I'm a Loner Dottie, A Rebel

:: 2002 3 October :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: whut

mimesis tonight.. highlight of the school week.. "conor time" if you will.. i don't know. he's a cool kid, and conor and steve and maybe lowell are all definately coming with me to stlouis... good times. i cannot wait. i hope i can get people together to have a bday party or whatnot that weekend. that'll be fun times. sigh... anyways here i go

sunsweet

:: 2002 2 October :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: the little things

so last nite me and alyssa were SUPPOSED to sneak out and meet kevin, ben, and jeff. It didn't work, arg that sucked. Kuz i know we woulda had fun. But then later that night kevin was like well i dont have ne thing to drink but we could still have fun so...hmm. hehe. They're fun, n it was ok kuz i talked 2 them like all night ne way...found out some interesting things about ben...ex- his fantasy. wut doya know? it invovled a beach so i was like aw take me im yours! Ben is so fun...we need 2 hook up, maybe not go out but be like fuck buddies ya no? Yea, that'd be nice. So..i got another dress today, this would be number 3. yep. But this one's a winner...its hot! Black, sparkly, STRAPLESS, n long but thats ok. I think it looks better long ne way. So im set 4 homecoming...I am gona look hot i tell ya. Heh so will Allie...even if her date is well..not. heh thats mean but true. O well...we can ditch our dates n get on other guys like...i dunno Ben! n Allie can find Brandon...oo she'd like that. haha. Anyways, lately ive been working out..it seems 2 make me feel better about myself or something. Im gonna try 2 start eating healthier too. Like, my stomach would look so incredibly hot if i worked w/ it a lil'. Then i'd be set. Well..ill continue this and see wut results ill get! Then ill know.

DayDream

:: 2002 30 September :: 8.01am
:: Mood: accomplished

Your results have been tabulated, and your IQ is...

109
That's above average. Here's how you compare to the other people your age who've taken the IQ test:

people dumber than you (58%)
people as smart as you (2%)
people smarter than you (40%)
(based on 1,674,175 total submits)

Your total time was: 38 minutes and 18 seconds.
The average person like you takes 26:11.
The highest score recorded by someone your age is 219.
At your age, girls are smarter than boys.

*OK i was talking to people while i took this, give me some credit.

DayDream

:: 2002 30 September :: 7.51pm

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Who�s YOUR Rocky Horror Alter-Ego?

Find out now! Only from href="http://quizjunkie.tripod.com">the Quiz Junkie

:: 2002 29 September :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: sad

plot it out
i have failed myself... my will is not as strong as i thought it was.

..i am invincible

sunsweet

:: 2002 29 September :: 12.42am
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: air force ones

Ah i smell like BBQ..since i just got back from Bandanna's. That place is so good. yumyum. So 2nite i go w/ Alyssa 2 the zoo. It was like her dad's company's picnic/party..thing..w/e. Hell if i know. It was alrite i guess. Me n' Alyssa can make any situation fun tho so hey. But I gotta say last nite was alotta fun. Allie spent the nite after we went 2 the mall w/ tom, dan, paul, n later on adam. (hes hot rite allie?). So we shopped 4 homecoming dresses kuz Allie still hadn't had hers n im well 2 damn picky. And then tom n dan jus kinda followed us where ever...heh even into the WOMEN'S dressing room. I found that quite funny. Then later than night after we got home Ben tells me he wants 2 meet us, so im ok yea right this will back out kuz i didnt think ben would actually do it. Well I guess he proved me wrong on that. He had his bro drive him over which was good...I actually thought he was gonna walk his ass like 6 miles. So he gets there were all jus sittin on the drive way n well its cold so we gota get some drinks. Hey, it warmed us up....even tho i coulda thought of an even better way 2 stay warm..hehe. He left i guess around 2:30...oh hes so hot, i woulda got on him 2. heh, well wut can i say? O great...robby has next friday planned..heh id rather get on ben but if im jus wunted some..id get on robby. itd be kinky at school 2..heh. listen 2 me. Ok well..i dn we'll see what happens.

leftofcool

:: 2002 27 September :: 9.02pm

i really like peanuts... i really like peanut butter...

it feels like winter because winter feels like holidays and holidays feel like family dinners... and family dinners feel like wierd family smells and good food smells and the oblivion that alchohol contributes, which is fine by me. and it seems like winter because i am alone and doing the dishes... late into the night. although it is only 8:00pm here.... before i can leave for the evening, i have to do my parents and their socialite friends' dishes... and glasses... they waste so much alchohol. its saddening. but i guess thats only if youre under 21. yeah, anyway, i miss everyone...

