so i've decided that im a clingan natzie... and im to lazy to look up the spelling of that word.. so fuck you.

i've never had so much hate for anyone before. if he ever threatens my family again..... which will most likely be in a matter of days because he thinks he has this strange hold over us still.... he'll be the one that will "be sorry". thats what he says to my mom all the time. "you'll be sorry" so of course stupid me.. i speak out against him. all he does is hurt me and make me feel like a horrible christian becase i just want to kill him.. and im the one who did something wrong. i spoke out against the all mightyfull clingans and look what i did. now they all hate me, thats great, fucking great. i'd like to say i didnt care, but they were my family for 7 years, and because they're all psychotic and stick up for chris i've caused them all to hate me. they're insane, yes i know that.... but i thought that i was part of the family. thats what they always told me.. but i was never good enough. or maybe i was too good. they're all losers, worthless WORTHLESS people they are. between chris, his sister, and his brother they have 5 divorces, 2 alcohaulics, 3 chain smokers, an embezzeler, a convict, a potential rapist, and more enemys then i could ever explain... but in their eyes they're perfect. nobody messes with them, nobody even compares to them. *in their eyes* i think they should all just die. they're all going to hell anyways...... i left that on chris's answering machiene...... but compared to everything hes done to me.. its minor...... nothing. i've never felt so hopeless in my life. i feel like a nothing, we're in so much debt because of a lawyer that doesnt do anything, we have literally no money, things keep breaking in our house... and chris has our huge house. he has our house, our pool, our yard, our neibors, hes still insured by my mom, he hasnt payed childsupport for shelby EVER and its been 4 months. i just dont know what to do anymore. i cant vent because if i do.. like i attemped to do to his sister..... it comes back and bites me in the ass. now im just "cast" out of the family. its like... thanks for lying to me ALL these years. now i know what im worth. nothing.

and if that wasnt enough....... god, if that wasnt enough. its never going to end is it? the fighting and shit..... its just going to keep going on until we do something we both really regret. i told you it'd be hard for me to see you with other people.. i told you that, and so that gives you the right to be mad at me when im in a bad mood, or if i dont talk to you. like my life isnt bad enough, this is just what i need, that fucking slut pointing me out to her friends. Ok world..... IM THE EX GIRLFRIEND....... look at me.... would it help if i just stapled a fucking sign to my forehead? im the invincable bitch that broke up with kevin..... point at me please, i find it amusing. talk to them about me however you want, but dont bring me into it. and no.... im not mad at you... just saving brandi from having to answer that question later.




id love to leave hear, and just get away from it all. i'd miss nothing except a few people and my mom. but lately it seems like nothings worth it anymore. nothings worth trying for. nothing matters anymore......... high school is a complete joke. lets make drama all that we can, lets make peoples lives miserable, because thats what matters. or is it something else? like what we wear.... that matters. people are so shallow, it makes me sick. label me whatever you want to label me......... just leave me alone.

7 _ | moved fast