:: 2004 21 June :: 9.06 pm

I haven't been able to speak with Nee for several days, which sucks.

I'm gonna try to talk to Kelly soon, but so far I haven't been able to contact her.

I've been thinking about yesterday all day.
I'm not sure that I'm comfortable around Stefany. As a matter of fact, I know I'm not.

Yea...

~Caro

Are you crying?

:: 2004 20 June :: 9.35 pm

So I saw Mandi today. RPG was canceled so we just hung around. WE went out to this creek thing behind my house and went to this tree I love that is easily climb-able. It also totaly radiates power. She went and sat on the branch and I stood where the tree and branch met. When I tried to get down I slipped and scraped my back up. Oh well. We saw this girl I knew from a while ago, Steffany. I totaly didn't recognise her. She has short blue hair now. It used to be long and blonde. She was smoking, which bugged me. Mandi asked if she had a ciggarette which bugged me more. She's trying to quit! I acted like it didn't bother me though. Steffany is like, a total stoner now. Uhg. She kinda bugged me in general, but I gave her my number and said we should hang out sometime. I hate to say this but I didn't say anything about the smoking because I didn't want to seem stupid. Mostly I don't mind when people smoke, but when Mandi asked for a ciggarette (Which she didn't have on her) it just made me mad. Also, I don't want to start smoking. I don't wanna cave into peer pressure and start! AHG. My life is so confusing right now. I need to talk to Nee and Kelly. I need to see Nee and Kelly. I'm confused about the way people act, and what to do about Mandi. Cause I love her to death. She had a boyfriend, which I knew about and don't have a problem with. But he ditched her in her time of need. I just want to kill that bastard! How could he hurt her like that?! She would do anything for me or Cody (the bastard), and he should know that! As we all know, I don't like it when people fuck around with my friends. Anyone who hurts them earns my hate.

Yea...

~Caro

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 19 June :: 9.12 pm

I just want today to be over so it can be tommorow.
I felt that way yesterday, too. Is it because 1. I'm fed up with my life
2. I want to see Mandi
3. I'm bored out of my brains
Or all three?

I just don't know.

~Caro

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 19 June :: 7.16 pm

it looks long but it's not.
Last night Amanda called me and told me that her brother beat her up. She described it in detail.

It turns out that she had hallucinated the whole thing.

Yep.

So, she can't stay here tonight, but I'll see her tommorow.

At Medicine Horse she started thinking of all the shit that's been happening to her (and trust me, there's a lot) and she actually threw up. I feel so bad for her. v_v

It got sunny again today.

For about two hours.

Since then it's been rainy and were having a thunder storm *YAY* right now. The thunder is pretty loud. I love it. It looks like were going to have at least another couple days of grey weather, which I really don't mind, actually. Go me.

My dad composed something really short on his base, which he finaly picked up after ten years of not playing. I came up with a flute part to go with it.

But my dad expets too much of me as a musician. It's hard to live up to it. And he always makes me do stuff the way he used to practice, and I have to do it.

It's hard on me.

Well, love you guys.

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 18 June :: 9.20 pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Summer Sun, 4 strings

Are you crying?

:: 2004 16 June :: 11.57 pm

Today was cold and wet and horsey smelling.

Woo.

~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 14 June :: 10.19 pm

You know my best friend I was telling you about? That said I was "Goth"? We're friends again!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^__________^

~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 13 June :: 8.36 pm

Another two sided coin.
Much funness at RPG today, even though Mandi couldn't make it. *Tear*
Ah well.

