He seemed no different from the rest Just a healthy normal boy His mama always did her best And he was daddy's pride and joy He learned to walk and talk on time But never cared much to be held and steadily he would decline Into his solitary shell As a boy he was considered somewhat odd Kept to himself most of the time He would daydream in and out of his own world but in every other way he was fine He's a Monday morning lunatic Disturbed from time to time Lost within himself In his solitary shell A temporary catatonic Madman on occasion When will he break out Of his solitary shell He struggled to get through his day He was helplessly behind He poured himself onto the page Writing for hours at a time As a man he was a danger to himself Fearful and sad most of the time He was drifting in and out of sanity But in every other way he was fine He's a Monday morning lunatic Disturbed from time to time Lost within himself In his solitary shell A momentary maniac With casual delusions When will he be let out Of his solitary shell

 

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A temporary catatonic Madman

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mudpiegrl

:: 2006 11 May :: 10.12am

"[T]he question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it."
Elaine Dundy

"For an actress to be a success she must have the face of Venus, the brains of Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of Macaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros."
Ethel Barrymore quoted in George Jean Nathan's The Theatre in the fifties

Are you in a Solitary Shell?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 10 May :: 9.18pm

Know what I love? Pressure. It’s awesome. Of course there’s the whole “do well in school” that everyone has. At least I’m in school, though, as opposed to some people. Then there’s the “you don’t do anything”. That’s fun, too, because when you’re never home, you’re clearly doing nothing. “You’re so messy. Why don’t you clean?” I’m sorry, am I impeding on your space? “When are you going to go running, Jorie?” Fuck you. I’m allowed to be a fat ass. After all, you are too. “You’re wearing that?” Yes, I am. I either don’t care or quite like it. Besides, I’m too fat for your fasionista attitude. “Hanging out with Q and Kristen are not going to help you get better.” Maybe not, but they’re my friends if it’s ok with you. “Don’t you have any friends at college?” No. I don’t like people at college. They have entirely different priorities, like being famous and experimenting with drugs and high school drama. “You’re not trying hard enough.” You’re right. I’m not. I’d love to spend all day doing artwork, but I have no means to experiment with the mediums I want. Nor do I have the time for it. “How are you going to pay for that?” With my money. From my job. That I actually have. “You’re never home.” Yea, I’m busy. “When are you going go-carting with us?” When I have a moment to be home/do homework/art/lose weight/clean my room and car. When I’m done with all that.
I love my family. They want me to be just like Tyler. They know damn well when he was eighteen he wasn’t doing shit. They don’t want me to be like him. They want me to be like twenty-five year old Tyler. Well, that’s nice and all, but I'm not Tyler. I'm Jorie. And I'm sorry that I'm not what you want. I'm not sorry I'm me for me. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect clone.

I'm sick of crying. I've cried nearly every hour of the day today. And I'm tired. I want to sleep.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?


toki

:: 2006 7 May :: 9.58am
:: Mood: Meh

Birthday
First birthday party since forever last night. It was fun. Everyone shows up two hours late...not so fun. But that's okay. Because I got a nice fatty dinner followed by nasty marshmallows.

And there were only a few awkward silences! Which is nice. Those are always quite horrid. I'm good at creating those.

It was awesome seeing people though. And I'm glad John was invited last minute. Definitly my favorite friend of Ryan's there. And Hul and Kyle showed up, which I didn't expect at all. Very cool.

Anyhoo, I got a free massage and money to get more cool shorts from old navy. :-) Awesome. Uber excited for both.

Birthday dinner with the 'rents tonight. Amanda just invited her scum of a boyfriend, which pisses me off. This is his first family dinner and it's my birthday. Meaning it's not gonna be my birthday. It's gonna be "so, Tony, tell us about yourself....." >.< Urgh.

Alas, we are going to Pappadeaux. Mmmmm...excited.

Shower time. Then estate sale. Then clean out garage. Wooo?

Bye fools. And thanks time ten infinity for attending my par-tay last night if you could. :-)

Are you in a Solitary Shell?


toki

:: 2006 3 May :: 11.12pm

Birthday in 2 days! Woooo!

