A temporary catatonic Madman

A temporary catatonic Madman

:: 2009 28 November :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: complacent

I don't really know what to write tonight. I just thought the other day that I should update so I know (later on) what I was thinking about. I want to teach at Santa Maria as an art teacher. I would love to teach and I think it would be easiest to get experience in a subject that isn't required. I just want to do something. Among my list are writing books, one cataloging a complete history of twentieth century pop culture and a series of stories from the lives of people who lived in a time that my generation (and generations after mine) learn about as history. I also want to make knickers. I think they'd be cute as hell with a pair of high-heeled boots.

It's Thanksgiving weekend and I saw Cathy Topor and Jen Castro this weekend. They are both doing well. I realised I know very little about Cathy anymore. Unfortunately, we were separated before we became aware of emotions in any grown-up sense, so we didn't suffer angst the same way at all and know very little about that part of each other's lives.

I wanted to hang out with Danny more than once, but didn't, and he's likely heading back tomorrow morning. I also wished to have spent time with Bug and Q, though they are too busy for me. Most people just didn't answer their phones while they were here, though I saw a lot of people at the mall from high school.

I really miss having people near me and it's worse to know they're near and still be stuck at home. I'm not even feeling sorry for myself. I thought it would be inappropriate to stay home (like I usually do) when people were actually in town. But I've spent most of my time with my parents anyway.

Oh, well. Teaches me not to get excited for things at all.

I need to write a stupid cover letter to get a job. I don't want to work at the shop anymore. I generally don't mind it, but I'd like to get paid every week or every two and not worry about the owner (my dad) trying to pay the bills. Also, it would provide some separation from my mum, which I don't need nearly as much as she does. She's been throwing fits lately about the silliest things. I just don't understand how people get so upset about nothing.

I guess that's it. Good day!

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

mudpiegrl

:: 2009 12 November :: 9.10am
:: Mood: awake

Another dream:

I had just come out of some show or something with some grandparents, and the group of us were walking down a sidewalk in a small-town downtown, squishing and swerving to avoid sidewalk boards and awning poles. We turned the corner and there was a group of people my age hanging outside a bar (enough to make us go single file) and they shouted that I should join them at a party at one of their houses.

So I went. I spent most of the night observing people and talking. There was someone taking pictures with the host's camera and I recalled some conversations regarding day jobs.

It was later on that we began discussing some crime (maybe a murder?) that occurred and the three suspects. After some time of deliberation, and what seemed (without much dream discussion) that all three people had motives and opportunities equal to the other two, we went to bed, resolving to solve it in the morning.

The TV was on, and one of the people I was discussing it with was sleeping on the chair at the end of the bed. I was laying sprawled out (in real life, too) on my back, with my hands around the pillow. I felt pressure at the side of my left thigh (which no doubt was really my dog), but stayed with my eyes closed, convinced it was the cat.

I felt my arm grabbed, and opened my eyes quickly to one of the suspects on the board. He had had his hair cut since the party and left a tiny triangle tuft at the front of his head, directly center. He looked me in the face and said, "It was me and we're going to watch my Target commercial."

Since my face was looking at the ceiling, I asked if I may turn over. He said, "No" quickly, and continued to watch his commercial. I squirmed a bit....and then woke up.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

mudpiegrl

:: 2009 27 October :: 2.17am
:: Music: tommib help buss

i tried to keep this crush at bay, knowing it was silly from before it's existance, but i'm out of control now. silly, silly me.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

mudpiegrl

:: 2009 29 September :: 10.47am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: broken social scene

dreams
I already typed this last night, but for some reason it wouldn't send.

I'm very glad I kept this journal; I can go back and laugh at fourteen-year-old self when I'm thirty.

I had a dream the other night that woke me up at four and kept me awake for an hour at least. It featured three kids who'd decided to commit suicide in a public pool. Their ages were three, six, and seven, two boys and a girl, respectively. The youngest went first, simply laying face down in the pool; the eldest second, by tying a brick to her foot. I don't recall the third. The images are really just a succession, and my brain filled in the gaps.

Three kids in the center of the pool. The two older are looking at the youngest.
The youngest lays face down. He doesn't struggle, but his siblings wait for him to die.
The middle boy treads water, looking at the blur that is his sister underwater.
One boy face up, one face down, and a shadow of peach beneath the cyan water, while a crowd looks on.
The newspaper, black and white image of the same, with some headline regarding it's outrageousness.

I had no emotional connection to the children, and only watched them die. The newspaper article struck the memory, but only that. Still no emotion. I have no idea what it all means.

