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Black roses and Silver tears

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Angel_Bob

:: 2004 26 June :: 11.21pm

I forgot to say this earlier. I can't believe I forgot it.

Yesterday we went to a little town called McMinnville for dinner. We stopped in this cool CD and record store.

I got my first The Smiths CD! GLEE! I just had downloaded songs and the songs off the CD Tracey gave me. Now I have my very own The Smiths album. Joy and rapture, I was geeked! I got Louder Than Bombs. It's just a sort of compilation album released the year they broke up. I could've gotten Meat is Murder or The Smiths. I wish I'd known that Meat is Murder was their best one because I would've gotten that one. It didn't have that many tracks on it though and I want a CD worth 17 bucks.

Anyway, here it is if anyone cares but me.

Today we went to Mount Larch, the Japanese garden, some rose garden and Powell's something bookstore.

It was, as Brett Bretterson said, "rather lovely."

I have a whole theory about pretty things and beauty appreciation that I'll put up when I have time.

Right now, it's time for dinner.

Our plane takes off at 8:30 tomorrow and lands in GR at 6ish.

I'll call people when I get home and see if people want to hang out.

I'm lonely.

I love you all.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


cradleofilth

:: 2004 26 June :: 2.52pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: "the kids arent alright"-the offspring

today
well today i woke up bout 11-ish.....wow, thats like the earliest i've ever woken up this month..anywhos, i went out and went swimmin for a lil bit, it was very...boring...

anyways....i saw scary movie 3 last night, wow, that movie sucks..i like didnt laugh at all during the whole movie...though i liked the part where what's her face is fighting that girl from the ring. (i forgot her name, so yeah.)


is it bad to actually want school to start? because i totally wanna go back....my summer vacation kinda sucked soo far...but yeah, it just might get better...because im supposed to be going up to sarasota soon to an art museum and stuffage and visit a friend or two who are up there.


