Iwasthinkingthat
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2004 6 July :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: coheed and cambria
why the hell am I online?
I am so tired right now. All I want to do is sleep so I go online? I dont make sense.
So work was really busy and I didnt want to be there. I just wanted to sleep. We got out about 10 minutes ago. I was getting really frusterated. Tomorrow Im working with all new people by myself. If you see me out walking be sure to run me over in your vehicle to save me from my misery. Thanks.
Besides that? I want a salad at applebees.
I have period cramps and no period for another week. WTF?
Sean brought me a conoli to work...thank you <3
Good
BYE
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2004 5 July :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: hot
work > work > work
So today I woke up...saw our new bird ... got a coffee and went to work for another 8 hours.
It was so busy today...I just wanted to go home...which I did at 7. I broght Sean with me. We didnt really do much...but we never do. I dont even remember the conversation. Oh well...I take after my mom.
So we have four birds now and we will have a fifth in about two weeks. Yes, five birds in one household.
Whatever...its so hot in here and my mom insists we dont need to turn on the air conditioning.
Whatever again.
Good
BYE
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2004 5 July :: 10.08am
ahgayn
So yesturday I worked alll day. 1045-1015 with an hour lunch break. I got paid well too.
Today Im working 11-7...another long day. I dont mind. Sean is at camp and no one else really cares if Im not around so I might as well get paid for my loserness.
I guess I dont really have anything to say in here this morning...I thought I did.
BYE
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2004 3 July :: 9.53pm
:: Music: First to Last- Sick Little Suicide
Fuck today
I knew I should have just slept. Remind me to sleep more often...life just isnt worth my sleeping time.
1)Phone
A.went over and used all of Brett's time- owe $60
B. We will go to the bank today
C. Check minutes- 200 of which are yours
D. If you go over again I want the phone back
Contract expires 7-22-05 then you are totally responsible. You help me with nothing. Why should I pay this? This was your b-day present last year.
2. Your attitude towards me- What have I done to make you hate me?
3. Your sexual behavior in this house.
4. Cleaning room, bathroom and clothes.
Especially after your father buys you a car. I help you to Colorado, etc
So I woke up this morning and found this downstairs on the table. I took it and hid it and cried for a really long time. Then my dad says we are all going to have a talk. So we sit down...I cry for another hour. She bullshits and he tries to play god. I dont have a sexual behavior in the house...they get mad because I talk to Sean with the lights off. And I get no repect. So my mom and I fight. Nothing was solved. Nothing.
I cried my way to Laurens and she calmed me down. Thanks Lauren...you're always there.
I went to work and nothing good happened.
I listened to the best song.
I got food at the neighbors and bit by mosquitos.
And here I am where I CANT do anything.
Im in a pretty bad mood. Screw it...
Im talking to Lisa...she loves me.
BYE
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2004 2 July :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: crazy
Wake me when its over
So today I went to the gym...ate healthy...and then went to work.
My mom is still made at me and Im grounded from the computer...shes sleeping now.
I brought my bike back to life and rode it alittle bit and napped a lot today.
Now for a funny work story.
So these 3 older women come and get icecream. One of the women fell off the picnic table onto her head. So another lady comes up and tells us to call 911 which we do. The lady gets an ice pack and her friend asks to use our bathroom. She leaves smelling alittle ruanchy so I tell Robyn to go see if the bathroom smells. She said it did alittle but not bad. So Jess comes in around 7 and goes to go pee and runs out saying "WHO SHAT IN THE BATHROOM!!" ... apparently the lady had to go pretty bad and decided to play "Lets paint Big Dip in my shit". The was poo all over the walls and down on the floor. She left so casually.
So that was digusting.
Well Id like to sleep and such...plus Im being pretty risky.
BYE
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2004 1 July :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: depressed
so lets recap...my last entry I was happy and now Im not.
Bipolar that exists within us all...
haha so anyways...
