A lot to talk about...
now i really want to let myself tell everything to my woohu about the hecticness of the past days.

so friday ca. 6:30 am my parents come into my room and tell me that my grandma (who's actually my step-grandma) called and said grandpa is going to die today so we have to go the hospital now. i start crying, and then the phone rings--mom picks up and starts screaming--we all knew what happened. he was gone.

so we scurry and get in the car and go to sloan. in the car my dad insists we play"white flag", because its his song that reminds him of grandpa--daddy starts crying hysterically, which is the scariest thing ive ever seen in my life..and i was petrified.

we get to nyc..me and mom hop out of the car and start running down the street. we get to the hospital, and the doctor takes us to grandpa's room and there's grandma and jaron, their home nurse, and grandpa, who looked so comfortable, but it was so sad. the next 4 hours were my uncles and such coming in, people calling making arrangements...and lots of crying...it was so amazingly sad. and when we had to leave my grandma was like no i dont want to leave him i know where they're going to take him i can't leave him, i hate him for leaving me. ugh depression.

so then we went to my grandparents apartment and we stayed there for hours and i was so disheveled. then dear nessie came in from miami and i was so happy...we went home and slept.

it was without a doubt the worst day of my life.

then we took a day off, ate comfort food (candlelight) got nails done, and my dad had his buddies over and the bbq'd, cos omg it was like 30 degrees.

then yesterday was the wake. we got the funeral home in the city, and it was really nice. there were soooo many flowers, it was insane. absolutlely insane. there were pink roses from me and my baby cousin anastasia. so for me, mom, dad, grandma, uncle, aunt, and the same thing on the step side, opened the casket for us before it started. i had written him a letter from the night before, saying everything im so angry i didnt get to say. like how wonderful of a guy he was and how much im going to miss being with him, how much he taught me, and how much i really loved him even though i wasnt good at saying it, and how he wasnt either but loved me.

and then in comes the physco.

my physcopathic uncle who gets along with nobody and is completely scary, insane, and dangerous. he sobs like a little girl into the casket and he makes me want to vomit.

there's 4 undercover cops there because of him. can you believe it? cops at a funeral and wake? it's disgusting.

so the wake begins, and 500 people are in and out there throughout the day. such a true testimony to the fact that he treated everyone so great. there were drivers from the company lined up out the door to get inside.

and i was so overwhelmed at all the people from edgemont who came. i really was so happy to see you girls (and your parents) there. it was so sweet.

then today was the funeral. Father McManus spoke even though my step family is all Jewish...then spoke step aunt lisa, 2 friends, and my daddy. the speakers were lovely. it was so sad. my little step cousin douglas gave grandpa a quarter to get into heaven. i made sure my letter was still in his pocket and said goodbye. then more crying with everybody.

then the burial out in long island. he was above ground. it makes me depressed and scared to think of him being all alone in that little box in that cold little space. but then i remember that he's not there anymore, and it's just a body, but his spirit left and is on its way upstairs, to be with his mommy and daddy.

i am so sad for everyone in my family.

and im going to miss him so much.
sometimes i feel like i should have spent more time with him. but i have so many memories, and his paintings of course.

i dont think im going to school tomorrow.

i am so exhausted. i can't take it. but i have so much work to do. i stil am not caught up from what i missed last week.
***
wow what a superbowl. ergh i hate new england! it was too bad we couldn't have our fiesta. mmm the food was gonna be great, company was gonna be great, new tv, great game, oh well next year.

but one good thing is that we can go to st. thomas now. we were actually going to cancel on friday, because he was supposed to pass a little bit later and there's just no way it would've worked out. but he wanted us to go :)

so rest in peace johnny boy. i thank God you aren't hurting anymore. you were cheated out of a much longer life because of 2 awful diseases, but you made the world a better place. Until we meet again.

~Gabi

5 steps | i'd dance 1000 steps for you...