oOoBuBbLeSoOo

:: 2004 13 November :: 10.55am
:: Mood: good

Happy Birthday Brother..

3 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 11 November :: 4.18pm

last night was the night... 1 year ago.. it makes me sad to think about how much has changed since then.. how different we all were.. and all the different things we wanted..

11-10.. always a day to remember..

lizzy and i slept at michaels house and smoked a dutchy early in the am.. and it was SO coldddddddddd

kelsey hates me now apparently..i dont know i guess jimmy told her i hooked up with robbie.. which i did but it was ONCE and it was a long time ago before the summer..and obviously i didnt say anything to her about it because i knew shed be sad and i didnt want that to happen..i obviously should have told her because having someone else tell someone something is much worse.. i wish that she wouldnt get so angry tho.. its not like she owned(s) him.. i dont know its all so dumb.. it was in the past...like many other things id like to forget..

well thats it for now..

- amanda

Goldie18

:: 2004 10 November :: 4.45pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: *my sis singing*

no school tomorrow :)

heyyy guys nothing new to report really, i was sick yesterday and so i stayed home and tomorrow there is no school. fun stufff i knowwww! haha, soo heres to partying on a wednesday nighht baby!!! :o) <3 jodi

p.s.- i love football on TV shots of gina lee hanging with my friends and twins..... i love burritos at 4 am, parties that never end, dogs that love cats and and twins, and i love you too..its a love song <3 -dedicated to 049C my girls.

Goldie18

:: 2004 7 November :: 4.38pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: *jewww stuff*

nice dayyy!

so today i had prozdor..which blew of course and then E BERK, LOO LOO, ALLIE, DANI, MIRI, MARLS and I went to sweet tomatoes for lunch and then shopped :o)
when we were in sweet tomatoes, in walks BIL ZARCH..ahahha soooo funny, he was like whoaa and we were like BILLLLLL!!!! ahah it was cute :o) anyways...
yay for skinny and polka dotted bracelets (laurie allie miri marls) and JP licks..ha ha JP ha ha miri anddd umm- peets?...marla? mayb? haha whateveeeerrrr anyways i love my girls f o r e v e r and e v e r e r! hehe and so yep...no school thursday? wanna make plans? call me ;o) hehe, alrighhhhhhty im out for dinner with the fam.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRAIIIIIIIIG! mwahhh madd love kid...cant wait to give u ur present ha ha ha!!!!!! xoxox

p.s.- to YOU (yes you know who u are) im so glad we made up, and were finally talking again. its good. love uuu!!! mwahh! ;o)

:: 2004 7 November :: 11.05am

so last night was gonna be borring and then randomly derek and happy and andrew showed up and picked me and lizzy up :)

but lizzy had to go home so me by my lonesome went with them to some chicks house for a party and then got some pot and went to this other chicks house and smoked a little baby bong (so cute) and a sick sherlocky looking pipe.. was gooooood

ya.. andrews gorgeous.. ::drools::

today i have work :( ick and then later i think might be hanging out with dana? well i will update later cuz im just that cool

- amanda

:: 2004 6 November :: 1.47pm

i was thinking today as i was reading "ordinary people" about how i felt when i was depressed.. how i thought that things would never get better.. well.. they really havent ive just moved on and im sick of moving on and letting go of everything all of teh time why cant eveyrthing just stay a constant luke warm where i never have to get too hot or too cold.. i can just stay mild, neutral reach my equilibrium i mean thats what we all want isnt it? just like the cells im learning about in bio.. isnt that all we really want? to reach a perfectly neurtal emotion, relationship, job, something challenging yet simple.. easy yet hard.. fun yet serious.. everybody is looking for that.. and i dont know just what to look for.. i feel so lost.. so disconected.. so unwanted that i could break down at any moment i feel saddned by any simple thought..

