You are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.

You are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.

:: 2012 26 March :: 1.31pm

strange argument last night.

Over the smallest thing too. Not really relationship-ending by any stretch of the imagination, but strange.

Did pass that dreaded 6 month mark, which may seem like nothing to you, but means a lot to me for many reasons. So here's to that.

1 kid | you worry too much

rayray

:: 2012 29 February :: 3.13pm

Its been almost 2 month since Darielle has been over. She has barely said anything to Mike. I only saw her long enough to drop money of to her at school (for her mom because she forgot to give it to her before school and her mom was in the hospital having surgery) and tell her I deserve an apology. Mike saw her long enough to pick her up from school and take her home because her mom was at one of the other kids sporting events. She has asked Mike to bring her food at school and he probably would have if I hadn't been home. She told him her trip money was due in March and he told her that her attitude adjustment and better grades were due a long time ago.

I feel guilty because she hates me so that is ruining her relationship with Mike and Reagan. And it breaks my heart that she hasn't even asked about Reagan. It probably makes me seem really petty that I am really upset and hurt that she never says one thing about Reagan on facebook and on the rare occasion she has, she deletes it before too many people see it. Yet she posts tons of things about her nieces and nephews.

I can't help but think she is ashamed of Reagan and hates her or resents her. What the hell am I supposed to say to Reagan when she is older and asks where her sister is? I'm not going to lie to her but I definitely dont want to break her heart.

I want to punch someone in the face.

10 kids | you worry too much

liz	:: 2012 20 February :: 10.44pm My car is seriously pissing me off. I leave in a week for training and the minute I replace the starter the frigging alternator goes out wtf Patti I thought we were good. you worry too much

rayray

:: 2012 19 February :: 8.28pm

I will no longer have a relationship with my mother.
I have had all I can take.
Apparently I am the only one of her kids who didn't turn out..

Fuck her. She can't even come over to see her granddaughter. She drops Reagan's gifts off at my sisters, and sends me a text telling me i can go pick them up. Really? That's fucking ridiculous.

I have turned out better than I should have considering she was my influence.

I am DONE!

6 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2012 9 February :: 11.21am

3 kids | you worry too much

box	:: 2012 6 February :: 10.02pm :: Mood: Numb I don't know what to do with myself anymore.. It's like I lost all sense of purpose in life... you worry too much

rayray

:: 2012 17 January :: 3.02pm

I have been trying to find a way to vent without feeling guilty and like a total bitch when I am done. I think I have finally realized that it's not possible for me to do that, and I guess I don't really care too much about those feelings anymore. I will have to deal with them.

I have been struggling to have some kind of civil relationship with Mike's daughter for the last 4ish years. One day, she just decided she didn't want to listen to me anymore, and felt that I can't tell her what to do or anything. At first it caused Mike and I to argue, a lot. He thought I was being mean, or that I didn't know what I was talking about. It took awhile for him to finally see that she really doesn't listen to me, and completely ignores my existence. I thought it was getting better, but I was wrong. Now, she absolutely hates me. She won't admit it to me, or Mike, but we all know. I am not trying to be her parent, because I know she doesn't want me to. But I am not going to sit back and watch her let her grades fall, or see her curse like a sailor on Facebook. So I say stuff to her about it. I am not mean about it, but I am direct, and I come off as a concerned elder, not a parent. However, she see's it differently, and completely disrespects me. The other day, I finally had enough, and I ratted her out to her dad. Because of course she deleted the conversation on her status, so that I didn't have any proof. It really got to me, that she was that disrespectful to me. Well Mike was instantly pissed about it, and let her have it. He took my side and told her that she needed to respect me. A lot of things were said in their conversation. But summary version, I am a bitch and I act like a two year old, and don't deserve respect. And Mike told her not to ask for another damn thing until she learns to respect me, and apologizes.. Now, she won't talk to him. He tells her every night before he starts work, "Good night, I love you". (He sends her and I a text every night telling us that). And she won't respond, if she does, all she says is "night".

I feel horrible that their relationship is shitty. I feel like it's my fault, but at the same time I am happy because they need to learn that he needs to have the upper hand and discipline her, and that she can't get away with everything. I also feel bad, because Reagan loves her, and because she is mad at us, she won't come over for at least a month.. So Reagan is suffering because of that. I want to say something to her, but I don't know how to do it without making things worse..

