You are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.

:: 2006 28 July :: 10.52am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Eagles of Death Metal

*SARCASIM*

Lance Bass is gay.....

Who knew?

:: 2006 28 July :: 7.18am

Everything = A big cluster-fuck of chaos.
I made a kick ass CD last night.
Don't have a vehicle to listen to it in when I'm cruisin' around.
Just when I think that my boyfriend is too serious, he surprises me.
We were watching tv yesterday and out of the blue he asks one of the most random questions possible.
"Do you think midgets have midget cocks? 'cause if you think about it, if they were big then they'd trip on it or something."
I didn't have an answer for him because i was laughing to dang hard.
Also made me wonder why he was thinking about midgets and their penis'.
We've also become quite the gameshow junkies.
Quite pathetic if you ask me.
CSI and Any gameshow that is on when CSI isn't, make up our lives.

AhhhhhHHHHhhhhhhHHHHhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh...

stinko

:: 2006 26 July :: 11.45pm

i am definately in one of those downward spirals as of right now.

the sadness is sweeping in like a cool breeze. it feels nice after trying not to feel. i don't know why i can't make myself leave it. it's almost as if i want to be here alone on the brink of tears. somewhere safe.

i know this place. i have spent many hours alone.

i can't make myself call people. it seems like so much work.

i just wish i could sleep, but it's too hot in my room. if i weren't too scared i would sleep outside. friday my parents leave town. i am happy. not because i want them to leave, but then i won't have to sleep alone. i just wish we could get a house. some days the longing is worse than others. today i fear it is worse. all i want is to fall asleep next to him and wake up the same way. no more sleepless nights, no more anxiety, no more loneliness.

isn't it odd that whenever you are sad and the music is on shuffle, the most depressing songs always play. it never fails.

this is what worries me the most. nothing went wrong today. nothing. there is absolutely no reason for me to be so worked up. i had servesafe class which means i basically got paid to do nothing, and i know i passed the stupid test for it. i didn't get lost. robby wasn't mad about me crying over the phone last night and being unfair, in fact he took me out for lunch. i went shopping with sarah and spent money that wasn't mine. nothing went wrong.
so what is the deal?

WTC???

liz	:: 2006 26 July :: 11.30pm WoW is gei. almost as gei as scales you worry too much

:: 2006 26 July :: 7.29pm

Sooo........

French is hard.

And and ugly language. Really it is. I dont understand why people like it so much.

:: 2006 26 July :: 7.06pm

I AM AN ASS

Take the quiz:
What Kind of Driver are you?

Destructive
Your an ass. Your the guy even the old people on the road will want to speed up to and run off the road. You blast bad music and dont show any courtesy on the road. You probably dont remember the last time you obeyed a posted sign. Your pretty likely to either get your license taken or end up in an emergency room.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

:: 2006 25 July :: 9.08pm

PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE!

alastar

:: 2006 25 July :: 12.29pm

stalking quietly, shhh, through the jungle

I could hear the bones crepitating in Her throat as She worked Her mandible back and forth

grinding and _cracki_ng

and She unhinged Her jaw, opening wide with strings of saliva cascading from tooth to tooth.

swaying from side to side, hypnotizing with fierce and
glaring rapacious eyes that singed my skin

as the fangs unfolded.

- - | - -
I didn't even see Her move
or feel the fangs as they sank into my throat

all I felt was the pressure
the suffocation

the rich and saccharine venom being pumped into my esophagus
by the syringes of Her fanges

- - | - -
the trails are darkly carved in, narrowly avoiding arteries

and my skin is
perforated by serrated teeth
bruised around the punture wounds
numbed from within

by ataractic poison

slightly infected; they remind me of You

:: 2006 24 July :: 11.28pm

I know I know,
I need to clean up my mouth.

*not good*

:: 2006 24 July :: 12.10pm

If Mike and I got married, PJ FRENCH and I would be cousins by marriage. hehe

:: 2006 23 July :: 2.16pm

I have a new interest in Motorcycles.
Last night Mike and I were talking about how we could get 2500 bucks to buy a Kawasaki ZX6E Ninja. For ME! :)
That way I can learn to ride.
Last night was so much fun riding even though Courtney kept calling all the guys to come get her and no one would. They'd all say "we'll be there in a minute" and never go. They all new how I felt about her, because I voiced my opinion of her rather loudly at the beginning of the night when she tried to hang all over Mike. At the end of the night I was told I was much better company than her.