i dont understand the simple things in life, i constantly seem to try to search for a deeper meaning to everything an alterior motive you might say.. a reason for why and how things are the way they are.. and why some things really arent as they appear.. why im not really as i think i am and how my poor judgement will affect me.. im not sure what to do now.. i guess this marijuana helps me get through dull low points and never ceases to make even minute borring situations worth remembering.. just that slight push to euphoria.. even if it is only for an hour or two.. its better than nothing at all right?

dont wanna drain people with my sadness so i just kinda brush it aside.. i dont think about it and it just doesnt seem to bad but whenever the certain topics are brought up im showered with tears.. but why break the cadence of simplicity? why bother to question anymore.. when the answers are painted blatently on our foreheads? i can read everything every thought every motive every aliby.. i read them like books.. like encyclapedias theyre something to learn from as i see it.. learn from other peoples mistakes hone my own judgements and outlooks by listening to theirs, use them as practice for out in the real world.. the real world? whats real anymore? even reality shows are staged, scripted.. what the hell is real? im real, me a teenager who doesnt know who she is or where she belongs, thats real.. someone looking for somebody to actually give a damn looking for that one thing she succeeds at.. for that one person who completes her.. thats real and the pains real and the memories are real.. but eventually theyll fade away into the abyss of things that were.. never to be experienced again.. thats the reality.. that nobody cares about anything but their own sucess their own well being..playing games of who does more for who.. when all people really need is that neutral water.. that 15 minutes of fame... the second in their life when they realize thats where they belong.. thats their reason for being here.. thats whats real..

what a mad world..

im late to get dressed and go to johnnys house so ill continue my ranting later on..

- manda

Goldie18

:: 2004 3 November :: 4.21pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: *Your So Last Summer*

oh BOY

hmm...I never thought that this would make me so upset. Your just one person. I don't know why I let you get to me like this..what am I thinking?! I don't even know if your gonna read this, I doubt you will...but still, why do you have to overexaggerate it? Your telling me I ruined a good thing?... your making it worse. :o(

anywaysss.....HAPPY SWEET 16 MY KRISTEN!!! HOPE YOU HAD AN AMAZZZZING DAY!!! WOOHOO I LOVE YOUUU BIFFLE!always!

well....prozdor tonight then yeah home...

OC TOMORROW NIGHT :-D

:: 2004 3 November :: 9.10pm

See what Care Bear you are.

yea so i got thsi the other day from jess journal... i think it chose the right one.. seeing as how i love to wish things.. not liek they come true but hey i still do...

today sucked ass for one reason and one reason only... my Goncha is leaving tomorrow!!!!! :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(... she came to school today and we had a huge cry fest.. but the teachers are soo fuckin retarted and try and like they care but it was obv today that they dont... but w/e fuck them.... I LOVE U GONCHA AND IM GONNA MISS U SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIGN MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(

other then that nothign else is really important.. so im off to do something...

:: 2004 1 November :: 8.29pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Tech N9ne-"Imma Tell"

FUCKIN AMAZING!!

LAST NIGHT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS THE BEST SHOW I HAVE EVEN SEEN, AND IM SURE I WILL EVER SEE!!!! FRIGHT FEST BABY!!!.. i had soo much fun last night haha... i love halloween.. i fetl bacd cuz i didn't carve my pumpkin this year... and i didnt get to go trick or treat..but the show made up for it...

yea well today was a shitty day... i felt liek shit after lunch cuz of the god damn nasty food at are school... then my mom made me go to work even tho i flet liek shit... sucked but i was doign work on the computer liek the whole time soo it wasent that bad.. tomorrow i have work again.. thursday too... sux but w/e...

well my tummy still hurst... lol i jsuted wanted to let all u ppl who didn go to the show that it was fucking amazing!!!