anyways, i think im gonna run off to go play a game now, i may update again later today, eh, it depends on my mood.

~~~Joe~~~

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2004 26 June :: 1.18pm
:: Mood: weird

Wouldn't it be nicer if we were older?
Sorry, I haven't been able to get my hands on internet so today you'll get a brief overview and when I come back, you'll get a really long entry.

I don't know what days are what in the summer so on daysomeday, we finally got to Oregon. They have a lot of pine trees and lots of wine country. Everything is really pretty everywhere.

On someotherday (maybe the same day), we got to Ashland, which is the cutest town on the face of the earth. We stayed at this really pretty bed and breakfast thing. That night we saw Much Ado About Nothing, which was really funny. At first, I was a little put off by the era in which it was set but I actually sort of liked it. It was in the 20'sish. Most of the hilarity came from the gestures they made and the inflections in their voices. Overall, awesome.

The next day, I think, we left for some town on the ocean. We stayed in this house that some lady rents out to people. It was pretty. Everything is beautiful.

I'll be more specific and get links and everything on oh tomorrow when I get home and settled.

We stayed there for a day or two and yesterday we ended up here in Portland.

Today (I think) we're going to the Japanese garden and the rose garden thing. Then sometime we're going to some huge bookstore because we're all geeks.

I'll type up a big summary tomorrow night maybe.


I've had a weird feeling in the pit of my spleen so I hope everyone and everything back home is okay. Then last night I had two bad dreams so I'm a little weirded out/confused today.

I hope everyone is alright and having fun. I'm coming home tomorrow if you've missed me at all. I'll be home at 6ish (that's when our plane is supposed to land...if it does) and probably call people because I'm homesick and lonely.

I miss people and home.

I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


goose

:: 2004 26 June :: 2.07am

singing
Subconscious strange sensation
Unconscious relaxation
What a pleasant nightmare
And I can`t wait to get there again

Every time I close my eyes
There`s another vivid surprise
Another whole life waiting
Chapters unfinished, fading

Closer now - Slowly coming into view
I`ve arrived - Blinding sunshine beaming through

There`s a house I`m drawn into
Familiar settings, nothing new
There`s a pathway leading there
With a haunting chill in the air

There`s room at the top of the stairs
Every night I`m drawn up there
There`s a girl in the mirror
Her face is getting clearer
Young child won`t you tell me why I`m here?

In her eyes -I sense a story never told
Behinde the disguise - There`s something tearing
At her soul

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


goose

:: 2004 26 June :: 1.22am

"Burn the women and rape the crops"
tonight was fun. i didnt actually expect to get out. first i cashed my paycheck (oh yeah) then went to tokyo bowl with wender and spencer. then spencer and i went to world market where i got my baskets which were 2o dollars more than last time. poop. but i bought them then then... then we went to my house and spencer left and i went to the dealership to drop off my car theni ate pizza by myself and jackie called me but i didnt know it and so i scrapbooked then i noticed jackie called me like hours earlier and i went to the park, which was halirious these other people form out school showed up and stunkel, q, neil and campy ran around the park and screamed burn the women and rape the crops, and stulnkel took his pants off. ew! then we went to baskin robbins and jackie and i shared this really good ice cream. then these people were driving in the parking lot, and like id ont know what they were doing but it was bad and i was going to call the police but then the police came. and campy was so funny, you had to be there, then wender walked there and he showed up right when we were leaving then we went to bentons and ashley and i "fought" over my pants...theni fell and it hurt, then i left and now im home...on line. yup i think that concludes my day, ill be right back i have to go write down my dream from last night.

Are you crying?


goose

:: 2004 25 June :: 2.49am

http://gallery.greatestjournal.com/index.php?cat=420693

Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 25 June :: 1.22am
:: Mood: confused

so...two positives and a negative...

its psychology...doesnt hurt as much i guess...

neil


he's amazing perfect

me"why'd you stay?"
him"because if i went home, id just worry if you were ok. i didnt want to think of you crying and wish i was here helping you stop."

fight with mother


she started asking neil when hes going to canada to start his cruise to alaska...

in two weeks she wants to send me on the same flight to canada so i can spend time with the relatives which ive been dying to do.

only thing is...ive been promised soo much...that i give up on believing her...and so i told her so

and neil told me it seems like i pick my fights with her...

so i explained to him how hard it is to have patience with her...

because she doesnt remember and she repeats and shes slow and she hates people for no reason and gets pissed off so easily....and the whole bit....with examples...

and i had to do laundry

so i got up...and she was sitting on the stairs...

that pissed me off...

that is horrible disrespect.

and neil calmed me down...because hes a sweetheart...