Yay. Im bored.

joeydomina

:: 2006 23 July :: 12.12pm
:: Mood: Eh.
:: Music: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

I Dont Know
well i dont really know why i'm feeling the way i have been lately. being nice is just not cutting it for me anymore so maybe i should just be a normal person. then maybe i might be treated like everyone else is. my entries lately are meaningless and unpoetic but yet are thoughtful. why is that? oh well i dont really know anything about anything anymore.

:: 2006 20 July :: 10.15pm
:: Music: spineshank ~ forgotten

you are forgotten
You're the one who
You're the one who steals the life from
I'm the one who feels the falling
I believe you're nothing but a problem
Everything is so fake
You're just a motherfucking sight to see
And time will block the vision
Life with you is so vague
It's like I'm living in a dream

I have wondered why this always happens
Everything just falls away
Soon you'll be the one who is forgotten
It's so close but it's so far away

You're the one who
You're in disbelief of what you
Thought you could achieve or try to
Once I thought this life was never ending
Must've been my mistake
You're just a motherfucking accident
Offending yet amusing
I should have known that you
And your intensions weren't for me

You're the one who fed the violence
I'm the one who broke the silence
I will sew the hole you left inside me
Leaving you in the past
I will release

:: 2006 20 July :: 2.30pm
:: Mood: Angry
:: Music: I loved her first - Heartland

Sometimes I wish I was a rock because then it'd actually hurt when I hit people..
In recent news, I can't stand my mother.
However, I suppose that isn't recent news now is it?
Another reason why I don't want to get married or have kids, and if I do get married, I am going to elope (sp?), is that I can't stand the tension between my parents. That and I'm always dragged into the middle of their fights.
He still loves her, but talks shit about her to keep from admiting it.
She's a lying self center alcoholic i can't live without pot/cigarettes tramp.
Yes, I just called my mother a tramp.
I have sent my resume to several places.
Still nothing.
There's probably enough gas in the burban to get to the gas station.
I won't have money for about a week.
I hate struggling.
But I'm not the only one in my family that is.
My dad seems to be the only one that is financially stable but lives like he's poor.
Even under all this stress and anger towards my mother, I am still incredibly happy.
After being torn apart and knocked down by my mother, I am still standing strong.
But under that layer of happiness, there's nothing but tears.
I hate emotions.

:: 2006 19 July :: 7.21pm

hmmm
TEN EMOTIONS.
1. are you missing someone right now?: yes
2. are you happy: no
3. are you talking to anyone right now: no
4. are you bored:yes
5. are you german: no
6. are you irish: yes half anyways
7. are you french: no
8. are you Italian: no
9. are your parents still married: yes, for now
10. are you in love with someone right now: no

TEN FACTS.
1. hometown: GR
2. hair color: dark brown
4. hair style: no hair
5. eye color: blue
6. shoe size: 12ish
7. mood: undecided
8. orientation: i dunno
9. available?: yes
10. lefty/righty: righty

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
1. have you ever been in love: yes
2. do you believe in love: yes
3. why did your last relationship fail: i thought i was gonna get something better but i didnt and i havent yet
4. have you ever been heart broken: yes
5. have you ever broken someone's heart?: yes
6. have you ever fallen for your best friend: no
7. have you ever liked someone but never told them: no
8. are you afraid of commitment: kinda
9. have you ever kissed someone you liked: yes
10. have you ever had a secret admirer: yes

TEN THINGS:
1. love or lust: both in moderation
2. hard liquor or beer: BEEEEER
3. night or day: night
4. one night stands or relationships: relationships
5. television or internet: both
6. pepsi or coke: pepsi
7. wild night out or romantic night in: depends on my mood
8. colored pictures or black and white pictures: colored
9. phone or in person: person
10. aim or phone: phone

TEN HAVE Y0U EVERS.
1. been caught sneaking out?: yes
2. skinny dipped?: yes
3. done something you regret?: yes
4. bungee jumped?: no
5. been on a house boat?: no
6. finished an entire jaw breaker?: yes
7. wanted someone so badly it hurt?: yes
8. been caught by your parents with a hickey?: they dont give a shit
9. danced in the rain?: yes, when i was like 4 or 5
10. had a hang over?: hehehe...

:: 2006 19 July :: 1.49pm

Nothing like being woke up from a nap to a big burly old man knocking on your door to tell you that you have to get out of your apartment ASAP because there's a natural gas leak in the building behind you.
When I got downstairs there were cops and fire trucks everywhere. And I could hear this really loud leaking noise (the gas leak).
Kind of scary. Now I have a headache and my stomach hurts.
But I have cable TV now.