<3 Lizzy

:: 2004 1 November :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: refreshed
:: Music: instant pleasure x rufus wainwright

alright so now its november first and everything is just.. passing me by so fast im not really changing or helping myself as i should im just the same moving along in time.. and i should be correcting my faults, fine tuning my vocals and aquiring new writing skills but everything is just.. the same...

i dont know what exactly im feeling right now, its awkward and i sometimes get these horrible feelings in the pitt of my stomache but dont even know what caused it.. some thought or vision emblazoned deeply in my mind perhaps?

who knows.. last night was halloween and it didnt even seem like it.. i as at fright fest which i may say was the best ever, damn it was so good.. i had a great time.. believe me ;-) it just didnt feel like halloween.. none of the holidays feel like holidays anymore.. every since my mom left.. this was my second halloween without her.. and soon will come my 2nd thanksgiving and christmas.. and birthday.. and none of them will hold any meaning..

why does life have to deal such a bad hand?

*light skin dark eyes*

light skin dark eyes
they move me and they do hypnotize
baby you could take it all away
and id still be sitting here just the same, today
light skin dark eyes
glowing in the dark like fire flies
the passion is growing from within
and i dont know where i can begin

light skin dark eyes
every moment with you is paradise
golden rays fall even sweeter now
across my tan euphoric spoiled brow
light skin dark eyes
each road that i take, holds a new surprise
twists and turns, i really dont mind them much
as long as i can always feel your touch

(chorus)
the moment i saw you
i knew it was true
knew i could feel it,
i knew it was you
since then i told you
id never let you go
your light skin, and dark eyes
drive me out of control

light skin dark eyes
mysterious while out of your disguise
i feel like i have touched these forbidden fruits
fed the fire to the beast, my heart ran loose

(chorus)

light skin dark eyes
envelope me and take me for a ride
its something few will ever see
and im glad your girl is me

:: 2004 31 October :: 10.35am

ITS FUCKING HALLOWEEN BABYYYY

fright fest in a matter of hours!!!!

<33

GoLdIe18

:: 2004 30 October :: 12.24pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: *california here we come

camp.

the YANKEE bus pulled up in front of us and we were like- oh snap, its julia...

Julia came up from NY and was here last night, and along with her came my 0319 aka 049C girls. I love my bunk. (my favs minus 1)

We chilled, ate pizza, watched movies (why did we watched trapped abby?...), we talked, took funny pictures, and alyssa even has a boyfriend now! haha i love you... and then we like sorta fell asleep around 330ish. and then we woke up, and julia went home :( and then my girls went bye bye a little while after... well, after searching for alyssas earrings that happened to be in her pocket the whollle time..LOSER! ahah, and yeah...
soo...my girls, my sisters- you rock my world.

now on to the rest of today- Im chillen here alone all afternoon ;o) and then I might be going to Jenas before i go to KRISTEN AND MILLIES SWEET 16! ( its gonna be off the hook) annd so then i have jew school tomorrow morning...WHATEVER! alrighty...

happy halloween tomorrow..im out. mwa*

:: 2004 29 October :: 11.23pm
:: Mood: happy.. yet something just feels out of place
:: Music: Mario ` Let me love you

The Notebook

"I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you."

:: 2004 28 October :: 10.09pm
:: Mood: burnt out
:: Music: Mario ` Let me love you

Good song
Baby I just don't get it
Do you enjoy being hurt?
I know you smelled the perfume, the make-up on his shirt
You don't believe his stories
You know that they're all lies
Bad as you are ,you stick around and I just don't know why

If I was ya man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'd be coming home (back to you)
Every night, doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Fist full of diamonds (hand full of rings)
Baby you're a star (I just want to show you,you are)

[Chorus:]

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you

[Verse 2:]

Listen
Your true beauty's description looks so good that it hurts
You're a dime plus ninety-nine and it's a shame
Don't even know what you're worth
Everywhere you go they stop and stare
Cause you're bad and it shows
From your head to your toes, Out of control, baby you know

If I was ya man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'd be coming home (back to you)
Every night doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Fist full of diamonds (hand full of rings)
Baby you're a star (I just want to show you, you are)

[Chorus:]

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Ooh Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me....

