spud
|
::
2006 26 July :: 11.50am
note to self:
REMEMBER!
(you will, won't you?)
2 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 26 July :: 11.28am
:: unentitled ::
oh man. less than a month now until i'm done with work. that's unbelievable. it went so damn fast. which is good and bad, i guess. i'm not getting as rich as i thought i would be getting.
hopefully the home improvement place in allendale needs a forklift operator. i'm fully licensed. i now have 3 months of intensive experience. that should be enough, i think.
in other news, shannon's this weekend was a rockin' good time. the movies were funny and felt good. the beach was warm, and freezing-ass cold. the blueberry pancakes were absolutely spectacular. and the talking was super-duper great.
i guess kevin and dylan might be coming over tonight. or maybe i misunderstood. that happens all too often. it would be fun if they did.
two weeks is a long time to go without any attention. i kind of backed myself into a corner on that one though. and i know it's just for me to prove to myself that i can do it. nothing more than that. i mean, why would anybody else give a shit? exactly.
i'm looking very much forward to the mackinac trip. i'm also looking forward to havoc at hastings, the following weekend (labor dabor). and there is also move-in to look forward to, which is something like 3 weeks away. two weeks. something. i don't even know. it's getting here much sooner than i anticipated, i know that much. but i'm pumped and jazzed and all that, just the same.
credit card bill (camping trip) - $100
bells - $100
havoc pre-registration - $20
internet @ apt. - $90
rent - $350
total - $660 (otherwise known as two weeks' pay)
gone.
let go lightly
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 26 July :: 10.52am
omg like almost justtwo weeks until we move innnnnnnnnnnn
i'm so fucking excited. ugh i still have a lot to pack i'm realizing.
let go lightly
|
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 25 July :: 6.33pm
omg. band camp is next week. it makes me want to CRY. i miss band so much.
justine, who is instructing pit and how is it going? If you are instructing, GO YOU! and good job. but either way go you and good job because i'm sure you're as awesome as you've always been.
and ps. what music are you guys doing?
god i'm so sad!!!! i might stop in to see you guys sometime
5 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 25 July :: 4.24pm
so i'm feeling slightly good. no work today... bought all but one of my books online for discounted prices. seventeen days until we move in.
stef's wedding on the 5th. got the rehersal dinner off by trading hours. still dont get out until 7:30 on the bacholorette party day because menards is dumb.
only one thing really bugging me because of a person who bugs me more than anyone on the planet i think.
now if only i could lose this weight.
oh well, one thing at a time right. g'day
stef i got your signs done and i think they look pretty good so let me know what you think, i'm gonna try to email them to you
4 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 24 July :: 11.58pm
okay so i went to "bed" at 6:30 because i had nothing better to do and i had to get up at 6 today and i was tired and then it's so hot in my room because i'm still used to sleeping in the cold basement and i just felt crappy and then i wake up at 11 something and i feel horrible... really really sick and so i go downstairs in the basement to sleep where it's cold and i can't sleep because i still feel like crap so i go into the bathrroom and then start puking my brains out. UGHGHGHG i HATE THROWING UP. it is the worst feeling ever. ughghghghgh. and i was just throwing up like 2 weeks ago too. ugh i just hate it and then i want to call my boyfriend and talk to him and his phone is dead woohoo.....
well whatever. that's my story and i still feel like shit.
2 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
jedibumblebee
|
::
2006 24 July :: 8.19pm
Best Paul Quote Ever:
"I've been in love with you for so long that I'm starting to understand country music!"
let go lightly
|
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 23 July :: 9.13pm
la la la. i work at menards and have no life and wooooo hoooooooo
blah blah blha and my feet hurt.
18 days till i move. woohoo.
let go lightly
|
holiday
|
::
2006 21 July :: 3.10pm
I love my husband!
He just got a very large raise so I can now leave work! And once the baby comes there won't be a hurry for me to go back! :-)
He's really wonderful.
2 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 19 July :: 11.05pm
OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE MENARDS.
I AM NEVER WORKING 2 WEEKS WITHOUT A DAY OFF EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! EVER~!@@!%!#$%^!#$^#$^$%&@$
I FUCKING HATE IT.
1 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
holiday
|
::
2006 19 July :: 1.58pm
I just didn't think it was possible. But it's happened again. Goodbye.
