Black roses and Silver tears

:: 2004 13 February :: 6.18am

I awoke the dawn
Saw horses growing out the lawn
I glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
Oh what marvelous things

Dark night
Hold tight
And sleep tight
My baby
Morning light
Shall burst bright
And keep us here safely

:: 2004 12 February :: 9.09pm

I hate "blog wars"

Are people so stupid that they'll pick a fight with someone they don't even know?

I'm stupid enough to defend those accused.

And I will forever.

:: 2004 11 February :: 11.07pm

I love how the topics that make you think the most can make the best poetry.

Isn't it funny how people grow apart with time?

Isn't it strange how you feel like you know so much about someone then the next day you know nothing?

Isn't it odd how you can feel that you don't know someone you've known for over a year...or longer?

I should just let it go but change bothers me. I'm okay with changing houses or schools or cities or friends but when people change, it freaks me out.

I wonder where the one I knew went to. When you change, does the other you die? Is it still hidden somewhere in your heart? If I search hard enough, can I find the person I know? Or the you I knew? Will you come around again?

How far do I have to dig to see you again?

:: 2004 10 February :: 4.05pm

I wish I could fly.

I have heard of your paintings too, well enough; God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another.

:: 2004 10 February :: 6.21am

Too many people update while I'm on the phone.

Does anyone want to hang out this weekend as a Valentine's Day semi-protest?

I just need to do something. My weekend really sucked.

I love you all.

P.S. My icon says "a line on his face for every year she missed". It's from the song Sad Like Winter Leaves by Benton Falls. The picture is called Last Night at the Dinner Table. It's on deviantart but I'm too lazy to find it.

P.P.S. A lot of things gross you out, Ben. Including eating cream cheese and mayo sandwiches. I'll change it though. I'm not that upset now.

:: 2004 9 February :: 6.21am

You cannot prevent the Birds of Sorrow from flying over your head.

But you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.

:: 2004 8 February :: 10.58pm

What do you do when you want to give up?

Everybody has a wish that he can't fulfill by himself. Or herself.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 8 February :: 10.28pm

Why isn't everyone happy at the same time?

When one person, normally sad, is sad, others who are usually happy remain happy.

Then when that sad person is happy, the happy people are sad.

Why?

:: 2004 8 February :: 8.13pm
:: Music: Sad Like Winter Leaves by Benton Falls

Let it go
In honor of my crappy new icon...

The lyrics to Sad Like Winter Leaves by Benton Falls. Yay!

Read more..

I love you all.

:: 2004 8 February :: 9.45am

For Jackie
Here's that girl's cosplay stuffs.

There's her main site

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 7 February :: 9.22pm

I love Google
I was tired of searching for ideas for my Kohaku cosplay and decided to see if anyone had put the picture of my sister's cosplay on their website.

Lo and behold, who do I find but Jackie!

It's JACKIE!!! It's Jackie! It's Jackie!! On some unknown person's website! JACKIE!

I'm so geeked out right now it isn't even funny.

:: 2004 7 February :: 8.49pm

I CAN'T FIND ANY UNDERWEAR!

On a lighter note, I will never tease Kelly about the fact that none of her bands ever come up here.

aww... you're cute ^^ but a bit of a bubble head...
Kohaku!

What Clamp Wish Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm going to have to re-read Wish again...

:: 2004 7 February :: 4.25pm

Change of cosplay plans
I keep saying I'm not going to cosplay at JAFAX this year because I might not be here and I want to concentrate on my duct tape prom dress.

But I have the sudden urge to follow Katie's repeated advice to cosplay as Kohaku from Wish by CLAMP.

I won't have to do a thing to my hair (since it's cool and sideways already) and her outfit is simple.

I really want to do this. I said that about Edea too but she's too complicated for my lazy habits. Or lack thereof.

Okay. JAFAX is the 26th and 27th. If we go to Oregon, we're going the 19-25 or 26.

So I think I'll do this. Kohaku from Wish.

I'll start later this month or in the beginning of March. I'm going to look at pictures and for supplies now.

I love you all.

:: 2004 7 February :: 1.25pm

I just played double pad DDR MAX2 for a little more than half an hour. It's sorta hard and I keep getting B's and C's on everything. And I got D's on the last few songs I did because I was actually paying attention and thinking.

I'm a sweaty mess. I'm going to go take a shower once I can breathe.

I love you all.

12 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 6 February :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: tired

[random thought] I have a habit of chewing on my cheek or my lip when I'm nervous. [/random]

I found this just a second ago and since I'm bored out of my mind, I thought I'd post it. (Plus, half of you won't do it. I know by saying that, half of that half will do it just to spite me but since I've said that, half of that half won't do it.) I think it's a cool, albeit weird, thing to do.

"Post anything that you want and post it anonymously (I turned off the log ip address thing). Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love...anything. Be sure to post anonymously (that word is spelled oddly) and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. (Yeah...right.) Then put this in your journal to see what your friends (and perhaps others) have to say."

I love you all.

:: 2004 6 February :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: devious

It's a bittersweet symphony
I was going to make this an icon but forgot to shrink it before I put the words on it. Now I'm too lazy to redo it and fix everything. It's too much work and I'll just mess it up again. The colors are awful but once again, I'm too lazy.

My mom broke the lock turner thing on the front door when she locked it last night so Hannah and I had to go in and out of the garage. I went outside and unlocked it because... I don't know why. I told Hannah it was in case someone came to the door. Since we get so many visitors and all.

My pants were unzipped.

I want to make an icon with some part of these lyrics on it but I can't find a good picture for it:

I should've stopped to think
I should've made the time
I could've had that drink
I could've talked awhile
I would've done it right
I would've moved us on
but I didn't
now it's all too late
it's over and you're gone

A guy told me today that he could see down my shirt during class and, being a typical guy, he tried to sneak more of a peek. I didn't know how to react to that. It made me laugh.