Alan wasn't there today, which makes me glad, as I hate being so unfortable as I am around him. It makes me very self concious. If Mandi starts coming, like we have planed, it may be less so. But untill then, I will be all like, "Ahhhh!!!" and such.
That was a rreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaally lame sentence.
(When I went to type "lame" just then I accidentaly typed "ramen" without looking. Mmm... Ramen...)
Anyway. So Mandi is probably going to become one of our happy little group. ^___^ It makes me glad.
We're hopefully gonna hang out on Friday or Saturday night, maybe go see a movie or something. ^.^ w00t!
~~~~

Yesterday my dad positively screamed at me in the car because he *Gasp* had to wait a whole hour for me at Medicine Horse which he didn't have to "Piss away". I was sobbing. It was not cool in the slightest. I was at a volonteer thing that ended at three and he thought he was supposed to get me at three instead of four which was when the therapy ended. He said I should have called. I DIDN'T KNOW HE THOUGHT THAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME GET ME AT THREE!!! How was I supposed to know to call him!? I kept saying it was a mistake and he wouldn't stop yelling. HE said that it wan't a mistake, it was "inconsiderate". I said how could it be incosiderate if I DIDN'T KNOW? When we were just leaving I almost got out of the car and walked over to Mandi and asked for a ride home. My hand was on the seat-belt. When we got home I went up to mom and cried and told her everything and how he was so loud it hurt my ears. I continued crying and talking for a while and then Dad came in and said, "I wasn't yelling loud."
THAT was inconsiderate. He was listening. How could he DO that!?!?!?!? It made me so upset. SO upset. It just added on to the sobbing. I couldn't stop. At one point he had said, while I was sobbing in the car, "Why are you so emotional lately!?" I said, "I'm having some issues and...UHG! Why am I telling you this!?" "So you're having issues and taking it out on the whole family!" He said that like I was like my brother. I am NOT my brother!!!

~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 12 June :: 11.05 pm

Eeee!!!

Amanda asked me out!

^________________^

I said yes. I am officialy dating someone for the first time!!!! ^______________________^

*Is madly happy* *Huggles Mandi*

~Caro

8 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 12 June :: 12.18 am

Two sides to every coin.
On the upside: Just talked to my dearest Mandi. (Amanda)
I get to see her tommorow, much glee. Most of her friends just betrayed her, so she says she need a new group of friends, so she wants to share the guys with me, which I have no problem with. It actually makes me quite glad. It'll be nice to have another girl there. ^_______^
Probly gonna have her come to RPG on Sunday.

On the downside:

DAMN. I keep being out whenever Nee calls and it's PISSING ME OFF. RAR!!!!!!!
*Hyperventaltion*
Augh! I need contact with my best friend!!!!!
-_________-
grrrr....

Anywho. Those are the sides of my coin.
Another, less important coin is the following:

Upside: Went to the mall, got a wallet, got a shirt with Hello Kitty on it (Punk Rock style).

Downside: Had cramps the whole time and stayed so long looking for a Father's Day gift (around six hours) that my feet and back hurt like Hell.

There you have it.

~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 10 June :: 9.25 pm

Mrrf.
I've realized that Hana is really pissing me off. I've been thinking about how she's always bitchy about everyone and everything. I mean, I still love her, she's great, but I mean, come on! Does she have to be so rude all the time? Geeze! *Hyperventalates*

*Deep breath*

Anyway. If there were such a thing as a capitol period, there ould be one after that "anyway". Rrrrrrrrrrrr......

I actualy met someone interesting on Harry Potter.com Go me.

I'm still happy about my purple streaks. w00t.

Nee, I'm really sorry we haven't been able to talk much. It's bugging me.

Love you guys.

~Caro

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 9 June :: 8.20 pm

I have purple streaks in my hair.

Yay.

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 9 June :: 2.58 pm

Sunday Kelly and I got together again. 'Twas fun once more. There was much Tetrus playing XD

Yes. *Glances around shiftily*

She stayed the night again, fwee.
Hana came over on Monday to meet Kelly. She was really rude to her, which pissed me off a bit. Hana tends to be jealous of anyone she thinks is better than her at anything, or pretty-er. *Sigh* It's frustrating.
But she thought Kelly and I looked exactly the same (which we don't, at all), and I found that amusing. x.x

Yes. *Glances around shiftily.*

I haven't been able to talk to Nee for a while. I'M SO SORRY!!!! *Huggles t3h Nee.*
'Tis not cool in the slightest.


I'm getting purple streaks in my hair today. I'm exited. w00t. ^_^

Y es. *Glances around shiftily*

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 6 June :: 10.03 pm

Kelly and I went to see a movie at ten last night. 'Twas fun. We saw Mean Girls. It was actualy good! We got to the mall at like, eight thirty I think, correct me if I'm wrong, Kelly, and the movie wasn't untill 10:10 so we walked around the mall and all the stores were closed. So we sat down in one of these little sitting area things and talked. Then I got home at twelve thirty and drew until two thirty. I'm pleased with the result.

