friends and they where dead.....like mutalated to the point where i could barely see who they where......and there were spikes and claws stuck into them.I looked down at my hands and saw that they had the same claws and spikes attached to them and i could shoot them....then i came to the relisation that it was i who killed all of you......

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2003 17 November :: 9.02 pm
:: Mood: confused

The fire of a soul is not easily put out by a single breeze.
..i didnt get to sleep last night till midnight and then when i woke up i felt a canyon of fire and tears in my heart and wanted despretly to cry.I wanted to cry for all my trust gone and just to cry to vent....im not going tro school tomarrow cause im sick..im going to study like always and pretend to be ok cause if my parents suspect something happened i got to a shrink and i dont want to. I feel so numb and yet so....lost...like im in a room filled with bright white light and no color but the room isnt a room its more like a plain of just existing.But its a painfull existence....i dont know...i feel like....like i dont know what i feel...i make so much sense.

i feel like screaming or laughing ...i need to go see the ocean or a rain forest...i feel good as a person there like im at peace with myself and nothing can touch me....thats what i think i need..not to touch anyone and not for anyone to touch me.

5 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2003 16 November :: 8.27 pm

I Will Die of Natural Causes. Your choice of life style has enabled you to live a nice long life.. To eventually die of a stroke, or was it a heart attack.. Either way you out lived just about anyone that gave a shit about you anyway.. Congrats Find out how you will die, Take the Death Quiz now! Hehehe i get a long life....riiight. If i was a serial killer i would be Richard Ramirez. The Night Stalker "a madman whose lust for killing and depravity equaled, if not surpassed, that of Jack the Ripper" Over the course of a few months Richard Ramirez would go on to rape, sodomize and murder over 16 people in the Los Angles area. Viciously stabbing or shooting his victims, Ramirez would go as far as gouging out their eyes and stabbing their chests repeatedly to the point of complete mutilation. Basing his murders around satanic rituals,he would scrawl demonic pentagrams around the victims home's he would break into at random. Kill count: 16 Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now! ..i dont want to kill anyone....except shishi right now....Ok i woke up saturday at 2 in the morning to him tapping on my window cause he needed a place to stay so i told him to sleep on the couch...i wake up at 5 in the morning to him breathing on me cause he was asleep IN MY BED AND WAS SHIRTLESS.....i kicked him in the balls and told him never to come here again if he would like to live. So then(my parents didnt even wake up to hear any of this)i was taking a shower and discovered 3 big hickys 1 on each of my shoulders and then i on my right breast god they where almost black...I feel so fucking violated....damn guys ...well most of them anyways. lie :: 2003 15 November :: 10.23 pm me+amber+niki+lighter+purfume and hairspray=fun until the smoke alarm in my room goes of......oooppsss.Oh how people entertain themselves.It was great we set niki on fire and what not then of course the smoke alarm went off...grrrr.I know we are morons but i mean come on i was actually bored and it was entertaining... lie :: 2003 15 November :: 8.39 pm Niki and i are no longer fighting!..rar....but yes the star party LAST NIGHT was cool cause we had this contest and whoever could name the must constelations stars and planets won 20 $...i came in second but i was happy because it was a junior who beat me so life was good she named 9 and i named 11 but didnt point to the right thing ( i missed jupiter by like i cm) and only got 7.BUT i beat everyone else!yes so no more of me im shutting up.... lie :: 2003 14 November :: 5.36 pm YAY!Star party 8-11pm at the twilight cafe by galaxy games...yes come please do! OK life has been blah.....grr Damon saw ShiShi...oh how the sparks flew..you would think i was attached to one of them.-_- people go away!Shishi and Damon are both my buds..maybe i should tell themthat....oh well . The sun is out!......no reason just had to say it! BOB i have really bubbly thought today..damn niki im still pissed at her she sent me this file that fucked up my computer!GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Ashley ish staying the night i think and tomarrow i dont know what is going on but....WHO CARES!!!! *runs in circles*wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*trip*..ow... lie :: 2003 12 November :: 9.45 pm Shishi bought me a mini rose bush with white roses!For no reason!He is such a cutie!I was showin him my hawaii pictures and he was like "Who is that kid?"and he pointed to nick.I was like "Oh hes my friend." Shishi(his nik name) was like "Why is he in so many pictures?" i