silentcriez
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2004 18 October :: 6.08pm
:: Music: only you x ashanti
hummm
i stayed home from school today.. i didnt feel good and just needed to rest.. i hate mondays
i cant describe how i feel right now..idk what it is but i feel like somethings missing maybe its the fact that everything is changing? maybe its the fact that i dont talk to half of the people i used to.. idk i mean it feels good to make new friends.. but what happens when im sick of meeting new people and just want my old friends back.. i dont know.. i dont want the winter to come i dont wanna be sad.. i dont wanna be alone and i dont want things to be different anymore...
i just want to sing.. and i just want to do something with my life.. life is so short and i dont want to waste it..
idk what the hell im rambling about i just needed to get all this shit out.. not like anyone actually reads it or anything
once again ive been caught in the same infamous situation.. me wanting somebody i know i shouldnt have.. fucking shit up and realizing i cant have them.. and then leading someone on i should like.. could be happy with but cant force myself to be with.. idk how i get myself into these situations..
i miss my mom.. i miss having someone who actually cared.. i cant believe its been over a year now that shes been gone.. its still so unreal to me because i like to keep it out of my mind.. but the truth is that shes gone and never ever coming back into my life.. maybe someday ill become something that shell wish she never abandoned.. who knows..
- manda
2 commentz |
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krazykelc1
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2004 17 October :: 9.49am
:: Mood: in need of coffee
:: Music: The Streets ` Dry your eyes mate
Good Morning..
yeah so I haven't written all weekend.. theres really not much to write about anyway cause I do the same fuckin thing every day.. I either go to school for 6 hours or work for 6 hours then I go get high with my buddies.. usually katie n meg :-)
joey was supposed to come see me friday but I guess not.. oh well.
but last night mommy n daddy went to a party so ryan came home for the night and I had emmy katie n meg over. we tried to get ryan high but hes too cool to smoke with little 15 year old girls.
so we had a good time.. 5 MONTHS EMILY oh my god =-O
yeah well I'm gonna go get ready for work now, peace :o)
2 commentz |
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silentcriez
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2004 16 October :: 10.49pm
alright well..
shit is gay.. and people suck.. but what can you do.. i went to the mall (ugh) with derek alex and lizzy today.. good to be back with summer ppl :-\ i miss the summer..
fright fest is coming up im excited :)
i talked to aj on the fone last night.. havent talked to him in a while.. quite random..
i cannot wait until tomorrow :-) i wish i didnt have work
i must go because i am on elizabeths computer so.. i guess i will ramble later..
- manda
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GoLdIe18
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2004 15 October :: 9.32pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: *DMB*
life and love?
what a night. I almost ruined everything with everyone. i dont know what I was thinking before..i dont know who i am anymore. i need to go find myself..
but first..i need to take the PSATs so im gonna go to bed now to wake up early and take them..night night. tell more tomorrow.
ps- if you started that rumor about ryan and me..you should die because its not true and i hate youu!
you better fucking comment!!
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krazykelc1
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2004 12 October :: 9.02am
:: Mood: baddd day
:: Music: stupid noisey freshman class
today is the worst day I've had all year :-)
yeah well today started off bad and just keeps getting worse. I'm in the computer lab right now with Lizzy. It's the first time I've talked to her in a long time..
Anyways, I hate when I find out my friends lie to me.. it's probly the worst thing they can do. And especially when they lie because they're trying to hide something that a friend wouldn't usually do in the first place.. Whatever, I don't have the patience right now to talk to you so when you read this I want you to know I give up and you can just have him ok....
I dont get you, you wanted me to move on & be happy and now you're contradicting that..??
you better fucking comment!!
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silentcriez
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2004 11 October :: 11.53pm
icp was fucking sick :)
i got to see ryan molly ryan fogarty lindsay john keri lynds dana mark and everyone!!!
http://tinypic.com/c6m49
http://tinypic.com/c6m53
im tired of writing poetry of love
poetry of lust
poetry of wishes.. memories and such
im tired of faking happy
faking love and confidence
faking i dont miss you
this life goes on
whether or not we want it to
and im sick and tired of
amusing you all with my failure
i just wish someday i could
make something of myself
and make you all see how much i am worth
to make you wish that you had given me the time of day
make you brag that you knew me..
and make you wish that you were me
because i am nothing as of today..
but as for tomorrow..
wait and see
1 comment |
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GoLdIe18
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2004 11 October :: 5.44pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: simple plan
wlecome to my life
"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you’re bleeding
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy
But I’m not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like
What it’s like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life"
~Simple Plan
1 comment |
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GoLdIe18
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2004 11 October :: 5.18pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: *green day*
fridayyyy
what friday? what Mims coming? what your jealous? yeaaahh babyyyy!!