Today just blew major nuts. My mom stayed home and raised hell all day. I drove and picked up Sean and then he had to leave because hes an idiot...I say that in the best of ways. So I get in a huge fight with mommy dearest and scream in her face...Im not proud of that. Whos fault is it really...I hate that. So I go rollerblading and meet up with Lauren. We come back to my house and watch 50 First Dates which was kind of corny but had some good music. Then I lie around from an hour. Sean comes back and my mom decides to take us to the movies...only speaking to Sean ofcourse. So I cry alittle and we see Farenheit 9/11. Good movie...semi commical and pretty depressing. Now Im home and I remember that my mom is staying home yet again tomorrow. Why? Because she can. Im going to the gym in the morning but my abs still hurt. I'll come home and have to deal with her and her shit. She'll piss me off...I'll get depressed. Then I will go to work where I will forget about it until I come home again.
Whatever...Im more angry now.
hipricritical and just plan nasty...mean...so unemotional...like a drill sergent with amnesia...thats what she is
Thats life...a good reason not to have sex and become mothers.
BYE
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2004 1 July :: 11.39am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Juliana Theory- Into the Darkness
ahh man
So yesturday Amy and I went to the gym and then went swimming and tanned alittle bit. I went home and then walked to work. Work wasnt bad. After work Lisa met up with me and we met up with Hillary, Bethany, Lauren, Jay and Allen. We all went over to Nicks. I got a sub and ate some fries. Lisa and Lauren walked home with me and we hung out for awhile before going to sleep. They left this morning around 11. My mom is home today so I have to clean my bathroom. I hate cleaning bathrooms...then again...who likes it. My abs still hurt. Im picking Sean up at 2 and we are doing a bunch of things I guess.
Tomorrow is work out and work.
Saturday is work out and work.
Sunday is work and then work again.
Anyone want to do anything in between any of that or after let me know...Im open.
Ahh...I cant explain my feeling right now.
Okay..bathroom cleaning time.
BYE
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2004 28 June :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: coheed and cambria- In keeping secrets of silent E
Successful Day
So I woke up and did all that morning stuff. I ate a bowl of KIX which happens to be healthy!
Amy from work picked me up and we went gym shopping. First stop was Kelly Lyn which seemed good, then Curves which looked like crap and then YMCA. We went to the Dip and to my house for money. Then we went to the Chinese Buffet (new one) and back to Kelly Lyn's to sign up. We signed up and start tomorrow at 11. We went to get pants to work out in.
So maybe that will make me feel better about myself...maybe not...who knows.
After all that I went to Seans and while he went to Karate his dad and I went to BJ's. Then we hung out and such.
Tomorrow seems fullfilling. I have Kelly Lyn's, Sean, Work at 7.
Thats all I have to say...
BYE
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2004 27 June :: 3.16pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: Longwave
SUBJECTLESS
Why is that in caps?
So yesturday I saved my mom and helped her decorate her humongo cakes for my grandpas b-day. I did an okay job and everyone loved them. That was cool. I also found out that Im probably going to Denver with my aunt which rules. Colorado...so far away.
So that ended and I came home and SUPRISE. I cant go there so I'll stop at suprise.
Today I woke up and went to the petstore to check some things out and see the bird. Then we went to the mall where I got 2 bathing suits, 4 shirts and with the help of Nick a cd. We went and got 3 rolls of film developed and 2 were the prom pictures...one roll was black and white and my mom wants to blow a picture of me up. The guy told her to. Then the other one is of Bethany and I at Bolt Castle. That made me sad. What a fun day that was. Maybe I should tell her about the pictures.
Now Im sitting here wondering what will happen next. I feel like Im friendless and if I asked anyone to do anything I would just be intruding at this point. How pathetic of me. Whatever...Im sure it will end.
I have to work tonight at 7. You should come and visit me. I dont know who you is but come and say hello.