but i asked if it bothers him when i talk about my family and stuff...cuz i told him how jealous i am of his perfect family and family outings and kind mother who cleans his room and shit...

and he said "it bothers me when you upset yourself"

for some reason

my heart dropped


and it hurt



i dont understand. why did it hurt when i heard that?

maybe i dont want to hurt him...

or maybe because i realised i just spent twenty minutes of his time making him hate me.

maybe thats why...

im not sleeping for a while...

i dont want my eyes to be puffy in the morning...



i talked to 'shonsky:

im cold-hearted and horrible.

him hey
me hi
how are u
am okie nad you
ehh i've been better but otherwise ok
why
I"m jsut getting sick of ppl
oh yea?
who
jsut ppl overall
like not everyone but ppl
lol

yea....right....you're lying
no i'm not...i'm sick of Disrespect from ppl
no one respects me..
i know
have you ever thought of soem disrespect you show them as well tho?
yea i know i do 2
an egotistical, overpowering image you have...everyone thinks you see yourself as better as they are
but i'm ont
no matter how confident you really are...thats how you appear and sound
you're teling me you're not...but im telling you why you arent respected
you should listen to me rather than deny
no no ...i don't think of myself better than tohers
am friends with the people you work iwth everyday mike....
lol
yea
you dont understand...im not saying you really do
im telling you how you appear
how people want to treat you because they feel like you treat them like they are all beneath you
when most of them have been in theatre longer than you
there is only one person i don't respect or think of as an older brother.....and that is Chris...i have no respect for Q and Stunkel at all..otherwise i love them all like ppl i ahve respect for
battlestarre: why dont you respect Q and stunkel

Q shows my no respect from square on.....he yelled at me cause he was 3 hours late for a rental...and stunkel...hes a great guy but i jsut can't take him seriously...i came home with a headache today..
but Chris, wender, Hul, Spencer, I lvoe them..the are like my father.without them i would know notihng.....i have no disrespect for them at all....i have more respect for them then i do for a lot of ppl......i just try to fit in with them...fit in with everyone..
stunkel....hes tough to understand...he is one who was never really taught how to be pissed off....either that or grew up in a place where he saw so much hurt and pain that he only wants to make the world happier.....same reason i dont get down that much
Q......
this is the reason he disrespects you
honestly, just like a good amount of us
hes jealous
waht
your parents would do ANYTHING for you
jealous
listen to me
just fucking listen
ok
both him and stunkel live in apartments
his parents are divorced
his mother hates him....tells him so....tells him everyday how much of a disgrace he is...how she wishes he was never born....
he goes to his dads and gets the shit beat out of him
tehy dont give a shit about his theatre
his accomplishments
you
you have money
you have people who love you in your house
no matter how much they say to you about your weight
they care because that is your health
they call teachers to tell them taht you deserve better
obviously because they truely believe it
mike...Q......he....he is struggling to get his hours sheet signed.
you see?
its tough man
and you were talking about you new car and you twenty dollar allowence
thats tough to take
not only that
when you began.....and youve gotten better but still do this
you acted like you had years under your belt
and knew exactly what you were doing
and as a result of that....are better than everyone else
because you know more
that pisses EVERYONE off
it always has
and i totally understand
if all your life you havent been respected by your peers
because i never was either
theres a certain point where you need to gain their trust
the fact that you try to fit in
let me point out how horrible this is
you should not do this so much as be yourself
i know youve heard it a thousand times
but doing what you're told...asking questions if you really dont know
being among friends rather than being among children
do you understand waht i mean?
............yes.....
really or are you just saying so?
no...i jsut never new this
i know
i'm crying
but can you honestly tell me that if someone tried to tell you you would listen?
all i wanted to do was to fit in..but instead all i did was make it worse
or would you think they were trying to be horribly mean?
exactly
but people give you loads of chances
if you work on it
ill tell everyone to chill
really
like i sorta see where youre coming from because your parents seem like control freaks....which would result in such
sorry i dont wanna make you cry.
but the truth hurts.
::hug::
you just gotta work on it okie?
:i know exactly waht to do
okie good
just dont hurt yourself okie?
ok...

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


goose

:: 2004 25 June :: 1.17am

i smell like popcorn and butter and its sick. ugh.

so you know when you just have those days where you feel like your nobody and your just nothing special and no one will remember you when they leave or go off of just anyhting and then you go hang out with people and they're supposivly your friends and they dont even notice that your there and they tell you they dont even know your there, but then theres some people that you would actually expect above all to actually talk to you, and they dont say a word to you but they walk right in front of you...yeah that makes me feel special. whats your name again? oh yeah...yeah i dont remember you at all...darn!

