When We Live

:: 2004 10 March :: 6.08pm
:: Mood: Pukish-weird
:: Music: Simple Plan -_-

People are dying, I think.
Well....I am sure that SOMEWHERE people are dying. Anyway.....in drama we are watching Westside Story, so all through math when I was trying to think I had "Mariaaa!!!!!!!" going through my head...good thing the math assessment was super easy. I beleive I got a 4. English we read and analyzed the..(bauh bauh bauh BAUH!) PROLOGUE...after all this crap, we STILL have not begun to read Romeo and Juliet..pissing me off slightly. Social studies boring..nothing happened. Choir we are singing a song about rain and I actually like it. In Science Annie, Kelsey P., and I had to do stupido lab of horsepower and then halfway through I got super sick and such..It sucked. In gym I chose basketball over volleyball again. I hate volleyball. However I still felt all sick and blah, so afterwards I felt worse. Got out at 2:40....busses did not seem to come...Luckily I got a ride home from Kaylene. I was told Kaylene and I both are on the cover of the yearbook..Nifty, eh?

BTW...Who has Holy Grail? Bring it to Kaylene's!!!!!!!!!!! You must you must you must! Then we watch that and Rocky Horror! (assuming I get it back from Graham)

....sleep is good...

6 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 10 March :: 6.01pm
:: Mood: Pukish-weird
:: Music: Simple Plan -_-

:: 2004 10 March :: 5.48pm
:: Mood: Pukish-weird
:: Music: Geico could save you..blahblahblah

:: 2004 10 March :: 12.39am
:: Mood: shitty
:: Music: "Shut Your Mouth" - Garbage

terrible day
I just finished my comments to Schylar... if she doesn't rage on me, then we won't be speaking for a few weeks...
So... English: we're supposed to make one of those *fact based* poems on Shakespeare (yeah, Shelli0 and Jessika, just like those damned things last year...) Bio: I don't remember at all... Math: McLean is acting like a freak again, meaning that basketball really is over and he doesn't have to stress out anymore... I found out I'm taking ITEDS in that class... oy... Lunch: did my homework again :(
History: We had the most annoying sub (Mr. Patton) ... he told us that he's been teaching in the system for 25 years, he's majored in Psych and Administration, and he's been subbing for quite some time too... Well, I don't give a crap how intelligent he is; we were working on WWI battles today, and the tard can't even pronounce Marne or Somme. And, he was like "I know all about the Dardanelles," but he kept saying Guadalupe instead of Gallipoli... I mean, Guadalupe isn't even an Arabian name... WTF?
Band: very boring day... I hate my band... grrr band, grrr... Spanish: reviewing for our unit test... oh joy... P.E.: badmitten, and ran a half mile... then, after school, Shawna decided she and I should practice together... joy... I'm going to bed, as I have absolutely not emotion at the moment... I cry for me.

:: 2004 9 March :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Doug's First Movie

Meeehhh..
Water Goddess
You are the Goddess of Water. You are a very
loving, you show your emotions out in the open.
You are full of wisdom. Also dreamy... You
would rather be sleeping then awake. But are
still very happy. You are most inspiration to
the other Four Goddesses since without water
there wouldn't be life.
Other Water Goddesses: Aphrodite, Isis, Mariamne,
Mari, Tiamat, Yemaya, Ran, Kupala

Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

I stayed home today as well. I slept until 3ish and still want to sleep more. I have shitloads of homework and tommorrow we are taking a math assessment. Last night at the debate banquetm I got 3 things...one being a bison bill, another a forensics thing, and then a thing for having a high GPA. Gwen got the "I should've talked to senoirs more" award. I laughed. They did not have the slightest clue who she or Stacey Radonich was, so they both got those awards. At least they know who I am... I did feel bad for Josh, however. He went into the bathroom on the bus once and stayed for a long time and came out with a big ol' smile on his face, and you can guess the assumptions that were made. That is from Kirsty's point of view. But becase of that, the seniors gave him the "longest in bathroom award" and he turned colors....

Well I feel stupid. I am also very hungry. Damn us not having bread = (

Wanna know what makes me angry? WHen people think Love Song was written by 311 or Jack off Jill or someone else, I get angry. It was written by the motha-fucking CURE damnit!