Excited?!
Yessiiir. I like parties. Hate getting old. Uber excited to see peoples though. Woooo.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?


sweetyas

:: 2006 3 May :: 1.31am
:: Music: dance dance

So i dunno i havent written here in forever. u guys know i only write here when im either super excited or super not happy...depressed is not the right word cuz i dont know what depression is. Anyway...im just frustrated. im the type of person that when i go into a friendship or consider u a good friend (like best type deal) i tell u everything...im open like that. i dunno this week i just dont feel like my friends are like that adn it pisses me off...but i decided if someone doesnt feel comfortable telling me something then they dont have 2.

i mean its their choice. but w/e. im just havin a lot of trouble wit school and bein sick so everything is gettin to me...it wont be a big deal in like a week so whatever. i shoudl be writing a 1000 word ethics paper but honestly i dont care about st. aquanis!!! damn jesuits!! :) i was gonna somethin else but i forgot. OH...so i asked one of my friends to read my paper and edit it and she didnt. ive read atleast three of her papers...but w/e i wont do that for her anymore its not fair. she i dunno i understand where she comes from however im not a good writer not even close so

i hate people cuz i hate lettin them in...it always hurts cuz they will injury u at some point in time and its just sometimes not worth it. but i guess it makes u stronger and its nice to feel loved when u do! well. i really gotta write this paper.

:)

Yasamin

3 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 2 May :: 3.02pm

ugh. just like everyone else, am stressy. school ends next week and i have so much i should be doing rather than typing in here, but im not right now because i just got home from school and im tired. i have to finish my costume and get patrice's bday present before friday. i also want to go get new clothes but that wont happen until next paycheck. but also, we need to look for apts. patrices mummy is being nice and looking for us, so that's helpful. im going to ask brittany/yoshi/joey and q if they want to live with us because amanda decided not to and patrice is okie with it. that would make things cheaper, assuming they have jobs and could pay the rent.
in other news, i was called a neanderthal last night, see my xanga for more extensive info.
oh yea. i really want to lose some weight this summer. i really packed it on this winter.

2 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 27 April :: 3.20pm

I am so happy that Patrice is my friend. She basically rocks. Much better at rocking she is than me.

Poor me. If only I could be as rocking.

Oh well, I'll have to live my life one day of Peter Frampton after another.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 25 April :: 12.29am
:: Music: new pornographers, nada surf, belle & sebastian

this was begun as a result of a past entry here that begins "this is a rant about god". ServusDraconis: The one big gripe that I have with "The Three Religions of the World" is the arrogance of their creators and followers.
battlestarre: i keep thinking of stuff
battlestarre: omg me too
battlestarre: they all say that there's only one god to worship in entirety, but then say that theirs is the only one and tell you your religion is wrong
ServusDraconis: Well, I was mentioning the fact that in Islam, Christianity, and Judaism, the idea that all living things are subserviant to man.
battlestarre: i hate the whole prospect of religion. it's interesting and definatly plays a huge part in our actions and history, but i really do only think it was something we created to feel like we arent alone.
ServusDraconis: But you're right there as well.
battlestarre: yea.
battlestarre: theres a george orwell quote...
ServusDraconis: And Christianity is a breeding ground for irresponsibility.

Auto response from battlestarre: All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
George Orwell