5 kids | you worry too much

allyson

:: 2012 15 January :: 10.53pm

Two things,
I'm apparently not who I wanted to be or though I was
And two
I wanna ride tanner.
And ride with him.

1 kid | you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2012 8 January :: 11.56pm

Things are good. I spent my birthday with the girl and a few select others... pretty much just the girl though. We did a lot of dancing with each other, both metaphorically and literally. We drank champagne. We kissed at midnight. It was nice. It was also oddly adult which kind of freaks me out.

the only thing I need is a new job. Really... that's it. I like where I live and my new room mates and everything. Just the job...

I'm really coming to grips with myself and I like it.

1 kid | you worry too much

allyson

:: 2012 6 January :: 11.04pm

Woke up early with the girls but at least callie was happy! Autumn went directly downstairs and stayed down.mainly because I had to start diapers. Callie and I came back up to make breakfast. We had scrambled eggs and toast. After callie finished I let her get down while I finished my grocery list for next week. Mean while I hear what sounds like glass and then tin foil rustling. Upon further investigation I see that she has gotten into the candy jar (glass with metal top) and stolen a christmas peanut butter cup, fully un wrapped it including the paper (rustling tin foil). I figured if she did all the work she might as well get to eat it. So I took pictures instead! After that she brought me yogurt melts because apparently 1.5 eggs and a piece if toast was not enough.
Finally autumn realized she was hungry and came upstairs. I was on the phone with grandma and after that I gave autumn cereal and started the bath. We then went up and woke daddy up. We came down for a snack. And then played around for a little while. We had lunch and then went for a walk. We came back and callie fell asleep on the changing table. Autumn went downstairs to watch phineas and ferb while I called around for my lab order. Daddy and callie woke up at around 245. We had fruit snacks. Then Daddy and autumn went to the lab for me and were back by 330. We play on the floor and played in the living room for a while. Then we all got hungry so we put in pizza. We eat and then have cookies for dessert. We cuddle on the couch and watch kung fu panda! Hanging out on the living room floor and then go to bed. Great night.

you worry too much

rayray

:: 2012 3 January :: 10.24am

I have actually been enjoying Mike being home for the past week. He has helped with Reagan a ton. And he drives me everywhere I have to go. Not to mention we've gotten stuff done around the house. Definitely needed this and I'm not ready for him to go back to work.

you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2012 2 January :: 11.45am

2012 bucket list:

[] get a new job
[] quit outback
[] get a real phone
[] get a new car
[] have more than 5000 in an untouchable account, preferably one with high returns
[] break that 6 month relationship mark that seems to constantly elude me
[] don't stab anyone
[] work out more
[] Go back to MI to visit
[] Get a credit card
[] Go to a wizards, capitals, and nationals game (not redskins, the suck and it's impossible to get tickets)

2 kids | you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 30 December :: 4.06pm

guess who got the phone interview?

1 kid | you worry too much

rayray

:: 2011 26 December :: 3.09pm

As usual my mom has to be herself.
She made dinner for us at my sisters, because my sister has a dishwasher. Well, needless to say she left the mess for us to clean up. She took all the meat for fajitas, and left all the rest of the stuff. She wouldn't even join all of us in the living room. She sat in a chair behind the couch so that she could escape outside to go smoke as frequently as she wanted. Seriously, every time we turned around she was outside.

After she left my sister asked my brother and I if we ever remember our dad hitting mom.. Uhm, no. Apparently she was at her "boyfriends" house and was telling my brother in law that our dad used to beat her and of course we will all deny it.. Uh hello, he NEVER hit her. She is pathetic. She seriously has to come up with the stupidest shit for an excuse for why they got divorced.

So I believe next year we are just going to get together for Christmas and not invite her.

4 kids | you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 21 December :: 3.10pm

I feel like I'm getting better at managing my self diagnosed bi-polar disorder. Mostly the last week has been a test of this.

