eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 20 September :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: deeply in love yet confused
:: Music: The Used - Blue and Yellow
LOVE
Love. Since the dawn of man, every single person has sought to feel it. Every person has tried to capture it. Or tried to conquer it. Yet no one has. How can that be. Sure people have experienced love. But how can this emotoin make us do things that we would never do? How is it that something that isnt real, isnt physically there, can force a person to hand over everything they have to someone else. Make them give up everything that makes up them to this person that can only be discribed with words that dont exist. This feeling is something i have recently felt. I have felt its touch. I have felt its kiss, and it's sting. Yet even with the pain, this person that i care for has remained to be the most important thing in my life. How can love do that? Why would love make me feel like this. im in love with lauren singer. i love her so much. but that can't sum up how i feel. but like i said earlier, it's impossible to describe it. But all i know is that she is in hillsborough, at her homecoming dance, looking amazing as always, for some other guy. some other guy that isn't me. she's having a great time, dancing and laughing with some guy that isn't me. How can someone live with that knowledge? i have to. I have to go on. but i don't want to. But i have to. And the only reason i want to right now, is becuase there is the off chance that lauren might walk through my bedroom door and tell me she loves me too. That's all i have to live for. But i guess it's enough. DO YOU SEE WORLD? DO YOU SEE WHAT THIS THING CALLED LOVE CAN DO? DO YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW IT CAN TEAR YOU APART? DO YOU KNOW THE PAIN THAT COMES WITH THIS AMAZING FEELING OF JOY?
Well now you do. or at least you have been told. To all of the people out there that are in love, i'm happy for you. And for those not, go find it.
~BOYER
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 20 September :: 1.40pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Cold - Cure my Tragedy (A Letter to God)
INVASION!!!!!
My 3 little cousins are over today. They are into a totally different sort of music then i am. its kinda sad but i wont say anything since they are 5 7, and 10. they are the coolest cousins anyone could ask for. They are funny and stuff. They are playing tony hawk. Im not really into it. But if they are having fun, im happy. WEll i watched the middle kid (Aislyn - an odd name i know but she really fast) play soccer. She was really good all around. They won 6-1. Go Aisy!!!
(skip ahead to about 4:30)....I'm baq im baq from dropping off the cousins at my grandmoms. They kick butt. WEll i saw my little cousin for the first time today. He's not related to them but i saw him. He's so cute. Well i have to do a bunnies cage right now.
~BOYER
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 19 September :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Trapt
Why?
Why is it that just as everything in my life seems to be turning around, things start falling apart again? I mean my feelings for lauren were going away. Then about 3 days ago I have that dream about her (which i had again last night), and all my feelings for her return, and she asks me to that dance thing. WEll today in school i found out that my teacher messed up on my test. i didnt get a 100 on the summer reading test. I got a 91. Which somehow (i dont know how) but i now have an 85. I have handed in all my assignments so far. How could my grade drop that much? GRAAAH!!!!!!! Yesterday, lauren feels the need to describe for me, in detail, her dress. BITCH. She knew damn well what she was doing. She knew how it was tearing me up that she would be wearing that dress for someone else. For some other guy, that wasn't me. She knew i still love her. BLLLLLAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Oh well my life sucks again. I get used to it by now. Goodnight
~BOYER
3 And the wings that you burn..... |
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 18 September :: 2.55pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: linkin park - Faint
hghughwrgjf
Well today was ok i guess. I saw meegan today in 4th period. she was in Mitchell's class for the first 5 minutes again. Then she ran off to lunch. Crazy Meegan. I found out my grade on that Algebra quiz. Ha i got a 100. Yeah i kno its really badass. You don't have to tell me.
Crap before i could get back online last night we lost power. I didnt get a chance to update ya. Sorry journal. o well it is now friday morning and i have a 2 hour delay becuae of Isabel. Go Hurricane!! But I had to study for spanish by candlelight. That wasnt cool at all. But im sitting here now with burns on my hands and candlewax on my arm. So all is well in the world. well i have to fix this burn. Write yall later.
~BOYER
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 17 September :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Disturbed
Stupid question
Well today was going very well. That summer reading test i took (the 100 question test), i got a 100 on it. Yeah badass i kno. I have a 99 in English now. I seem to be doing good in school otherwise. But i'm not going to bore you with that.
Lauren imed me today. She wants me to go to her homecoming on saturday. oh it gets better. She has a date. She just wants me to go because she thinks we would have fun. Yeah im gona have fun wasting a saturday to drive 2 hours each way, getting dressed up, and go to a dance where i kno nobody, all to watch the girl i love dance with another guy. sounds like a fun time. if i were in hell that is. well suffice it to say im not going. but she still wants to hang out with me. she said "well then sometime you'll have to come up to boro and we can hangout" um yeah ok. that's gonna happen. If i were going to take the time to go up there, i wouldn't spend all my time with just her. almost all of my friends from camp are in Hillsborough, or near it. i'm gonna hang out with them too. i just got offline at that point. I really didnt feel like talking to her. Just like i dont have the urge to keep typing right now. so goodnight.