the lesson learned here, is that there is nothing to learn is there? maybe i should start making loud obnoxious entrances...then everyone will know im there. thats the only solution i can think of...any suggestions?

Are you crying?


cradleofilth

:: 2004 24 June :: 9.44pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: "powerless"-nelly furtado

*mumble*
well.....today was...interesting....

okay,

i wake up 11-ish, and i get shis splitting headache...than around time for practice, i cant find my gloves, nor my shirt and hat, si im like skiddering around looking for them, and rushed out of the house....when i get there, i hear news that the music the band was gonna play, is like all copyrighted-ish or somethin, and no one checked if it was ok to arrage or somethin...so they had to ditch the music, completly....its soo screwed up, because we were just starting to learn the work for it...anyways...duriing practice the power kept going out right during when someone was tossing or somethin, it was great...anywhos, after that, we learned a few tosses which i already knew, but yeah, its always great to review..like inbetween that, after i did a few tosses, bradley was teaching a wierd new toss, and a new way to do parallels...so yeah...wren tried to do this wrist thingy, and the flag flew back and hit me in the foot..ouchie...but, i am almost able to do the parallel ^____^......sarah kept hitting the piano, it was great..she was playing all these wierd notes everytime she hit it...than it started to rain hard.....omg, the stage is soo ghetto...it was leaking!! like all over the place, it was soo wierd....


anywhos....yeah, im gonna stop updating now.....bye byes ^.^


Joe

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Lavitz1985

:: 2004 24 June :: 2.08am

Attack: 75
Defence: 75
Strength: 79
Hitpoint: 78
Prayer: 56
Magic: 69
Herblore: 46
Firemaking: 45
Woodcutting: 76
Fletching: 85
Ranged: 70
Fishing: 70
Cooking: 66
Mining: 63
Smithing: 59
Crafting: 55
Runecrafting: 44
Thieving: 52
Agility: 67

Skill total: 1230
Combat level: 95

There... How's that for improvement?




hopefully that worked...

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 24 June :: 1.28am
:: Mood: accomplished

so i wanna play with the html

theres another entry thats not just bs if you're interested.....:)

so you can type here:

um...whats my favourite show?





yea...ima loser


1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 24 June :: 12.55am
:: Mood: complacent

i dont know if the mood word realy works....but it sounds smooth with a bump [the p] and ends with a snap...like my day!

neil was sweet

i wasnt feeling well...and he got me water and i told him not to kiss me so he didnt get sick and he didnt and then wehn i was leaving he told me to go to sleep early and not stay out til like midnight so you can get better...:)

aww...

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


goose

:: 2004 24 June :: 12.52am

tonight, tonight/today was not bad. i woke up and was just like dammit what am i going to do today, so i asked spencer and he told me to go to panera, so i went to panera where all the ppl that work at the school were having their lunch break, i didnt eat anyhting i just sat there, then it took me and hour to get home cuz of stupid traffic and i baked a cake. then...then we went to dinner and saw bo, that was fun we got free bread. thennnn we went to my house to eat my cake and went in my backyard and didnt really do anything. and oh man wender wore my jacket, hat and scarf and he looked so funny i took a picture. yeah then everyone left and spencer came back then he left and i got a really long e mail from my aunt, and my cousin is going to paris thats so cool!!! and now im here, so im going to go to bed now cuz i have to work tomorrow at 12. poop. okie good night. aw i gtotta drive my sister to gymnastics too double poop! okuie bye bye

Are you crying?


cradleofilth

:: 2004 23 June :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: odd
:: Music: "just the way you are"-Milky

wow...
well, today i went to target! -.-...that was interesting....nothin like wandering around, helping look at clothes for my sis...wow >.> like any of em will improve her looks *snicker snicker* j/k...

i had practice yesterday, that was fun for once ^.^; except during stretches...omg..ok, bradley says "ok go into a half split" i go and do it...and i could never get my right leg completly striaght...so im like "ummmm"...so he comes over and pulls my leg straight...ouchie....but yeah, i can almost go all the way down when i do splits!!! woohoo! ^.^;

anywhos...we played a game near the end of practice...it was a marching game, it was fun, but yeah....i got out twice..at exactly the same turn...the second turn i mess up...with very stupid mistakes too...

while we were at the chiropractic place with my mommy, i got really bored..so i was like doing backbends in the lobby, lol.....omg! my back cracked soo loudly....i attempted to do a kickover....never again, lol....i almost fell on meh back...*shudders* da pain...