[Bridge:]

You deserve better girl (you know you deserve better)
We should be together girl (baby)
With me and you it's whatever girl, hey!
So can we make this thing ours?

[Chorus:]

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you

Let me love you that's all you need baby..

:: 2004 27 October :: 10.19pm

I am head over heels in love with Robbie Walker.

good day.

:: 2004 27 October :: 8.05pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Melissa Manchester-"Don't Cry Out Loud"

randommmm...

I love to look into your big brown eyes
They talk to me and seem to hypnotize
They say the things nobody dares to say
And I'm not about to let you fly away

My lover with no jet lag
We're staying up all night in my sleeping bag
You got a heart beatin' rhythm from the subterranean
I really love you little girl
I don't need to explain

[Chorus]
I love you 'cause your deuces are wild, girl
Like a double shot of love is so fine
I been lovin' you since you was a child, girl
'Cause you and me is two of a kind

Ah, like deja vu I feel like I've been here
Or somewhere else but you've been always near
It's you that's in my dreams I'm begging for
But I woke up when someone slammed the door

So hard I fell outta bed
Screamin' mama's little baby loves shortnin' bread
And the moral of the story I can testify
I get stoned on you girl
That's the best reason why

yea well today wasent much of an evenful day.. did the usual.. sept my poor Johnny Mo mess up his knee downtown today.. speeking of which if the bum didn't lie too me he shoudl b at the hospital getting x-rays lol....

oh joy i have to work again tomorrow.. i worked one day and i already hate it... bahhhh

im off ot watch the sox win the world series!!!!!!!!

<3Lizzy

8 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 27 October :: 7.39pm
:: Music: mercy kiss x abandoned pools

i dont know what i think anymore.. i guess im happy, maybe? i sometimes miss the old times.. but i really dont remember what they were like.. i really like that ive made new friends..i like keeping busy and making money and having fun :-) you only live once.. and your only a teenager once why not make the best of it?

the whole meaghan situation is fucked up.. i honsetly forget why i hated her in the first place.. hum maybe it was the rumors factor or the fact that she talked so much shit to ppl about me.. i dont know i just wish shit wasnt so fucked.. i dont think i regret anythign thats happened cuz obviously theres some reason were not friends and have gotten into huge fights like this more than once... i mean i was drunk on gonchas bday and i wanted to appoligize to meg.. and they say "drug words are sober thoughts" but when im sober my other thoughts are bias and i get pissed off and dont wanna talk to her.. i dont know um fucked..

people talk so much shit about ppl who smoke and shit.. its so dumb it doesnt change who u are how live what your like i am the same person.. i just like pot because its a temporary blink of happiness its not like i cant be happy without it.. i can.. it just is fun! idk..

i dont like anyone as of right now surprisingly.. i guess i really havent found anyone worth liking right now who i know will actually like me back.. hummm chances are slim to none..

men = ass yes i said it lol

well i guess thats it for now

4 DAYS TIL FRIGHT FEST!!!!

:: 2004 26 October :: 10.41pm

new song
dont come back...x3

let go of me and let me live my life
cant take no more of this
you push, i pull
had enough of your shit
wont blink, just once
cant miss my babys smile
your beautiful disgrace
love your cocky ego style

spinning round and round
im getting tired of this
and i dont know what to do
with this imposter bliss
cant let you know
the things i'm feeling now
my heart says stay with you
but my mind says let go somehow

(chorus)
bleeding, dreaming, wishing things would change
was it all a waste of love, or is it worth the pain?
time is wasted, and counted twice
logic lost in the black and twisted night

beat me bruise me
threaten me with my life
suicide haunting me
blood dances on the knife
disrupted, uprooted,
torn from what is real
you told me what to think
now tell me what to feel

torn with broken bones
take all you want from me
stole the peices of my heart
and left me there to greive
sewed me up used me again
im gone in everyway
they ask me if it hurts
but now im numb, cant feel the pain