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 8 March :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: tired-ish
:: Music: Baroque piano

another weekend with me all gone
Pep band is over :( The tournament was fun, even if we took second (hey, that's a lot better than usual for the girls)... let's see... when I was at the hotel at around 11:30 PM, I said to myself, "Nick, you seem rather thirsty. Yes, yes I am very thirsty. Nick, you should get something to drink." And so I did... I got myself a cup of coffee. I hate coffee... plus, the fact that I haven't had any caffeine in a month or so... in about 15 minutes I was sitting on the hotel lobby floor with "glazed over eyes" and serious trembles. I turned to Halsey, "I think something is wrong with me..." Needless to say, I won't be having any more coffee soon...
On Saturday we went to Fairmont. Mmmm... a few of my admirable guys in only swimsuits... fun day, let me tell you... oh... except that I lost a watch. Oh, and Dacia can't get over the fact that despite her absolute optomistic outlook on life, I will still find a way to piss her off in my "pessimism" which she needs to learn is really cynicism.
On to today... English: gave my powerpoint on the Globe Theatre (really, nothing too special at all)... and, as I was walking down the hall after that class, I saw T.J., then I saw this mildly cute junior with shorts on, then I saw T.J. checking out the legs of said cute junior, and all I could think was, "Nick, maybe you were right about T.J."... yay? ... Biology wasn't too exciting today... we just talked about procedures for collecting data for our mice. Math: pointless... we've regressed to graphing linear equations... strange...
Lunch: ... can't really remember... except I was doing my homework for social studies... said social studies: we FINALLY got to WWI battles today... I can't believe it's been so long in this unit... CRAZY I tell you! Band: I'm really pissed right now, because we have our play tests due Friday, Blaze takes the music home every night (nice, except I need to practice for them too...), not to mention I'm playing crappy in class, AND try-outs for Symphonic Band are in 2 weeks, AND I get my bottom braces on next week... stress...
Science fiction double feature
Doctor X will build a creature
See Androids fighting Brad and Janet....
Spanish: had a sub who speaks German and French, but not Spanish... interesting...
Health: wow... our class felt really stupid today; Maki held us 30 seconds after the bell... yeah... that's a really middle school sort of thing to do... oy...
After school, Lucien was around for only about 10 minutes, and Alisa wasn't being the most talkative (at least in my direction)... Sergie was practically raping Jason in the corner, and Jason came out laugh/crying, all the while I was singing Sweet Transvestite to my Rocky Horror fanatics...
And I had piano today... 3 weeks to district music fest. .... I'm really hoping I'm ready. And, piano made me late for soccer... I felt like an old man on the field today...
Moving on to a different subject, I saw the bulliten print in the newspaper Sunday that alternative youth outreach is setting up in gf... unfortunately, they meet the same time as my soccer practice goes on Thursdays, not to mention I still haven't come out to my family yet, so getting to the meetings would certainly be a problem. Even so, I'm getting the info that I can, and maybe I'll show up... maybe...

3 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 7 March :: 11.32am
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: Christian stuff...at 9:20 in the morning...OY!

Oh the stuff I find...
I shall drown you in my tears;
Suffocate you in my hate;
I'll strangle you with my fears,
Don't try to change now, you're already too late.

Now the trust is gone,
For now I can see
Your ignorance, disbelief:
All strains of your conterfeit personality.

For these emotions are vindictive,
Scratching at the walls of my soul
Begging to be freed,
Their strength I no longer control.

My dove of compassion is dead;
Now completely I'm desensitized,
Never to feel again.
For the lies in your eyes...

I shall drown you in my tears.
The hate will pour like rain
To smother your stupid little world
So I will be free once again.

Yes. Tiphni Lynn and I wrote this last summer, I do believe. I think I have posted it here before, but I am not sure anyone ever read it....so here it is again. I gave Tiph my general ideas and a few basic lines and how I wanted it to be, and she pretty much put my thoughts on paper. Wooo Tiph! ...I should remind her of this.

The stupid fucking little girl did not get her desired amount of banana bread. So I have to make more. Just for her. *angry face insert*

OOOO!! I also had a dream! It was about a SUPER fucking hot dude that I met when Shelle and I were on Slime Time Live! I got prizes and to be on TV : ). Then when everyone was gone, Me and Shelle were sitting there and then we noticed this super hot guy sitting all alone. He was from Texas. When we went back to school, he was in my English class, so I guess he moved :-p. Our school quite resembled Butte's. Anyway. He was pretty much gay..he had like 5% straight in him. He also had a crush on Colton ^_^. Then the doggy came and woke me up to let her out. = (.