~Caro

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 5 June :: 6.25 pm
:: Mood: in awe that she is still alive

Woah
I just had a near death experience. I know that sounds stupid but I am so glad to be alive right now. The horse I was working with spooked and got loose (Along with two others), knocked me over and just barely missed crushing me with her hooves. I swear, I was so scared. I thought I was toast. REALLY toast.seeing the hooves and horseflesh going over me was just so frightening. She managed not to step on me at all. No broken bones. I think I may have twisted my ankle but other than that all I have is a cut on my elbow and a few grains of dirt embeded in my hand. Thank you Goddess. If I had insence I would SO be burning it right now. I think I'll burn candles tonight. Geeze. I'm a bit shaken, but other than that fine. Events occured afterwards that brightened my day.

Much love to my friends.

~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 4 June :: 7.19 pm

Mrrf...
Mrrrrrf....
I went to mountain shadows today. I didn't cry, though the way Jim (My old teacher) spoke so tentatively to me made me want to. I don't think he understands me any more. I came wearing black and white stripey tights, my guys black shorts with much metal, my black shirt with the red anime fairy on it and my converse with nightmare before christmas laces. He said the Nightmare Before Christmas was a bit creepy for his tastes.
"Ah." says Caro.
He had to leave shortly after that.
I think it may have been shocking to see me dressed like that because when I left I was still in my jeens and tee-shirt days.

I didn't see any of my old friends except Alison, and only for a split second. Well, I saw some of my friends among the staff, which was cool. I said as soon as I graduated High School I would come back. And I will.
Watch me.

Jim and Elizabeth are leaving. That's why it was so important for me to see them. I probably will never see them again. That SUCKS.

I bought some manga to read. It's Alice 19th. I bought number 2 and number 3. I already read the first one. ^_^

Yea.

I saw my Psycologyst today. Were lowering my dose of Seraquel, which has caused me to gain weight. So, hopefuly I'll lose some more. w00t.

So, yea. Here I am.

That's my day.

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 4 June :: 12.51 pm

Here goes...
Oivay.

Today I'm going back to Mountain Shadows (my old school) to say goodbye to my teachers and whoever hapens to show up to help clean the place. As we may or may not know I was pulled out of school without getting to say goodbye to anyone. So, I want to see them again. There you have it. I don't know if I'll cry or not. I hope not. But maybe I will.

We'll just have to see.

~Caro

Are you crying?

:: 2004 4 June :: 12.26 am

Oh. My. God! WHY CANT I STOP CRYING?

I can't stop crying. Why!?

I guess I never realized how much they meant to me...

Aperantly a whole lot.

Cause the tears won't stop.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 3 June :: 9.04 pm

Ahg. So much crying.
I cried SO MUCH today. I love the people at Halcyon to much. Sherri has been like a second mom to me, and Stephanie a good friend, Stacy a guiding light, Kelly, Sandi: There is nothing I can put into words about you two. You've given me so much. Esma...Well, she's just her, and that's all good. TJ has been hillarious in the short time I've known him, Mary-Alice has been there for me the whole time, Alicia supported me in my singing... It's like leaving family. They ARE my family. Shit. I'm gonna cry now.
God damn. I've cried too much the past week and a half. WAY too much. It's so not cool. SO not cool. I love them all. It's gonna be so hard not seeing them all every day. And I forgot to get Sherri to sign my yearbook. Damn.

Kelly:
You rock. You're the only one of my Halcyonite friends who reads this, so I'm sending a shoutout to you. Love you.

I'm gonna go cry some more now. Damnit.

Much love to you all.

~Caro

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 25 May :: 6.31 pm

The visual thing went away. I'm not having that problem any longer, thank the Goddess. I'm very glad.

I'm working on a picture of Hikari for Nee. DAMN I HATE HIS HAIR. It's so hard to draw!!! I think I'm almost done, though. I draw much faster than her. XD And I've worked on it for about three days in much of the free time I've had. Now I just have to color it. Mrrf. I dun wanna wreck it! But the colors he has are soooo fun. So, I'm gonna try. If it looks like shit, I'm sorry, Nee! I'll try and re-draw it if it does.


Much love to you all.

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 24 May :: 10.09 pm

Seven days...

Of school left in the school year!

Happy days!

I just don't want to drift away from my friends...

I might get to go see Nee! YAY!

However, today was not the best of days. I got some pretty bad visual hullucination/distortion things going on. I had to come home early. It was bad when I had to go down the six flights of stairs at BHS. The stairs looked all slanted and freaky.

Yea.


