mudpiegrl
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2009 17 January :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: ABC news weather
eyex
I'm in a funky position.
I usually have enough confidence and gall to ask someone out or tell them that I have fallen for them. This time, however, I'm struggling due to the fact that he contemplates every word used even more than I do. I can't say, "I have a crush on you" or "I like you" because both sound temporary and childish and not worth anyones time. Things have been suggested, such as "intrigued," though unless I intend to take a class or read a book on him, that's a silly one. Also suggested was, "I am mentally, emotionally, and sexually stimulated by you," but good god, that sounds desperate and somewhat obsessive, which brings me to "infatuated" which really just sounds like I should be in a hospital or have a restraining order against me. soo...i've gotten no where on that. I even thought about telling him that I've looked all this up and still can't decide and so just holding his hand is the best I can do...but I was thinking a cute way, like a crossword, but if I did something cute, it would be hard to say no, and it's important that he decides based on what he needs because I am perfectly fine without someone and can wait.
The other problem is response because reaction is one thing, response is another. I am afraid he will respond to my needs, not his, as stated. I am fine being friends, but it's something I need to know. It drives me crazy. (btw, I've just read some past entries and this happens a lot. I get easily frustrated by the fact that I don't know and the person who does won't tell me.)
I'm not completely convinced he doesn't have the same idea in his head about me though. Little things, like his eyes lingering for a moment longer than required (possibly in my head) or reading the book and watching the movies i lent him in place of reading the book of which he was already in the middle and spending three nights at my house in two weeks, not to mention the fact that Jess and Yasi are doing their best to convince me of this as well.
It bothers me because I can't escape the idea of marriage. This isn't something that happens often, and when it does, it does not include a particular person. I don't like that and it possibly deters me more from saying anything. Not that we wouldn't get on well-we already do crosswords and cook and play in the snow together...shut up. That's stupid. This is not ok.
ANYWAY school is nearly set. I've made some arrangements with the assistance of my barely-willing teachers to replace some classes and force my way into others. The remainder will get figured out, i suppose. Then, hopefully, I graduate! YAY! No more Columbia!!!
But then, I need a job. DOOOOOOOOM! So wish me luck on that.....
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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sweetyas
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2008 29 October :: 11.59pm
:: Music: Foolish by Ashanti
Lost
I feel sick to my stomach and I dont know why..it feels like I did something wrong but I can't figure it out. Ugh..please let it not be a big deal. Inshallah everything will pass and I will go back to the way everything was a month ago....i miss Ramadan!! like alot...its weird cause during it i wanted to end, but now i miss it.
I miss a lot of things
this year is very different
alot is missing!
But, i dont want to replace any of it and will sit here missing it.
Ok 1,2,3 CHANGE.
I know thats not how it works but...its an idea!
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2008 28 April :: 1.58pm
so, i've lost faith in humanity. and men. and teachers.
adults are no more intelligent than kids. in fact, less so. and they think they know everything, which makes it worse.
it's always nice, too, when people lie to you. or when they use you. or when they cheat on their gfs.
oh, hospitals are also very fun places. spend time there. you'll love the smell of your clothes when you leave. also, keeping things from people because they're sick is a good way to handle things. now you know.
being behind in school is also a grade A way to handle things. just let it not happen all day, and it won't get done tmro either.
I'm such a fantastic person.
can i just die now?
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
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mudpiegrl
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2008 24 April :: 6.10pm
it has upset me for the very last time.
being told that i am too creative will never end, but i've realised that it's okay.
for one, the greatest artists in history have gone against the grain and were rejected for it.
examples: Pablo Picasso Jacques Louis David Theodore Gericault Alfred Jarry Benjamin Franklin (though not a fine artist, a rejector nonetheless)
i don't pretend to be nearly as great as any of these people, and though there are failures among the greats, i will find something else to do if i fail.
For instance, my teacher does not have her name in lights, nor won an academy award. She is a teacher at columbia college. and she has to steal shows from seniors when she wants to do them, because she is no great human, even in chicago.
besides this, i refuse to misrepresent myself as an artist. i have been told to never lie and never to give the impression that i can do something i cannot. so why would my portfolio, as she says, present me in that way.
so for portfolio day, i will copy pictures of statues and old photographs. i will take tracing paper and trace them all, leaving the photocopied images in behind them. i will present them for my A, and not allow her to see my portfolio.
if she fails me, i will go to the dean and protest my failing the class based on too much creativity.
after all, i chose a school with the motto, "CREATE CHANGE".
if only this was practiced...:/
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2008 17 April :: 12.02am
i have issues with being a tree in a parking lot.
all the other trees get to hand out together on the side, but i have a slab of asphalt in my way.
:/
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
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sandatthebeach
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2008 10 April :: 12.15am
Goal:
-Work out every single day for the rest of the semester
-lose 5 pounds during the month of April
-refrain from eating anything past 8 PM
I hope that museum contacts me soon. They still have a little over a week before they're supposed to get back to me, but I really want that job. Gr.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2008 4 April :: 1.09pm
anyone
have
any idea
where
i'm
GOING?
???
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2008 3 April :: 3.31pm
mosquitolives off host is hated by host serves no purpose to host moves onto another host when slapped at.
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jorielives off friends is hated by friends serves no purpose to friends is rejected.
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Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2008 26 March :: 10.45am
:: Mood: Jittery
:: Music: Where Do We Go From Here?- BtVS
The curtains close on a kiss, god knows, we can tell the end is near
Negative:
-didn't get as much cleaning done as I wanted to
-didn't shoot for view camera last night
-not liking ac final
-not doing well in pj
-i get paid close to nothing
-the boy's internship might fall through
-my social awkwardness is getting worse and harder to deal with
-i only get one day of actual 'break type fun' this spring break
-i kind of want to go home and see moo
-i have cavities and avoiding the dentist is only making my anxiety about it worse
-one year until i graduate and realize i have no idea what to do with my life
Positive:
-no school or work!
-a summer with no school coming up
-the boy is coming home today!
-mr. f is pooping in his litter box
-buffy is amazingly distracting
-the ferrets don't smell anymore
-the boy still loves me even though he knows my big bad secrets
-i love buffy
-i love harry potter
-one year until europe!
I guess I'm trying to look at both and realize that the positive should outweigh the negative. They don't really. I think something might be wrong with my brain. I wish I wasn't so negative, but I really think I can't control it half the time.
I don't know...maybe I'm just stressed. ::shrugs::
These endless days are finally ending in a blaze
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2008 25 March :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: busy/annoyed/gloomy/tired
:: Music: the tv that is now back on.
i hope that, for everyone, not just myself, a lot of bad things happening at once is like taking bad tasting medicine all at once instead of three times a day. I hope that it'll be easier later when everyone else has it. It's all a little too much to keep up with, though.
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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