just looked at him "Cause he's my friend and he went on the trip to." everything was ok but then i showed him the school pics and whatnot..at the end of all the stuff he was all"Is that nick kid your boyfriend?" i just stared at him"No...he's my guy friend." then he started to question about justin and colton and shannon...he was so funny.Then we went to the mall and i triped(oh big suprise!) and he caught me! I was blushing i could feel it.After that he walked around and watched me like i was gonna fall and break!He was soo protective....lol it was helariouse. His full name is Shishomerou Kario and he is half Japanese if you couldnt tell..but i call him Shishi...yeah i should drag him to the play!... But yeah everyone is still pissed at me for tellin the truth.But im almost beyond caring. lie :: 2003 11 November :: 11.22 pm who knew the truth could fuck up everything with a few words?...damnit i really did go and fuck everything up..i want to cry so bad...everyone is pissed at me...and its tearing me apart..i never knew i could cause so much pain and hate with one sentence. lie :: 2003 11 November :: 8.36 pm -_-I m never going to be happy about a good day again...damnit!My mom is really making me mad...rar at the mom.OK My friend cheeted on her bf with another one of my friends bf and i promised not to tell on accident.BUT i did tell because i didnt want the one who's bf cheeted on her with the other person to be hurt..i dont know what to do anymore..-_-baaaaaaddd dddaaayyy but i should not complain im still breathing.. lie :: 2003 10 November :: 9.25 pm ^-^twas a good day today!..DAMN YOU JESSIKA! you know why!STTTOOPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!! i don appreciate it at all!..brat....lol ok yeah i am still happy about my gallery!heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.ok im done being hyperactive....5.....4...........3............2...........1..........BOOM. lie :: 2003 8 November :: 11.37 pm HAPPY DAY!!!!!My gallery is finally up at elfwood!I feel special..... Ok the luna eclipse was tonight and it was awsome!I was talking to this guy about the "cosmos" and he was like."Are you a student teacher?" I just stared at him and started laughing ,even though i tried not to!I felt so bad when i saw the look on his face when i told him my age...but yes it was almost a full ecplipse and we got flashed by a satellite! it was soooo much fun! Ok im not as good as Bethy but i try check out my gallery! http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/zone/s/h/shellydarksmith/shellydarksmith.html 3 truthsooth sayers | lie :: 2003 6 November :: 5.48 pm Someone help me find my peace because i cant do it on my own. It was the first line of a poem i wrote when i wasnt on the brink or tears or killing someone.I had sushie last night so i was actually slightly happier than i had been all week.but i still feel like hitting my head on my wall till i pass out but my parents would have me commited....grrr at society. I feel like i whine to much....i know it dosent do anything to help....grrrrr. I had an interesting dream lastnight... I was on my bed looking at my room and i saw my whole life until now and as i met people they came out of my room onto my bed and sat down next to me,then they would disappear if we stopped being friends or died...then if we grew apart they faded or all that was left was their eyes and mouth.When i got to present day all that was left was niki, dara ,ashley,nick,gwen,schylar,roxan,jessika and damon...kristie and that was it.they were the ones i could still see.I smiled at them and they all smiled back.I felt a tap on my back and i turned to look out my window and i saw something that i had only dreamed about(i thought to myself in my dream)there was this spiral galaxy blue,gold,red,and green .all of a sudden my window opened and i knew what to do.We took hold of eachothers hands and stepped out of my window together.Then we started running tword the galaxy. 2 truthsooth sayers | lie :: 2003 4 November :: 10.18 pm *bam* *bam* *bam* *bam* (im smacking my head against the wall come back in a few minutes and ill be with you shortly)*bam* *bam* *bam*.....*bam*............*bam* -falls over bleeding from the head-i feel better. 4 truthsooth sayers | lie :: 2003 3 November :: 6.58 pm im gonna shoot my dad we have had a fight every night for the past two weeks! grrrr! 11 truthsooth sayers | lie :: 2003 1 November :: 7.04 pm Halloween was ok this year i hung out with jessika,kayleen,gwen,colton,andangie(who by the end of the night was really annoying me!)We went to a haunted house then went home watched part of rocky horror picture show and ate pizza.Then everybody left and me and jessika stayed up till one then crashed. In the morning i woke up at 7:30 then woke jessika up at 8:30 (on accident hehehe...i mean oops!) then we went down stairs and ate cold pizza with roxy when she came over on a cab.then watched sister act but when i got home i fell asleep. lie

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