kind of like this.

kind of like this.

:: 2003 1 August :: 9.16pm

this is sara hahaha i'm updating britts journal hahaha...today we went to the fair for an hour and then we got wet and then we went to my house which is where we are now yay!!! thats britts update...goodbye

ok its britt now...doug's been yelling at me to update, so i guess i will...not really alot has happened..my uncle is now 6 feet under, but i bet you all really dont want to hear all the details about that..i did cry though, once to the point of sobbing, and frankly i dont think its stupid so there....stupid boy

hmm fairs been ok, nothing too spectacular, its the same every year, but its a new place for us to hang out, its the only reason we go...that and the food...mmmm....

i have a job interview tomorrow...should be fun, then my mom and i are gonna go shopping, i havent shopped in awhile so it should make me happy

thats it for now, i'll update again when im home

1 blow | let it

shiznit05

:: 2003 28 July :: 11.43pm
:: Mood: distraught

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window,
always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees

CHROUS:

These foolish games are tearing me apart
You thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart

You were always brilliant in the morning
Smoking your cigarettes, talking over coffee
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you,
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself

CHROUS

You took off your coat and stood in the rain
you were always like that

let it

shiznit05

:: 2003 28 July :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: gloomy

worst 4 days.....EVER

friday i hear that bernard has basically taken his last turn for the worst...he wasnt doing well at all and he basically refused to take any of his meds because he was just sick of it all and ready to go.

friday night i had the girls out to camp in the backyard...that was a lot of fun, we stayed up talking about every subject under the sun until around 2. we had visiters (herringshaw hess snyder carr and nelson) at around 1130, they scared us (mainly megan) by throwing apples they stole from my grandmas backyard....nice one guys, sara and i spent the morning picking up apples, lucky for us apples float when thrown into pools lol

saturday morning we end up waking up around 7 because the tent blew over...we had some strong winds, just as we crawled out from the tent, my mom came walking out of the house with the phone saying bernerd had died at 1:15 that morning...what a beautiful way to start out the day...im doing ok though, i havent cried yet, but wait until tomorrow at the visitation.

went over to bernards that afternoon after spending the morning with the girls, we had fun, we made name thingies for each of our cars, very sentimental....when i got to bernards i walked into picking out the caskets...not something i really wanted to hear but i survived, we got the funeral arrangements made and sat around and talked...it was all very lovely

bernard was one hell of an individual, and im really going to miss him, i dont know whats gonna happen at thanksgiving, we always have it at his house and you always walk into the kitchen with him sitting in the same chair, by the same window, with his rum and coke, smoking a cigarette, with the purified oxygen tubes hanging from his mouth...he wont be there to make wise cracks about me not having a boyfriend, and that when i do, i have to bring them by the meet him...God forbid if i dont have his approval...now im never going to have that approval...he will never meet my boyfriends...i'll never know if they are to his standards...tomorrows visitation, im going over with my mom at 115 before it starts so we can be there with just family..thats gonna be when the tears start, im a sympathetic crier so once someone starts...probably my mom or grandma, im gone....the funeral's gonna be wednesday at 11...i checked the forecast..its gonna be sunny and warm, which is good, bernard wanted to die when it was warm and he wanted to be buried in a turtleneck...i think we're also putting some liquor and cigarettes in his casket...may i remind you he died of lung cancer...i'm gonna cry at the funeral because im going to miss him, and im going to miss spending time with him...and frankly i dont care if thats selfish and i dont care if you think its stupid, call me ignorrant or whatever you want, there will still be tears coming from my eyes

1 blow | let it

shiznit05

:: 2003 21 July :: 10.27am
:: Mood: happy/sad/confused/mournful/giddy...

worst/best week ever
idk what the hell has been up with my life lately...its been so bad yet really good...if life was a roller coaster, im sure people would vomit after riding...

i think i'll just try to tell the story as the week has gone on...