ANY BROKIES AROUND NEXT WEEKEND CALL ME UR COMIN HERE!!!!!! MIM WILL B HERE :o)
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krazykelc1
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2004 11 October :: 3.35pm
:: Music: Crossfade ` Cold
NeW LaYouT...
comment.
2 commentz |
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krazykelc1
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2004 11 October :: 12.14pm
:: Music: Juvenile `Nolia clap
Last night when me and katie smoked I thought about alot of stuff...
and I decided I'm just gonna quit. I've said this like 394723 times but I know it's the only way to let go of my past.. and move on.. I just need to stop everything I've been doing since the Summer of '03.. and just move on.. it was fun while it lasted but alot of the memories I keep are just haunting my future.. and the only way to let go of them is to move onto something new.. and make new memories.
So good-bye to everything.. hopefully October 31st will be a nice final episode
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GoLdiE18
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2004 9 October :: 8.13pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: *1985*
Life, Love, & Fairytale endings...
Soo..feels like forever since I update this thing.. I was reading emmys journal tonight and I figured why not, im bored at home so I'll go update it...and here I am. :o)
So..Love?..Its so confusing, one minute everythings okay...the next somethings wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. I always loved you and I don't think that will ever really change. I'm just not sure what to do about some other people. I love the sweet guys, cuddling, kissing, hugging, holding hands... the stuff guys in high school almost never want. But I found that in you. And I wish I could bring myself to......
nevermind my love life anymore. My dreams? my fantasies? I wish they'd come true. I wish I could get the best grades, the grades I know im capeable of..I wish I could just change myself, and everything about my life. but this dream?...it'll never come true.
So last week, I decided i want to learn how to surf. I wanna be a california girl..I want to go to college in cali and be a surfer soo bad, ahha that'll be another dream that doesnt come true tho..im sure of it.
USY- my life. obsession. best friends forever. 12 days from tomorrow we will be at ramah. the sophomore leadership bunk of 07' girls... ahhh i cant freakin wait. 3 days of absolute insanity is just 12 days away!!!!! ahhh! JANNA- abe and i were talking today and were gonna be in the same bunk aka 07 girls.. anddd its gonna be just crazzzzzyyy. hahahahahah
welll...nothing else i feel a need to say here. if you wanna kno more just talk to me u idiot! haha...
loveeers: im out. *JoDi*
p.s.- omg Heather, beccaw, beccag, beccab, cara, and michelle i am beyhond jealous of you visiting camp tonight. You being at camp with all the leaves on the ground, everything closed up. I am so insanly jealous. I wanna visit camp now. I also wanna visit camp when theres snow on the ground..it is the type of place that i feel, in the snow..would actualyl be romantic..walking down the bunny path...into the horseshoe. :o) sitting on the snow covered beach with the lake frozen..can we go skating on it? :o) aww im smiling, I want to make this dream..come true.
you better fucking comment!!
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krazykelc1
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2004 9 October :: 6.29pm
:: Mood: not sure
:: Music: none
Havent updated in a while..
hmm yeah well I havent updated in a while.
I just got home from work, my feet hurt.
anyways tonight I get to hang out with my favoritest people ever :-) my babyboy got mad at me today cause I said something I shouldn't have said.. :-[ but were ok now I think so thats good
peace =)
1 comment |
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silentcriez
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2004 7 October :: 10.26pm
ok so i keep thinking about my dream.. its really creeping me out i read about what some things in dreams mean so if you have any input let me know this stuff really interests me..
i forgot to mention other parts of my dream before
i was in the school when i woke up and was talking to john morris crying saying that i didnt want the cold to come and looking out the window and seeing feet of snow outside..
Snow – Repressed feelings, critical, judgmental
School – Learning about yourself with a view to improving yourself
Hallway – Uterus
White
Perfection
Meaning: Hope, faith, purity, perfection, confidence, enlightenment.
When mixed or associated with other colors it purifies and refines the meaning of that color.
White alone can indicate a proud, rigid, judgmental immaturity - a ‘should be’, controlling attitude.
Soft or pearl white can indicate the gift of prophesy.
Green
heart
Meaning: Adaptability, reconciliation, Need for healing, harmony, balance, reconciliation (within self or self with others).
