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brokenmentality

:: 2005 18 April :: 10.01pm

my kitty ran away..

i cried alot today..
and then keegan found him for me.

it is official... he REALLY is the best boyfriend i could ever ask for

brokenmentality

:: 2005 17 April :: 10.42pm

another week of desperate houswives has come and gone.. and its not even a new one next week.... damn fools. how dare they show us re-runs.... nobody on here even watches it do you.... so i guess it would do no good to babble on about it.

keegan just went home.. i hate when he has to leave.. but today was a good day. after church i brought my dress over to his house so his mom could see it, and she loved it. she had it hanging in the kitchen until i had to leave... AND she made us blueberry muffins... gotta love that woman. its cool how his house is a second home to me and mine is a second home to him.. i love that. its true too... (and no not "its true" as in my overused phrase... it REALLY is true!) i have my own green scrubby in his shower.. *laughs..... his mom got it for me. now is THAT acceptance or what?! its just ...aklsjdfl;kasdfj.. i dont even know.. my mom loves him too. she was hesitant at first.. but now everythings just perfect.. like tonight.... we all went out and got ice cream.. and me and my mom made fun of keegan.. thats the way it should be! *smiles.. you know like it*

we've been on this whole new excersize kick lately.... and i've been feeling so good. we went to the track the other day and ran 2 miles... I (underline I) ran 2 miles! and me and keegan and emma have been doing abs.. once again (underline I) have been doing abs! incredible... its almost not healthy for me.. its been so long!

you'd think that since we spend most every day together AND we work together that things would get old.. but its just the opposite. we just keep getting closer and closer. he really is my best friend :)

AND imagine this.. best friends DONT even have to sleep together! *GASP* a healthy happy relationship that DOESNT have sex?! wow... is the world ending? pathetic. but i wont go into my whole sex rant, because god knows it goes on forever.

school tomorrow... woohu. bring on the drama.

:: 2005 17 April :: 3.01pm
:: Music: the who-Love Reign o'er me

Next year is going to rock. Oh yes, i mean that.
Tonight is going to rock.
And.... well honestly, i rock.

2 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 17 April :: 1.08pm
:: Music: Death From Above 1979

Ninja Stealth

You will never detect me. And if you do, it's because I wanted you to, but you won't think I did. Yeah, ninja mind games.

I've got some mad skills.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 15 April :: 10.15am

so.. we're gonna have the best prom ever.. true story.

2 _ | moved fast

brokenmentality

:: 2005 12 April :: 11.44pm

so today was sort of rough... but it ended just fine. i love how when we argue... he still makes me smile. pshhh... *laughs. theres nothing like trying to make a point.. and then turning away because you dont want him to see you smile... i can get so frustrated, but he's just so cute, i can't help it. im defensive and stubborn... but his eyes get a little wider and his voice gets all serious... and its just ..... ugh... we're just to perfect for eachother.

yesterday me and keegan and emma worked out like mad.... seriously... it involved running AND ab work outs for like 2 hours... it felt soooo good! even now it feels good, cuz it doesnt hurt.. but i can feel it just enough to be satisfyed... woohu for me and my flabby abs.. ! they'll take the bikini world by storm! laughs....* just give me time... they'll be good come june.

tonight was the funnest work meeting ever.. we played lazertag, ate pizza, and talked over eachother alot.... PLUS we're thinking about having 104.5 do a live broadcast... very coooool.

i miss stacy....

just thought i'd randomly throw that out there.

but now im cold, and tired, and STILL have something in my eye.. and thats really irritating me.

gahh.. i shouldnt call him.. but bahh i cant help it....

2 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 12 April :: 4.00pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Rise Against::Dancing for Rain

Badass.

I will kill you so fast, you won't even know that you're dead.

Read more..

They're ready to close on the house, right now. We can move in this week. Score.
Nevermind, my mom is a douche.

3 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 11 April :: 12.49pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Matchbook Romance

Plans change

I just went to the new house, it's almost finished. It's painted, carpet is in, and so is the tile and counter tops. We'll be moving in about a week, I'm pretty excited.

