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2005 2 June :: 9.34pm
Let's travel back in time for a moment
So, a few days ago I had my flute recital. Jon wanted to come, so, of course, we let him come. I actually did really well, to my surprise. So Jon and I are hanging out and I'm like, going at ten million miles an hour. We went upstairs to the kitchen (Because we were in the basement, as usual) and mom said something about me not taking my morning meds for two days and mentioned the whole thing with the tree being because I didn't take my meds that morning. This, of course, did not make me happy. Because, as we know, Jon saw/felt it too, and I hate it when Mom says that stuff like that is because I didn't take my meds. So, I got pissed off at her and had to hold back tears as best I could. When we got back downstairs, I started sobbing about how Mom wasn't believing me and so on and so forth. Well, I got over it quickly but somehow mannaged to burst into tears about various things five more times throughout the night, every time saying to myself, "Don't cry, don't cry! He shouldn't have to see you like this." And outloud I kept repeating that I hated myself and that I shouldn't cry. Every time, Jon held me close and just let me cry.
Let's see now...
I WENT TO SEE VNV NATION LAST NIGHT! OH EM EFFING GEE! IT WAS AWESOME! Kelly and Mandi and I went. I didn't get home until around 2:30. I am fuggin fried. Like, deep fried. I didn't go to first period, but until about halfway through fourth, I sounded like I was stoned out of my mind.
At the concert, we met this guy called Beatleguise. He was way cool (and Hott, may I add). He could rave dance like nobody's buisness. I have his e-mail address! ^_^ But no worries. I'm still faithful to my Jon-chan. *Grins* Doesn't mean I can't look. He knew a lot about Alice in Wonderland.
Anyway, maby I'll write more later, but now is time for bed.
~Caro
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2005 31 May :: 8.27pm
Oh...Mi...Gahd...
*Pants as she pulls herself accross floor over to the computer* Must...Go...On...Must...Complete...Lewis...Carroll...Paper! Must...Finish...Castle for...Geography...Must...Memorize lines...and stage actions...for Theater...
ALL DUE TOMOROW.
and it's 8:30 pm now. Dear lord...I'm doomed.
I WILL SURVIVE! I SWEAR I'LL GET IT DONE!
~Caro
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2005 16 May :: 7.43pm
Buah
Yea. I finaly told Mum about me 'n Jon. She said he was a good catch XD
Mum says Nee can probly stay here if she comes to the Anime convention. ^____^
Woo, short post.
~Caro
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2005 2 May :: 5.39pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Squirming Evil, Kingdom Hearts
*CoughhackhackcoughSNEEZE*
Gaaaaaah....
I've got a nasty cold with a cough that seems to be doing nothing but getting worse. Stayed home from school today, but Mum still took me out to see a movie. ^_^;; (The Interperprater [sp?] to be exact. It was really good) Yea. Mom's sick too. It kinda sucks. No school for me tomorow either. This is actually not a good thing. I'm getting behind in classes and I actually have to make up work in art. ><; Not happy! NOT HAPPY! She makes us take our own free time to come and do an hour of work. Ms. Ryan is cool and all, but that just sucks.
I'm wishing Nee had long distance so I could talk to her. She always manages to make me laugh and such. Talked to Jon on the phone for a while, but I haven't seen him in three days, and probly not for a little while longer, which sucks. I'm dealing with it though. I talk to him almost every day on the telly anyway...
Yea.
Saw Kate on Saturday. Fun fun pengu!
Luff y'all
~Caro
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2005 25 April :: 7.35pm
:: Music: Ancient Groover, Ragnarok Online BGM
Spazztastic mushrooms will eat your brains.
Yea.
So, for a whole month of summer mom and I are going to California to be with my sister. This means no Mandi, no Jon, no Kate, no Kelly, no Kat, no Medicine horse...looks a little bleak.
Mom has me signed up for a Sakespeare Improv class, though and some other shtuff, plus I get to be with my sis (duh) which is cool.
Uhm...Convo with Kat...
Caro: Hey yew.
Kat: [ Zone Labs Security alert: Session not encrypted because Kat is not protected by IM Security ]
Kat: hi
Caro: What's up?
Kat: not a lot, you?
Caro: Not much, really.
Kat: spiffy
Caro: I suppose.
Caro: How are you?
Kat: I'm pretty stressed and tired
Kat: how are you?
Caro: Alright, I guess.
Kat: what's wrong
Kat: ?
Caro: Just a little distressed...
Kat: about what?
Caro: Well, to be blunt, I'm stupidly afraid that I'm going to get pregnant.
Kat: um
Kat: what are you doing and with whom?
Kat: and why?
Caro: I had sex with my boyfriend and love of my life, Jon, because it felt right and I know I'm safe with him.
Kat: did you use protection?
Caro: Yea.