god, i need a haircut...its like waaayyyy long....its startin to look like a certain someones, whom i dislikes, hair -.- people from raglafart know who im talkin bout...its friggan scary...anyways, i was supposed to be dyeing it blue or purple..but yeah...i dunno anymore....so....when you leave a comment, (if someone actually does) tell me what color i should make it, or if you like my hair the same, just tell meh...and btw, i've gotten rid of my old style, and i am never going to do it again...that means, no more rings and stuffage....it got to expensive, and the stereotypes got to me and annoyed the heck outta me.....oh! btw, i saw andy, tyler, and i think morgan, and burger king today!!!! i didnt get to talk to them though...cause they were leaving when i was coming in, and i wasnt able to get their attention...and its official..i like killed my cell..im such an idiot, i used like all my minutes -.- so yeah...i need to get more *hits self*

i was talking to corie last night (one of the drum majors) and she said that one day, for the wierd senior buddy thing....we're all going bowling! ^.^...so i can show off my horrible bowling skills!..lol...

i went swimming today....and went out to practice for guard a lil bit...i can almost do a parallel on my rifle ^.^...and i can do a pretty good one on a flag...boo-ya ^.^

anywhos...im gonna stop updating now, cause im thinkin bout going to practice again...hopefully i wont break a limb or somethin.....bai bai!!!


1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


goose

:: 2004 23 June :: 2.17am


LAYER ONE:ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Jill
Birth Date:2/26/87
Birth Place: Elmhurst Memorial Hospital
Eye Colour:Brown
Hair Colour:Brown
Right or Lefty:Lefty
Zodiac Sign: Pisces
Horoscope:huh? Pisces? what does that mean?

LAYER TWO:ON THE INSIDE
Your Heritage: Polish and Czechslocakian
Shoes worn today: slippers and my target flip flopsYour
weakness: im very tickilish
Your fears: i think im afraid os snakes but im not sure onle if theres one right there and loosing someone i care about.
Goals: life long or short term?

LAYER THREE:YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your most overused phrase on AIM: i really dont know i dont really pay much attention to what i say
Your thoughts while first waking up: i dont wanna go to work...
Your best physical feauture: uh none cept my height which is awesome, espically when i need money for school hehehe
Your bedtime: im usually asleep as soon as i get home so like 11 ish but tonight i can not sleep cuz im not tired at all
Your most missed memory: i just wish i could go back in time to like les mis and re live everything and maybe change a few things...

LAYER FOUR:YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonalds or Burger King:mcdonalds
Single or Group Dating:well...being as ive been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we've onle gone on 3 real dates, i really wouldnt know. but i guess it really depends on my mood.
Adidas or Nike: payless!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: i hate iced tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: both are very good

LAYER FIVE:DO YOU?
Smoke:no that is the most disgusting thing ever!
Cuss: im trying to quit
Single:nope! :)
Shower: yup
Have a Crush(es): i do but i havent in a very long time
Think youve been in love: yes
Like my highschool: yes
Want to get married: i've already made the shower invitations, but i havent figured out the party favor thingy yet...i think im in trouble
Believe in yourself:not most of the time, obviously otherwise i would have auditioned for all state which i should have cuz i woulda made it...sure NOW i believe in myself!
Get motion sickness:oh yeah i hate it
Think your attractive:not at all
Think you're a health freak:i dont know i cant handle too many sweets tho, sensitive stomach, and i get sick so i dunno
Get along with ur parents:yeah
Like thunderstorms:yeah, i perfer just rain tho then i can play in it
Play an instrument: bass clarinet

LAYER SIX::IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank Alcohol:no
Gone on a date: yes
Gone to the mall:just today to get a controller for spencer's x box
Eaten an entire box of oreos:no oreos are disgusting i hate them
Eaten sushi:never
Been dumped: no, never actually
gone skating: not in the past month
gone skinny dipping: no...:(
Dyed your hair:never
Stolen anything: no

LAYER SEVEN:HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that requires removal of clothing: no but i got close once
Been trashed or intoxicated: nope
Been caught "doing something":what does doing something really mean? like what? if it means what i think (ew) then yes. sorry
Been called a tease:nope
Shoplifted: no
Changed who you were to fiit in: yeah, how can you not? espically in junior high

LAYER EIGHT:GETTING OLDER
Age you want to get married:soon!
Number of kids: 2
Describe your dream wedding: all the details? no no theres no time for all of it, lots of flowers, outside, (hopefully he doesnt have allergies, that would suck if he was sneezing the whole time...no im just kiddint i would go inside if he was allergic) pretty, and perfect, yeah i really cant explain it all, i have a whole book about it ill show you later...eheheh
How to you want to die: laughing
What to you want to be with ur an adult: Phelan...cept me but i want his job
What country would u like to visit: mexico, and london! (i know its not a country duh)

LAYER NINE:IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye colour: there really is no best if it all goes well toghter then its best
Best hair colour: as i said before
Short or long hair: well normal guys have short hair, but in this case ive got a long haired boy, and you know what i like it!
Height: hopefully taller than me, thats not a hard requirement to meet
Best first date location: whatever seems nice at the time.
Clothing: not stylish but not stuck in tha past.
Best first kiss location: whereever we happen to be when we want to kiss