But at the same time, I know I'll miss it here. I know that sounds crazy because this place is such a dump. I've been here for five years though, it's so familier. I'll miss all the weird things that happen daily, the things I don't even recognize as out of the ordinary anymore.

Perfect Example:
Yesterday, a guy wearing bright red shorts, with no shoes or shirt on, was pulling a wagon down the road with another guy in it. The back wheel of the wagon busted off and the guy riding in it fell out. The other guy pulled it for another 5 feet before realizing what happened. He turned around, picked up the wheel and threw it in the wagon and then continued dragging it. The other guy just followed.

I saw that as perfectly normal, I thought nothing of it.
I doubt I'll see anything like that in Deer Run Estates.

All the retarded little kids that don't move for cars, the hundreds of cats my mom feeds, the weird neighbors that you aren't sure if they kill people or not, the ones that you're sure kill people, the drunks, the crack whores, the retired crack whores, the soon to be crack whores, the drug dealing, the wanna-be gang banger bitch kids, the yelling back and forth four houses down the road...it's all home.

It's amazing that I'm sort of normal, that I've not been corrupted by this environment. Maybe I have been, and I just don't realize it.

I've learned a lot here, but, it's time to leave.

2 _ | moved fast

brokenmentality

:: 2005 11 April :: 12.00am

i got my prom dress...

thank the good lord who reigns in heaven... i GOT my prom dress.

1 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 10 April :: 3.04pm

Closure. Bring it on.
I'm confused.
Talk to me.

[Edit]
We're good. I'm glad.

Read more..

5 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 9 April :: 1.00pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Billy Talent::River Below

The sky is crushing me

The family went to a wedding, and of course I'm too cool for that. It's a beautiful day, and I think I'll go for a walk soon. I need some fresh air. I need some time to clear my head. Some things have been strange lately, I should focus on fixing them before I start anything new.

[Edit]
Walks don't really solve anything, but they are refreshing.

6 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 7 April :: 10.02pm

Everything I say is stupid.

2 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 7 April :: 10.52am
:: Music: The Shins - Weird Divide

It's fucking cold as fuck.
It's my birthday.
Everyone wish me a Happy Birthday and pretend you knew.
Now!

11 _ | moved fast

brokenmentality

:: 2005 6 April :: 11.42am

no luck finding a prom dress...

we went everywhere... the night ended with me buying ben and jerrys mint ice cream, renting shall we dance (which the girl at the movie store told me i'd cry... just what i was looking for) and falling asleep with keegan till 5 this morning.

for a shitty day.. it ended really good.
thanks.

:: 2005 6 April :: 12.36am
:: Music: Matchbook Romance

The subject of this post has nothing to do with the actual content.

I guess my last post caused a little drama. Or did it? I can't really tell who's joking, and who's not. The internet isn't a great place for sarcasm.

Doesn't matter.

I'm happy now,
goodnight.

3 _ | moved fast

brokenmentality

:: 2005 5 April :: 12.32am

today was a good day.

me and keegan had to work from noon to 3 and from 6 to 8... but inbetween we *get this* went to long lake park and tried to fly the kite his mom bought us.. awww. she bought us a kite... and we brought food and stuff... *that classifys it as a picnic...!* there wasnt much wind though... so we lacked the whole "kite flying" part of it... its all good. then we had to go back to work.. but nobody showed up so Veronica had us go to Sams Club and pick up all the stuff concessions was out of... which was cool.. we got payed to go shopping for her.. woot hoot....

i just got home... we were at micahs house.. aww.. i love micah.
*laughs....

we have to work tomorrow... its cool how Veronica scheduals us at the same time... *giggles..... i've only worked there without keegan once..i think im schedualed with out him once this week too... but other then that she always keeps us together.. which i think is cool.. *smiles.

damn me and my over obsessive use of the astrics.

my legs are SO fricken smooth.. that never happens! lol.

i miss becky. both beckys.... burns and visser. im a little upset with burns though. more like dissapointed. really dissapointed.

i miss dylan too..... *cries.
he's gotta be like one of my best guy friends... well of course.. thats what english incest is all about... is it not! *winks... i love ya.

hmm.. im tired... and my bed is lookin real good over there in that corner... mmmm. if my bed was a person, i would so sleep with it right now.....