Dark green, battle dress green or green and black represent difficulties with sharing (jealousy, rivalry). Need to balance male and female aspects. Look for trouble with the heart.
Balance and healing for the heart, circulatory systems and emotions by becoming more giving, generous and emotionally ‘open’.
i cant think of any other keywords from my dream..
i dont know but from re-reading what i remembered about it i think that it means i dont want winter to come.. i dont want change to come and i cant accept all that im going to lose but from the words of ::someone:: in this dream they are telling me that i shouldnt worry because all that i lose ill get back someday.. and that some things may change.. but they will always change back? maybe? idk i wish i knew tho..
2 commentz |
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silentcriez
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2004 7 October :: 7.06am
i just had this really weird dream that i was walking through teh school and it was snowing outside.. and i was talking to ::someone:: about ::something:: and i was like "i just wanna know what the future will be like.." and he says "dont worry everything you lose youll someday get back..everything will be alright"
wow..if only it were that easy...
happy 18th big jimmy little
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silentcriez
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2004 5 October :: 10.43pm
half day today helll yesss :-)
ryan molloy cannot go to lockup i wont let him :( i <3 himmmmmmmmm
bahhh life is fucking gay.. and amusing
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silentcriez
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2004 5 October :: 7.12am
the world is hell...
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krazykelc1
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2004 4 October :: 8.11pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: lloyd banks `karma
'good day
well today was good, don't know why but yeah
fyi I'm using SweetNostalgic for my cell now and this for regular AIM..
yeah thats it. Half day tomorrow =) yay
any ideas on what I should be for Halloween? :o)
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silentcriez
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2004 3 October :: 10.53pm
:: Music: all cried out x 112 ft. allure
sooooo i started work at stop n shop yesterday its good with the exception of meaghan fahey working there but hey its work and i must be mature and put aside my shit.. seeing as how the world is much bigger than stupid problems with bizzle slizzles --johnnys cue-- "squidwards"
haha
welll shits been kinda confusing with a certain someone but i guess i cant sweat it.. or shouldnt cuz things will just happen if theyre sposed to..
ppl at stop n shop are nice to me :-) so many random ppl gave me compliments :-D
after work today stephie and goncha and lizzy picked me up :-) and we rented the sweetest thing and got wendys then went back to gonchies and chilled with matty cj tony n el6 :-) lol
i <3 you girls
ill write more later
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krazykelc1
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2004 3 October :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: just one of those moods
:: Music: Do or Die ft. Twista `Do U -favorite song of all time
Something's gotta give
can't understand how people front happiness and a smile then turn around and talk of how their hearts are shattered and broken
"I am the weakest link"
no matter how hard I try I just can't move on.. everyone around me can do it but nope not I. one day "I fucking hate him" the next day I can't deny it, I love him
every time I pick myself up and start to walk something just pushes me back down. then there's my crazy stoned thoughts that turn my A+ effort into nothing.. there's always some obstacle in my way that I'm just too weak to fight. It's gonna take something extreme to pick me up and let me live my life again.. I only hope I have enough patience to wait for something like that to come along.
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krazykelc1
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2004 2 October :: 11.28pm
:: Mood: quiet
:: Music: After Midnight
shit talker(s), you know who you are..
make sure you read my 8th comment cause obviously what I do is of some importance to you.. so that is for you to read.
I decided I'm a very confused person. Actually I'm alot of lots of things.. just confused at this point. Seems like I've come to a point where I have so many options that I don't know which way to go.. I've sort of dug myself into something that I'm not sure if I want yet.. but that's part of moving on I guess, opening doors for yourself.. seems like I have too many open now.
that was alot of garbage that half the people who read this WON'T understand but comment if you think you know, I'll give you a cookie
1 comment |
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GoLdiE18
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2004 2 October :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: American Idiot- Green Day
haven't written latley...
"so...its been real hasn't it... summer came and went so fast...6 years flew by..and now, its gone. Memories may last and the friendships too, but damn my ladies, I MISS YOU!"- a quote from a friend :o)
i miss camp so muchhh...its like those nights when u have nothing to do..which dont happen much, but when they do..ur like.. why cant I be at camp...at evening activity.. entertaineddd!! ahhh!! hahah
i miss yrush 04' and only 57 days till reunion... :o)
so...nothings new around here.. :o) so i have nothing new to say. mwahahhh
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krazykelc1
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2004 1 October :: 11.29pm
:: Mood: ripped
:: Music: Bone Crusher ` Grippen the Grain
that feeling always comes back..always :-/
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silentcriez
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2004 1 October :: 11.04pm
hahah i saw g-unit boy throw a trashcan top at a moving car..
what an eventful night
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cocopuff
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2004 30 September :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Led Zeppelin- "Fool in the Rain"
BOO!