I love you all.

:: 2004 5 February :: 10.16pm

Well I know that�s where I�ll never be
Because I can see the summer�s done
I try to let the river flow in and out of me
And pray I float the way I think I want
And pray I float at all

Thanks for praying for him. I don't know him that well but he's one of those people you care a lot about even if you don't know them.

Or maybe that's just me...

I love you all.

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 5 February :: 4.49pm

How do people live without God?

I saw someone digging into his arm during school today. He was scratching and clawing and bleeding and burning every piece of pain he felt into his arm and hand.

His hand said "hi"

Is this how people live without God?

I cried. I cried for him and I prayed and prayed.

I stopped him during Japanese class but he sits behind me now in Shakespeare...

I cried. I tried not to but I did. I didn't want Ben to see me cry. I didn't want him to see me cry.

So I waited until he was gone. I waited until before anime club.

And I prayed.

Please pray for him.

I love you all.

13 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 4 February :: 9.53pm

I failed my Japanese presentation. It was hilarious. I was just laughing and laughing.

I'm going to say/present my soliloquy on the 24th. It'll rock.

I need help with Chemistry. I have no idea how to do any of the problems.

Katie came over after anime club. We played DDR and watched Amelie.

I love that movie. She needs to see the last ten minutes of it still.

"Without you, today's emotions would be the scurf of yesterday's."

I love you all.

:: 2004 3 February :: 10.41pm

Norway will soon officially register Dance Dance Revolution as a sport.

w00t!!! If only we could've done that in gym class instead of running...

:: 2004 3 February :: 9.00pm

I found some emotions on emotion dump that I forgot I submitted.

I like going through all of them to see how people feel.

I have my Japanese presentation tomorrow since I wasn't ready today.

I love you all.

[edit: 9:36] I have 10 lines of my soliloquy memorized. 21 lines to go!

:: 2004 2 February :: 11.00pm

In honor of Les Parapluies de Cherbourg and the impending doom that is St. Valentine's Day, I messed around with layers and made a heart. Avec un parapluie.

I dislike February the 14th.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 2 February :: 9.23pm

Wings of Glass
Here's a link to my poem. It's a work in progress and I was bored. That's why it has the cool link.

I wrote it during first hour when my stupid teacher was telling us the kinds of poems we were going to write. I hate it when people tell me how to write a poem line by line.

So I rebelled and wrote this while she was talking.

Inspired by Alex.

Enjoy. I love you.

"i thought it was more like trying to break through a wall with a cliff on the other side...if you don't kill yourself trying, you will if you succeed"

:: 2004 2 February :: 5.56pm

One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness.

Though it seems enough to condemn him.

:: 2004 2 February :: 6.45am

Soft hushed breath
It goes in and out
Frost tracing the window pane
Up and down, up and down

I think I'm getting a cold.

I hate being sick.

I had a weird dream last night that I was going into space on my rocking horse. Before I left, I had to empty all the candy out of my pockets for some reason.

And we had a new dryer. I don't remember why or how that is important.

I love you all.

:: 2004 1 February :: 4.48pm

The Lovely Bones
I finished The Lovely Bones. Katie's going to read it next.

I cried about 400 bajillion times reading it.

I love that book.

Like snowflakes, none of them the same and yet each one, from where we stand, exactly like the one before.

"You look invincible," my mother said one night.

I loved these times, when we seemed to feel the same thing. I turned to her, wrapped in my thin gown, and said:

"I am."

I love you all.

:: 2004 31 January :: 9.09pm
:: Mood: bored

And I don't want to die
I went to Katie's lock-in last night. We got to her church at around 10 and went sledding in downtown Grand Rapids until 11:30. We got back to her church around midnight. It was fun. Then we all played spoons and battle of the sexes with silly string. Afterwards, we played group hide and seek which was really enjoyable. We also played this electricity thing game and that was fun.

We did a thing with prayer and it was pretty awesome.

Katie and I played DDR sometime in there. We watched PotC around 4 am. Everyone fell asleep. I slept for maybe an hour and a half.

We all headed to IHOP around 7 then Katie and I went back to her house around 8 or 8:30.

I was awake by then and didn't want to sleep. After we sat around for awhile not doing anything, I got sleepy. Katie and I headed upstairs for what we believed would be a short nap at 10.

Katie woke me up at 4 in the afternoon stating that we slept for 7 hours.

We didn't do much of anything.

My neck hurts and I think I'm getting a cold. I'm not feeling that great. It might just be because I didn't eat a lot.

Oh well.

I love you all.

:: 2004 30 January :: 3.18pm
:: Mood: restless

I wasn't prepared for this
Did you hear me holler at you
To come save me I'm in danger
My pearls have fallen into mud
And you are too late
Did you hear me holler at you
To come save me I'm in danger
My pearls have fallen into mud
And you are too late

I can't count how many times you have made me cry

Your pen�s waiting for you
Just get far, far away from me
I don�t want your disease

Please don�t make me cry
Please don�t make me cry
I�m just like you
I know you know
I�m just like you so leave me alone

Time feels like a midnight ride
Finality waits outside
Weeping in perplexity�s arms

O, that this too too solid flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!

Oh, you humor me today

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 30 January :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: *ringing in my ears*

I�ll write about the concert later cuz it�s nearly time to leave but im tired as fuck (it�s really fuckin tired sandy) lol but my back hurts and my neck and im tired cuz jen couldn�t sleep so she talked (am not shur if it was to herself or to us after we started trying to go to sleep) *still love ya jen* okie one minute�bye!