*laughs.....

1 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 4 April :: 3.32pm
:: Music: the exies::my goddess

Watch yaself, girl

I bought three pairs of tight pants today.
Peer pressure is a biatch.

27 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 3 April :: 1.02pm
:: Music: The Postal Service

Break is good. ~~I haven't had a day go by sitting my ass at home, like I usually do.~~
Sin City was awesome.
Seeing Brad is awesome.
I am awesome.

That's about it.

:: 2005 3 April :: 12.54am

Touch
Tonight was great. I love Griffins games. Or, well, I shouldn't say that. I love the first five minutes of Griffins games, then I love walking around downtown GR for an hour, then sitting in a car for another.

It was awesome.

5 _ | moved fast

brokenmentality

:: 2005 1 April :: 6.27pm

the kenny chesney concery was awesome last night...
my mom and i had so much fun together.

sue and tina were fun.... but lets not go there.. because they both kind of make me sick....

maaaaannn.. it was so good. my voice is a little odd today. .im suprised i even have one! my mom and i both got concert shirts... *loves them.

yeah.. i'll leave it at that.. but it was SOOO good.

im really tired though, and i have to work at lazerskate till midnight tonight.... woot hoot... im comming straight home and going to sleep.

2 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 1 April :: 3.55pm
:: Music: Breaking Benjamin::Sooner or Later

Essence

There are a bunch of t-shirts that I want from threadless dot com.

Anyone have a credit card that they'd let me use? I'd give the money up front.

3 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 1 April :: 12.43pm

Well, fuck me.
KATE or MATT
Call me at my house phone if you get online (and leave a God damn message).
696-0331

4 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 30 March :: 8.00pm
:: Music: The Mars Volta::The Widow

That's how I roll...

I have the 50th best poll ever.

Read more..

*sigh* I love thunderstorms. I love just sitting here, listening to the rain on the roof. The occasional clap of thunder. The half a second of luminescence when lightning strikes. Yeah...it's great.

3 _ | moved fast

brokenmentality

:: 2005 29 March :: 10.00pm

he will never be a christian... and that kills me.

whats worse, is i just got the most awful email i could have ever possibly gotten. my hope is gone... he's a lost cause and there's nothing i can do about it.

what a dissapointment.
so now what do i do? i have nobody to talk to about it, alyssa wont call me back, nobodys here. i hate when that happens. i hate feeling alone. but hey.. i've gotten used to it right?

i mean what good am i if i've learned nothing about the thousands of things i've let dwell inside of me? who would i be if i didnt keep things to myself because in the moment of pain im all alone..... WHO would i be if my entire fucking life i hadn't been alone?

he said it himself... he'll do things occasionally he'll regret and then realize they're wrong later. well im so glad i've had the priveledge to be one of them. should i be jumping with joy that im one of his mistakes?

i almost wish nothing would have ever happend, that i never would have met him. not knowing would have been so much easier.

damn it erika, go to bed and stop thinking....
its not healthy.

all will be forgotten by morning... this will just be one more entry i neglect to re-read.

3 _ | moved fast

brokenmentality

:: 2005 28 March :: 2.23pm

yay... we got new carpet.

i need white shoes.... this i have determined.

easter was incredible.. me and keegan spent all day together. my pastor delivered an amazing sermon... im so glad i got to hear it.. i needed to hear it. i've been thinking about alaska alot lately.. and its almost made me cried. i miss the mountains.... more importantly i miss the spiritual growth i got up there. i came home and it disappeared.

i want a coconut fudge granola bar....
i'd also like to learn how to spell.

1 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 28 March :: 10.28am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: System of a Down::Forest

Bla bla bla...

