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Aaron
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2004 12 September :: 11.25am
:: Mood: angered
Tori
She never calls me. never. not once. and she complains that I'm not in her life. Hell, she never responds to my journal... I'M SORRY!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO!!!
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Aaron
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2004 3 September :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: Infuriated
:: Music: The patient, Tool
I know no one is to blame. But how the hell do you explain this? the world is so fucked up. Am I the only one that gets it? How did I jump so far ahead? She's back where i was last january. jesus' shit on a stick, I am about rady to kill something! Stop apologizing to the world!!! your full of this dramatic "Oh I'm horrible because I dumped a couple guys and stepped on a couple friends feet" shit! And then the "your not in my life so you wouldn't know, but just for your information I'm perfectly fine" shit. Shitty shit shit! Your not fine and I know it, I knew then, and I know it know. My intuition has never failed me. Not once. I don't think it'll start to now.
A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.
But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.
Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).
If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.
Gonna wait it out.
27 Read |
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Aaron
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2004 27 August :: 3.41pm
:: Mood: helpless/weak
:: Music: silence
Patrick
I'm leaving for whidbey...I'll miss him....now he's finally gone. My Angel is gone....
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Aaron
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2004 27 August :: 11.44am
:: Mood: infuriated
:: Music: piggy NIN
My battle...
I tried. i really did...look, laura, just don't come near me. my past...don't tangle yourself with it. I really liked you...it just wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I'm not the man I have to be. I'm sorry...I really am...I know i'm horrible and cold. please...stay away from my past. it's just...too much. I have to handle it alone. It's my battle...and it'll either kill me, or make me stronger.
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Aaron
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2004 23 July :: 3.50am
:: Mood: enfuriated
:: Music: Tool
morals
what is he trying to tell me? this doesn't make sence... it's like john said. You have a dragon to fight. go fight it. is this deep rage suppossed to help me? somebody explain to me how the fuck I'm suppossed to do this. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO ME!!! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!! what am I saying...I'm just and ignorant male...I'm worthless... just whip me...whip me to an inch from death. every day, whip me. because i deserve it. I'll never accomplish this... I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I AM, OKAY?!?!?!?!?!?! i'm fucking sorry... *cries*...i wish i were different. my morals...my fucking morals... they hold me back. like drizzt. he swore he would never kill another drow. now he can't kill drow, no matter how hard he tries. I swore i would die a virgin. now i will. goody. tori was right. i know she was. how can i possibly expect to find a lover if i sacrificed a crucial part of love: intimacy? so fuck it. fuck love. fuck it all. I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I HATE YOU KALIE!!!!!! I'll never loved you. i never did. so give it up. i don't know why i did what i did so don't ask. I was once the hunted, but now i'm the hunter. I am the monster now. fear me now. fear me, for i am hatred in it's purest form. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! i...hate...me....-cries-
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Aaron
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2004 23 July :: 2.58am
:: Mood: enfuriated/soothed
Suck and suck like a little parasite. drinking my blood and more flesh goes with every bite.
dear god what have I done...what am I? what is this primal fury I feel? she puts out the fire that burns, and replaces it with the twinkle of stars... look me in the eyes.... you'll know the difference from when she's with me and when she's not.
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Aaron
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2004 23 July :: 12.52am
Paul Reed Smith
I'm pretty tired really. I'm supposed to go to marks biirthday party tomorrow. my parents want me to go boating with them but I don't know... OH MY FUCKING GOD. MONDAY!!! FUCKING MONDAY!!! that's three more days!!! Then it shall be mine!!! mwahahaha!!!!
I'm getting a PRS!
I'm getting a PRS!
I'm getting A PRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's red and its shiny and it has a five way rotery switch (Ewww....those suck....but with some brains and the help of a soddering iron I should be able to make it a three way with a tap!)
any who...yeah...I'm excited.
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Aaron
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2004 15 June :: 3.08pm
Angel's killing...blood is filling...the void in me...where you used to be...
I can't remember what that's from... I like it though
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Aaron
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2004 15 June :: 12.31pm
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Alive, I
In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.
I feel it again... all that weight... I need to shoot something... be right back.
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Aaron
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2004 15 June :: 12.30pm
I just got my ass kicked playing metroid prime...damn.
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