(chorus)

fed you forbidden fruits
touched the fires of desire
took a hit from satans bong
didnt think id get much higher
throw me something here
break me off a bit of slack
you tore me up and threw me out
now you want me back?

mind games
fucking with my head
these signals your giving out
make me wish that i was dead
your touch when used in vein
emits a feeling that i know
only to your fingertips
and your dark demonic glow

(chorus til fades)

3 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 26 October :: 7.12pm
:: Mood: undescribable
:: Music: none

Anyways.
today was decent.

I decided I need to start being myself around everyone.. I act different around certain people and I dont know why.. I hate it. yeah well that's my new goal for now

5 days until Halloween!!!! :-D

:: 2004 26 October :: 8.10am
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: instant pleasure x rufus wainwright

i had a very good night last night :-) humm ya thats all ill say

my baby goncha is moving in almost a week.. i dont want her to go :( i love her i hate when i meet someone new and i finally become close with them and they leave and its like i never met them in the first place i cant stand change..

roar

well im in a good mood ;-)

- manda

:: 2004 25 October :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Akon- "Lonley"

And i do, I LOVE you...

well today was liek every monday.. pretty shitty and exctramly boring... i had myfirst day of work today... it wasent that bad but i can tell im prob gonna hate it after 3 days... but idk... atlest il finally have some money... and mayb my fuckign parents will get off my back...

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I'll be missing you

good song... random but good lol...

yea well i have a shitty fuckin dtention tomorrow.. then back to the normalness of Johnny mos prob... fun fun...

yea well i ahve nothgin else to write... GOOD BYE!

:: 2004 25 October :: 7.46pm
:: Music: Crossfade ` Cold

wow

well today just follows my last entry..
I guess its back to that whole game we play.. over and over again.

we'll see what tomorrow brings then update more, good day.

:: 2004 24 October :: 11.40am
:: Music: Kanye West ` I Used to Love U

hm.. how does it feel.. the only person who's ever truely cared about you is just slipping away before your eyes.. maybe when you grow up you'll realize what you lost and how badly you fucked up something that you wanted and needed..

if only you had taken the time to really know me.. you would have seen what it was that always brought you back to me

you're gonna miss me..

:: 2004 24 October :: 11.09am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Kanye West ` I Used to Love U

Good Morning

Last night was amazing like woahh!
I got drunk before hand.. not intentionally but that's what you get when you wave alcohol in front of my face. baha so anyways being intoxicated at a party is key cause you know you don't give a fuck what ppl think and you just act like yourself. I don't remember anything I did the first half of the party but I had a great time anyway I love you Nicole!

now its off to work, good dayy :-)

:: 2004 23 October :: 2.38pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: Keane-"Bend and Break"

lol well im trying to get back in th swing of writing in this again... not doign very good but hey im trying lol...

well this week has been pretty good... nothin exciting has happend.. jsut same old going out with madna after school to johns normally and then dt... fun but nothing new lol

oh and i got a job! lol everyone wroks at Stop and Shop so i decided i would b the origional one and get a job at Roch Bros... lol i start monday, joy joy lol... atlest now i will have some money so i can eat lunch and have money for other things...

tonight is nikkies party! should b funnn!! :-)

and on a sad note.. my Goncha is leavein :-(... shes going back to turkey on november 3ed... sux cuz before i had a problem with her and now that i know her and love her she leaves.... but i guess im happy that i got to b frineds with her even tho shes leaving... still EL7 BIIIITCH!!! aww im gonna miss u Goncha!!

well im off to try and find johnny mo!! cuz i was sopsot to chill wiht him but i took to long in the shower that he went out... lol imm write back sometime...