LAYER TEN:IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I can trust with my life: maybe 3?
Number of CD's:more than 50 counting burned cds 100's
Number of peircings:my ears
Tattoos:none
Times my name has been in newspaper:3 or 4
# of scars on body: 5
Things regreted in past: did i mention i have a sensitive stomach? many many things... the most was candycorn and chicken nuggets (that night i barfed 9 times) and hot dogs, and anytime i eat meat and lots and lots of things...i cant possibly remember everything.

Are you crying?


goose

:: 2004 23 June :: 2.00am

its 1:00 and i can't sleep im not even tired. Earlier i went to spencers house and watched a bunch of guys play video games all night blah. but first we went to pastabilities and i only ate 1 noddle. i guess i wasnt hungry. then, then i watched them play games, and tickle wender, he had a fuzzy thing on his sock and i just got it off and he freaked out, it was funny and much more entertaining than watching everyone else kill eachother. im wearing spencers purdue sweatshirt, which is weird in many ways, also because he's not even going there anymore. so im sill awake and still bored and theres nothing on tv and im not hungry and no ones on line, maybe ill walk to spencers house and look for his cat. sounds like fun. too bad i'd get busted for curfew cuz i live in libertyville and i still have a curfew...:( okie bye bye for now

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2004 21 June :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: hungry

Creepy
This whole town and the surrounding towns are creepy.

Anyway, pretty.

We drove from San Francisco to wherever we are now. Um. F something. It starts with an f. I think I said it earlier.

It's so beautiful. We drove along the riv ocean (I'm going crazy) and up all these hills/mountains and by these ravines... Wow. It's so breathtaking.

None of the rivers around here have water in them. The ones that do are so low that there isn't water in some parts.

I want to live in San Francisco. Or anywhere in California. I've been calling it "the tree hugger state". Everything is environmentally friendly. There's an ungodly fine for littering and everything's clean. It's amazing.

Oh, I have a plan. It's silly, it's crazy, it's absurd but it's a cool idea.

Next year This year, we graduate. I think we should all take a trip to San Francisco. It'd be so awesome. We can drive over here if anything. It takes 34 hours or something like that. I mean, we'd be 18. Adults. Done with stupid high school and ready for the real world. How awesome would it be to celebrate by going to San Francisco or hanging around California for a few weeks?

Maybe I'm just crazy or totally weird but I really want to do this. It might not even cost that much if we go the poor student's way. Plane tickets cost a ton, we could just drive bit by bit and get to California in a week maybe. Then we could...

Now I know I'm crazy.

Anyway, I'm having an adventure over here and I hope you all are having a ton of fun. But not too much.

I love you all and miss ya lots.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2004 21 June :: 10.28pm

Well damn.

We're still not in Oregon and I'm going even more insane.

We're staying in Fortuna, CA which is plopped in the middle of nowhere.

We're leaving tomorrow for somewhere in Oregon.

I'm still tired and we're going to some Victorian house town named Ferndale.

This hotel is creepy. There's hardly anyone here and we're in murder central again.

Shakespeare festival tomorrow! w00t! Much Ado About Nothing.

I'll update later on prettiness and such.

I love you all and miss you lots.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 21 June :: 3.20pm
:: Music: "Lightning Crashes"~Live

i forgot to say i played in the rain today!!!

neil burned me a whole bunch of songs

heres one of them

"Lightning Crashes"

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now, to the baby down the hall

oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored eyes,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 21 June :: 2.40pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "Take My Picture"~Filter

last night i cried.

i cried because neils leaving...but also because of what he said to me

it made me so happy

i asked him if he thinks its possible we'll get married and he said he was thinking about it a lot too

"You're the kind of girl I want to come home to. Melanie and Sandy and all them are lots of fun to be around but you would make the house warm. Like if i came home from a long day at work and you'd be sitting the on the couch watching tv or soemthing and hearing your voice ask how my day was."


it made me cry. i feel soo loved by him.

i was thinking about my childhood and realised how horrendously forgotten i was...but i was so happy by myself being independent i didnt even notice til now.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2004 20 June :: 12.07am
:: Mood: tired

Today...
We went to the Japanese Tea Gardens and all around San Francisco.

That was it really. I can't believe that was our whole day...

My parents keep talking to me about how good I am at foreign languages so I'm hoping they'll either send me off so I can use it (Japan/France) or help me find something to do with my mad l337 sk1llz.

I'm really tired. I'm still on stupid Eastern Time Zone. It's only midnight over there but I feel like I've been up all night and it's 6 in the morning.

Where is everyone? Why isn't anyone on the messenger? Sigh. I actually get on the computer so I can be all lazy and no one's on.

