I am delighted to let you know that your submitted photo has been selected for inclusion in the newly released fourth edition of our Schmap Amsterdam Guide:
::
2007 30 November :: 1.14am
:: Mood: winding down
:: Music: porn
fucking dumbass...
... so i had this dream last night that i was riding in the car with kevin. obviously it was kevin's car, since i don't have one. but then again, it's a dream, so nothing's obvious, since it could have been any car, because it was a dream. but it was kevin's. anyway.
so we're cruising along, and he's going like 65, which would be fine, but there's this curve coming up. i'm not paying attention, because i'm trying to improve my skills as a passenger and not be such a backseat driver like i always am. so he tries taking this corner waay too fast, and the car starts sliding, and we go off the road, and there's this big patch of grass that we cruise through all sideways-like until we get into the trees, and then fall into this big gorge. and as we're flying through the air toward impending doom (in slow motion, of course) all he can do is blame it on the car. and i'm just like "dude, what the fuck is your problem? it's not the car's fault. you were going way too fast for that curve and are just freaking dumb." so then we hit the ground, but are still bustling along in our weird spinny-hovery-ness, and we encounter some trees which take out the windows for us. and i'm like "dude, we've gotta bail before we hit the bottom" but he's all braced for impact and shit, resigning himself to whatever fate lies at the bottom of the gorge, cursing the shortcomings of his automobile all the way. i see my opportunity in a relatively soft-looking patch of earth, bail out the shattered window, and watch the car go tumbling down.
i woke up before he hit the bottom.
i don't think it really means anything, but i figured i'd write it down. because that's the kind of thing that i do.
i'm seriously getting pissed off. because this is bullshit.
i bombed my presentation today, my eye is bugging out and hurting, i keep hurting people and pissing people off, i'm always exhausted, and i can't stop thinking about how much i suck.
and it's not one of those times where i really don't suck, and just need people to convince me that i don't. it's one of those times where i really do suck and all i need to do is stop sucking, but apparently i can't.
three more weeks and it won't matter, right? right.
::
2007 23 November :: 2.39pm
:: Mood: nostalgic, as ever.
:: Music: Billy Mack - Christmas is all around me
"I feel it in my fingers,
I feel it in my toes,
Christmas is all around me,
and so the feeling grows
It's written in the wind,
It's everywhere I go,
So if you really love Christmas,
C'mon and let it snow
You know I love Christmas
I always will
My mind's made up
The way that I feel
There's no beginning
There'll be no end
Cuz on Christmas,
You can depend
You gave your presents to me
And I gave mine to you
I need Santa beside me
In everything I do
You know I love Christmas
I always will
My mind's made up
The way that I feel
There's no beginning
There'll be no end
Cuz on Christmas,
You can depend
Cuz on Christmas,
You can depend
It's written on the wind
It's everywhere I go
So if you really love me
C'mon and let it snow
C'mon and let it snow
So if you really love
C'mon and let it
If you really love me
C'mon and let it
Now if you really love me
C'mon and let it snow"
You don't have to read this.
I am uber-depressed. This shit sucks, bitches.
I am still having serious trouble readjusting. I am not going to class, slacking off when I actually am in class, not writing papers until late or not at all...it's like work is the only thing I am doing. And I latch onto that to get me through the day.
It's like after four months of vacation, I can't do anything but be very lazy. It's a good thing I'm not the only one feeling like this or I'd think I was crazy.
I can totally see how that girl who went to France a few years ago dropped out of school and wasn't able to make it through. I just feel like I can't do this. And this is a thousand times easier than being in France.
It's like I can't do life anymore. This is so frustrating.
I went to help with the study abroad orientation and the coordinator of the program asked if any of us were having or had trouble with reverse culture shock. We said yeah and then she asked how bad it was. I said it was just as bad as adjusting to France but it's not. It's much, much worse. I've been home for longer than I was gone and I'm still having trouble. No one cares about my pictures, my stories, I have to work, pay bills, write papers, go to class, be in Michigan, talk to people on a consistent basis.
Oh, and the cat we were going to get died the weekend before we were going to get him.
We are getting another cat. This girl in my science class has a dairy farm, or her parents do, and they have this indoor cat wandering around getting into trouble. It fell in a bucket of milk already.
He is fixed but still has claws (so does The Baron so it's okay). He will be joining our household on Monday so I am thinking of names.
I want him to have a title like our Baron von Richthofen so I've been going through the presidents.
None of these names can be stolen or your soul is mine etc etc.:
Mewtherford B Hayes (I woke up with this name in my head. I don't know why. It's my favorite by far.)
Mewman Capote or Truman Clawpote or Trumew Capote (He is black and white so it'd fit with Truman Capote's Black and White Ball.)
Mewlysses S Grant (Hannah says I cannot name our cat after this drunk, useless president but the name is too awesome. I promised not to do it unless the cat has a swagger. And even then, only barely. She says Mewtherford B Hayes is better since he fixed all of Mewlysses' mistakes.)
Charles G Paws (While not a president, Charles G Dawes is Hannah's favorite Vice-President so he still has a title. Also, Dawes died in the city I was born in so it's like we're connected already. Also, he looks like Houdini. Seriously. So that makes him ten times awesome.)
Jean-Luc Pawcard (Title: Captain, of course.)
Meowssolini (Title: Dictator)
William Henry Harrison (My favorite president. I think his name can stay as it is.)
Walter Clawncrite (Title: Mr. Awesome)
These I don't have titles for, they're just cat names I have lying around:
Atticus Finch
Rufus
Billy Pilgrim (Billy Pawgrim?)
I'm really leaning toward Mewtherford B Hayes. Nick probably won't like it but he doesn't like The Baron's name either.
I love you all.
P.S. Urgent message from The Baron: "3
m wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww eeee m, jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['p;[;p l,jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmjkjki-=["
::
2007 8 November :: 12.33am
:: Music: the voices (they're everywhere)
going to maryland. leaving tomorrow. should be fun.
jessica is super-cool. and awesome. and having to tolerate me. which sucks. and so is everyone else, but they're just not faring as well in their tolerance as she is. which is unfortunate, although not entirely unexpected.
i'm fucking tired. and i haven't done shit this week.
oh well. maybe at the end of this tunnel i'll find myself. or at least someone else who can find me for me.