~
In other news, I am now the proud owner of a pretty vaccuum! Whoo. hahaha. (I was actually excited about getting it. jeez) To complete my new look I will soon purchase an apron. You can actually see baby move now. Crazy! Like an alien!
let go lightly
|
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 17 July :: 11.15pm
in your eyes. in your eyes. in your eyes. in your eyes.
i wanna cry. but only if i'm with you.
let go lightly
|
|
jedibumblebee
|
::
2006 17 July :: 6.33pm
This is what happens when I forget to put the laundry away.
Read more..
1 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
holiday
|
::
2006 17 July :: 11.28am
Who am I supposed to depend on when I am scared?
It's a lot harder than you think.
~
Went to Labor/Delivery yesterday and got hooked up to a bunch of machines. It's scary when you're normally active baby isn't so active for the weekend. So the nurse comes in and says "So you're expecting a little girl, huh?" Hmm... She says she thought she overheard "her" but... I still think it's a girl! Everything is okay. We went to the doctor today and got everything situated and now it's time to sign up for birth classes. Haha. Not signing up for classes at college. Nope, birth classes. Crazy how that works. Anyway, that's it for now.
let go lightly
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 17 July :: 12.43am
:: Mood: much better
:: Music: genesis (yes, still)
alrighty. i'm doing a lot better. and to evidence the change of spirit, i now entail the assistance of a webcomic, directed particularly at one shannon rench, who i assume will be internet stalking me tomorrow sometime before i talk to her.
i could be wrong though.
because they want to know what the hell is wrong with you.
4 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 16 July :: 10.56pm
Wouldnt it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldnt have to wait so long
And wouldnt it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong
You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together
Wouldnt it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through
Happy times together weve been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldnt it be nice
Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldnt be a single thing we couldnt do
We could be married
And then wed be happy
Wouldnt it be nice
You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldnt it be nice
3 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 16 July :: 12.42am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: genesis
big book
i started feeling better today while i was at work. i just made the realization that i needed to let go of the physical. there's just so much more than that. i lied when i said i wanted to cum more than anything. i really didn't care. i just knew she wanted me to. and i love her. to death. and whatever she wants. i mean, the physical cannot be ignored, but there's so much beyond that. i was getting too caught up in it.
i also had the opportunity of a nice talk over dinner tonight with dad, since kevin fucking ditched on me.
it's interesting hearing your own father say "i needed half a pint of vodka in me, just to bring myself to get up and go to work in the morning. and i didn't think that was a problem." and then to know that you can tell that very same man that you drink, and have him look right back in your eyes, smile, and tell you to do some research: look within yourself, within a book, within the world around you. no condemnation. no know-it-all bullshit. just honest help, with honest answers. that is truly love beyond anything i've ever been capable of providing.
i want that capacity. and i intend to make full use of it.
for now.
it's time for me to read this book. i can sleep in tomorrow.
5 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|
.j.e.s.s.
|
::
2006 15 July :: 10.12pm
sooooo dude.
yeah.
let go lightly
|
|
jedibumblebee
|
::
2006 15 July :: 6.23pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: Barenaked Ladies- Be My Yoko Ono
"..it doesnt seem to me to be such a pain, to have you hanging off my ankle like some kind of ball and chain..."
Three weeks! EEEE!
The to-do list is down to a mere 39 items. Which is still stressing me out, but well, you know. Thats how I roll, yo.
I think I'm going crazy.
I wish I had some more friends, or didn't lose track of some of the old ones. But then again I think about how difficult it is to keep up with the friends I am "close" with right now. So maybe being social is not really my nature.
Is anyone a good artist? I need help painting a mailbox.
let go lightly
|
|
spud
|
::
2006 15 July :: 1.18am
:: Mood: crappy
meh. i've run the emotional gamut in the last 12 hours or so. it's been interesting. nothing in particular happened to cause this. it just kind of did it on its own.
i know the feelings aren't true. i mean, they are real feelings, but they don't represent reality. but i can't just pretend the feelings don't exist. they obviously do. so, how do i strike that balance? tell me how.
i want to go swimming. i want to run away. even if there's nothing to run away from. just dissapear for like a week. not to escape my problems. they'll be waiting anxiously when i return. and that's fine. i just want some time alone without them first, that's all.
i wrote a horrible entry in opendiary. it just ran around in circles until i got tired. i don't know why i do this sometimes. perhaps it's a homeopathic remedy for paranoid psychosis. that would be nice. anything to stop me from freaking out anymore.
dad would say to pray about it.
mom would say to get medicine.
bruce would say to take a break, relax somehow. or just plow through it.
so, what would i say? i know i would say something. i just don't know what it is.
5 hold on tightly |
let go lightly
|
|