Really...tired...

Tomorrow we're driving for six hours up to Oregon. I don't know what we're doing up there. We might go on a boat and I know sometime this week we're going to the Shakespeare festival.

I'm reading one of Dan Brown's books. I've already read Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons. I started reading Digital Fortress yesterday as we were waiting in Minneapolis. I have about 100 pages left and it's pissing me off. He's so annoyingly predictable and he's using the same structure over and over. He's also sexist and narrow-mindedly stereotypical. You should see how many times there's been a deus ex machina in this book! It's disgusting.

And still I read on.

I have more complaints but I'm tired.

Channel 8 on this TV is some Japanese station. I haven't had the chance to look at it or watch it really.

Something....

There's a huge Japanese garden in Portland that we might go to.

I had a point but I don't remember it.

Does traveling make you really tired? Because I am exhausted and my brain is total mush right now.

And I'm repeating myself but that's hardly anything new.

I'll update when I can. I'm not going to comment much because I'm not only lazy but too busy for you! Yeah! That's right! No, I just don't have time. Sorry.

I love you all.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2004 20 June :: 2.31pm

I'm here!
Another sunny day in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it


It's not that sunny or that warm really but it's nice. It's different.

And it's an adventure.

The layover wasn't that bad. We got Chinese food and sat around reading and talking. Hannah and I played crazy eights.

We got to California at 11:20 and got our rental car around 1. I have no idea what time we got to our hotel, I was too tired.

But here I am. Safe and sound. Thank God. Really.

Today we're heading to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and then we're going to drive around San Francisco.

I can't wait.

I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


goose

:: 2004 19 June :: 10.08pm

gah work is no fun, i work from 2-10 and always have to stay until 11 at least, but here's the awesome part the other day one of my managers told me she lost my availability andi need to fill out a new one, so guess what i told her i cant work weekends just cuz i dont feel like it hehee im awesomei know! so now i automatically have every weekend off and next week i work monday 10-5 and thursday 12-5 its so sweet! hehehe! i love it!

so im at my dads house, and my dad left to go see the chicago and earth, wind and fire concert which made me laugh so hard because thats where spencer is right now hahah. maybe they'll see eachother. i almost went cuz my dad was at this party this morning and got all...weird and came home and crashed, but then he didnt and he went...:( oh well. so i dont know what else to say nothing else it going on...is it? guess not.

Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 19 June :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: amused

another update:

Roseprincess1826: just so you know, im not trying to steal neil from you, believe me, i would never want to hurt you like that! its just, im going away for the whole summer, and when i get back, hes going to be going away, so i dont know if ill get to see him again so i wanted to spend time with him. in my jounal i wasnt trying to mock you, im sry if you got that impression... i felt really bad for you.... i mean, u hadnt seen him in a while.... i am going to try my hardest to not be as flirty with him, if thats what you want... i really dont want to go away with you so upset with me like this, cause im not sure if ill have the best time at camp or not knowing that when i come home, ill have someone pist at me.... so please, could we try to start things all over again, try to make it all better?

Auto response from battlestarre: C H I C K E N ! ! !

Roseprincess1826: i wouldnt even want to go out with neil, hes more of the best friend type for me.... a big brother, my cousin... whatever you want to think of it as... hes just a lot of fun to be around, i have a good time when he's around... i dont know... i just dont want you to think that my goal in life is to take him away from you

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


cradleofilth

:: 2004 19 June :: 5.11pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: broken vow-Josh Groban

updating-ness ^_^
okie well, i got meh new cellie a few days ago and i went to the mall today..i got a gravitation manga and a cute ed plushie!!! it was soo cute, i couldnt resist..lol..anyways, i saw people from band there...2 drummers, who i thought didnt know my name, but yeah i was wrong..it like scared meh to death..


anywhos..im going to a bake sale tommorow to help buy the new "shiny but deadly" sabres for guard, wish meh luck! ^_^....anywhos....my cellie is all screwly for some reason..it keeps getting an error when im looking through voice dial O.o it annoys meh..hmm

i called scott today..and yesterday....He never returns my calls!!!! -.- hes always like "i cant talk now, blah blah blah, i'll call you back!" and yeah..he never does....so yeah..im gonna stop updating now....

byes to whoevers readin this,
and i luv ya all ^_^

Joe

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2004 19 June :: 2.36pm
:: Mood: anxious

Okay so we're leaving in about two hours and already I'm sick of vacation.

I almost forgot about a thousand things and I'm stressing out about it.