Well there’s a light in your eye that keeps shining
Like a star that can’t wait for the night
I hate to think I’ve been blinded baby
Why can’t I see you tonight?
And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin’
And the thrill of your touch gives me fright
And I’m shaking so much, really yearning
Why don’t you show up, make it all right?
Yeah, it’s all right.
And if you promised you’d love so completely
And you said you would always be true
You swore that you would never leave me, baby:
What ever happened to you?
And you thought it was only in movies
As you wish all your dreams would come true
It ain’t the first time believe me, baby
I’m standin here feeling blue
Yeah I’m blue
Now I will stand in the rain on the corner
I’ll watch the people go shuffling downtown
Another ten minutes no longer
And then I’m turning around
The clock on the wall’s moving slower
My heart it sinks to the ground
And the storm that I thought would blow over
Clouds the light of the love that I found
Now my body is starting to quiver
And the palms of my hands getting wet
I’ve got no reason to doubt you baby,
It’s all a terrible mess
I’ll run in the rain till I’m breathless
When I’m breathless I’ll run till I drop, hey
The thoughts of a fool’s kind of careless
I’m just a fool waiting on the wrong block, oh yeah
Light of the love that I found...
i love the mounth of october.. its my fav mounth... mostyl cuz i lvoe fall.. but cuz i love halloween.. and this year halloween is gonna b sooo good....10 days till icp, 30 till fright fest... im soo excited!!!
yea thats my borign randomness for the night i need sleep :-P
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krazykelc1
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2004 29 September :: 8.02pm
:: Music: grateful dead `althea
so true...
maybe in a different light
you could see me stand on my own again
'cause now I can see
you were the antidote that got me by
something strong like a drug that got me high
I never really wanted you to see
the screwed up side of me that I keep
locked inside of me so deep
it always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
so many things you should have known
what I really meant to say
is I'm sorry for the way I am
10 commentz |
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silentcriez
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2004 29 September :: 7.32pm
:: Music: still in love x 112
I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to feel like this. To be here...feeling all this.
I just want to dissapeear. This is how i am this is how i feel. You obviously have a problem wiht it.
But you think you know me but u don't. You don't know me at all, how i am... Me.
you gave that up a while ago. I don't understand you or how u can judge me....but it doesn't matter becasue neither of us care enough.
humm well things have been interesting.. i guess im cool with robbie and cozzy they both kinda came to a truce.. i didnt really agree only because i wasnt the one with teh issue in the first place but its ok...
i walked up to johnson today withg lizzy and john morris and there were 2 girls sitting on a table in the basketball court and i couldnt tell who it was and it kinda looked like kelsey and katie but i figured oh theyd wave if it was them and so we sat there for like 10 min and kelsey walks up from the path and goes down there after saying hi to us and it was meg and katie.. and i didnt even recognize them and they didnt say hi.. and i was sitting with john and lizzy and mike and they were all together down in teh basketball court it was like.. wow.. im like really not friends with them anymore well im friends with kelsey and katie but like obviously not as much
yeah so thats part of my day..
then big jimmi little showed up and i <3 him then miss elizabeth had to go and we just all hung out for a few.. and now im home waiting to possibly hang out with dana mike and jimmi.. humm i hope so!
im off to grab some grub mwahhhhh
1 comment |
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krazykelc1
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2004 28 September :: 10.07pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: The Doors ` You make me real
New Layout..
let me know what you think.
yess.. comments... keep them cominggg :-)
mL <3
2 commentz |
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silentcriez
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2004 28 September :: 7.08pm
Here we are
All alone
You and me,
Privacy
And we can do anything
Your fantasy
I wanna make your dreams come true
Can you hear?