battlestarre: it applies to every arguement alive
ServusDraconis: Mainly because there is no idea of cause and effect.
ServusDraconis: There is wrondoing, but no equal and opposite reaction.
ServusDraconis: Just wrongdoing, and then...
battlestarre: yes, agreed.
ServusDraconis: repent!
battlestarre: more wrongdoing, in retaliation
battlestarre: pf...it's just so you feel better about yourself though. if it's truely a sin, there is no repent
ServusDraconis: So you can commit all the sins you want, because Christ died for them, so he's already payed your dues as well as his.
battlestarre: yea, exactly.
ServusDraconis: I like to think that I'm an open minded person, but this is the general trend that I've observed.
ServusDraconis: And the more I read, the more this view prevails.
battlestarre: see, this is what i mean. even my friend, who is hardcore christian...the second person who defends me...agrees that humans have played the idea up so much and it's more worshiping an idea of selfishness than an idea of a presiding being
ServusDraconis: Oh, wow, I'm confused.
ServusDraconis: I need to actually read this posting instead of simply screening it.
battlestarre: the thing that frustrates me the most abotu that persons response is that they were like you're wrong, but im not saying your wrong
battlestarre: and they also said, you need to look more into it...as if i randomly state something i've heard and have not thought about
battlestarre: even worse because i spent so long at a catholic school
ServusDraconis: Yes.
battlestarre: and while it's quite the coincidence that cultures tend to follow the same trends within their very different religions, it doesnt mean it's true.
battlestarre: nearly every culture in the world has pictoral dragons in the history, but that doesnt mean they're real or were ever real.
ServusDraconis: All I can say is that, when asked who the wisest man in all Greece was, the oracle at Delphi simply stated, "Socrates."
ServusDraconis: Yet, when asked Socrates stated, "I am not wise, but at least I know that."
ServusDraconis: Well...
battlestarre: :-). thats why he's wise
ServusDraconis: Dragon theory is a specialty of mine...
ServusDraconis: Exactly.
ServusDraconis: Which is why when asked about my religious beliefs, I always state that I am man, and such things are beyond my understanding.
battlestarre: hm.
battlestarre: i guess i have a very scientific view on things.
ServusDraconis: In what way?
battlestarre: and you know, it's strange because religion is a theory. science is a theory. math is a working theory. history is a story created with theory. life is a theory...and to say you believe so strongly is something so pliable, so subject to change...its so strange.
battlestarre: well, i see humans as being created just the same as anything else...and not by some dirt and gentle hands but by evolution, survival...because the idea is not just reminiscent in our everyday lives, but relentlessly pounding on our backs
ServusDraconis: They are all theories.
battlestarre: i see no creature as more advanced as any other, rather, adapted to it's surroundings.
ServusDraconis: And each theory, being molded of differing points, is tested within its own bounds.
battlestarre: a giraffe is no better than a camel because he is taller
ServusDraconis: However, theorists seem to think that their particular method of testing ought to be applied to all theories.
ServusDraconis: Indeed.
battlestarre: it frustrates me a lot when people talk about how humans are far more intelligent.
ServusDraconis: I know.
ServusDraconis: I've held conversation with animals.
battlestarre: and for the longest while, i simply believed that humans had, in fact, been regressing in their dependence on automation
ServusDraconis: They're very intelligent.
battlestarre: agreed. as've i.
ServusDraconis: I fed a snapping turtle yesterday, and was effectively communicating with him.
battlestarre: but recently i've come upon the fact that all animals have evolved and adapted to what they have. some are just happier with sticking to what they know works for them.
battlestarre: :-)
battlestarre: which is apparent everyday in the human world
ServusDraconis: All animals stick to what they know works for them.
battlestarre: humans have this consistant idea that innovation will progress them, but they still have incessent dependencies on everything that surrounds them.
ServusDraconis: I do believe humans are more beautiful than other animals in that they often pursue wholeheartedly things that, according to the laws of survival, don't work.
ServusDraconis: Yes.
ServusDraconis: It's a tragic beauty that only the best of humans have.
ServusDraconis: Though nature would call it stupidity.
battlestarre: and yet, i find it intimidating and admirable that creatures such as socrates and shakespeare and gandhi and dali and mozart have existed...to create such unnatural but beautiful ideas
battlestarre: (music and art and writing are just as much a philosophy as philosophy itself)
battlestarre: (or as i see it...)
ServusDraconis: Yes.
ServusDraconis: Indeed!
ServusDraconis: There are four areas of the human intellect.
ServusDraconis: History, Art, Science, and Philosophy.
ServusDraconis: History is the actual.
ServusDraconis: Art is the possible.
ServusDraconis: Science is the probable.
ServusDraconis: And Philosophy is the desirable.
battlestarre: and despite how i despise the insistance of progressiveness, i admit i am a part of it and contribute to it. i abhor anyone who simply lives only for themselves. but that is only appropriate for what we have been taught in such a young society.
battlestarre: i often wonder, in fact, believe that animals have similar societies, however, they feel it's unnecessary to actually build durable homes. they're intelligent to see that avoidence of natural disasters is impossible, and they're, in fact, necessary for the ecosystem to thrive.
battlestarre: i get the feeling they're laughing at our insecurities about the ability to live, the fact that we keep our weakest alive.
ServusDraconis: Yes.
battlestarre: and that we would attempt to sabotage ourselves while we live in such a pillowed world.
ServusDraconis: I admit I would do almost anything to avoid death.
ServusDraconis: Define progressiveness.
battlestarre: "life must be nice when you dont have lions chasing you ten miles til you drop from exhaustion." "yea...too bad they forgot what that's like."
battlestarre: that's the thing. is progress what humans have created? or is it keeping the creme of your species alive, creating a stronger, more resilient species?
battlestarre: it's a question i constatly struggle with.
battlestarre: constantly
battlestarre: society commonly defines "civilization" or the building of buildings and creating of interlocking residences and businesses as progress
battlestarre: however, while we are finding more ways to defend ourselves from the "wild", we're also ending up wiht mroe ways to harm ourselves
battlestarre: humans can be defined like the rings placed ceremoniously around a woman's neck in some african tribes. they build until they are hte only support, and if you took them off, the neck, which was once made solely for supporting, can no longer do even that.
ServusDraconis: Philosophy fascinates me.
ServusDraconis: Yet I try to leave it to the philosophers.
battlestarre: i dont even see it as philosophy. it blends in with sociology and psychology and science for me.
battlestarre: and you cant have any of that without history.
ServusDraconis: I'm just trying to help as many people as possible to live rich, meaningful, lives.
battlestarre: that's why i love learning
battlestarre: and art without history doesnt exist, nor history without art
ServusDraconis: I am the same way.
ServusDraconis: Yes.

