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2004 13 July :: 6.43 pm
Tell me, how many of your parents either
a.)bought you a car (even if you're paying them back or not)
b.)bough you a cell phone, or pay for your cell phone?
Be honest.
thanks.
3 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 13 July :: 1.56 pm
Ugh. That doesn't even make sense. Well I mean, for you it probably does, but ugh to me it doesn't. Like i'm glad and all that like...you aren't out to make my life hell. That you're better than that, but like I don't like messengers, and I don't know like if you are going to dislike and tolerate me or what, and I don't want that. Like I want things to be, ..comfortable. I know that doesn't make any sense at all, but like to me, I have to explain what I mean, what I'm talking about for me to be okay with..whatever you want to cal the situation. Like what I'm talking about now woul dmake more sense if I talked to you and explained it. I don't see what the big deal is, like what...you can't talk to me online for two minutes? We're friends for a year, but when you hate me you can't talk to me even ocne for like a minute to hear what I have to say. Like i'm not asking to be all buddy buddy best friends, but i mean i DO want a compromise. Hearing from you every now and then, would be nice. ughh ajdfkjadflkj this is dumb i dont EVER make sense and what the hell is point in trying to explain something to a fucking journal? maybe you'll read this, but then i doubt you'll actually attempt to talk to me to hear what i want to say. which makes me look like even more of an ass. grr like why do I even still care, like I mean dont get me wrong, i dont care nearly as much as I use to, but I do kinda care that we were friends then were enemy's. like whats the point...just one good reason...well..nevermind sigh ok im going to go ride rollercoasters with jess ;)
2 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 13 July :: 10.52 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Greenwheel-breathe
My pappy never fails to disapoint me in the..sac ;)
"Do you think that's bad...that I really want to do...THAT?"
"Aren't I dirty whore..that's the first thing that comes to mind? haha "
"Well better stock up on the go-gurt *laughs"
"Damn that's big, it would hurt wouldn't it?"
"How big are they ..exactlly"
"haha I dont know this big *makes big circle* well holy hell!"
"How am I going to explain to people how I broke my nail of that finger haha?"
MUAHAHAHAHA me and Jess had a fun night! Lol we watch just married and Jess starts to falls asleep on me at like 3. *shakes head* damn her and her foolish ways. So I wake her ass up because I keep hearing all these scaring sounds, like her door is opening. Then we go downstairs to go to bed and end up talking, then arguing about the light being on, which led to pappy trying to bite me and eat my flesh alive while I held her head back and smacked her nose. Silly us. Lol do you ever do something, or are with your best friend and wonder in the middle of your actions.....who else does this lol?!? Yeah we get that a lot. So we ended up getting and baking chocolate chip cookies. Lol *yummy* They were kind amushy, but still good. Then we went out on the sun porch and talked....SO WHAT IF MOST OF OUR CONVERSATION ALL NIGHT REVOLVED AROUND SEX! That doesn't mean a damn thing. Lol we're just....dumb. *laughs and storkes pappy.
"Their 99.7 effective right? That's like 200 percent together" lol we suck at ALL math.
We finally got to bed around 5:30 go us. I'm suprised I'm up and ..of course like always she's not. lol so im going to shower.
Is it really that difficult to pursue an apology?? Come on..be honest with me is it?
You are a miserable sun of a gun .
*hugs Erika* I love you! our conversation was good. Always nice to catch up lol.. WE HAVE to get me you becky and jess together before you guys leave! *cries* or at least when you et back. I love becky too!
Shower...now, bye.
2 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 13 July :: 12.40 am
:: Mood: happy
I love you Pappy!
Famous Jess and Jess phrases
"Did you know if you have a yeast infection you can use yogaurt to ..fix it
.....just get go-gurt HAHAHA *laughs insanley*"
"Is that bad that I want to?"
"Purr...Purr....I've missed you"
lol I love my pappy! We went to see Farihet 911....I can't spell. But yeah, it's..just in my mind a movie that totally attacks Bush. Come on, what president is perfect? I don't agree with everything he does completely, but he is our president, people did vote for him for some reason right? I trust he's making the best choices. I mean there are always going to be mistakes made with the president, and how is there good without bad? The movies just pretty much twists everything around and trys to make Bush look like an ass. I think it's pretty sad all someone has to do with their life is try to make documentary's about how bad someone else is. It take a lot for Bush to be president, and he deals with a lot. Like I said, I don't agree with everything, but I do think he is a good president. That's just what I think though.
so yeah anyway, my pappy has made things much better! We having been full of happy laughter with go-gurt, and me falling off the bed, and our dancing in the kitched. Good times. *Pats Pappy on head* I love you snicker doodle.
