Anytngbtordinary
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2005 20 September :: 1.09pm
Well I broke.
I want to go home.
I don't even know why.
I'm too dumb for college.
I can't do things on my own...even going to the library to do a project scares me.
I failed my first exam.
Failed...like below average, and average was 62.
That means I'm failing a class already.
I'm that stupid.
I feel like sleeping all the time.
And thats scary because I guess a lot of people have mono in our dorm.
Great.
Just great.
Everyone has been home but me!
And why they hell did I choose zoology?!
Who was I kidding? I can't do this!
What a dumb career path!
What do I think I can do with this?
Everyone in zoology here is going into a medicine career.
I have a test at 2...its 1:14.
I'm going to fail again.
Why am I freaking out?
Everyones coming to me asking for help lately...and I want to help.
But now I'm flipping out.
URHGJDHG:LKAJSF
This whole alone thing...how do I feel so alone?
People are so awesome here....
But I don't know why i feel so alone and freaked out...like the whole doing things on my own maybe...
Whatever.
I dont get mitosis...and its on my test.
Bye.
~Jackie
3 people are in a Solitary Shell |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 20 October :: 12.36am
updated pictures. see previous entry for link.
so i went to arizona and i really wont say much cuz it wasnt that amazing...but twas fun.
went to my first party on friday...but didnt drink, no worries...i havent dropped my morals.
it presented me with an interesting question. why do people do so if they address the choice to not drink with such positiveness?
perhaps they feel it rids them of their stress because thinking further into it made me notice that responsibility and drinking are on opposite sides of a scale. those with loads of responsibility (hmwk, cleanliness, job) tend to feel that its ok with more vigor, versus those like me, who dont hold those things as high, hold that choice above opportunity. tell me if you agree or disagree...am a little theorist lol.
i should go to bed because i have school tmro...but its only 10:45 in AZ and am used to going to bed at 2:30am there.
in other news, jill asked why i hadnt been talking to her and i told her honestly. i dont feel bad because she asked and i feel i handled it maturely (with patrice to back it up), despite some bitchy, cold-heartedness, but i almost think it's expected.
"Unabashed honesty
would be ideal,
but a prophet did once say
that honesty's a lonely word."
~Have You Ever; Incubus
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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sandatthebeach
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2005 19 September :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: IMEA music repeating in my head
Wireless Mouse
So yes, Senioritis has definitely hit me hard core. It's great. I only have two text books and they already seem like too much. Hahahaha.
I'm freaking out about colleges. I just had to make things way more stressful for myself by going into music. Because my admission is mostly based on my audition. If I fuck up on my audition, goodbye to that school.
So my top schools right now are DePaul and Indiana. Two really really really great schools, especially for music. Fuck. Lots of competition as well. I just want to be good, you know? Blah. But my heart's set on DePaul right now. The more I look into that school, the more I like it. It's in freakin Chicago and I've always wanted to experience the city life just once. My dream was to go to school in New York City but that didn't work out. Chicago will have to do. I mean, there's nothing wrong with Chicago either. I guess just because of the fact that I live less than an hour away from it just makes it weird but really...I don't know much about Chicago even though I've lived here my entire life. I was born there too. Well, not downtown Chicago but in the city nonetheless. Plus the Music school at DePaul is in the Lincoln Park Campus which is where I would prefer to be rather than the Loop. Being in Lincoln Park will give me the more tradition college feel than the Loop which is something that I want...and the city...all at the same time. It would be perfect for me.
Holy crap I really really want to go there. I know my grades and test scores will get me in but I'm just worried about the auditon and fucking that up hardcore.
Ok..I'm starting to clear my head. I'm gonna go there. I will. I'm going to work my butt off until I get in.
I'm not applying to Northwestern. It's an amazing school and I'm in love with the campus but as an undergraduate student...I'll pass. The boy will be disappointed but too bad...my college choices, not his.
Oh the boy. He makes me really really happy. :-)
Ok, that was a brief rant about collges. There will probably be plenty more to come.
Always, Sandy
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Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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sweetyas
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2005 19 September :: 4.13pm
MY HOT SEXY PHONE
is back. SO call me (same number) so i can ahve ur number. If you guys are bored come visit me @ loyola, I really dont have anything to do....well there are classes but if i am not caffinated i fall asleep in those. Adios chicas. Oh btw i got my eyebrows threaded, a fucking bitch, but it doesnt hurt as much as waxing. OK. Adios.
yasamin
P.S. what is up wiht the ghost in the theatre???
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 19 September :: 12.20am
:: Mood: sick
I'm tired and sick. I have way too much to do and not enough time. And nothing that I really want to do. Other then curl up in a ball and close out the world.
You can be invited in if I give you special permission. To my world. Woo hoo.