I'm all moved into the new place, which is a huge weight off of my shoulders. My room mates are awesome.

next step is to go and sign up at a recruiter. Not totally sure which one or who to go to though.

you worry too much

rayray

:: 2011 18 December :: 4.48pm

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.
About how much I miss my Grandparents and wish they were here to see Reagan and my nephews grow up. It breaks my heart that they aren't physically here and have missed a lot that has happened in my life. I know they are proud of me, and are watching over me, but its not the same as sharing the moments with them, and hearing them tell me.
I have been thinking a lot about Mike's family. Mainly his brother. His brother has spent the last 3 years in prison. He missed their moms funeral, so he never got to say goodbye. He doesn't know that he has a niece that is a year old. He hasn't seen his son in years. I know that I shouldn't feel bad for him because he put himself in prison, but I do feel bad. He called Mike today to let him know how he was doing, and that he was out of prison. Before he got off the phone he told Mike to tell Darielle he said hi, and then told him he loved him. Mike said I love you back, and I was shocked. I commented about it, and he told me that he did love his brother and that he got the raw end of the deal growing up. That if he hadnt been raised by their mom then he would have turned out better. I said what about your sister? And he told me that he doesn't love his sister. She had a fair chance at life and she chose to screw it up. I guess it is what it is. His family is jacked up, and they barely know my daughter. But I do not want her to know the half of what they are about, so I guess I am going to protect her for as long as I can.
I have been thinking about my life, my relationship. I don't have a perfect relationship by any means. But I don't have a crumbling relationship either. We fight, say things we shouldn't, but we never stay mad. And I am grateful for that. I hate that I live in a trailer, and it depresses me. We struggle for money, and that really gets to both of us. But it makes more sense for me to stay home than it does for me to go back to work.

A lot of my friends have been struggling with deaths, health issues, break ups, and so on. I wish I could take all their pain away and make them feel better. Some of them I wish I could smack in the face and tell them that they need to pull their head out of their ass..

I don't hang out with a lot of people anymore. Social contact is hard for me. People piss me off and I don't want to deal with it.

you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2011 14 December :: 10.09pm

I know who I am, you're the dude who don't know what dude he is

you worry too much

rayray

:: 2011 11 December :: 10.16pm

I need to vent, while my child is screaming it out by herself.
At my house, its not considered "cry it out".. It's screaming it out, or being murdered. She has a set of lungs, and doesn't let up. Like at all. Ever. She doesn't know how to self soothe. She screams bloody murder, and would go on for HOURS and probably days if I let her. She is stubborn. I'm scared she's going to choke on all the saliva/snot she makes from all the screaming, or when she gets to the point where she throws up. Luckily, she always seems to throw up on the floor and not in her bed or all over herself.

From January to November, once she was asleep at night, she wouldn't wake up til about 8ish.. Once in awhile it would be a little early, and then it started getting later.. And I had her going to sleep in her own bed, on her own. Since the time change/her first birthday, she was waking up between 6 and 7.. Once I got her to sleep til 8 or later, she has been waking up a million times during the night. When she is in her crib, awake, she screams bloody murder like she is being attacked. She could be dead asleep, and the second she touches the mattress in her bed, she is screaming so bad, her body stiffens right out.

I can't seem to win. And now Mike is on 3rd shift, so I have to get her to sleep before he goes to work, otherwise it'll be 10 times harder to get her to go to sleep..

So far, she has been screaming for 12 minutes, and Tyson keeps whining and barking like he needs to go protect her.

I feel like a bad mom for complaining about my child, but I miss sleep. Good sleep, where I don't wake up a million times, or in pain from having to make room for everyone else and sleeping all funky.

22 minutes later, she is still screaming, but not nearly like she was.. And a half an hour ago, she was passed out in my bed and had been sleeping since 9..

6 kids | you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 6 December :: 2.08am

never met the bitch but I fucked her like I missed her

you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 6 December :: 2.02am

DJ Cupps in the mix... rockin the 1's and 2's

1 kid | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2011 2 December :: 11.36am

Sometimes I like to sport a hearty rager and try to get people to look at it.

4 kids | you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 28 November :: 11.30pm

Well... now that there's a hole in my door I think moving out is the only option I have.

1 kid | you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 25 November :: 12.54pm

Thanksgiving was good with the exception of the reffing in the lions game. What the fuck was that? I guess if Aaron Rodgers can't actually produce the yardage to get to the red zone you have to give it to him.

whatever.