...
ServusDraconis: Did you know that General Eisenhower didn't go to college, yet he read all kinds of books and educated himself.
ServusDraconis: And his mastery of the battlefield was gleaned from reading things like Thucydides and Caesar.
ServusDraconis: He believed that he was re-incarnated from warriors who fought and died in these battles.
battlestarre: no, but that's interesting. if we didnt need the fuckin' paperwork to get good jobs, i wouldnt go to school either. i'd rather learn faster tahn we do in school
ServusDraconis: Yes.
battlestarre: school is now purely an institution to instill behaviour that is appropiate to society.
ServusDraconis: I agree.
ServusDraconis: It used to exist to create a societal elite, but no longer.
ServusDraconis: Not since "capitalism" and "socialism" took over.
ServusDraconis: Now everyone is the same.
battlestarre: i disagree, to a certain extent.
battlestarre: everyone has the same ability to learn. honestly, i dont believe that the majority of people who have learning disorders really do, it's just they weren't taught to "learn" the same way the other half of the kids were.
battlestarre: i think everyone has the right to learn, despite the fact that it's a strictly vain attempt at progressing.
ServusDraconis: Yes, and by giving "everyone" that right, it drains much of the sustenance of the idea of higher education.
ServusDraconis: Because the masses take advantage of it, and pass the system's requirements without actually becoming more educated individuals.

3 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 24 April :: 10.49pm

so tonight kristen and mushroom came over. we were sewing...or trying to for a bit. my mum and brother decided to get sushi...and decided to have a family dinner...so they went home...

well, lemme tell you about this family dinner...

mum wouldnt let us talk because she wanted to watch twenty-four...so tyler and i were laughing about that. he asked, "so where's the part where we talk about our days?"

then they were talking about someone they saw at sushi masa, the restaurant we got our food at. and my mum didnt understand that i knew who she was talking about and that it's the same person's family who owns silk manderin. so she kept talking about it and tyler was like...ok, she gets it. watch twenty four. and she started talking about how she was going to go in the garage, but the reaosn we were watching in the house is because it was tivo'd there as opposed to the garage, where it was over. so she started throwing a fit

and left the room. what news, eh?

but whatever.

my monologue went strangely. i was so worried that i had underprepared and i didnt know it well enough, but strangely, i was in the group of more memorized ones. one girl didnt even try. she was avoiding it because she's terrible at memorizing...which is the most ridiculous excuse i've ever heard. why wouldn't you even try? the fact that it was more difficult made me try harder to get it down...because i know im not so great at memorization.

regardless...it was just the first thing and we have to continue working on it for the rest of the semester. woo. mine's depressing as hell, too. oh well...i actually just found a few things to relate to my own life and character. interesting, i suppose.

amanda finally gave me the bright eyes cds...but neither of them have bowl of oranges on them...and just hearing his voice made it get stuck in my head. but dont worry...i found it on radio blog club.

so i'm mostly carefree right now...im just paranoid that someone's mad at me or i did something wrong...it's a bit guiltifying, really.

kristen and i have been working hardcore on our costumes...it's going ot be fun. and im going to come back saturday night for patrice's party. it's going to be an awesome weekend.

Are you in a Solitary Shell?


toki

:: 2006 23 April :: 10.11pm

Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
I'm...not. No more, please.
Guilt, stress, guilt, sick, stress, lost, stress, guilt.

klajffsnvjerpadlsdfjsghgklasdghksjksghjkjla;sdfhjksdgdaklfjcfla;ksdfjk

Seriously.

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

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