2 Greedy Bastards | Any Takers?

sunsweet

:: 2002 24 September :: 9.09pm
:: Music: dont want to stop

so it\'s official..i hate my biology teacher. He must be the biggest prick alive. ha that really doesnt make sense but he is! omg. but ne ways..besides that school was ok. Scott came up n kissed me..it was like so random it prob looked funny..n who jus happened 2 be RIGHT there? Robby of course. He still won\'t let me hear the end of it, typical. So me n\' Benny were talkin about butts and thongs 4 some reason..we have pretty random conversations. Ben is so fun, i luv him 2 death. Too bad i dont have much of a chance, or do i? I can work my charm, i know 4 a fact that hes not, not interested. so that\'s good. Right now Robby is going on about how he can\'t belive i settled 4 goin 2 homecoming w/ scott. I think ill have fun w/ him. The boy can dance, n i dn hes jus fun! well heh now im takin\' a lil\' poll askin all my boy\'s wut they go 4..if they\'re an ass guy..or legs..or w/e. It\'s quite interesting! But they\'re really shallow too..so ugh

DayDream

:: 2002 24 September :: 5.14am
:: Music: Sister, SIster...hah i love this show

So there's a kareoke contest goin on at the fall festival this year. First prize is $100, sencond is $50...i'm definitely in need of some cash so i figured i'd give it a try. So, i know i'm going to audition for this deal, but i have to have the song that i'm going to sing by this friday. Good thing i know what that's going to be. If anyone has any suggestions (ok yea, i know not all of you know me...but i could still use any suggestions) i would really appreciate it. I'm thinken an Incubus song, either Drive or Warning, maybe...ahh what do i know. Not much, that's for sure.

4 Greedy Bastards | Any Takers?

leftofcool

:: 2002 23 September :: 3.29pm

People only want to hear the good shit...life eternal, a place in God's heaven...but as soon as you hear that you're gettin' all this good shit from a black Jesus, you freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your savior.

--dogma

3 Greedy Bastards | Any Takers?

:: 2002 22 September :: 11.56pm

and more...
i wonder sometimes
if i push too hard
on your hipbones,
protruding like animal skulls
will they crumble beneath my fingertips
like clay left out in the sun
hot and hard with heat?
i wonder if your ribs are just that-
your ribs.
or
do they encage anything monstrous inside of you?
do they shut me out?
parallel and sharp,
they are always present
like i should be afraid,
terrified of your milky white hardness-
like the china in my mother's cabinet.
what i woudln't love to take
that china and
smash it in my hand
watch it crumble
like the animal skulls
and your hipbones
...bone china they call it...

and you, like porcelain
with dull eyes like
the dolls in the store windows-
the ones that follow you as you walk by,
the dolls you think about when you wake up
at night,
pulsating with heat.

:: 2002 22 September :: 11.40pm

just more.... theres always more...
i'm sick with heat
the kind of heat that
bottles up in my bones
and comes in waves
like water,
sweeping over me so fast
i quietly sweat and pray
the heat away..
but it stays

its the kind of heat i don't even realize until its so hot, i explode with every single thing i can't handle. explode into a puddle of warmth- staining pants and bedsheets like a wonderous martyr massacre. like something is there beside me, quickening my pulse and endangering my quest for comfort- my search for the cool side of the pillow. satisfaction never cames, and here i lay..
its the kind of heat that you want to savor, the heat that might not come for days, weeks, months.. heat that may not come like this again. yesterday, it was fall and today is the hottest haitian summer day. i'm barefoot and runing but even the rain is boiling and sizzling on my limbs like small pieces of gorgeous ash falling from the red sky. this heat puts me to sleep and wakes me up just the same- wakes me up in confusion. this heat is so thick, it takes me minutes to realize where i am-the time on the clock is later than it should be and my forehead is beaded with cold exhaustion. i fall in and out of apt consciousness, always aware of the pressure in my temples, the passion beating down on my thighs. my handso n my thighs, pushing away the fervent heat.. pushing away the aching...
i always ache for you in the hot haitian days. i always seek you out from beneath moist covers and a lack of breath... my eyes rarely shut anymoree- always searching for you, my shelter from the heat. my pretty little painted fan, delicate and fragile.
the bed smells of mothers and exhaustion. i have to get up before i'll be able to come back and sleep. but i've been sleeping for two days, i tell you. you don't believe me. you walk away with your milky-white bones and your delicate hands-your dull eyes. you tell me it will all be over in the morning, but now it is my turn for weariness

:: 2002 22 September :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: the type of mood that made vangogh cut off his ear

i am intoxicated with words
i am floating
soaring
flying
i am swimming in a sea
of self-destruction
self-discovery

he came to me
like words come to poets
slow at first
seeping through veins
out fingertips
seeping slow
and low
and cutting-
caustic like the september moon
then fast and biting
vitriolic by nature
pulsing
shooting
never ending

he came to me
lounged in my mind and
on my carpet
talking in tongues
and with symbols
i never knew when he was being real
i never knew when he was being

cold and bold
in my old age
i tell him to try the door
he doesn't matter anymore
he has kept me alive
with his strong will
the same will
that leaves me up at night
almost breathing
hands on hair
on face
squirming for exhaustion
groping for the light
groping for my head
for my belly-
the blood that runs deep
and thick
blood red-
blood that hasn't yet hit the cold air.

theres something inside of me
i tell him
i tell him we created it
i tell him he made me drown
in my own lack of words
its only beginning
i say
i bite my lip until blood
knowing
its all over