Caro: That's why the fear is stupid.
Kat: well...all I can say is that I'm disappointed
Kat: a lot
Kat: really
Kat: super duper disappointed and sad
Caro: I figured as much.
Kat: I think I'm not the one to help you out with this. I'm sorry
Kat: but...it goes against most of my beliefs and just makes me sad for you
Caro: I just hope you don't hate me forever. I was unsure if I should tell you.
Kat: why now? Honestly?
Kat: I don't hate you. It's not my decision, it's yours. I just think that maybe you should have waited
Caro: I love this guy so much it almost makes me sick.
Kat: sex isn't the only way to express love
Caro: I know.
Kat: so...why?
Caro: but it wasn't for sex that I did it. i guess I just wanted the further connection. I can't say what I'm trying to say without sounding cheezy and dumb.
Kat: that's ok
Kat: I don't mind cheesy
Caro: I guess I just wanted to be one with him.
Kat: it could have waited!
Kat: good god! You kids are so damn young!
Caro: *Sighs and hangs her head*
Kat: but I won't give you my whole lecture, because I know you don't need it
Kat: you were smart enough to use protection..hooray. If you're worried, go to Rite Aid and buy a pregnancy test
Caro: hey, at least I'm not like Chelsea and having sex with 20 somethings at age thirteen.
Caro: All the time.
Kat: yeah
Kat: it's gonna hurt you so bad, Caroline, if you guys break up
Caro: I know we will eventually.
Caro: I have no doubt about that.
Caro: But for now it's good, and I figure enjoy it while I can.
Caro: I really do love him with all my heart.
Kat: [ Zone Labs Security alert: Session not encrypted because Kat is not protected by IM Security ]
Kat: I....ok
Caro: ?
Caro: It was dumb, i know that. But I can't go back and beat myself with a stick for it for all of time.
Kat: I know
Kat: so just don't worry
Caro: I'm sorry I dissapointed you.
Kat: it's ok
Kat: I disappoint myself every minute of every day
Kat: I still heart you
Kat: I have no cell phone, but contact me if you need me
Caro: *Nods* Thanks.
Caro: *Hug*
Kat: yup *hug*
Kat: if you're still worried next week, find me and I'll go buy a pregnancy test with you, ok?
Kat: just...be sure to get me after May 3rd
Caro: Why?
Kat: AP exam is the 3rd
Caro: Ah.
Kat: feeling better, a little?
Caro: Yea.
Caro: A bit.
Kat: good
Caro: I'm going to California this sumer.
Caro: *Summer
Kat: yeah? Why?
Caro: To see my sister.
Kat: awesome!
Caro: You know, cause her dad died.
Kat: have a good time
Caro: We're gonna be there for a month.
Caro: So that sucks somewhat, because I don't get to see any of you guys for most of my summer.
Caro: But it should be fun.
Kat: that's ok, I'm boring
Kat: I hope it's fun for you
Caro: I don't think you're boring.
Caro: Thanks.
Kat: yup
Caro: ...heh...
Kat: ?
Caro: just can't think of anything to say...
Kat: oh
Caro: We should try and do something at least once over the summer... I miss you loads.
Kat: aw, ok
Kat: you should come and cheer Knick and I on at the Fair in August
Caro: I should!
Caro: I will if I can for sure *Nod nod*
Kat: awesome!
Caro: ^^
Kat: you'd get to see me in a cowboy hat
Caro: ooh!
Kat: haha
Caro: *Grins*
Kat: oh boy
Caro: ?
Kat: you'd have blackmail material for life
Caro: Haha
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2005 24 April :: 6.14pm
:: Mood: bored
Uhm...
Wow.
I'm not a virgin anymore. O.o
Weird, huh? I can't believe it.
I do love this boy. Jon...I love him so much I can hardly stand it. It's not like how I felt about hunter and those other guys. It's something completely different. What can I say about how true love feels? i don't know how to describe it. I just know that it feels right. You know? Well, anyway. Yea. Not much to say. In shock still. I know there was something else I wanted to write about but I can't think of what.
Luff yah all.
~Caro
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2005 21 April :: 2.08pm
Hey. I'm not dead, I swear. >.> Anywhom. I'll update later. Things are getting interesting with my boy, but I'm at school right now and I'm headed to his place after. I'll update eventually...
Love you all, O few who are faithful.
~Caro
2 disappointments |
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2005 7 April :: 2.26pm
You Are Megara!
Charming and witty. You are always the first person to come up with a wisecrack. Sure, you have an attitude, but that's why people love you. You keep them on their toes. Sometimes you can be misleading, but always end up doing the right thing for the people you love. Which Disney Princess Are You?
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2005 6 April :: 9.07pm
:: Mood: Somewhat out there
:: Music: Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve
Wow.
Today is my two month aniversary with Jon.