wednesday:
i went to track wednesday morning, when i got there i thought i was the first one there so i go about my business of getting my shoes out, and i turn around and metcalf like emerges from the trees that seperate the tennis courts and the parking spaces, scared the beJesus out of me, but anyway, we end up being there alone for lke 10 minutes waiting for barger to come so we could open up the shed and actually get some implemtments to throw, and the whole 10 minutes hes actually being nice and he was wondering what we were doing that night, if anyone was hanging out or anything, i said no not as of yet but i'll let you know, well we have practice nothing else really special happened so then i head home, and metcalf calls me about 6 times throughout the day to see if anything has been planned, and everytime i talk to him on the phone hes really nice...its weird. well finally that night we decide to go putt putt...it was me him dunn and sara...it was fun, we all cheated acted like fools and then left. then we went to emgans house and played pool, nothing of any great elation or anything. then when we all had to leave metcalf was like call me tomorrow so we can plan something to do.

thursday:
i didnt see the guys at all thursday. my parents were out of town at an air show, so i was home all alone for most of the day. then megan called and wanted to go shopping so me her and sara went to the mall, then we wanted to go out to dinner so we called ian and metcalf who were both "too tired" to go out, so sara and i ended up going out to my house with take out and we worked on a puzzle all night, and ian and herringshaw called at like 9 wondering what we were up to, im like working on a puzzle...and they were like oo..they werent too impressed...

friday:
went to track..coach was actually there so i got some much needed pointers. i didnt see the gys today either except at track. that ngiht we had a girls night and went to see the new many moore movie...we went to el zarape, always a good time when we go there. stevie and sara ended up staying the night...it was really fun.

saturday:
we wake up early because stevie needed to be home in enough time to leave that morning for the lake...i also get a call from my mom whose down in lancaster that my uncles bernard has been given 2 days to 2 weeks to live..not exactly a nice wa to start out the morning. so to get my mind off of everything i went grage sale shopping with sara and kept myself busy until my parents got home so we could go see him.and by the end of the night most of my friends already know and i think they were starting to take pity on me...which really isnt what i want, but you really cant stop it. i was at my uncles house that night and ian and adam call because they wanna go somewhere so i said ice cream because i felt i needed ice cream after staying at my uncles for a few hours. plus the whole family was bugging me about my so called boyfriend which i dont have but they think i have...we wont go into that...kind of embarassing...so we go out for ice cream and metcalf's being really nice, sara said he kept giving me these looks, idk i never saw any look, then we hung out at dougs house and when everyone had to leave adam said bye to everyone and then nudged me with his elbow and whispered "bye brittany" it was really low too, but everyone else heard it, he wasnt even two feet away and megan grabbed my elbow and was yanking em over so i could talk to her...idk it was weird...

sunday:
went to church, went to see my grandparents who came up from florida to see my uncle...ian and metcalf call, wondering whats going on tonight, i say no oe has called me because no one wants to cal while at my uncles in fear they'll interupt something...we ended up renting a movie and watching it at dan....nothing really happened though, metcalf was quiet and didnt talk to me the entire night so i really dont know whats going on in his brain

now its monday..i didnt go to track, it was raining not exactly nice throwing weather...im talking to my aunt and cousin, and im completely bored

3 blows | let it

shiznit05

:: 2003 15 July :: 11.09pm
:: Mood: happy/confused/sick/tired

wow its been awhile...myrtle beach was great, no need typing out the stories, everyone who needs to know should already know all the stories so why be redundant?

i house sat last weekend for my aunt and uncle, that was a lot of fun, an easy 50 bucks for me, and a cool hang out place for my friends...shhh dont tell me aunt that part! friday night i had sara and ian over, nothing bad, we just hung out and talked, but saturday night i had stevie emgs and sara over and we had a dinner girls night, and we called ian to see if he wanted to come over and he brings metcalf and herringshaw, that was bad, we got kinda loud but nothing really bad happened just some spilled pop and water that got cleaned up. but yea i hadnt seen emtcalf in like 3 weeks and there he is at my aunts house..he needs a hair cut...lol, then the next night we hung out at saras, we played football, girls again boys, boys bring all football players but one. so we got creamed but oh well it was still fun, then we just sat around the fire, then 2 people left to buy cigars, i wont say names...but if you're important you probably already know, but thats when i decided to leave...smoking people make me angry, so i left and hung out with ian and dan at dans house all night...that was...interesting, they didnt say the f word though which was nice because i cant stand when people use the f word for no reason at all...it has no purpose and its an ugly word, so that was very much appreciated...

well i guess thats it..

3 blows | let it