~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 23 May :: 9.51 pm

Amanda and I are both bi-sexual, by the way.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 23 May :: 7.17 pm

Funfunfun!!
Yesterday was awesome. My friend Amanda (from medicine horse) and I got together and we had an awesome time! The thing that lives in my closet scared the shit out of us sevral times, however. We were wageing a full out battle against it, and it didn't really end well. But that's okay. Once we got out of the house and into the street we had a great time. We did this a few times. One we were kinda running around and I stepped on one of the straps on my bondage pants and fell over backwards and my pants came down to like, my knees. XD It was like we were high, but we weren't. And I took her to RPG with me and she kept laying her head on my knee and I would pet her hair, and we thought some of the guys thought we were dating. At one point afterwards we were sitting on the couch and we were talking and I whispered, "I think some of the guys think we're dating." And she says in a normal voice. "Me too, but it would be fun to out with you." And I said "Yea, it would be." And everyone turns and looks at us. Hehe. Afterwards when we were waiting for mom we went back down stairs and I said: "Just to clarify, we are not dating." And Hunter looks at us and says "Okay." and we go back up the stairs and laugh. She thinks Hunter is totaly hot. I was like, "I told you so. You didn't beleive me." She said, "No, and I was sooo wrong."

This proves that I am over my boy (yes, I'm still going to call him that). Amanda likes him and I don't mind at all. ^________^ We were talking about how hot he was when we got home. It was fun.

Hey, just cause I dun like him that way doesn't mean he isn't hot as all hell. ^_^;;

It's so much fun having my friends stay the night at my house on Saturdays and then come to RPG with me. I love it! Now, if only Nee would come meet them...You're welcome to stop by any time, Nee. ^_^;;;

Amanda said that Alan was totaly flirting with me and I said, "Yes. I know. It makes me a bit uncomfortable." And it does.

She said "Your friends are so cool!!" And now I just have to meet her friends, and she has to meet Kelly, Sandi and Esma. We're thinking we might go to the Boulder Creek Festival together so I can meet her friends. We've decided that we're going to go very gothic-punk style (AHG! Stereotype! *Dies*) and then in dresses at night. I'm going to wear my Medieval green dress. Kelly, you should come, or something. That would be cool. You could come with us during the day, or something, if it works out. ^_^

Well, that was funn.

Much love, y'all. XD

~Caro

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 21 May :: 9.51 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Sakura

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 18 May :: 9.44 pm

Why does my water taste like...blood?

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 18 May :: 6.27 pm

Yo. I'm going to dinosaur ridge on the morrow. I had to arrange so that I didn't get to go to Boulder High (Or sleep in ; . ;), which sucks. Miss Halabe (I'll ask her how she spells her name x.x) says that she really wants me to be in her class next year, so I'm going do beg Nadyne to let me be in her class. She rocks my socks ^_______^I love her so much!! She's definately one of my favorite teachers of all time. I thin equal at number 1 with Carol (who you don't know about).

SO, that's that. I'm going to have to start waking up at five fourty five or six every morning from now on. -_- Oh well.

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 17 May :: 9.47 pm

Your Homocidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:	Plastic bag
Your Favorite Target:	Penguins
Your Kill Count:	847,105,291
Your Battle Cry:	"I enjoy cheese."
Years You Spend in Jail:	12
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:	$23,174,182,315,245
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 97%
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Are you crying?

:: 2004 17 May :: 9.25 pm

Many parenthases to follow.
I'm working on antro pictures of all my eighth grade buddies (which is the whole eighth grade, yes, all four of them. Esma, Sandi, Kelly and TJ) and it's comming along fine. But the only one who really looks like them is Kelly ¬¬ I'm still working on Sandi. I drew a generic face so I can wait to see Sandi (Yes, I take my sketch pad to school. No one really cares and I can draw in class, because I actualy pay attention whilst drawing unlike some other people *cough* TJ *cough* who can't multi task and get in deep shit for drawing.) so I can draw her better.

Nothing much happened today. But we got doughnuts in Chior for doing so well ^____^ And on Thursday we get to go sing karioki (not spelled right, I'm sure). Should be fun.

Not much else to say.

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 15 May :: 8.32 pm
:: Music: Broadsword by Jethro Tull

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 12 May :: 9.50 pm

I've got a chior concert tommorow. I'm not ready.

I'm not ready for anything. I'm not ready to face tomorow, or the day after. I'm not ready.


~Caro

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?