That's cool
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2005 6 April :: 2.56pm
You kill with magic. You are very skilled with magic, but have poor fighting skills. But it doesn't really matter anyway since it can be as powerful as other weapons. You are probably missunderstood by people and have some pain inside you. You are not the kind of person to start a fight, but if you are provocted you respond. You probably don't have that many friends either though you might want some. According to you life is a lonely journey and you try not to care to much. Most people who are witches or anything similar is thought to be evil and want to see all people suffer. That however is not true. You don't feel that much joy seeing others in pain. You are probably peaceful and quiet when left alone.
Main weapon: Potions and spells Quote: "A man can be destroyed but not defeated" -Ernest Hemingway Facial expression: Blank eyes
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures] brought to you by Quizilla
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2005 6 April :: 2.46pm
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2005 6 April :: 2.23pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Eighteen, Alice Cooper
Meh.
Yea. I'm on birth control now. Long story, may tell it later.
Nee hasn't been online or posted in her journal in a really long time. I miss her and I'm worried about her. I sent her a message on Gaia and she hasn't responded. I need to see when her last login was. Nee, if you read this, please tell me if you're okay.
I'm fifteen now, as of April third. I got together with Mandi and Jon. We played Smash Bros. for a while and Mandi and I got our asses kicked by Jon. He unlocked Falco, his best character, but I told him that he can't use him against us till we get better. XD He said, "Why not! You guys get to use your best characters!" Quoth Mandi, "I don't have a best character." Caro: x_x\/
Yea. We kinda suck compaired to him. MANDI MADE ME LOOK LIKE A GIRL! >< We went to dinner and had fun and such, but a while after they left I got rediculously depressed and refused to go to sleep. I really don't know why, though I think it has something to do with me not being able to tell mum about Jon and me, even though she basically already knows. Yea. But if I admitted it, she'd never give us any time alone. I really love him, and I love the way I feel in his arms and the way his lips feel on mine. That sounds dumb. I'm still all depressed. I had to stay home school because I wouldn't go to sleep. Yea. I haven't felt like that in a long time. I felt especially bad because I promised Jon that I wouldn't be depressed anymore, and I felt like I was breaking that promise. I know that was dumb and he told me so. When I get depressed I become even more critical of myself than I already am. Yep. Bad news for my self esteem. So basically I've been finding evey little problem with myself and beating myself up over it and just being sad in general and sarcastic and cynical and somewhat irritable. I basically feel like shit. I feel somewhat better right now because Mandi, Jon and I outside for lunch today and sat in the sun on the soccer feild. But overall I still feel bad. Anywhom, love you guys.
~Caro
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2005 31 March :: 2.32pm
QUIZZES
Hecate
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ?? brought to you by Quizilla
The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you have many friends and you are exceptionally trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.
Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!) brought to you by Quizilla
In your eyes, people see life... You see yourself as just an average person! You enjoy life, love wildlife, but also enjoy time with those who know you best. You like to get outdoors and let your mind wander over all of the mysteries god gave to you. You don't really have a certain sanctuary because you're so well-rounded, but you like having fun and adventures, but can also be found sitting quietly about, reading a book. You have a pretty good life ahead of you, never trade it for anything else :)
What Lies Behind Your Eyes? brought to you by Quizilla
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2005 25 March :: 10.09pm
It's funny, you know.
Caro: "I'm lucky. I have a nice and good looking guy."
Jon: "I'm lucky too. You may not be the best looking girl ever, but you're damn good.
That doesn't sound very funny, I know. I should have been mega offended by that. But here's the kicker:
I wasn't. At all. I just didn't care that he said that. I took no offence. I think that that's weird. Oh well. Part of what I like about him is his honesty and frankness, actually. But whatever.
We played video games. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in two player mode. It's really fun. I see him a lot now. It's a good thing. He always kicks my ass at whatever game we play, though. But I can sometimes beat him in Super Smash Bros. for Gamecube...Anywhom.
Yea. It's all snoweriffic here. We went for a walk and guess what we talked about! Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories and what we would do if we could go back and put two player modes on old rpgs (And new ones too). Play video games, talk about video games. It's fun. XD
I miss Nee, a lot. I sent her the Butterfly song again. Hope she got it.
Love you all.
~Caro
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2005 18 March :: 6.07pm
:: Music: Home- Depeche Mode
Daaaaaaamn...
So yesterday Jon and I were sitting in the stairwell on the third floor, and Mandi stumbles through the doors, saying that she's dizzy.