:: 2006 18 July :: 12.51pm
:: Mood: Ecstatic
:: Music: Crazy Bitch - Buckcherry

I love rainy nights..
Last night the storm was amazing.
We kept losing power about every 15 minutes for like 5 minutes at a time from about the time the storm started til about 4 this morning.
After two hours of that, Mike and I just decided to leave the tv off and the lights and sit in candlelight playing games on our phones and talking.
We wrestled for like an hour too. I tried to prove that I had a little bit of strength in me. ha ha.
He got laid off... for a day.
So he went back to work today, but it was so nice spending the day with him yesterday.
I cooked lunch, and we had fun. We didn't argue until later when we both got home. I had a moment of crabbiness. Not sure why. But he went and got us some food before the storm hit. And things were fine again.
I still haven't decided how I am going to get my hair cut. Perhaps just a trim will suffice.
I need to quit being lazy, and get a job. ha ha.

:: 2006 17 July :: 2.19pm

Does anyone have a gun?

Because I want to shoot myself in the head.

*boom*

:: 2006 17 July :: 1.19pm

Yes I said shit, god-damn.

I'm a man, I'm a man.

:: 2006 17 July :: 12.54pm

So obviously my boyfriend either cares about whether or not I live through this crappy heat or he just wants me to put more clothes on so we can have people over.. hahaha He decided to put the air conditioner in.. Even though maintainance was supposed to do it and rape us of our money that we do not have.. bastards.. hahaha

So now it is getting cooler in here as we speak and i am happy..

joeydomina

:: 2006 17 July :: 7.03am

ok well i went to this website that they had on wzzm and it said that i look 75% like Carl Sagan. Who the hell is Carl Sagan? try it out and tell me who you look like.

http://www.myheritage.com

oh you also have to sign up to use it...a small price to pay

Kate	:: 2006 16 July :: 10.12pm Join www.facebook.com. (It's better than myspace.) Find me. Add me. 4 kids \| you worry too much

empath

:: 2006 16 July :: 10.46pm

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

Maya Angelou

:: 2006 16 July :: 3.59pm

remodling menards that is my new job that i start tomorrow

miniredhawk

:: 2006 14 July :: 7.43pm

Panic! At The Disco

Beyond awesome!

And for that, I say, thank you Anne!
Best. Gift. Ever.

:: 2006 14 July :: 2.55pm

Trimspa baby!

Yeah, we'll see.

...

:: 2006 14 July :: 9.26am
:: Mood: Incomplete.
:: Music: If I Close My Eyes : Reina

It seems like yesterday I was daddy's little girl..
Today is another one of those days where I'm awake at 6 o'clock. You'd think I'd accomplish more on these days. However all I do accomplish is nothing. Haha funny how that works out. This morning was different however. Actually, the whole night was different. It was too hot to cuddle. So we did everything possible to make it cold in there so that we could. Neither of us can sleep if we aren't touching each other. We slept in the same postition all night long. That never happens. And when he moved to turn his alarm off, I instantly woke up. And have been awake since. I didn't want him to go to work. I tried wrapped myself around him to try and make him stay. But it didn't work. He has to go to work. And now I sit here trying my hardest to not text him or call him. I know that sooner or later he will text me or call me. It makes me feel like we're a pathetic old couple or something. If I don't text or call him by a certain time, he calls me. Or if he misses me and doesn't want to admit it, he'll call to see what's up. Like Sunday I think it was he called me like 4 times. And it bugged him that I wasn't at home missing him. I was actually out and about.

I feel like I've let my family down. Especially my sister. I keep thinking that if I had moved to Ohio when I graduated to live with my sister, that things would be better than they are now. (Not that there is anything wrong with my life right now, I'm incredibly happy). I feel like I've let her and Derrick down, because I haven't gone to college yet. And I know how much they want me to. I don't like that feeling. Making my sister happy, and proud of me, means more than making my mom happy and proud of me. I chose a mediocre job that I no longer have, over college. And now I'm choosing what I feel like is love, over pretty much everything else. I'm living this life that most 19 year old don't live until their atleast 22. If I have kids, it won't be until after I'm married. And I don't want to get married, atleast anytime soon.

There's moment where I feel like giving up and just running away, but then I think of what I've got and who comes home to me everyday, who I have to sleep next to every night, and I couldn't be happier. I wouldn't change it for anything. Even though I hate my apartment more than anything, I absolutly love the life I've created. And who I've created it with.

Oh yeah, and I'm getting a hair cut.. I need ideas.

:: 2006 14 July :: 9.28am

Emo emo emo.....

Never will happiness return to my heart!
See? See these tears that flow, beloved, for you alone.

tuwang

:: 2006 14 July :: 2.47am

You got to press it on you