She's calling me
Between your legs
It's Loud and clear
I wanna talk back to her
Make love to her
I wanna hear you scream my name
CHORUS
We can make love in the bedroom
floatin on top of my waterbed
I'm kissin' you
Running my fingers through your hair
In the hallway making our way beside the stairs
We can do it anywhere
I can love you in the shower
Both of our bodies dripping wet
On the patio we can make a night you won't forget
On the kitchen floor
As I softly pull your hair
We can do it anywhere (anywhere)
I love the way
Your body feels
On top of mine
So take your time
We got all night
Girl, you know
I like it slow
And I know you like it too, baby
Please don't stop I feel it now
You feel it too
You're shivering
Ooh, you're pullin me close to you
Just let it flow
There's no other place to go
We can make love in the bedroom
(tell me how you like it baby)
floatin on top of my waterbed
(tell me can i drive you crazy)
I'm kissin' you
Running my fingers through your hair
In the hallway making our way beside the stairs
We can do it anywhere
I can love you in the shower (in the shower)
Both of our bodies dripping wet (in the bedroom)
On the patio we can make a night you won't forget (we'll do it all night long)
On the kitchen floor (tell me how you like it)
As I softly pull your hair
We can do it anywhere (anywhere)
Z too hot to stop
So we goin' from the bedroom to the floor
Let you know whether I'm gonna miss you when I'm on tour
When our tongues touch
Have a playboy sing it much
Roll a Dutch, let me tell you what turns me on
When 112 sing to you
What kinda feeling do it bring to you?
I bump hard till you say I'm being mean to you
I know the ice Roley game to you
A true player's what I seem to you
And if you want it
We can do it in the Black 500
Wit the top down
In overdrive when we ride cuz I'm hot now
You got me goin', I don't think I'ma stop now
Z feenin' like a criminal on lock-down
So let's get a way to get away
You gettin' hot baby, please don't run away
I got a crib on the beach in Palmetto-way
Here's your personal key, so take a left at
112...
We can make love in the bedroom
in the bedroom
floatin on top of my waterbed
on my waterbed
I'm kissin' you
(let me run my fingers through your hair)
Running my fingers through your hair
In the hallway making our way beside the stairs
(tell me how you like it)
We can do it anywhere
I can love you in the shower (in the shower)
Both of our bodies dripping wet (when you touch me)
On the patio we can make a night you won't forget (make me feel so good inside)
On the kitchen floor (let me touch you baby)
As I softly pull your hair (sexy, sexy baby)
We can do it anywhere (anywhere)
We can make love in the bedroom (tell what you want from me)
floatin on top of my waterbed (let me know your fantasy)
I'm kissin' you
Running my fingers through your hair
In the hallway making our way beside the stairs(let me touch you baby)
We can do it anywhere (can i drive you crazy)
I can love you in the shower (we can do anything)
Both of our bodies dripping wet (anywhere)
On the patio we can make a night you won't forget (anyplace)
On the kitchen floor
As I softly pull your hair
We can do it anywhere (we can do it)
let me touch you baby
you better fucking comment!!
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cocopuff
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2004 27 September :: 6.46am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: none...
hello
lol its been a while since i wrote in here again... seems like i writein it like once a mounth... but i decided to say hello bright and early.. now im off to school
you better fucking comment!!
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silentcriez
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2004 26 September :: 2.38pm
2 new songs..
http://www.soundclick.com/util/streamM3U.m3u?ID=1310785&q=Hi
*dedicated tears*
i have, i have thought about you.. (x4)
its been a few weeks since youve been gone
i miss you, i need you, your scents still here so strong
i know that you are happier this way
what wouldve happened if things were different that day
(chorus)
i have, i have thought about you..
ive tried to give all my love to you
in my dreams i think all about you
my hearts filled with tears all for you
i heard your laugh the other day
listened close as it slowly faded away
i shed a tear each and every reoccurring day
they all begin and end the same dissorienting way
(chorus x2)
your all i need.. all i need
lemme hear you say
your all i need.. all i need
please just stay
your better off this way
http://www.soundclick.com/util/streamM3U.m3u?ID=1413788&q=Hi
*last night*
you had me for 11 weeks
you stole my heart in just one beat
i tried to keep you from yourself
your nothing without my help
i took your words to be complete
they werent shit not near concrete
melting under heavy pressure
why are we appart when we could be together?
(chorus)
wont you please help me
i need you
like you needed me
and i want you to know
that i love you
through everything
i still love you
you took me deep that night
all that was wrong felt so right
no need to question what i felt
once we touched my heart began to melt
my sense of fear intoxicated
in search for love.. but always hated
it felt right then, with eyes so true
that it must be this it must be you
(chorus)
(bridge)
i'm going crazy.. cuz i need you here
thoughts of others disapear
bite me soft and carress my tounge
feel so old as the night is young
intimate sensations..chills down my spine
sips of hypnotique allow us to unwind..
(chorus x 3)
1 comment |
you better fucking comment!!
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