~Boyer
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 16 September :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Cold - cure my tregedy (A Letter to God)
Hey guess what its Tuesday
Hey guess what.............................ITS TUESDAY THATS RIGHT. Well on my tuesday i did absolutely nothing. I hate to sound redundant, but i love lauren. For some reason (i have no idea what triggered it) i just feel like i need to hold her right now. I thought i was making progress, but today i miss her sooo much. I dont know why. Well thats not true i do have some idea. Last night i had a dream that Lauren and i were in a room. i was holding her and i told her that i loved her. she said it back. then she's ripped out of my arms by someone i couldnt see. I watch as she is slowly cut to bits, and for some reason i do nothing. AHHHH!!! I woke up in a sweat. It was freaky. All day ive been thinking about her. I want to be rid of these feelings, but at the same time i dont want to let go of Lauren. GRAAAAHHHH!!!!! I need Camp Mason. Life was so badass back then. It made so much more sense. It was easier to manage. There's my depressing stroy for the day.
Today I had my summer reading test. O I Aced that bad boy. It was easy. Though i guessed on a few of them, I got the rest right for sure. I read Dune. It turns out that i was reading it for fun, and i read the list and it's one of the choices. Plus i had seen the movie, which is just like the book. down to a T. it's crazy. Well i have to do some more HW. write ya tomorrow.
~Boyer
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 15 September :: 9.44pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Cold- stupid girl
Stupid color balance
I swear i have so many dumb people in my Adv telecom class. Not too many thank God. But 1 is too many. If that director asks me to color balance and i ahev to explain to him that i dont do that, the TD does that, then im gonna scream. Idiot I white balance, not color balance, and plus once its done, its done, you only need to do it one time. IDIOT!!!!! WEll I have great news. I got my braces off today. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow i fell lovely and warm and fuzzy and stuff like that. It's so badass.
Well today in SS, i got there a little later than i normally do. And the kelli from the other entry was freaking out. iDK why. But she was. She was pacing the hall waiting for me. Becuase i got there 2 minutes later than usual. I know what ur all thinking and im thinking it to. But i doubt that its that. Ahe has a bf, and she is a little wacky. But its good to know that it might be a possibilty.
Well i have to go for some reason that i can't think up. Bye
~Boyer
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 14 September :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: none right now
I feel like crap
AHHHH full blown cold. My head is pounding. I have a runny nose and im congested. not cool. since i feel like crap i dont want to write much so ill write something tomorrow.
~Boyer
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 13 September :: 11.50pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: QOTS - Go with the Flow
My day
Well today started out ok i guess. i had to get up o go to karate at 9:30. i had class at 10. not cool. I had no energy. but i got up anyway. My parents yelled at me to get up but i was just too tired. they should be happy i made it to class at all. and the material is so old. i swear ive been doing chinto for 3 1/2 years. Literally!!! and im not getting any better. "there's always room for improvement" yeah but u can never reach perfection so dont strive for it. blah. i need pot!!! (my new saying, dont take it literally) well about an hour ago my dad and i lifted some weights. i'm already beating him in some of the workouts. we started getting into a routine, since we got weights in the basement. and i am sore, like my thingy up there says. well i am getting really strong. i can feel it. but my thingy doesn't say im a little sick. i think i might be coming down with a cold. idk. but its annoying, blowing my nose all the time and all. I sound like an toddler. "i hate blowing my nose, its such a boring job!!" well anyway i have to get some rest
~Boyer
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|
eragedbluerat
|
::
2003 12 September :: 2.48pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Queens of the stoneage - Go with the Flow
More 9/11
Well yesterday was of course the 2 year anniversary of 9/11. I had my fill of it then so i didnt feel like writing about it. But here I am now writing about it. Here's what i learned from all the talking:
1)Bush is spending 87 billion dollars to improve Iraq.
My response: Bush you are the biggest dumbass EVER. Why are you spending so much money? And then promising tax cuts? If there are no taxes then where is the money coming from? IDIOT
2)My Social Studies class is full of some of the most ignorant bastards.
My response: If I hear 1 more person tell me that we should just bomb Iraq and be done with it, I'm gonna scream. Stupid nincompoops. Do you have any idea what else that would do? Did you think that maybe that might also effect allies we have in the area? Or that we might kill innocent people in the process? Of course you didn't, or you wouldnt have said it.
3) We killed saddam Heusain's sons.
My response: WE did? When did that happen? Score dos puntos para USA.
So as you can see we got very far yesterday. Our teacher likes talking a lot but w/e, as long as i'm not doing worksheets or somthing like that. So the rest of my day was spent dreaming of a world w/o ignorant people like that but alas.........i couldnt. Well when that day comes we'll all be better off. But i doubt it will. Anyway....its raining. While most of you might be upset by that, its good news for me. I get out of mowing our lawn. YAY!!! Ha and for 5 days too. nice!
during 7th period I went to Adv. Telecom. I'm really liking that class. though giving a lot of exposure last year in Communications Technology (comm tech) with the equipment in the tv studio, the Adv Telecom class uses more advanced technology and im kinda freaked out. For example, our studios just went digital, so the audio board is completely new. There are 2 extra jobs that we didnt have in the small studio. And we have to start the morning announcements. WOW its crazy. At some point i'd like to be talent but i'm not sure i could handle it. But id strill like to try. I'd also like to be director, and maybe lights (which does absolutely nothing except turn on the lights and adjust them). Maybe TD at some point too, since the switcher is basically the same, excpet that we have remember about the tape deck that wasnt in the small studio. we have special buttons on the switcher that may screw me up, but given some time i'll get it. Well that was my day at school. If something odd happens i might update this entry but not likely. Have a lovely weekend and please save me!!!!
~Boyer
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
|
|