Ryan's allowed in. Because he taped up my blisters and gave me drugs today. And he kissed me even though I was boogery. And he gave me a pillow when I fell alseep. So he gets permission.
And Melanie. Because she just said something nice.
SneakySeaMonkey: jolly rancher lollypops?
BassClarAngel: hey now! those were good and i've apologized many times for that
SneakySeaMonkey: I knooooooooooow
SneakySeaMonkey: do you still eat them?
SneakySeaMonkey: and laugh?
BassClarAngel: i only randomly eat them if it's some free thing a teacher hands out or something
BassClarAngel: but no, i don't laugh
BassClarAngel: i sigh reverently in rememberance of one of my bestest friends who is far away from me now
:-( So..Melanie...permission.
Jackie too. She died with me today. Just in different states.
And Melissa. Just for talking to me.
Those are just people I can think of right now. Um, Enter your plea below and I will consider you.
SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
NO!
1 MORE PAGE!
DEATH!
3 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 15 September :: 12.31am
i have a photo bucket.
the pics from the carnival are on there...they're under attempts...for my lame attempts at photography...look at the one titled Toy Gore...its almost as if they meant for it to read that subliminally...
have fun woo! good day.
5 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 14 September :: 9.20am
:: Mood: calm
you know how everything is so stressful and then all of a sudden, everything's alright and calm. thats now starting yesterday. just everything...i think i realised that there is nothing to worry about. am in school, i have a schedule that i know how it works, am hanging out with people, justin issues are not pressing, and i've been doing stuff i want to do like take pictures and look at art. strangely, like always, its the opposite for everyone else. so sorry for anyone who has loads to do. ill read something for you. :)
that's really all. good day.
3 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 11 September :: 10.40pm
:: Mood: Sad
:: Music: Dying- Five for Fighting
Thor
I'm sad for some reason. I can't tell why, exactly. I don't like seeing Ryan get in trouble. And I think that I know that things are going to have to change soon. I won't be able to see him much anymore. I just know. I don't want that to happen. :-\ That and things that we talked about today. Reality, kinda. I'm hoping we avoid that, you know? I hope. I don't want to be like everyone else. And I like to think that we're not.
On the other hand, I am also very happy because Ryan Hoffman is only the greatest guy ever made.
Today was good. Awesome, in fact. I love today. I hate that I still feel so down.
School too. I'm worried. I just have no motivation. I have no desire to succeed at CLC. I see no point. Therefore, I see no point in trying. :-\ Which is bad.
::sigh::
Oh man. I wish I could stop time. Or not go to school. ::nods::
Ryan Hoffman, you're a good kid. :-)
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 8 September :: 10.11pm
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
esriiutriut ropi'[dkfjgksl;jdsg;lkh ghjio;ashdiouair oynv 4p598mvwteualj yisd cuuwery8tpo7v2wy5ctxn nhjtdl; awbetiogu jow48yat oauci;et hrnfgkldjf ygpoe;r8ty;sdhfa;liitp'atw9u7[0945=tewuhuegwtjkVAVFUIH 'OIAGY
FLi;yasreen;ob vy6wat;hyu;i 'JFDFGHKHL;HFJGFL;KHFDKJHSTIKUWETWI'
ETHLIFG
DFHFGJS;HDGKJFDHGKJDFHGKJLDFGHKLJDFGHKJFDHGKJL
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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sandatthebeach
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2005 6 September :: 8.28pm
:: Mood: crappy
Crushed Pineapples
I'm so fucking insecure it's great. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone...forever...what if I'm supposed to be a nun for real? I don't know, I'm having issues with...crap. I fucking hate the way that I am sometimes...
Can you really fall out of love in a short period or time? Someone you've loved for so long...just suddenly decide hey, I wanna move on. I just, I dont' know, I think it's impossible to have such sudden change of heart. Or maybe I'm just a loser for taking way to long to move on, you know? I mean, it took me 3 years to get over someone....a few months? Is it possible? I don't know. I read some things that made me really jealous and upset all at the same time. Then I felt stupid and got really insecure and just wanted to lock myself in my room, hide under the covers and hide from the world. I think I'm pushing away everyone. I hate being alone yet I'm the one who puts myself in that position. I hate people but I don't. Maybe I'm just sick of me and my bullshit. I hate burdening other people with it so I just dwell on it...forever...until I crack.
I want to go outside right now and just screa really really loudly because I feel like I'm suffocated. Not because my nose is stuffy but just everything inside feels trapped and I want to take my brain out and just chuck it at a moving train then make myself a new one...one that doesn't think so much....I'm make a brain that only concentrates on school so I can be smart.
And that's my rant.
Always, Sandy
3 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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