~lizzy

:: 2004 23 October :: 10.32am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Ashanti ` Only you

Update
well yesterday after school meg & kate came over then we went to robbie's and the bike track after that. then we got picked up and went to party city to get our halloween costumes. we spent like an hour looking at things that were sold out and then finally decided to make our own costumes. we got witches hats and brooms with glow n' the dark tights haha we're original :-D I came home last night from the football game and realized I dont know where my witch's hat is though... so my mom got all mad and told me if I stopped smoking weed that I'd be able to remember things, like where I left my hat, bahahah. well she said she would go buy a new one for me so it's all good.

anyways I have work soon.. I don't get out til 6. then I have nikkie's partyy to go to ! :-) I love her. it will be exhilarating

well that's about it - write more later

<3kels

:: 2004 22 October :: 7.07am

i had another weird dream.. part of which is much too graphic for this journal.. haha

well.. part of my dream was i was at someones house but i forget who.. and i was randomly taking a shower and then all of a sudden the shower went dry and there was no more water and i had to sleep with like soapy hair it was gross... and i cant really remember but i also had a dream that my mom was in.. hmm..

:: 2004 20 October :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: High
:: Music: Twista`Korrupt World

Bad Week.
this week sucked. It started off shitty and got worse. Bad things that happen to me just seem to have a domino effect.. once it starts it doesn't end until I'm completely miserable. It was so bad yesterday that I just left early. So early that I was only in school for about 20 minutes.. then I came home. Stayed high the whole day. Watched movies and stuff.. how productive. That's why I've dropped out of half the classes I had this year and am still in the process of dropping to 2 level English.. and that shows alot seeing as how English has always been my best subject. Mrs. Simms sucks but she's right.. I am perfectly capable of doing the work.. She just doesn't know me well enough to know I'm LAZY, I can't concentrate on anything important and I just don't care enough to stay in her class and work hard. I'd rather be able to do my work with ease.. I hate challenge, which probly isn't a good thing.

Well this is getting lengthy and I'm sick of whining. Good day.

Comments, PLEASE

:: 2004 19 October :: 7.24pm
:: Mood: burnt out
:: Music: Seether-" Broken"

been a while

lol now thats its been forever sinc iv written in here...

lol nikkie yelled at me today and told em to write in ehre again.. and im bored and have nothign to do so i figured i would..

well ICP was fuckin awesome...12 DAYS TILL FRIGHT FEST!!! i cant wait!!!

this weekend is Nikkies birthday!! that should b alotta fun tooo!!

hmm what else is new... oh yea! lol i got a job at roche bros.. working after school a couple days a week, not bad.. id rather have my weekends free... lol and yes roche bros not stop and shop.. everyoen works there... but yea i went and did all the paper work for that today.. madna went home sick so i went with nikkie and traci to have fun then we went to go get food.. fun funnn lol

oh yea and GO SOX!!! have faith lol we can do it this year... i hope :-/ ...

but now i rememberd y i dont write in this much... lol cuz im boring... lol so i will stop borin you people...

http://virtual.bonghit.net/

<3 Lizzy

:: 2004 19 October :: 9.57am
:: Music: i'm stupid x abandoned pools

BLAH

home sick again..

im getting my wood floors put in today.. i guess theyre gonna take 3 days tho

friskey has a bite on her back and it looks bad i think were taking her to the animal hospital today.. she better be alright i love her so much

heres a song.. kinda sums up me

I'm stupid , you're smarter
I'm stupid, for thinking there's a way
this could turn out right

I'm dreaming, you woke up
I should have known from the start
that you were never mine

'Cause if I can make you love me
you're out of reasons to stay
Make it easy on yourself
Don't worry about me
Can't make you feel something you don't

I'm crying, but don't pity
I'm dying, but just walk away
It will be all right

'Cause I was dreaming but you woke up
And Im gonna miss you but I
am gonna be all right

'Cause if I can make you love me
You're out of reasons to stay
make it easy on yourself
dont worry about me
If I can't make you love me
You're not the one here to blame
I will make it on my own
don't worry about me