Danny said it could be like Freud said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar". But then, I should be in either an institution or a prison, particularly because this is not the first time I've dreamed like this.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

sweetyas

:: 2009 11 September :: 12.05am

Its Not Bad...
So teaching is very interesting. The kids are either little devils or perfect angels. Its not always the best students that are the perfect angels either. Some kids make the class very interesting and fun. I really enjoy their company. I think the best thing the school did for me was have all my classes finish with grade 8 students because they are adorable.

I think high school teachers are tough, I would never want to do that. EVER!!

China is interesting and so are the Chinese!!

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

sweetyas

:: 2009 11 September :: 12.05am

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

sweetyas

:: 2009 3 September :: 4.06pm
:: Music: Don't Worry Be Happy

I hate the 9th grade...
These kids are brats!!! UGHHHH!!! I am so upset! I absolutely hated this class! They were so disrespectful and obnoxious!

I understand that their oral english class is the blow off class, but I will not let you walk all over me. If it means that these kids will only say sentences all semester so be it. I have no reason to be nice to these brats if they will not be respectful to me.

And now I will have go deal with Rob. He is a nice guy: white about thirty, not particularily attractive or otherwise. But we got into some deep deep discussions and I think he is likes me now. I do not feel like dealing with some middle-aged man thinking that I am interested or that he even has a chance. I enjoy his company but absolutely no other feelings towards him. I was very specific with my opinion several times but still I dont think he understands. When someone thinks they are a hot shot, they think they are a hot shot! Ugh, its terrible. Because all the fogein teachers here are middle-aged men. Not fun! Although, most of them have chinese wives.

I really have been enjoying my time in China. Like a lot!!! Its really an exciting adventure but this class just hit the wrong nerve. I mean honestly, really on the first day of class act this disrespectfully. Really it is their loss, not mine. I can just change the lesson as needed and they will never learn, it will effect their grades/future not mine.

China is great! The people (other than the 9th grade) are great and very kind.

But, really those lil kids are brats!!

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

sweetyas

:: 2009 23 August :: 9.50am
:: Music: Noses of Random chinese boy

China!
So I have arrived in China. Really so far not that exciting ( I mean it is but an airport is an airport). I don't speak chinese and no one speaks english, so that puts me in awkward situation. I think I keep on getting ripped off but what can you do? I dont know how much it should cost to sit at an interent cafe? or how much tea is or a sim card! But being able to e-mail my parents and go online for a little bit will hopefully make this 12 hour layover a lot easier!

The tea here is weird! Like alot of weird! It just leaves with hot water. I will get used to it but really not tea...you gotta let it simmer and mix together. Whatever I will get used to it and hopefully learn chinese.

So facebook, myspace, and blogging is banned in China. Totally suprised that this website is available (but I dont think anyone uses it). Which is good for me cause I wanted a place to write about my experiences.

I met a really nice girl named becca in LA and she helped me navigate the airport and get everything all set. Without her I would have probably failed some sorta Chinese regulation but overall everything was fine. If you have any type of flu they will quarantine you for 7 days until you are better! (the whole H1N1 influenza scare). I am not sick but the one moment I wanted to cough was infront of the passport lady!!

Everyone told me chinese food was terrible but so far it was good. (Airplane food does not count as chinese food and this terrible tea doesn't either). I had some bao? I dont know what its called (yet!) but its like the bao they sell on the first floor of water tower place. It was delicious, although, I couldn't make out the meat (just hope it wasn't pork, the girl asked for me but not sure the guy understood).

The chinese people are idk. They are very focused on themselves and its obvious. They don't really have customer service here but I really haven't met anyone terrible yet. On the plane, the men helped me with my bag but they weren't very nice about it (except the old man sitting next to me, sadly we didn't exchange one word because of the language barrier).

So I still have 8 hours until my plane even boards! I wish I was rich to spend the time in a hotel but an internet cafe is the best that I can do.

I remember telling my mom, I don't need to take that much food with me on the plane ride...totally should have taken much more because now that I realize I don't really know what is going on and that food is a difficult thing to access I am totally thankful for my mom!

This whole experience is helping me access how difficult it was for my parents to move to america! I know this temporary and I already have a job and I don't have kids..so it isn't at all like their experience. At the same time, I dont speak chinese and they spoke some english so I guess that helps bring the two fields closer. Nonetheless, the hardships my parents felt are still greater than what I will be feeling here!

This should be interesting!

2 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

anytngbtordinary

:: 2009 3 August :: 2.11am

When you see my face I hope it gives you hell

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

anytngbtordinary

:: 2009 30 July :: 2.14am

Want to hear from Job place! Ugh nervous.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?