We must go, we are going to watch Just Married.
I'm going to talk to you, I'm going to get the guts, tomorrow it's up for discussion.
GOOD NIGHT ALL~
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 12 July :: 6.05 pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Keelis-Milkshake( lol Erika's entry made me wanna listen to it) heh I'm a dork
Yay! I get to do my pappy good tonight!
I really need to get out of the house, so I'm going to my Pappy's house tonight, so I can do her real good! Yes, I will do you good sweet um's. After we see Far. 911. It shall be a good night, because I get to to get away from my bitchy mom. Yes, good night.
Darn you Erika! Now I have Milkshake stuck in my head
*breaks into song*"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their like it's better than yours. Damn right it's better than yours, I can keep you but I'll have to charge*smacks self* STOP SINGING!
okay I must leave.
Love, Jess.
4 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 12 July :: 3.30 pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Avril Lavigne-Naked
I'm trying to remember why it became so difficult to put one foot in front of the other.
1.) I want to stop caring so much about things I shouldn't stress myself out about.
2.) I want to tell Dan how I really feel about everything, including him.
3.)I want to start drivers training all fucking ready.
4.)I want to learn to appreicate my life more than I do at the moment.
5.)I want to actually get hired some place b/c no one will hire a 15 year old.
6.) I want to make ahmends with you. Just because what's the point in not be okay with one another?
7.)I want my parents to just activate my nextel but they won't because I don't have a job.
8.)I want to be able to ride with Jessie in her car.
9.)I want to make my Granpa all better.
10.)I want to sit down and talk to Devon and actually get out how crappy this is making me feel.
11.)I want my mom's test to turn out okay, so she can stop being so grouchy all the time.
12.)I want school to start back up already b/c I miss seeing everyone everday.
13.)I want my brother to not get away with anything and everything, all the time.
14.)I want to hang out with Lindsey up at her boat for a day so I can see her.
15.)I want to go shopping so friecken bad.
16.) I want to get me and Cass as close as we were at one point again.
17.) I want to let myself get past who Andy is and be okay w/ it before we just never speak at all like two strangers.
18.) I want to hang out with Jess.
19.)I want a mini i-pod in pink really fucking bad.
20.) I want to stop myself from swearing all the damnt ime.
21.) I want to be really tan.
22.) I want Erika to see what a great, fun loving person she is and deserves to be happy.
23.) I want my dogs to stop chewing up everything I own.
24.) I want the new Kenny Chesne cd really really bad.
25.) I want to sti and talk to Katie all night because we haven't done that , even talk in a really long time.
26.)I want my room to stay clean longer than a few hours.
27.) I want Dan to actually explain to me what the hell happened? How he really feels, about everything.
28.)I don't want to ever care for an explanation. About anything really.
29.)I want to pack up my good friends and move to New York and get away from this place.
30.) I want to find my fucking white fuzzy hat that I bought in New York.
31.) I want to stop higind my feelings through stupid lyrics and online journals.
32.) I want my dad to actually take an intrest in one of my intrests.
33.)I want to stop watching MTV b/c I think Ashlee Simpson is a box of rocks, even though I sit and make fun of her.
34.)I want people to stop being such dumb, dirty whores.
35.)I want to find a way to thank Shannon for always being so sweet to me.
36.)I want the swelling to my pumpkin face to go down or better yet, just fucking dispear so I don't look like a fucking balloon.
37.)I want to go play tennis, but I can't drive myself anywhere, so that's kinda fucking hard to do, now isn't it?
38.)I want church to be more of an actual ...intrest.
39.)I want the courage to say how I really feel...what I really think, instead of letting ppl walk all over me.
40.)I want to see "The Notebook" really bad.
41.) I want to have a girl's night with Jenna.
42.)I want to be able to listen to MY music in the car, just once!
43.)I want to have been born with a different color hair!!
44.)I want the corn to hurry and grow so I can actually have a job, and make moeny.
45.)I want to bang Usher..I mean what girl..or heck what guy wouldn't want to do that?