Civics is boring.
It's only 3rd hour...
Only 3 more days.

:: 2005 25 March :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: shocked
:: Music: Brand New

LG VX3200

Well, I just got a cell phone.
Amazed?
Me too.

799-2701
Add me.

Give me your numbers, so I can add you too.

4 _ | moved fast

brokenmentality

:: 2005 25 March :: 4.28pm

i just talked to ryan... i miss him. awwwww. what a nerk he is... :)

keegan came over this morning.. the INTENTION was to wake me up... sadly that didnt happen.. he took to long... pshhhh, yeah thats right i said it. he had to leave for their talent show practice.

last night we watched secret window... he had never seen it before. i forgot how scary it is! lol... im not kidding.. its scary! im a panzy though.. i dont like blood, witnessing pain, things jumping out at me, or ghosts... that rules out every possible scary movie in the world... i do make exceptions though. johnny movies are ok.. like sleepy hollow... thats gotta be my favorite "scary" movie of all time... its more of a comedy.. te he ha.... yay for johnny.

whats that i hear blasting through my house? Shaniah Twain.. i love her. i think country music is by far my favortie genre.... true story.

kyle.... grrrr, i shouldnt go there.

we're coloring easter eggs tonight.... how exciting..

at the moment we have no living room furniture, or a kitchen table.... we're getting a new living room set tomorrow, and new carpet monday... woohu for us.

i do believe im falling into the process of eventually falling in love... and thats an amazing feeling. i dont believe that two people can fall in love in high school... i mean genuine love.. not just a "i really care about you" love.. because you "love" the person that sits behind you in your classes..... after telling myself once that i was in love, and then realizing that i never was, and that it was all a lie.. i've realized something about myself... i'm extremely critical when it comes that kind of stuff. even in movies if the two main chars. fall in love right off the bat, im like pleeeaaaseee.... but i do think, that if me and keegan stay together for a really long time, and keep developing the way that we are..... it could really blossom into something beautiful... because in truth it already is. mainly because he's such a beautiful pserson. his words speak to me... not just because they're his words.. but because he's such an amazing writer, and to me thats one of the most attractive qualities a guy can have..... im really lucky, not because i have him.. and i should feel honored, because that would be saying i have something i would never deserve.. and everyone deserves to be happy... im lucky because not only do i have somebody to care about, but i've found somebody to genuinly care about me. to genuinly take care of me... to carry me through my weakest moments. when i struggle he lifts me up and when he struggles i lift him up. he doesnt just agree with me.... he has his own opinions. i've never experience that before. somebody with their own mind who will stand up for what they believe in, even if i disagree. he's the person that will point out my imperfections... but he's also the person that will help me work em out... the only time he's impatient with me is when he knows that im right about something.... and its the same for me... we just balance eachother perfectly.. and we've never jumped the gun. for how mature we are, and how close we are..... i admire us for staying true to our morals and not jumping the gun before we're ready for a commitment.. because the way i see it, saying i love you is a commitment that you're supposed to live up to regardless the cost.... and i dont think its very likely that a couple of high schoolers can fulfill that promise to eachother. but thats just my opinion... no offense to all you "love birds" out there... thats just how i feel.... once again.. i could go on forever about how i feel about love, but i'll stop here, smile a few more times... and be on my way.

8 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 23 March :: 12.23am

What the hell...?

So my alarm went of at 12 for some reason, and being the groggy individual I am, I thought it was 6, my normal time of awakening. I got up and took a shower, then looked down the hallway and saw that no one was up yet. I figured Mark had left early or something. Then I go in my room and check the clock...

12:13.

WHY did my alarm go off at midnight!? That's six fucking hours early. Gah...I'm going back to bed. Goodnight.

6 _ | moved fast

:: 2005 22 March :: 4.00pm
:: Music: Rage Against the Machine

Fuck it

So my birthday is like...4 days away. I'm not very excited. 16 just sounds like a girly age. I think I'll just stay 15 until I can be 17.

1 _ | moved fast

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