He seemed no different from the rest Just a healthy normal boy His mama always did her best And he was daddy's pride and joy He learned to walk and talk on time But never cared much to be held and steadily he would decline Into his solitary shell As a boy he was considered somewhat odd Kept to himself most of the time He would daydream in and out of his own world but in every other way he was fine He's a Monday morning lunatic Disturbed from time to time Lost within himself In his solitary shell A temporary catatonic Madman on occasion When will he break out Of his solitary shell He struggled to get through his day He was helplessly behind He poured himself onto the page Writing for hours at a time As a man he was a danger to himself Fearful and sad most of the time He was drifting in and out of sanity But in every other way he was fine He's a Monday morning lunatic Disturbed from time to time Lost within himself In his solitary shell A momentary maniac With casual delusions When will he be let out Of his solitary shell

 

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A temporary catatonic Madman

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Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 11 October :: 7.52pm

Kinda goes with the last entryish
"BACK 2 GOOD"
It's nothing, it's so normal you
Just stand there I could say so much
But I don't go there cuz I don't want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I'm lonely now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good

This don't mean that, you own me
This ain't no good, in fact it's phony as hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you don't know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I'm going to do

And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like
They do
It's best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn't tell, why everyone here was doing me like
They do
But I'm sorry now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, is wondering what it's like to be with
Somebody else
Everyone here's to blame, everyone here
Gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain, everyone hides
Shades of shame, but looking inside we're the same, we're
The same
And we're all grown now, but we don't know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, guess it's over now
There's no getting back to good

~Matchbox20

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 11 October :: 5.41pm

Wow.....everyone in Curry's Class...read chapters 90 and 91....they are nuts... whoa.....

So i had really weird dreams last night... there was something about going to another planet and when we got out of our spaceship (patrice and i) we were greeted by giant bunnys and one of them saw the giant sword i had and freaked out and was like "Kill them they have weapons!" So i took the sword and hid it behind my back and was like "No we don't" And the bunny was like "Ok Nevermind" Thats all i remember from that part of the dream though...darn.
The other part, I was wearing a band sweatshirt and had a trumpet in my hand. Stunkel and i decided to try and sneak in to the game with the band because they had good seats. The football feild was being redone so it was in a giant hole and the bleachers were really high up and confusing. Well Sutnkel and i walked in with the band, Sundell was standing right next to Stunkel who was holding a trombone. Then he walked past Stunkel and he saw me so all i did was smile hoping he wouldnt kick me out...but he did. So i had to try and find a new seat. I wanted a front seat but the only way to get down there was if you had a wheel chair. It had a weird wheel chair lift and my grandma (Who died last year) went past me, waved, and went down it. So i headed back to the band room and decided to join best buddies with Corey. So i joined that and it was fun and i liked helping everyone. So then at the next game we walked over to the feild but the whole group got ahead of me. So when i got there, they were down at the front...and i couldnt figure out how to get down there...so i left. Yeah it was weird...and i wont say who was in best buddies cuz that was weird too...
Then i had a part where Patrice and i went and recreated memories i guess...the ones we werent at...like vermonster...so we recreated that and i took pictures of it all.
The night before that I had another memory dream only this time i was doing a commentary on my memories to someone else... Yeah and i just kept saying what i was thinking at each moment with that person but they never said anything back. That was odd.

The other night, at 1 in the morning, i took every single stuffed animal out of my room and threw it into the den. It was really strange and i wasnt in the best mood...definitely not. They are all on the floor next to me right now...
I still dont understand why i did it...and why it made me feel even worse. I mean i guess i understand why it made me feel worse...ive always had stuffed animals in my room...and to have all of them gone all of sudden...all of them mean something...all of them have been given to me by some one. And the ones i have on my bed...theres 5 of them, a duck that sits in the corner then 4 more, 2 on either side of me. Its just weird because stuffed animals are like a comfort thing...you have them there and you cry to them about anything-stupid guys or your stupid family or your stupid friends... they know about any event your life and they dont say a word...they are just there and they can actually make you feel better sometimes.
I told a total of 2 people what happened that night...i don't know why, i don't feel like i should have... it was a horrible night and ive never felt more alone i guess...so maybe i decided to make that worse and throw all of my stuffed animals out of the room? I dont know. I didnt have a phone either...it was taken away...but even if i did...who the hell would i call? I mean come on! I realized that too during that night though... so i felt even more alone. Blah.
I want to be little again.
I want to be in grade school making stupid little art projects. I
I want to play with beanie babies and pokemon cards lol
And obsess over Spice Girls and Hanson...(I dont obsess over Hanson anymore...shut up lol)
I hate college
I hate family problems
I hate failing friendships
I hate feeling alone...
I hate crying

Help.

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki

:: 2004 11 October :: 1.03am
:: Mood: crappy

.......................

4 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 11 October :: 12.09am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Disturbed- "Believe"

i might die if i see more gray.

there is too much gray in steel "ironworks" for ragtime.

i shall murder it.

i made this font gray but i wont look at it after i write it cuz i have to fix my resume.

no one told me that we were done and could go home so i was la de daing (cleaning brushes) and christine walks up. i guess ti was time to go. yea.

oh. goli pisses me off. she probably doesnt read this, no one does, but if she does then she can know.

i hate when people lie to you by saying that you are one of their good friends and that...and complain wehn you dont invite them to things even though you dont consider them "good friends". they are just those people who you say hi to in the halls, know a few things about, and could talk to for a few hours if need be.

i dont mind that she does that; whatever. but then, we get to allstate and now she just ignores me entirely. which, by itself, doesnt bother me at all. its the combination.

thats all now.

g'night...fixing resume now!

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki

:: 2004 10 October :: 1.58am

Tonight was awesome.

I met Howard Shore. I shook Howard Shore's hand.

Maybe some of his talent transferred to me in that hand shake. Hm.

The concert was awesome. They played The Breaking Of The Fellowship and Riders Of Rohan. And Into The West. So good times with that one.

I also got the crazy german conductor's autograph too. He was funny. He spelled my name wrong, then felt bad and fixed it. Ah haha. Funny Germans.

Ok. Good night people.

I don't know how I managed to work almost every day in the summer. I worked last night and now the last thing I want to do is go in for a second time this weekend. Maybe I just hate opening. Well, I know I hate opening. Crappy opening. -.-.

-Patrice

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki

:: 2004 7 October :: 12.51am

Shit.
Crap.
Fuck.

I don't do good with staying up late. I need to sleep. I'll finish my paper in the morning. Screw it all.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 5 October :: 12.39am

Speechless
I don't know what to say. Do I have to talk?

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki

:: 2004 3 October :: 11.21pm
:: Mood: okay

I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile, who weeps
when I weep, for my shadow in the pool can do better than that.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

sweetyas

:: 2004 3 October :: 7.51am
:: Mood: nervous

My grandma just went to the hospital!!!

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki

:: 2004 30 September :: 12.47am
:: Mood: pissed off

It isn't too hard to do, in theory. Why is it so difficult then?

I'm dissappointed in myself, honestly. Truly dissappointed and pissed off at no one else but myself.

Why am I such an idiot?

Eeeeerrrg.

Forgive me for the lack of update-age followed by a few rather negative entries. It's like...a dam kind of. Everything all blocked up. And yeah. The damn dam is breaking. I'm dying. Expect some angst here. Wooopie. I'll be ok in person though. People don't like angsty people. You're always "mad at this person" or whatever. You know? Assumptions suck. That's my deep thought of the day.

I don't know.

Find me a way to clear my head for a few hours, and I'll be a happy person. Maybe.

-Me.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

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