I update too much.

BTW..."You're Sweet. Sweet like an orange creame sugar bunny." Yup.

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 6 March :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: unproductive
:: Music: The Crow

This movie indeed rocks.
"Jesus Christ...stop me if you've heard this one...walks into a hotel, hands the innkeeper 3 nails and asks: 'Put me up for the night?'"

"Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, and yet everything happens only a certain number of times ... How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood ... that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps 4 or 5 times more. Perhaps not even. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps 20. And yet it all seems limitless.

"Death is always on the way, but the fact that you don't know when it will arrive seems to take away from the finiteness of life. It is that terrible precision that we hate so much. But because we don't know, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember as certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps 4 and 5 times more. Perhaps not even. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps 20. And yet it all seems limitless."

Bwaaahhhh I love this movie. It rocks in all its morbidness. I find it very funny. Do not ask why. Some parts are not meant to be funny, but oh well. *shrug*

Today I made banana bread. Other than that, I have watched a little tv and read like a hundred pages in the book I am reading. It is very very unproductive and I wish Roxanne would come save me. But, she probably won't.

My mom went to Passion of Christ today. She said she saw Mishelle, but did not say hi so as not to embarrass her in front of her friends :-p. BTW Shelle....what church do you go to?

Mother is the name of god in the hearts and eyes of young children. It seems as if I am not a young child anymore...I so thought I was, too. Aw well.

It may not be able to rain all of the time THERE, but I wish it WOULD rain sometimes HERE. I miss the rain = (.

Tidbit of sad info that I was unaware of: Brandon Lee died in the making of The Crow. One of the times he was shot, they were supposed to have a blank in the gun, however a real bullet was used. So he died. = (.

I think I am done now. I shall steal buh bai! ^_^.

:: 2004 4 March :: 9.28pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Spare Me the Details" - The Offspring

one week without me...
Yeah.. I know I didn't update for a while...
Ever since I left for Missoula... Speaking of, mildly romantic moment... Mr. Kellogg had us climb the M (very long walk, I must say), and Drew and I were the first ones up, so we went to sit on the outcropping above the M... yeah, sitting, gazing out at the Missoula below us, sitting next to my sexy sax player... too bad he's not mine... too bad he's (probably) not gay.
When we got home (CMR won!!!!! ahah!!!!), I started to finish the poetry packet we had assigned, spent about 14 hours on poetry... so besides being hyped/poetic/tired, I felt all screwy inside. So, for the last week, I have been extremely moody, telling people off (which is not like me, too often at least...)...
Let's see... highlights... um, Monday/Tuesday was AA Band Festival (which we, being the little kids of the high school, do not play in).. however, 2 good concerts... At lunch one day, Paul and I were messing around, and then all the girls are like, "Aw, you and Paul would be so cute together!" not realizing that I'm indeed bisexual, and Paul is rather not... um... we've been watching "All Quiet on the Western Front" in history... Cislo is great for movies and such... We've played w/ the mice in Bio (yes, we now have mice, in conjunction w/ the psych 2 class, which will train the mice to run mazes... we take care of the mice, and will eventually distribute alcohol or caffeine to them... eh heh... hope I don't get attached...) ... oh, and Lucien tweaked my nipple a few times... I probably shouldn't have told them to not do that... it always makes them want to do it more... AND I told them I can't look people in the eye... OR stand to be in crowds... so now Lucien tries to stare me down while crowding my space and tweaking nipples (which, in a non-school setting I would not find so bad... but, considering the circumstances...) Anyways, the band goes to Butte tomorrow for girl's tourney... hope we win, but I don't see it happening (me of little faith). Love y'all lots (especially if you love me back... maybe...)

27 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 4 March :: 6.56pm
:: Mood: exhausted

"Fading Memories"
Much as the leaves turn bright and fall,
Their beauty held for such short time, and softly
Strength is taken. Broken.
Fluttering to the ground to hold
Color for a short while longer.
Color, bleeding, but never leaving
Simply overtaken.

As mighty as the tree may be
Without the leaves it holds no life.
Each long arm strains at last
To hold the final colors.
Feebly, in all accounts
To watch such giants overcome
A breeze come in to play a while.