"Come sit down." I pulled her down against the wall. "What's up? You don't look so good." She said that she drank something out of someone's waterbottle down at the creek, which is where all the stoners hang out. He said it was just water, but Mandi said that it tasted bad. I thought it was just some mild drug. I didn't think it was what it was. She was giddy, and seemed like she was high, which she used to be a lot. I knew she didn't do drugs anymore, but I figured it was an accident, right? Well, she started complaining of being hot, and her faced looked red. I told her I'd take her to the bathroom and we'd switch shirts, because she was wearing long sleeves and I was wearing my usual baggy t-shirt. I had to hold on to her while we were walking down the hallway to the bathroom. She was stumbling. We traded shirts (And her shirt looked REEEEEALLY bad on me [definitely made for someone with large breasts, which is a category I don't fit into]). I helped her back to the stairwell. She started to look pretty bad, and her eyes were closing.
"I'm gonna be sick..." she said. Jon and I quickly helped her up and over to the trashcan. I'm sure she would have thrown up if she had had anything to eat for the past three days. We helped her sit back down. "David [her boyfriend] is gonna be so mad..."
"Dude, what happened?"
So she told me. She had asked Scott Passay for some water, so he gave her a water bottle full of clear liquid, which he claimed was water, and then told her to chugg it. So she did, without thinking about it (Which was dumb). She said she didn't taste it till afterwards. It was alchohol. Mandi has the lowest alchohol tollerance of anybody I know. She has very bad reactions to it. I figured it might pass. Rosie came out into the hall, took one look at Mandi and said, "We need to take her to the nurse." Mandi didn't want to go, but by this time she looked horrible. I agreed and Jon and I stood her up. We walked to the door of the class we were supposed to be in, because the bell for lunch had rung a while ago. I asked for Ms. Halaby, who is a very trusted adult for both me and Mandi. We were told she was in a meeting.
"Shit," said I. We started helping her down the hall and Ms. Halaby happened to be walking towards us.
"What's wrong with Mandi?" she asked. I explained.She frowned and said, "We need to get her to the nurse. Mandi was too out of it to object. I nodded and we walked her as fast as we could to the steps. I counted out the steps for her as we walked down them, then told her when we were on the platforms. She was shaking by now. We finaly got her to the nurse and Jon and I hastily walked in. It was getting hard to hold her up. She's taller than both me and Jon, and I think Ms. Halaby. I explained briefly what had happened, and before I knew it, Jon, Rosie and I were all kneeling by one of those nurse-office-bed-things, and there was a cop and the principle asking her questions. She was breathing hard and kept saying she was hot. I heard the nurse talking about contacting her parents. Jon and Rosie were asked to leave.
"Caroline, go get Mandi's phone." I nodded and dashed up the stairs at full speed. Ms. Cole, Mandi's Case Manager and our teacher was going down the stairs just as fast as I was going up. I knew she was going to see her. I finaly got back down the stairs and there were more people in the room and a stretcher outside it. I rushed in and gave the nurse the phone. I moved to get into the room, but a cop held me back.
"You can't go in there just now." They were talking about getting her to the hospital.
"Please, can I come?" said I. They said I'd have to call my mom. Mom didn't want me to go, because she said she had no way of getting me home. I finaly got her to consent when Ms. Cole said she'd bring me back. Mandi was on the stretcher when I came back. Ms. Cole said that we needed to get our stuff and go. I wanted to go in the ambulence (sp?) with her, but I knew they wouldn't let me. As Ms. Cole and I were coming down the stairs, I slipped and fell down five of them. I was so full of adrenaline I didn't feel a thing. We got to the hospital and I had to wait in the waiting room. I was scared as hell. They wouldn't let me go in to see her because her dad and Ms. Cole were in there, and only two people can be in at once. I sat there, crying. Finaly they let me in. I got her to laugh and stuff. I stayed there with her for a long time, and finaly I ended up going home with her when thay let her out. She's all better now.
And now for something kind of amusing.
So today after school Jon and I were talking about the trip he's taking to Utah. "I wish you could come with me..."
"Well, maybe I can."
"Really!?"
"Sure. When are you leaving?"
"Now."
*SWEATDROP* "Lemme call my mom..."
I didn't end up getting to go with him, but my mom's reaction when I called her was great.
----SILENCE----
Yea. It was funny. Jon sounded totaly put down when our 'rents dicided I couldn't come. They were staying with his dad's brother and they thought that it would be not good to suddenly have another person coming. TT_____TT Oh well. Andrea (his mom) says that she's really like to travel with me sometime. Which is cool. Cause I'm loved. Yay. That bodes well for when we tell our parents. Anywhim, His reaction was kinda sad really. But I told him that I completely understood their reasoning and that it was waaaaay too last minute, so I would be pissed, but I wasn't. But that's okay. He said I can call him any time while he's gone, and I was like, score. So, it's all good, though I would rather be with him. I have like...NOTHING to do. He gets back on Tuesday, though that seems like forever from now. It always goes faster when I can talk to him.
Wow. That sounds idiotic. Oh well.
~Caro
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