BYE
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2004 27 June :: 1.57am
:: Mood: depressed
damn me
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2004 25 June :: 11.52pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: a gentle hum
my head is itchy
Last night, after work, Nick O. picked me up with Jay and Allen and we all went to Jays and hung out. Then we went to Dennys and ate greasy fries and such. We went to Nicks afterwards where we hung out and I played with Bean, the cat. It was around 2am now. So we left and took a journey in the rain to wegmans. We took some crazy long route. I got scared over barns and gazebos. The clouds were beautiful. We were soaked from the rain when we got to wegmans. We got caffine pills and claritin for Allen. It was around 4am now. Then we walked to where the bullfrogs meet. A canoe trip in the ponds. Then we went to Dunkin Donuts and waited for them to open at 5am. I got a latte and a bagel. We sat around and had converstations in every direction. Then we walked back to Nicks at 7am. We wished him a good graduation and I went home to shower. I went to Sean's grandmas at 9 where I slept for an hour and barfed. I cant do the caffine thing...I never learn though. So we hung out...I felt sick the whole time but it was still good. Then I went to work and that was that.
My schedule for next week is as followed:
Tues: 7-CL
Wed: 3-9:30
Fri: 4:30-CL
Sat: 2-7
Sun: 10:45-4:30 and 7:CL
Yes, I am working the whole day on the 4th of July and the sad thing is...I volenteered.
Who cares.
So its now midnight...I should probably sleep...Im supposed to get up early and go to the mall with Erin. Then I have to go to my Grandpas 80th birthday dinner shindig.
Yes...sleeping time. I think.
BYE
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2004 25 June :: 4.01pm
agreed....definetly agreed.
I'll tell about my day/night/day/night when I get out of work...if I make it.
BYE
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2004 24 June :: 12.28am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Closure- crushed
we'll live like Jack and Sally
So today was fun. I met up with Jay, Allen and Lauren. Allen and I went swimming while Lauren and Jay colored. Then we went to Allens and hung out for a bit. I went to work which went pretty well. I got out and hung out with Jay and Allen for a little bit and now Im home.
Tomorrow should be a good day and the night should be a lot of fun....no doz
...Your smile fades in the summer...
...look at all those stars, look at how goddamn ugly the stars are...
Nope...you dont get it
So what else.
Not much huh.
Alright...I'll go to bed then.
BYE
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2004 21 June :: 10.50pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Closure- Live Again
Sunburned
So it was a good day.
Lisa came over and we visited Lauren. She had to go to a review class so we went swimming in her pool with her sister. We ate pickles and tanned. Then my mom drove Lisa home and I picked up Sean. Yes, I did...I drove and drove home. : )
So we watched Bowling for Columbine and played pitch. I WON.
Now I just downloaded a few cd's. Two Juliana Theory cd's, Closure, Senses Field, and an old Cold one.
Now I have to burn them all. Do I want to do that tonight? Nope.
I work tomorrow morning. Day training woo!
Jay and I are going to pull an all nighter on Thursday, that'll be fun.
And thats all the news I have for ya folks.
damn it
BYE
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2004 20 June :: 10.09pm
:: Mood: depressed
good weekend
I went to Seans camp and it was fun. The weather was cold but his mom made me a marshmellow chocolate banana which was really good. Haha...it was fun.
That wasnt very detailed but its not like anyone reeeally cares anyways besides the person who was there and already knows how it went.
Besides that...
I feel like Im going to puke...infact I have come close a few times today. My parents decided to buy a new bird....a big one. That equals 4.
Where is that money coming from? No one has money to buy me food or clothes or other stupid necessities but they can find money for a bird. I dont mean to sound selfish but come on....no one in this house gives a shit about me anymore. I could get away with murder and no one would know. Then my oppionion means nothing anymore and Im being lied to so much lately. Whatever...one more year. Then they dont have to see me.
Im starting to work day on tuesday. That will be good I think.
dont think....dont think...stop thinking
Im leaving
BYE
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