46.)I want to just be with you , so I know ..
47.)I want a fucking job!
48.)I want to fucking be able to drive!
49.) I want my fucking phone!!
50.) I want to stop wanting so fucking much because I'm a selfish little _____(<--I'll leave you to fill in the blank.)
That's all folks!
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 11 July :: 3.09 pm
Yesterday really sucked. Do you ever have those days where you try your hardest to keep it together, keep you head up because you just don't want to bother sharing problems because there isn't a single person who could quit understand the half of how you feel? So instead you keep it to yourself and try your hardest to keep it all inside, but it always turns out building up untill you're just pushed to your last end?
That'd be my yesterday.
I was thinking maybe a day mostly to myself would be good. Clear my mind, just relax and let everything just be...what it is.
Didn't really turn out exactlly how I planned.
I try so hard when you'r down to pick you up. I listen to what you say, and I hear what you don't say. I always go the limits when you feel there's no reason to have limits because I care more than I could otherwise. I thought you could hear what I don't say too. This time you're clueless. I need you, I'm going to need you more than ever. And I can't even hear you assuring me of a single thing...
Where are you going...and why are you trying to go so fast? Is it really worth all of what you'll be missing in the mean time until you realize it was all a mistake? If not a mistake, time you wish you could get back.
*sigh* Why can't I have a normal journal where I can actually make sense of problems and issues?
"-You show up at my doorstep out of the blue. All this crazy talk, and all these feelings come rushing back, till I realize that the reason I don't still have those feelings is because I can't be the real me, with you. You can't possiably give me what I want, what I need, most importantly what I deserve. So how dare you question how I feel. How dare you question me. Kisses are meant for people with intentions of one another. I told you how I felt, and for the second time since the last time I talked to you, your trued getting me to believe something for your sake. Screw you, I'm sick of putting up with you. You're so selfish. Get past it, so I can't forget it.-"
When are we ever going to talk about what I feel you're trying to ignore? I care so much about how this turns out. Even though sometimes I really just want to push my feeling aside, because I don't ever see the real picture till after I come to my senses.
I genuianlly care about you. I am trying so hard to keep you in my life, but I need to know your intentions and the truth. I'm not really sure if you see that you could be happy, so happy. Chance come, and chances go. You have to grab a hold of them, there's always going to be uncertainty, but isn't that what makes it so worth it in the end? Thre reason you have to thank God for every second you get the chance to lookin into their beautiful eyes, and know they're glowing like that because of you. That there isn't a soul in the world who could make them feel the way you make them feel? Or the fact that there isn't a soul in the world who could make you feel the way they are making you feel right now?
You're chance is now, before you're gone. Before you leave. what have got to lose? Just a shot of being happy. Isn't that what you want? What else is there?
Just tell me what you want....that's what I'm aksing you for, just to be honest, and tell me, all of it.
I promise you the truth. The truth that I'm not able to promise you the best turn out. A promise however, that you wont have a regreat.
Stop telling yourself it's not worht it, you KNOW as well as I do that's it's not just worth it, it's *more* than worth it.
I'm starting to believe more and more that everything happens for a reason. That things could turn out some many different ways, and the best was is his way. That in time he'll show you why. I think it's so amazing how things can be, or could be, or how they aren't, or what the possiabilties are. In every situation that sucks, you have to get past it, because that's the way it's supose to be, and you will eventually find out why. That's what I really believe.
I've been trying to get that out for the past week, even though I can't make sense of anything myself.
Are you really that subconcious that you can't take the initative to acknowledge or even try to relate to any of this? You're making all these really stupid decisions just because you can't deal with it. You're offended because someone's trying to help you. Well get over it, would you rather have us just ignore you? You have the real potential to make things a lot better than what they are, but it's up to you. You say things in spite of your anger and jealousy and it makes it ten times harder on everyone who's just tyring to help. It's the only way they know how.
*sigh*
Did any of that make sense to anyone?!?
Didn't think so.
My face still looks like a pumpkin *cries* I hate today.
2 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 11 July :: 1.59 pm
:: Mood: crappy
What a perfect day.
Wake up.
I get stung by bee.
My face is numb. I'm crying.
Look in mirror...my face is a balloon.
Med Center.
Now I'm home, alone..(face is still huge)feeling like shit.
Somebody shoot me, please..