Other then that everything is gravy :)

I dont' think I've ever been this full in my life.

Is someone really going to hire me?

1 kid | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2011 23 November :: 11.35am

I may retire from this site.

7 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2011 22 November :: 10.48pm

Meanwhile at DSI, things are ok.

you worry too much

sugarjackj

:: 2011 21 November :: 11.53pm

Do you ever miss something so much it hurts?

Such good times I'll never forget.
And at the same time horrible life changing events.

Internal conflict of emotions.

Ewwww.

1 kid | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2011 21 November :: 4.07pm

Passive Restraints

you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 20 November :: 2.03pm

so... I switched cuts last night for some cash to get out early, hopped on the metro, and made my way downtown to some club with only letters and numbers in the name trying to sound hip (tr 5768 or cb 12 12 or pg 3030 or something like that).

I danced my ass off (what little I had). I got in there and I was greeted immediately by a beautiful girl of the Peruvian persuasion, three shots of tequila, and a group of nice people. 3 hours later... all the stress and problems and worries and frustrations I seemed to have had are gone, rendering yesterdays post pointless. :) Funny how shitty dance music can do that.

except for the room mate thing. That's still on. They've been trying to not be so abrasive but I feel as though I've already made up my mind. This morning after Diana left, I went back to sleep only to be awoken by the sounds of sex coming through the vents. I've owned it up to a bad living situation at this point, because I can't really hate on that.

Advantages of new apartment:

~$100 less a month
bigger room that isn't next to the door that opens like a vault at fort knox
bigger kitchen and living room area
better room mates

My new room mates are both girls, however. We're all currently in a relationship of 4 months - 2 years so that's not really an issue, I've just never really lived with a girl other than my mom (who doesn't count). I'm both curious and mortified at the prospect. largely worried about shower time, but they aren't necessarily the "get really gussied up every day like we're going out" type.

so... next step is find a new job. wish me luck.

you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 19 November :: 3.25pm

alright, so more detail....

Basically, when I came back from Japan I was living with my mom for the time being and didn't really have any friends outside of work.That's when I decided to fill my schedule with nothing but work.

Now, I live on my own and have a girlfriend whom I'd like to see on occasion. I DO get to see her usually twice a week, but she's in school and by the time our friday hangout date rolls around she's so exhausted all she wants to do is sleep. I on the other hand, have been sleeping all week and want to go out.

This week, I got a drunk phone call from her on thursday around 2 in the morning. She was too exhausted to really "hang out" or do whatever yesterday, and now that I have to work until midnight tonight she's going out with all her friends. I mean... I'm not upset that she's going out without me, but she had planted the idea in my head and I thought we were going somewhere other than inside on friday.

but of course she was too tired to really even have a conversation with me.

Also notable, when she goes out... she looks good, and she's fun to dance with. I haven't really had an opportunity to combine those two things at once. Usually she comes over on saturdays anyway, but she's been out and has taken the heels off and only wants to sleep because we both have to work early on sundays.

I feel like this should be the other way around, or at least that's what I've been told my entire life.

I am a glorified body pillow at the moment.

I'm sure this will change in the future as I get a new job hopefully within the next few months, and I'm positive it's not that she doesn't WANT me there, but damnit I'm getting frustrated and I don't know how to quell it.

I wouldn't be so frustrated if I didn't like her so much. She's really bright, I enjoy hanging out with her, tri-lingual, and has an ass that (as I've said before) is claimable on your taxes as a dependent.

What also doesn't help is that my room mates suck and keep me up all night. This has put me on a weird schedule and they are stressing me out, and I"m sick of my job that makes me work only the days I can see anyone outside of work.

I'm moving out in the next month and that's stressing me out as well.

I have finished re-doing the resume I've lost, including recontacting all of the references I've had, and for the most part looking at it I'm not the worst candidate in the "to be" place for my field.

I just feel like I"m getting the raw deal, and I want a break from stress.

advice? how does one be patient and motivated at the same time?

4 kids | you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2011 19 November :: 4.28am

I've never had this problem before... ever...

It's really frustrating. I've done this a thousand times with everyone else but when it really matters I can't follow through....

the hell?

3 kids | you worry too much