toki
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2005 18 August :: 11.58am
1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says: "people- both. Really among the nastiest of all medieval European"
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? My dresser
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Straight Plan for the Queer Man
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 12:01
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 12:02
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Ryan's voice in my head
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? To drive. Earlier. My Mom's evil, I'm telling you. Its raining like a dog.
8. Before you came to this website [started this survey], what did you look at? Myspace, xanga
9. What are you wearing? PJ pants and my sister's camp shirt
10. Did you dream last night? Yeeess....It was about work and movies and Ryan running for homecoming king.
11. When did you last laugh? In the office talking with Julia.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Phantom, Aviator, two lord of the rongs, a mexican rug, my show posters from school, a harry potter poster, and the one from the Lotr symphany
13. Seen anything weird lately? Lotsa deer in the suburbs. Just walking on the sidewalks.
14. What do you think of this quiz? Well, I started it exactly 24 hours ago and left it on my comptuer on accident. So I feel like I must finish it
15. What is the last film you saw? In whole? Ummm...I saw most of The Skeleton Key
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? A college degree? Haha. Umm...A house. I sound like such an old lady
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: When I was a baby, my nose was always running
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Stop war, as stereotypical as that sounds. I would make everyone be like thoe crazy enviornmental hippies and have everyone doing everything they can to preserve nature. ::nods:: and to stop affirmative action. Make people blind to color. Make everything a level playing field in all aspects of life.
19. Do you like to dance? Gorilla dance, anyone?
20. George Bush: He's a shit head
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Hmm. Can't think of any right now
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Tobey or Isaac. Or Harold...Haha
23. Would you ever consider living abroad? Yes ma'am
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Ha! You're the one who had issues believing in me...::smite:: Tehehehehe! Oh look....cotton candy...::skips away::
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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sandatthebeach
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2005 19 August :: 1.15am
I wish life was fair. I wish it weren't so hard for me to keep a boyfriend...I hate my heritage.
Fuck it all.
Life's a piece of shit.
Maybe I should become a nun...at least my father will be happy.
I feel really guilty that Brian has to go through shit when dealing with my family.
Fuck it all.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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sandatthebeach
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2005 18 August :: 2.32pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: My brother whining in the background
Cell phones
So woohu works on my computer again. Sweet. Well hello everyone, have you missed me? I know, because I never come in contact with anyone if it's not via woohu. Anywho...school starts in a few days...I'm less than excited. That's right...I'm < excited. Hahaha I'm so funny...ok not really.
Woo my mother's yelling at my brother. Sweet. He needs some discipline in his life..he's such an ass. He makes me angry...very very angry. Good lord, he's stomping on the ground and giving people attitude that shithead. God...I really don't like him...he aggravates me very much. I'm fine with Chris, the younger one is such an ass. jkfajiflejal;jfesjfiaesjsal
The boy leaves Saturday/Sunday. I'm sad. :-( But it's ok I'll live...he is, afterall, coming back after like five days or so...he's coming back every weekend until Great America's done so...around Halloweenish? I won't make him come back every weekend after that...I'm not a control freak like most girlfriends. I believe in independence and individuality. Yay for being your own fucking individual.
I've observed many many relationships and always thought how can a girl be that controlling? The guy's allowed to have friends...he's allowed to hang out with others every once in awhile. Now that I'm in a relationship...I still think how can girls be that controlling? I told Brian that if I ever become controlling...just let me know...I promise I won't get mad. ::Shudders:: I'm sick of the world.
I'm thorougly disappointed with many aspects of life...haha I won't try to sound deep or anything but just I don't know...I'm sick of life, sick of people, sick of drama. This entire summer I've spent most of my time at work, summer school, or with Brian. I feel kinda bad about it because I was planning on doing many other things this summer. I had a summer reading list with books that I really wanted to read...I've only completed one...the 6th Harry Potter book (which, btw, made my cry like a baby and totally ruined my day). I've spent very little time with other friends who I don't see at work. I saw Patrice and Ryan frequently enough...same with Caitlin...but other friends....not really. I feel awful. I've been really anti-social...more than I have been in the past couple of years. And now all of my friends are leaving....I only have a handful of friends who still remain here....I know a lot of people but I'm friends with very few. I hate it. I hate how I can't just be "friends" with everyone...why I'm so critical about every aspect of life and every fine detail regarding me. Maybe that makes me selfish...the fact that I want so much and expect even greater things. I'm a selfish bitch, that's what I am.
Sorry, I've been really moody these past few days...I think it's because I've finally realized that it's time to grow up...for real. I'm going to college next year and that kinda scares me.
Ok well, I'm off to Caribou with Caitlin.
I guess I'll post later and whine some more.