A finger slips and suddenly
Ten leaves are blown so far away.
And sad is the scene that has come to be
That all the crimson and gold
Bled away to leave behind a pool,
Brown, light, and every day
Taken away by such playful wind.

Sadder more to step away,
To see the trees collectively.
The pool belongs to not one
But to the forest together.
No more can any tree claim its color
As the breeze scatters leaves all around.
Instead the trees lie dormant, waiting for the Winter.

(Yes, this is my original work *for once* and again *for once* I am proud of this work.

4 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 4 March :: 5.36pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: BoFlex commercial...LostProphets

People are dying, I think.
Last night around 2 in the morning, I was awoken by a pounding. It kind of sounded like it was on the door, but kind of not. I was too groggy to go figure out, so I yelled at it to stop. I felt better since it obeyed. I was in near sleep mode and it began again. I yelled again and it didn't stop...so I kept yelling and finally it did. I woke up and decided to stay home like I should forever. Later the tiwns and my mom discovered this spot and then a line. In my opinion it looked like a melted crayon and then a line drawn in different crayon because of the texture crayons seem to leave on the walls. Harley said it was ink. But oh no, ditch the logical (not that those were LOGICAL persay...just better), and my mom concluded it is black blood. JOY. Someone is BLEEDING in our walls. And it is brought on by bad music, tv, and video games. Yup. She is now going to "bless" our house on Saturday. I don't know if I would rather have someone save me that day or stay to make sure they leave my room spawning demonic things. *shrug*

I think I should try school again tommorrow

2 truthsooth sayers | lie

:: 2004 2 March :: 8.04pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Fairly Oddparents

Oh dear god.
So...I was really feeling shitty today. The only high point was remembering that my mom said she would take me to the doctor today. I was making her brownies and she came home. I brought it up and suddenly she was saying how she had never said she would even think about taking me tonight and definitely not. I get all emotionally inbalanced and stuff when I get sick. I began to cry. I went upstairs and was all out bawling. I could not help it. She called me down and was all bitchy and yelling. If we were going at all, it was going to be right now and I was getting my way just like always...blahblahblah. The seriously did not help my tears stop. So we went...I was crying the entire time we were in the waiting room. I finally stopped as my name got called. My mom said I was there for a little cold that I won't shut up about. Tears again. Nurse lady took my temperature...all that good stuff. Asked how long I had had my cold. I said it seemed like more than a cold...told her of the yuckiness..the lack of being able to breath. Oh and the mom said "She has been spitting up bile" and laughed at me. She said I would be dead had I been. Nurse made it seem like I was all right and all that good stuff. She left and I began to cry again. Once I stopped we had been waiting for like 10 minutes. Waited another ten. Doctor dude came in. Still made it seem like I had a little cold. Turns out I did. He called it Mononucleiosis. Yup. I gots me some mono. He said it was spreading like wildfire around the school. I began to cry again. There is nothing to do about it. Just deal with it. He is not sure if I have it definitely or not, but more than likely, and even if it was definite, it would be pointless just to know. As he was sitting there watching me cry, he brought up depression. I seemed to have the sympoms and all that good stuff. Nice of my mom to pipe in and say how "demanding" I was. He said depression hightens illness. all that good stuff. Yah. I know it. My mom kept going on about me being demanding and all bipolarish and crap. It came up that my dad had serious bipolar and and schizoeffective or something and she has severe depression. So now I shall be on Zoloft. Not Prozac...she wants to make sure I am taking my own pills as I constantly steal hers ;-). I need to sleep or cry or die or something.

:: 2004 1 March :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: hot
:: Music: Disney Channel

gng
Well...I stayed home today. I am running out of days quickly = (. I woke up at 11 after going to bed at 10:30....then I went back to sleep at noon till 3:20. I think I am on the path of sleeping my life away again.

I feel kinda bad for Roxanne. Barbi and I were gone today. We 3 are in a group and our thing is due tommorrow.

I think my house was burning down earlier today. It stunk and now is all hot and stuff.

I am cooking mozzarella sticks. I also forgot what was supposed to go here.

:: 2004 29 February :: 3.29pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Christian stuff

Wooo!...?
Hecate
Hecate

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Last time I do believe I got Morpheus.... *shrug*

BTW....IT IS SNOWING!!!!!!!!!! ;_;