The thing I hate the most is that I can't wear a belt and all of my pants that are long enough don't fit. So I grabbed a scarf and now my pants are pretty.

We apparently have a two hour layover in Minneapolis. Ug. Two hours in an airport in a state just like Michigan. That's exactly where I want to be on my way to California. Not.

So yeah. I'll be in Cali at "11:27, Rachel" Hannah says which is 2:27 in the morning here. So all of you will either be asleep (like good little childrens) or doing whatever you do at 3 in the morning.

Binoc'lars!

I'm bored. I'm not really scared about flying anymore as much as I am really anxious.

This'll probably be my last update. I'll try to update but I don't know if I'll be able to.

Anyway, Hannah says we get to Minneapolis at 7 I think. So 8 here. Then we sit around for two hours.

Sigh.

Once we get there, we're in California for a few days before we head to Oregon. I don't know what we're doing there. Oh! We're going to the Shakespeare Festival in Ashland. Glee! I'm such a geek.

I'll see you all soon.

I love you all.

P.S. Never take anything I say after midnight as it's written. Just try to think about what you think I mean and you're probably right.

P.P.S. Sob. I'm going to really miss JAFAX. Hannah says we get home around 6 er summat. GARG. Take pictures, people. And buy me pocky or it'll be your head! YES! DOOOOM!

9 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2004 19 June :: 3.05am

I almost forgot
To Nick and Ben or someone who can communicate this to them sometime:

Kyle's name on xbox live is Dopey going to be Thresher Shark (just like we thought). I don't know if you knew that already but there it is.

I love you all.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 19 June :: 1.23am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: velvet revolver

an update:

Currently Watching
Everybody Loves Raymond - The Complete First Season
By Ray Romano
see related

nothings wrong with my ear! thats always a good thing for me! Im so glad that im leaving now! get away from all the shiz that is going on here! there are just too many people that are either pist at me or pissing me off. blair- i know i cant run and hide forever, but the whole summer is a long time for people to calm down! woo hoo only 3 days left till i get to go to my most favoritest place in the world, OSRUI!!

yeah, so today i went to the movies to see the terminal. that was a good movie, it was just sooo long!!! but still good. afterwards i went over to blairs for a bit with her, jen, shroom, and campy. there we ate frosting... yummy and waved at cars passing by.... then we were going to go to neils house to hang out... cept i wasnt invited, and it wasnt neil who said no... it was jorie.... o well, she can calm the freak down while im at camp! get the hell over whatever her problem is with me!

o well, i really have to go and get packing!! happiness and kisses to all (or at least most people).

Posted 6/18/2004 at 7:01 PM - email it

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1 Comment
this is me


alright you want to know the issue...

you see, i havent been around to notice...which is half the issue...but the other half is that you seem to be obsessed with neil

and i honestly dont hate you or dislike you or anything of the sort...in fact...i expected you to come over...it was jen who said dont.

now i dont really care if you like neil or all that...believe me ive had this issue before...but this time its not neil im worried about.

it's you.

yea...i dont sugar-coat things.

like i said i dont dislike you...but it seems like you are trying to steal neil from me.

whether you are or not...it seems like it...

and that bothers me.

especially with you spending more time with him than me...

and reading your journal...it sounds like youre mocking my being upset that night at the park

i dont know...thats what i feel...whether you accept it or not...

just keep in mind...ive been going out with him for a year...stacey wanted him...jackie wanted him...goli seemed a threat...as did melanie at one time...and you see, you are the fifth...and most likely not the last.

i pray of you...please do not overdo your closeness with him.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2004 18 June :: 11.23pm

Tomorrow we're off to California and Oregon.

The plane takes off at 6:36 (stupid random numbers) but we're leaving 73h house at 4:30.

So I'm going to wake up early and pack because I don't feel like doing it tonight.

Sigh. I'll be back the 27th at some time. I don't actually know when exactly.

Anyway, I do believe we'll be taking the laptop and since I cannot live without being online every second, I'll probably update 5 bajillion times and y'all might see me on the messenger.

Of course, I'll be five three (I can't count) hours behind all y'all but meh.


I hung out with Nick, Brigitte and Ben today. It was fun.

I love you all.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 18 June :: 12.41pm

so ive been playing around with the html

look what ive learned




if i wanted all this indented...i could....its a B.L.O.C.K.Q.U.O.T.E. and using this you could type in long ass quotes like in papers .....you know the ones that are more than three lines long....yay....


also that if i had


  1. several


  2. things


  3. to


  4. list


  5. i could.



or even


  • if i


  • felt

  • like

  • bullets


  • suited


  • the


  • list


  • better


  • i could



okie sorry....i got excited....

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

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