Always, Sandy
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 18 August :: 1.48am
My shirt is dirty. I smell of popcorn. Gross. I think I'm going to go read my book now. I think something I said a few months ago just killed something I was trying to rebuild. Forgive and forget? It's impossible, but it'd be nice. I feel like shit now. I'm just doomed to fail. I'm sorry.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 11 August :: 10.29am
In what could only be a strange turn of events, my confusion was turned to understanding last night. I expressed my confusion to Justin and just sort of text-ranted, and decided that I’d just shut up because he wasn’t understanding. Then, about an hour later, he returned that he did understand and did like me a significant amount and that we learn so much from each other that I couldn’t possibly impair his learning. I agreed and he responded that he was scared of losing his friends because I would become his priority. I told him that it wasn’t right to just forget about them because they are the ones that will always be there, no matter what happens with girlfriends and such. We began to ask questions and set rules, one of which is that no matter what happens, we’re still going to be friends. He needs to ask Ian because he doesn’t want to hurt Chanel(his ex), but he isn’t “sensitive enough to ask her [him]self.” There’s another part that’s kind of weird but I don’t know if I want to put it on here because it’s a little rough as it is having no one approve of him. How do you fight your desires and when do you stop working for them and start for you? He also doesn’t want another girlfriend that cries because he doesn’t say I love you every half an hour. I don’t think that will be a problem. I have yet to ask him just not to ever be drunk around me. I can’t change his decisions that he made before I came around, but just that would be respect enough.
3 people are in a Solitary Shell |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 10 August :: 11.35am
I’m currently very excited and can’t wait to get out of school because I have someone to visit today. Not only has Justin been flirting with me again, which, in case you aren’t that intuitive, is a good thing, but I found out yesterday that he genuinely cares about what happens to me and isn’t afraid to tell me so. He told me not to mess up school, but not in the parent “you better not way”. It was more along the lines of “don’t do that to yourself.
We spent Monday in the city, visiting the art museum and then two bookstores and Virgin. I think he realized that I wouldn’t hold him back, but possibly teach him more, because he got friendlier as the trip went on. Today ama visit him, which is why I’m so excited. He got his teeth pulled and his friends want him to come out on Thursday and I asked why they wouldn’t visit him at his house, and he said he hates being at his house, but oddly enough, was fine with me visiting him.
Jen is clearly very upset about leaving and it shows in how she has been treating everyone. She is trying to break ties with mushroom just enough so that it doesn’t hurt to leave, but tie ends up with everyone else so she still feels at home when she returns.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 8 August :: 1.37am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: All I Ask Of You
No More Talk Of Darkness....
I haven't been doing my physical therapy exercises. Ooops. Shh. It's a secret.
I feel sick and gross right now. Too much food today. Among other things, I physically just feel like crap. You know? Gahr.
For once, I'm happy. It's one thirty in the morning and I'm happy. Which doesn't happen often.
I like it. I really do. I'm not trying to rub anything in anyone's face or anything, I swear. I'm just saying. It's nice to feel loved.
I found a good boy. ::nods:: Probably the best of them all. I'm lucky.
-Patrice
3 people are in a Solitary Shell |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 2 August :: 10.42am
Recently, I’ve been on one of those missions to change myself. It’s interesting, how much you can do once you decide that it’s important to you. What’s more surprising is its source. Despite how much everyone doesn’t like Justin, he seems to be inflicting the changes on me unintentionally. I’m assuming it’s a good thing, because some people have taught me different ways to think and points of view, as well as helped me to practice my virtues, and he is yet another fire whose scar will be all that remains in some time. Stunkel preempted the revolution.
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 27 July :: 10.29am
:: Mood: tired/sore
strange that my horoscope would be so close to true.
Mars will end its stay in your eighth house this week, where it has been encouraging you to take action concerning your joint financial affairs. It has also notched up the passion in your love life, which has no doubt helped your relationship to perk up. On Thursday it moves into Taurus and this is going to put you into explorer mode. You will want to seek out new ideas, new people and new places. If you should happen to be going away on vacation this would be the time to relax as much as possible.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 22 July :: 8.12pm
I want to apologize, but then I really don't. I feel like I've been wrong. I feel like all I've done is hurt people. I feel like everything I've done in the past few months has been selfish and stupid. What happened to me? I don't deserve happyness. Isn't it sad that I honestly think that? I try to convince myself otherwise, I swear to god that I do. But it's hard. I can't do this anymore. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I think is wrong. I want a day that's like two summers ago. Or even last summer. I love the people who are here now, but I wish at the same time that those people (mainly Ryan) could have come into the picture and everything else could have stayed in tact. I guess we all grew apart. It wasn't just because of me. But I feel guilty. I just feel alone. It's been eating away at me for a while and I want to run away, but I don't know from what or to what. I don't know where I'm going. My future is basically screwed. I hate myself for not ding this shit sooner. I hate myself for being stupid. I have no future. Do you know whose fault that is? Mine. All mine.
Not that anything was ever simple (with us, simple was never a part of the equation, lol) But I guess what I want the most is simplicity. I want to be able to erase the bad pasts with people and only have the good times to look back on. I want to be able to invite everyone I know to a party without worrying who doesn't like who.
I really don't like who I am anymore. So I guess all of you who spend your time talking about how much I've changed for the worse, your time has now come. You were right. If I weren't me, I'd want to get as far away as possible from me too. I am me and I want to do that. I'm sorry that I'm not leaving next year. I'm sorry that you still hve to deal with me. I'll try to make it painless. I swear. I hate myself as much as you do.
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
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