'How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you.'

:: 2002 28 May :: 1.02am
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: Incubus- Warning

When will we learn? When will we change? Just in time to see it all fall down.
eternally i am misinterpreted.

:: 2002 28 May :: 12.39am

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

:: 2002 27 May :: 11.30pm

this is so perfect...I bought the movie just the other day...it's the only movie that I own.

Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty

:: 2002 27 May :: 10.48am

since I'm not in band I can't find too much irony but the description sounds about right...

The Band Quiz By Rahel

:: 2002 25 May :: 10.19pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Incubus- Warning

Count your blessings...seduce a stranger...Don't ever let life pass you by...
just to let everyone know, that was nonspecific. i am not really sure who i am jealous of....I think I am jealous of "No-One" as a person....does that make any sense? but since no one replied, it implies that no one really cares anyway.

I have my new computer set up in a new place with a new desk...a room all my own...a little chilly but there's freedom here.

someone dropped a big board on my foot at work today and it hurt.

i feel like i have no friends past high school.

i need new music. i was on this fiona apple/tori amos kick but its dying fast.

can someone please post new music suggestions in my journal?

10 FeyBebop | Edward

:: 2002 24 May :: 11.30pm
:: Music: Natalie Merchant- Jealousy

Ooh, jealousy

Is she fine,
so well bred,
the perfect girl,
a social deb?

Is she the sort
you've always thought
could make you
what you're not?

ooh, jealousy

Is she bright
so well read...
Are there novels
by her bed?

Is she the sort
you've always said
could satisfy
your head?

ooh, my jealousy

Does she talk
the way I do?
Is her voice reminding you
of the promises,
the little white lies too?
Sometimes, tell me,
while she's touching you
just by mistake
accidentally do you say my name?

:: 2002 24 May :: 11.12pm
:: Mood: busy

My Mormon name is Devani Ann Hildred!
What's yours?

The first name sounds like a stripper....the middle is the same...and the last part sunds like an old woman.....

anyway
everyone is invited to my open house.

Saturday June 29th
2-5pm, with a party after until 9 or so.

At my place and whatnot.

:: 2002 22 May :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Fiona Apple- Pale September

And he finds a home in me...for what misfortune sows, he knows my touch will reap...
don't you realize...

after tommorrow, i can disappear.

if you like....
-take me off your buddy list
-stop reading my journal
-don't talk to me first

and you never have to hear from me ever again.

:: 2002 22 May :: 11.07am
:: Mood: silly

something funny i did yesterday
so yesterday I go to the mall with elizabeth and somehow we end up in the JCPenney's home furniture. We are looking at beds and jumping on them to make sure that they are comfortable. So this salesguy comes up to us and asks us what we are looking for. We both alternate answering questions for him and pretty much say we are both looking for the same thing. He's looking a little confused, slightly worried, and he asks who's looking for the bed. I look at him like he's totally stupid and say "Well, both of us are looking for the bed. Together." He suggests we should check the catalog and runs away. Lesbian Bed Shopping! I recommend it to everyone.

2 FeyBebop | Edward

:: 2002 19 May :: 11.34pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Tori Amos- Caught A Lite Sneeze

Caught a lite sneeze. Dreamed a little dream. Made my own pretty hate machine.
I don't really remember what started it.
I know that I'm still caught up in this infatuation.
I don't know what it is that I find so attractive, or why I can't get away, or why I can't get too close.
All I know is that for at least six months my thoughts have been tied up in a dream, one that keeps waking me. I can't give it up, it keeps resurfacing as soon as I think it might be drifting away.
I wish I could tell him what my thoughts are, how I can't get through a day without him crossing my mind even if he doesn't cross my path, and how he makes me jump every time I see him but then I turn away in fear that he might find out. And at the very same time, I want him to know! I want him to find out! For half of a year I've been dwelling on a deadened dream, and I'm simply allowing it to die under my feet.
I can get the perfect chance to tell him how I feel, to drop my hints, or to at least speak to him, one more time before its too late, before I never see him again, but I can't. I CANT. I don't understand how anything can control me like the emotions you bring.
Do you remember what we almost had? I want to ask. I remember putting my hand on your knee. I remember the shake with the cherry. And I remember how you brought me my ink pen.
But thats where it ends. It's so easy for the conversations to drop and have nothing every become of it. I kick myself almost every day that I see you and don't even have the courage to speak.

5 FeyBebop | Edward

:: 2002 18 May :: 11.50pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Tori Amos- Silent All These Years

Yes., I know what you think of me you never shut up...
you can't make
me
into who
you want me
to be
for you

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?

:: 2002 17 May :: 11.22pm

:: 2002 17 May :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: sore

good god damn, i am in so much pain. i love you boys, that was a good time out of something that could have been a pathetic waste of five bucks.

:: 2002 16 May :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: empty
:: Music: Fiona Apple- The First Taste

I do not struggle in your web, because it was my aim to be caught...But daddy longlegs I fear that I'm finally growing weary of waiting to be consumed by you...
full is not heavy as empty my love, not nearly.

i feel that hole inside that is so empty that not even you can fill it.

so hollow

i dont know if i mind so much

but dont think you can fill me with all your phony images of perfection

just let me stay open

wholly in pieces

a polygon is a closed shape even if it is empty in the middle...right?

i can be hollow and still be whole

dont think i need you to get along