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 9 July :: 7.10 pm
I'm going to put this in simple words so either you can read this..possiably or I can figure out this is what I'm going to say to you.
I liked you, a lot. I thought you at least cared bak, even a little bit. Then you don't call for a week. In that week ...you may not have known, or still not qiet understand..but you made me feel like crap. Like it wouldn't matter not talking or seeing you..just wondering..hmm well maybe after I did what I did, he never wants to talk to me again. That if anything we wouln't even be friends.
I *genuianlly* care for you, and want you in my life. More than a friend or not. I just don't want to pretend like I'm not upset or confused. So could you just inform me of what's going on, how you feel..I don't think it's asking too much..is it?
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 9 July :: 4.59 pm
:: Mood: sick
*sick*
Me and Ashley went to the fair carnival, I don't know what everyone calls it. It was fun. We were having a blast. Then I got really sick. Like I never get sick because of rides or anything, I love rides. We both got sick though. I still had fun. I love that girl *so* much, like you have no idea. She's so funny and she's just really fun.
So yeah, I'm home now and you still haven't called. I hate when you ask me to do something, and then cancel. I hate it. I cancel plans for you, for nothing.
Oh-well I'm in a good mood. Not going to let you ruin it, again.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 9 July :: 12.30 pm
Ashley and I are going to the Iowina Free Fare! Fun yay! I miss her!
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 9 July :: 11.54 am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Avril Lavigne-Nobody's Fool
I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon, I'm nobody's fool, but my own.
Let's just keep pretending like this past week never happened and everything is just peachy keen.
Or you could just A-POL-O-GIZE! But you won't. It just makes me sad that we're no longer honest with one another.
That's something I loved about you. You were honest to me, with me, and I was to you in return. Now it's gone..probably for good.
*sigh*
You're such a fake, little, dis-honest, bitchy girl. Why am I friends with you? Please remind me?
No, I don't want to go with you guys!!! Stupid question asked from a complete moron. *smacks you across face* Does anyone really think BEFORE they speak? Are you really that STUPID? You must be. Do not ask me that. *grawl* I hate stupid people like yourself.
You BETTER say something. My suggestion is do it, before I do it! When I do it, you're going to wish that you had done it becuase I'm going to make you feel like the biggest ass, ever.
Does anyone ever get that feeling where you really *REALLY* just want to kick someone, smack them across the face, or just pretty much beat the shit out someone or something...I perfer someone?
Maybe I'm just evil....*sigh*...that's it
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 8 July :: 10.58 pm
You call, and I can't even pick up the phone. I don't even know what to say to you, what I would say. I thought I knew, all the time I was wondering what in the world I did, or said to screw things up, for you to just throw me aside, and not even care...at all, all the emotion and frustration I had..I thought I would at least have 5 words to say to you..and I don't. I'm speachless...
I mean couldn't you at least just inform me that you weren't intrested instead of just falling off the face the of the planet, making me feel like an ass. Like I did something to upset you? To not even want a friendship..really makes me feel like crap.
Maybe it doens't make sense to you, why I'm upset. I don't expect you to understand either, because you're not me. Maybe you didn't ever really think maybe it could be more than ..whatever it was. That's fine, it didn't have to be, but to totally disclude me from your life..to make me have to disclude you from mine, which I would never wnat to do, becaue I really genuinally cared about you...hurts a lot.
Wondering is a lot worse than actually knowing, because whatever it was that I did, I would have gotten over it. I could have lived with it, and still been your friend. Still be happy with having you as a part of my life, because I did, I did want you in my life. For the first time in a very long time, I met someone who was such an amazing person. You listend to me, you acted like you cared..and I didn't ever want to lose that...and I did.
I'm sorry for whatever I did to you..I hope that sometime...eventually before you're gone for good, you can let me know what I did..what I said..why we couldn't at least be friends...
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 8 July :: 9.22 pm
YAY LOOK AT ME, IM "BITCHIN" COS I JUST BOUGHT A NEW NEXTEL PHONE! WITH MY OWN MOENY. ! YUP, MY PARENTS DONT PAY FOR IT. I DO. I HAVE TO GET A JOB, WHICH WILL BE DIFFICULT B/C NO NOONE HIRES 15 YEAR OLDS, BUT I HAVE TO, SO I WILL FIND ONE
okay, sorry that was gay. but im happy. I have a nextel woo go me! It's cute, it's silver.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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